


A Christmas Knight Miracle

by flying_elliska



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: All the winter fic tropes, Background Dasile, Background Sofimane, Background Yann/Manon, Cheesy, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Romance, Courtly Love, Culture Shock, Dragons, Eliott tries to figure out his sexuality, Epic Action Finale, Fantasy AU, Fluff and Humor, Hypothermia, Inspired by The knight before Christmas, Just a touch of angst because that's just how I roll, Knight Eliott, Little bit of smut, M/M, Pining, Prince Charming vibes, Romantic Comedy, Teacher Lucas, Time Travel, meet cute
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:55:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 99,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28222014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flying_elliska/pseuds/flying_elliska
Summary: Inspired by the Netflix Christmas romcom 'The Knight before Christmas'Sir Eliott Demaury, a gallant knight from the year 1334, finds himself mysteriously transported to the present day, so that he might complete a quest that will give him the power to slay the dragon that terrorizes his people, and finally prove that he is a true knight. But adapting to this strange new world might be a challenge all on its own...Lucas Lallemant is a grumpy teacher who doesn't believe in love after having his heart broken once too many times. He would rather have a quiet Christmas, but little does he know that his prince charming might be just around the corner...
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 151
Kudos: 196





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is going to be suuuuuper cheesy, I am warning you. I wanted to write something quick, hyper fluffy and Christmassy. If any of you have seen the film, it's an indicator how silly this is going to be. It's operating on romcom rules and makes no pretense whatsoever at being historically accurate in any way. 
> 
> I am only vaguely following the outline of the movie, adapting it to Elu, and taking out certain things that I just found tooo dumb (like lady you're giving your keys to a dude from the Middle Ages who explicitely said he didn't know how to drive because 'he will figure it out' ? wtf). But yeah fair warning Eliott is a big himbo in this one lmao
> 
> I hope you will enjoy this, I plan to post a little bit every day and finish on Christmas, so this shouldn't be super long. I hope this will bring you a little cheer in these trying times. I wish you happy holidays, whether you celebrate in the conditions you wanted or not. Hang in there, it's almost over <3 <3 
> 
> content warning : slightly suicidal ideation at the beginning, it doesn't last long or set the tone i promise (i'm sorry)

_ Kingdom of France, Duchy of Bourbon, 1334 A.D _

  
  
  


As the last rays of the sun disappeared from the violet sky, Sir Eliott De Maury steered his horse deeper and deeper into the forest, away from his village and the only life he had ever known. 

The mocking laughter of his fellow knights and peers still resonated in his ears, and his mind was flushed with shame at the memory. 

Still, he kept his eyes on the road, trying to muster the full power of his determination, while looking out for signs of damage, burnt vegetation or gouged earth. 

  
  
  


Looking for indication of the passage of a most foul and loathsome being, who would wreck havoc wherever it would go. 

  
  
  


A dragon. Fire and scales, death from above, a demonic grin and insatiable hunger, and a deviously compelling voice.

  
  


And Sir Eliott planned to kill it.

  
  


Were the circumstances any different, this could have made for the beginning of a glorious tale of bravery and daring. 

  
  
  


But alas, it was very much the opposite. He did not ride into the dark, armed only with his sword and shield, accompanied only by his trusted steed, for glory or adventure, or even virtue. No, this was an endeavor driven by guilt, and the heavy burden of responsibility. 

  
  


He was the one, after all, who had set the dragon free. Seeking to end the reign of terror of the witch who lived deep in these woods and made meals of unsuspecting peasants and wandering knights alike, he had listened to the friendly voice in the forest promising him help. If only Sir Eliott could help him get out from the cave he was trapped in…

  
  


And Eliott, driven by the creed of knighthood which was to lend help to any living creature in need of it, did not think twice. No creature, he thought, deserves to be trapped below the earth, where the sun does not reach, nor any of God’s other marvelous creations. 

  
  


_ You must be the worst knight to ever be raised in this village _ , his cousin had once said before he became the lord of the castle. Back then Eliott had chalked it up to boyhood rivalry, but in the years since, Charles had become a respected commander of men, and Eliott had...well.

It wasn’t that he was a bad fighter. He was amazing at horse riding, excellent with a bow, and decent with a sword. He was quick to notice a threat, and he could track a quarry for miles. He simply didn’t have the heart for battle like his cousin did. He didn't like killing or injuring other men. He would much rather practice his skills, or help around the castle, and that had led some men to brand him a coward unfit for knighthood.

  
  


But most of all, he liked to roam the land in search of people to help. That was, for him, the essence of knighthood.

  
  


What that often looked like, from outside, was an incredible propension for getting into trouble. A lot of people took issue with the way he helped, whether it was aiding a young woman to escape with her lover against the wishes of her father ; or using the crops from a rich farmer's field to feed a starving family. It earned him a steady stream of complaints, directed at his increasingly irritated cousin.

  
  


For a long time he had stood firm.  _ This is what our code teaches us. To always have pure intentions in our hearts, to help the needy and the vulnerable, and to measure success by our good deeds.  _ He didn't see the point of preaching those virtues without applying them. So he ignored the people calling him a naive romantic, a gullible fool or a nuisance. His calling nourished his heart and his soul, and he was content. 

  
  


At least until recently. His relationship with his cousin had grown more and more strained. He wanted nothing more than to be a good vassal, but Charles's inaction in front of the ills that plagued his people troubled him. He seemed to be more interested in currying favor with the Duke of Bourbon, talking about the prospect of war with the English, of glory and titles to be won. And whenever Eliott had dared to question him in public, his cousin had lashed out, and assigned him to the most menial and grueling tasks he could find. 

  
  


Then the witch had snatched a little girl from the edge of the forest, and her father had gone to the castle to ask for help only to be cruelly turned away. Eliott had felt deeply disgusted and had resolved to do something.

At first he had tried to find the witch herself, but he had kept getting lost in the forest, going in circles as if some enchantment deliberately made him lose his way. 

What had happened next was a bit confused in his memory. He knows he had walked on for days on end, without sleeping, in a strange mood, both very on edge and extremely convinced he was on a mission. After that, he remembers being very cold, lifting stones for hours, and a weird blue glow, and then the earth trembling, and he had fainted. When he woke up, he had a cut in his palm, there was a massive cave opening yawning in front of him, and he was so tired he could barely move. He crawled into the cave behind a rock and slept for a day and two nights ; he might have died if a servant girl looking for herbs and berries hadn't found him and brought him back to the castle where he was slowly nursed back to health.

This was not the first time he got into one of those bizarre moods, inexplicably elated and reckless then completely lethargic and somber. But it was the one with the worst consequences.

The dragon had quickly started burning farms and snatching cattle. A council was convened, and Eliott could not hide his guilt, compelled by his principles to always tell the truth.

_ You are a blight on this land, _ Charles had said.  _ The day my father made you a knight might very well have doomed us all.  _

Those words caused a terrible pain in Eliott's heart, compelling him to defend himself even though he should have kept quiet and accepted his punishment with humility. But his ascension to knighthood was, to him, the most sacred moment in his life. 

_ I was only trying to help. That's what a knight is supposed to do ! None of you were doing anything.  _

At that instant, he had seen true malice in the eyes of his lord and cousin.

_ Well then, why don't you take that big bleeding heart of yours, and use it to vanquish this dragon ? _

_ Until you do, you are not welcome here anymore. _

And so here he was.

  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  
  


As the night got darker, the air got colder and colder. Eliott was grateful for his thick fur cloak, the light of the moon, and most of all the warmth of his horse. Polaris was, of all the creatures on this earth, probably the only one who loved him entirely and without second thoughts. Eliott had trained him since he was a foal, and saw him grow into a splendid stallion, with a shining black coat and a flowing mane, quick as lightning but with an easy, agreeable temperament. Really, there was no better horse.

Eliott should probably let him go loose before he went to fight the dragon. It was unfair to endanger his friend for a mistake he had committed. Hopefully he would be able to return to the castle and find another, more prudent master.

  
  


It was a pretty hopeless fight, after all, to go and fight a dragon on his own. The people who had saw it reported it being as large as a farm, with a spiky tail, fangs as big as arms, wings like boat sails, and eyes smoldering like the fires of Hell.

  
  


But he had no men willing to fight with him. So he had no choice but to go alone. And go he must, otherwise it would be akin to confessing that Charles was right, that his detractors were right all along - that he was a soft hearted coward, not worthy of being a knight.

He could not stomach the thought of living the rest of his life as an exile, in shame and misery. 

As he went on, though, the dread weighing on his shoulders became more and more persistent. Then he saw that the road ahead had been marred, and stopped his horse in front of what seemed like a gigantic paw, claws digging deep holes into the mud. His heart twisted. 

The dragon had cut a swath through the forest, crushing trees and burning vegetation on his way. From there, it was very easy to follow. Eliott sighed and engaged Polaris into the breach.

  
  


A while after that, though, he saw a silhouette of a person in the middle of the road. Thinking it must be a lost traveler, he expected them to get out of the way, but they didn't, standing still until they were blocking Eliott's way.

Eliott narrowed his eyes, trying to see, but the moon was behind the mysterious figure, and so it was useless.

"Good night, fellow traveler. Are you lost? Do you need help? You do not need to fear for I am a knight, sworn to protect all those who cross my path." He said tentatively.

The silhouette said nothing, just stood there. After a while, it got awkward, but Eliott felt it would be more rude to just leave without saying anything else. So he stepped off his horse, thinking this way he would be less intimidating. 

He looked at the figure again and saw a glint in the dark, and all of a sudden he was scared. What if this was the abominable witch he had sought in vain to slay? 

Then the figure clapped in their hands, and Eliott jumped in his saddle out of surprise and fright, and light flooded the darkness, and he wanted to clamber back onto Polaris and send him into a gallop, but then he saw.

It was a woman's face, kind and worn by the years, but not quite the age of a crone. She had blonde hair and blue eyes, and did not seem at all like an evil witch, even though she held a clearly magical bubble of gentle blue light in her hands. No, she must be some helpful spirit of the wood, come to his help in his moment of need, a fey but benevolent enchantress dedicated to helping lost souls.

"Noble knight," she said. "The night is very cold. Would you spare an old woman's bones and give me your cloak?" 

"Of course," Eliott said, unclasping his cape without hesitating. He shivered once it slipped from his shoulders, but generosity was a key virtue of all good knights.

"You are too kind," she said, as she wrapped herself in it, and Eliott saw the cloth change color, from a deep green to a light, enchanting blue. 

"You are welcome, my lady. Might I enquire about your destination? This wood is not safe for lonely travelers."

The woman smiled. "Yes, but you see, that doesn't really matter. No man is ever an island."

What did that mean ? Eliott stared at her, puzzled.

"Ah, never mind." She shook her hands and the blue light raised itself above both their hands. "You, my child, are about to embark on a journey. A marvelous journey to a strange and far away land, with steel dragons and magic boxes that make merry."

Eliott frowned. "I have a dragon to fight."

"Your determination is commendable but rather foolish, I am afraid. The dragon would eat you in one bite and the people here would be no better off. No, you need another type of quest, to prove you are a true knight, and harness the power of a radiant and pure heart. Only then will you be able to slay the dragon."

At that, Eliott perked up. "That's all I have ever wanted. What would you have me do?" 

"You must accomplish your quest before midnight on the eve of Christmas. Otherwise, you will never be a true knight."

Eliott frowned. "Yes, but what must I do ? I beg you, please tell me, and I will oblige. My cousin says I am not brave enough to be a knight, but I can try harder !"

"It is not the sword that makes the knight, but what guides it," the lady replied enigmatically.

Then, she grinned mysteriously, and the blue light descended on Eliott's head, there was a shower of blue sparks, and the world disappeared in front of his eyes.

  
  
  
.  
  
  
  
  


.

.

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                 *
                /.\
               /..'\
               /'.'\
              /.''.'\
              /.'.'.\
       "'""""/'.''.'.\""'"'"
             ^^^[_]^^^  
    
      
    
      
    
    

_ Republic of France, 2019, December 1st. _

  
  
  
  
  


"I am sorry, Mr. Lallemant. I didn't mean to fail the test, but Theo just broke up with me and I was so sad," the girl in front of him sniffles. "I thought he was my prince charming." 

Lucas feels terrible for her. She is way too young to be this heartbroken. She is still wearing pigtails, for god's sake. 

Men suck, no matter their age. He's well placed to know.

He sits down on a desk, so he is more level with her.

"Lisa, let me tell you a secret. You know those stories, full of princesses and knights in shining armor about finding your one true love ? They're made up by grown ups to sell movie tickets and books. They're not real. But it's good news! It means that nobody has the power to change your life except yourself. Boys come and go, but your future is what is important."

She nods, looking at him very intently.

"It's okay to be a little sad, but don't let it get you down, alright? I know you have great things in your future." He smirks. Nothing like the power of spite to motivate. "Theo...on the other hand…"

Lisa grins. "You're right, Mr. Lallemant. I am so much better than him." 

"Damn right you are. Now, we're going to see about an extra assignment so you can get your grade score back up, alright? And we won't speak of this any longer. "

"Thank you, Mr. Lallemant. You're the best !"

"Just think of me when you get voted into Parliament, alright?" 

She laughs and then hurries out of the classroom.

On the other side, Lucas can feel four sets of eyes judging him from the door that leads to the class next to his own.

"Look at him, raising the next generation of heartless little machiavellians," Imane says. She is the teacher of the grade just after him, and she loves making fun of his education methods. 

"Yeah, who made you into such a Grinch, huh?" That's Daphné, teacher of the grade below his. 

"True love is made up ? That sounds like heartbreak talk to me, Lulu." Alexia, teacher of the youngest grade, and Emma, teacher of the one after that, who is just laughing at him, round out the group.

Lucas rolls his eyes. His colleagues are great at their jobs, and usually a lot of fun. They are also insufferably, terminally nosy, and determined to meddle in his love life as much as humanly possible. 

"I am fine." He replies. "If you guys are this bored, the craft room needs tidying up. Somebody opened a canister of fake snow by accident and now it's everywhere." 

"Don't worry, Lucas," Daphne continues, as if he hadn't said anything. She is truly the worst of them all. "Christmas is coming, and it is the most romantic moment of the year. Mark my words, this time you will come to the town's Christmas dinner with the man of your dreams on your arm." She has a slightly manic glint in her eyes. Lucas can already see himself being manoeuvred into awkward dates with all the gay guys she managed to find in their remote part of the country, and that's truly the last thing he needs. 

"Daphy, no. I need to be alone for a while." He sighs. "I guess I still am a little heartbroken."

"Oh, Lucas, I am so sorry. James truly is a piece of shit. I will make sure he is served rancid croutons at Christmas." 

The others stare at him, less convinced by his turn towards a pity party. 

That's when his phone rings, thankfully, saving him from this conversation, and he flees to the hallway to take it. 

It's his sister, Manon, calling her from her very audibly busy shop. 

"Hey Lu, sorry to drop this on you, but we are having a rush and I won't be able to close on time. I promised I'd take Ange to the Christmas market after school. Is there any way you could take her now and I'd meet you there later?" 

"Sure, sis." He loves spending time with his niece. Angélique is one of the funniest and cleverest little girls he knows. Besides, it's not exactly like his social calendar is full at the moment, and it sure beats going home to mope in front of the TV. 

"You're a lifesaver, Lucas. See you there."

  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  
  


"Perinne in my class says Santa doesn't exist and she saw her parents put the gifts under the tree last year." 

Lucas can't help but feel a little sad ; Ange is seven, she could have believed in Santa for a few more years. 

"What do you think?"

"Dunno." She replies, pulling her pink beanie further over her braids. "It's a bit of an unlikely story, isn't it?" She frowns and bites into her crepe. Unlikely is one of her favorite words, and she pronounces it with an accent on the first L like a tiny professor. Manon always says she could follow in Lucas's footsteps. Lucas thinks she is meant to go much further. "Maybe Santa thought she had been naughty and bought her presents instead. Perinne is not a very nice girl. But," she looks up at him with inquisitive eyes, "I have never seen Santa either. I know the supermarket version is fake." She thinks about it a bit longer. "Maybe only grown ups can see the real Santa." 

"Maybe."

"I think I need more proof. Will you help me investigate?" She asks very seriously.

Oh dear. He ought to advise her against it. "Maybe there is a reason Santa doesn't want little kids to see him, you know. Maybe if you try to find him he will think you're naughty."

She looks at him with wide innocent eyes. 

"But I just want to do some science, uncle Lucas. To learn the truth. Is that naughty ?"

Lucas bursts into laughter. He loves this kid. 

"No, no, it's absolutely not naughty. Ok, I'll help you."

"Great ! We can use the binoculars I got for my birthday !"

Well, better call Manon to tell her to hide the presents in her bank safe or something, before the great Santa Observation Scientific Expedition of 2019 turns her house upside down.

They continue to walk around the market. Their little town is big enough for a sizable Christmas market, but not so big that it turns into a commercial circus. There are cute little wooden stalls decorated with holly, pine and fairy lights, where vendors sell honey, wine, food, and all sorts of local crafts. There are a few attractions, like a paddy with goats and a pony that kids can ride, a few tents with historical reenactors pretending to be the town's first inhabitants, and a small ice rink. A passably talented street musician is playing seasonal tunes in the background, and Lucas feels his mood mellow. All in all, he isn't much for Christmas spirit, but he likes this place. 

They finally meet Manon on the central town square, in front of the massive Christmas tree. There is always a tree in front of Town Hall, but this year they really went crazy, setting up a tree so big it rises above the roof of the stone building and occupies one third of the square.

"Ah, thank god, there you are." Manon looks tired. She sighs. "I really wish Yann didn't have to go on a business trip during what is probably my busiest time of the year at the shop. I'm proud of him, but...i really have my hands full, and I don't want Ange to miss out on anything."

"Don't worry, sis," he winks at Ange, "me and Ange have made a plan for Christmas activities that will keep us busy, right ?"

"Ok, good," Manon sighs. He omits to mention the chaos this plan will likely cause. Better leave that for later. He can take Ange sledding in the meantime, since it started lightly snowing two days ago and they soon could have enough to make that possible.

"What about you, then?" She asks as they resume walking and Ange runs towards a stall full of glass blown figurines and tree ornaments.

"What about me what?"

"Any plans for Christmas?"

Great, another snoop. His sister is friends with Daphné and all his other colleagues ; this shouldn't surprise him, really.

"Oh, you know, the usual, I'll help Daphy set up the Christmas Eve dinner at the community center. And I can spend Christmas Day with you guys, right?"

"Of course, it wouldn't be Christmas without you. But...isn't there someone special you would like to spend a little time with?" 

"Manon, if I met someone, you would be the first to know." He has had a few hookups, but not the sort of thing you share with family. He's fine, really. He doesn't miss romance. He just doesn't.  


"Of course. And I mean, it's not like you're really putting yourself out there, so…"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well...Lucas...not to be indelicate about this but your relationship with James ended almost a year ago, and you've been a hermit ever since. Are you still really this torn up over him?"

"No. He was just an attractive asshole, I knew we weren't meant for each other."

"Then what…"

"Maybe I like being alone."

"I doubt that's true."

  
  


"Listen...ask me again in the spring, okay? This time of year, I don't feel like any drama."

  
  


Manon's face goes soft.

  
  


"You know," she answers, voice barely a whisper, "she would have wanted you to be happy." 

  
  


Three years ago, a few days before Christmas, their mother had died of a sudden heart attack. The holiday used to be her favorite moment of the year, but ever since her death, all magic had been drained from it. Nowadays he just preferred to hunker down and wait for it all to be over. 

"I know, I just -" 

At that moment, Ange comes running back towards them. "Mommy! Can we buy a glass figurine for our tree? They've got tropical fish!" 

"But honey...don't you think the fish would be a little out of their element in a Christmas tree?"

"No, it will be like that time where a fish crawled out of the ocean and turned into a human!" 

Manon looks at her daughter, puzzled. Lucas isn't; after all he's the one that's been feeding her obsession with science, giving her all sorts of encyclopedias and fun experiment kits. 

"Mommy, please! You already said we couldn't get an aquarium, so…"

"Ange, we already got you a cat, we can't…" 

"I will teach him fish are friends, not food! He can practice with the tree ornaments !"

Feeling an argument coming, Lucas seeks a diversion ; that's the best part about being an uncle, he can do only the fun parts.

"Okay, who wants hot chocolate ?"

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


He trudges through the market back to the central square, the hot chocolate stand being half hidden beyond that enormous tree. The market has gotten really busy now, and it's starting to be a bit too much for him. And it has started snowing, too. He is going to deliver and drink the chocolate and then head home ; he accomplished his mission anyway. And he's ordering all his gifts online this year to avoid the hassle.

He buys three cups with paper lids, and walks very carefully not to try and jostle them. He is so careful he doesn't even pay attention to where he is going.

He turns around the tree and hits someone square in the chest, spilling one of the drinks over….a plate of armor ?

"I am so sorry, I didn't look where I was going - oh." 

Then he sees the guy's face and he falls completely silent. 

  
  


It's a man - well, obviously. But he might be the prettiest, most handsome man Lucas has ever seen, anywhere. He's tall, broad-shouldered, has cheekbones sculpted by the gods, artfully tousled curls that look incredibly soft, and the kind of eyes that make you dizzy with just a glance, wide blue green and almond shaped, crinkled at the corners and full of laughter, and his lips look wonderfully soft -

_ Oh my god, Lucas, you're staring, _ he tells himself. This is so fucking embarassing. He blinks. But the stranger seems sort of out of it, too, and he is still staring at Lucas himself, as if captivated. His eyes are so intense, he - 

_ No, stop it, _ Lucas reprimands himself again. The man is dressed as some sort of knight, with chainmail, leather and embroidered cloth - a very convincing costume that looks like he put a lot of effort into, and if Lucas ruined it…

He takes his scarf and tries to wipe the hot chocolate stains off the man's armor, but the man stops him.

"There is no need, kind sir. My armor is tempered steel and has seen much worse. Besides, I was just as imprudent as you, if not worse. My sincerest apologies." 

Oh, he's really in character, huh. 

The stranger...knight touches his gloved fingers to his chest and brings it to his mouth. 

"By the Holy Virgin, what marvelous beverage is this?"

"Hot chocolate," Lucas responds, feeling slightly faint.

"Well, the enchantress was right. This is a strange land indeed. Sir, you must help me. I have lost my trusted steed, Polaris. Have you by any chance, seen a mighty black stallion canter past?" 

Lucas looks at the crowded square. "Um, no. But there is a horse over there," he says pointing at the direction of the reenactment camp. "Even if it's more of a pony, really."

"Where there are horses, there might be stable hands ready to help me. Thank you for helping me, fair traveller. Were our paths ever to cross again, I am Sir Eliott De Maury, at your service." Then the man bows, and disappears into the crowd, leaving a dumbstruck Lucas behind.

  
  


He stays there for much longer than a minute, processing every instant of that entire conversation that made absolutely no sense whatsoever. 

How did that man not know what hot chocolate was ? Or where the other reenactors were ? Why was he looking for a horse in the middle of the city?

_ Wait, fair means beautiful in old timey language, right ? Was he... hitting on me ? _

"Ah, there you are !" 

He turns around and sees Manon, Ange in tow, holding a colored bag and grinning. He has a very strong intuition it's full of glass fish.

Manon grabs one of the chocolate cups from him for Ange and the other for herself.

"So," she smirks, "that guy looked nice. And very handsome."

"What? Who? Oh no, that was nothing, he's not -" Lucas stammers, realizing he is in fact being very suspicious "- nice. Not very nice." He can't deny he was handsome. That would absolutely not be credible.

"He smiled at you, though." Ange says, her tone impertinent. "Like he thought you were beautiful."

Lucas can feel himself becoming redder by the second.

"You know," Manon says slyly, "Basile and Arthur have done historical reenactment once or twice, they know the guys who run the club, I'm sure they could put you in touch with ...any good looking member in their ranks who likes dressing up as a knight."

"Historical reenactment is for nerds," Lucas replies, cheeks burning.

Manon laughs at him. "Good thing you're also a nerd, then."

"Yeah well...I need to go, I have uh, a thing. I have a package they're going to deliver at my house. I need to be there to...so, uh. Bye."

"Sure thing," Manon replies, eyes shining with mirth.

He kisses the top of Ange's head and makes a quick exit, only stopping when he gets to his car.

  
  
  


Fuck.

  
  
  


What the hell was all that ? 

  
  
  


There is a very rational explanation for this, he thinks as he starts his car, and turns on the windshield wipers, trying to get some visibility in the quickly worsening snow. He just met a guy who was very intense about his roleplaying and tried to chat up Lucas while in character, and Lucas didn't get it in time because he is super fucking dense, so the guy moved on.

  
  


God, it's just his luck. Life sends a perfect specimen of manhood his way and it happens like this.

  
  


Nerds aren't really his type, usually, but then again his ex was the arrogant jock cliche and that did not work well for him, at all, so maybe he needs to expand his horizons. And if he has to go for a nerd might as well pick one who looks like he spends his days on horseback and could build you a house with his bare hands.

  
  


God. No. What the fuck is he even thinking about. He meant what he said to the girls and Manon. He can't handle a relationship right now ; he can barely handle himself already.

The guy has probably forgotten all about Lucas anyway. When you look like that, it musn't be too hard to find interested people.

God, he just really needs to get laid, that's it, and he can forget about the whole embarrassing sequence. He's not the type of guy to get meet cutes, he's - 

Out of nowhere, a shape appears in front of him, and Lucas slams his feet on the brakes, but he's not fast enough, and he sends the person flying off to the side of the road.

Oh fuck no please - 

He rushes out of the car, heart beating a thousand beats per minute, terrified of what he's going to see on the side of the road -

And what he sees is the knight from the market, Sir Eliott De Whatever, smiling beatifically at him from where he is lying down in the gutter, his clothes wet and muddy from the sludge, but otherwise seeming quite unharmed.

What are the odds...

He could have broken something, though. Lucas rushes to him. 

"Are you okay? I am so, so sorry, I didn't see you…" _Because I was too busy daydreaming about your smile_ , he doesn't say. God, he is such an idiot.

"I am quite fine, I assure you. Once again, I am afraid the fault lies on my side. The carriages and steeds of this land are quite uncanny, the enchantress warned me, but…"

Roleplaying again ? Now, after being hit by a car ? Okay, that is going beyond enthusiastic nerd territory, into flat out weird.

Then the knight gets up.

"Don't move! You could get hurt!"

"I am fine, although your worry is a balm to my heart. My armor protected me from your steel carriage. I am quite happy to find a friendly face though. You see, I still have not found my horse, and I am afraid he would hurt himself in this blizzard. I would really like to find him before I build myself a shelter." He slaps the roof of Lucas's car. "It seems a fine steed you have here. Mine is not quite so resistant or speedy, although he is friendlier."

Build a shelter ? What is he talking about ?

"Please let me call you an ambulance, at least. Then I will help you find your horse."

Sir Eliott smiles at him ; a bright and earnest smile that makes something inside Lucas all melty and warm.

"I am glad I seem to have found a true friend in these troubled times. You are, sir, a most steadfast and generous soul, and I command you. You would make an excellent knight. Now pray tell me, what is the name of my new friend."

"Um. Lucas. Lucas Lallemant." 

The knight bows again, deeper this time. "It's my honor to meet you, Mr. Lallemant. I am, once more, at your service."

"Uh, Lucas will be fine."

"You flatter me. Well then, if we are to be intimate friends, and travel companions, you can call me Eliott. I usually insist on people calling me Sir, I have earned that rank after all, but I can make an exception for you." 

  
  


"Uhh...thanks." Lucas can feel his cheeks are on fire again.

And he is extremely conflicted. Because on one hand, he is pretty sure there is something actually wrong with this guy - he is pushing the charade way too far. At the same time, wow. This noble knight thing is...really doing it for him.

  
  


Fuck. This is just ...what the fuck.

  
  
  


…

  
  


While they wait for the ambulance, then during the ride to the hospital, and after Eliott has been checked out, Lucas learns several things :

First, that Eliott seems to have a supernaturally cheery disposition.

Second, that while he is friendly with everyone, he seems to want to turn that mainly towards Lucas, showing him things, babbling nonsense at him, even grabbing his hand once or twice. It makes his head go strangely woozy.

And thirdly, even after several check-ups indicate there is nothing wrong with his body or his brain, it seems like Sir Eliott is either the best actor on the planet or he truly, genuinely believes he is a knight hailing from the year 1334 who was sent here by a woodland enchantress to fulfill some sort of wild quest to slay a dragon.

The time travel is one thing, but a dragon?

"It's probably some sort of Temporary Global Amnesia," the doctor says. "He must have gotten some sort of light shock when you hit him and now he is confused. I am sure it will clear in a few days."

So, yes, probably a nerd who spent one too many nights reading books about knights. Lucas doesn't tell the doctor Eliott seemed to be very confused already at the market, wanting to cling to the explanation offered. He was probably just pretending when Lucas first bumped into him. 

They get out of the hospital, Lucas slightly at a loss. They should probably go to the police station, to see if they can't find Eliott on a missing persons list, but that can wait until tomorrow. It's getting late and he wants to go home before the snow makes the drive dangerous.

"So, where do you think we can find my horse ?"

Right. The fucking horse. Who is probably totally imaginary.

"Are you sure that…when the... the enchantress sent you here, the horse was with you ? And that it didn't stay behind?"

Eliott frowns. "Well, I had assumed she would know I needed my horse. But there are not a lot of horses in this land. And the stable hands at the fair didn't see Polaris either." He sighs. "You are probably right. Well, there is nothing to it then. I will have to start my quest without him." He slaps Lucas's back vigorously, making him stumble forward. "Many thanks, my friend. I will make a shelter for the night under a suitable tree. You have helped me tremendously already, and I do not wish to hold you up any longer." 

  
  


Lucas looks at the thick blanket of snow falling over the land. Sleeping under a tree in this weather? Is this guy serious?

  
  


"I am not letting you sleep out here. You can come and sleep in the spare room."

  
  


"Really, it's no bother. I am used to being at one with the elements." Eliott smiles at him, but there is a stubborn edge to his voice.

  
  


_ At one with the elements my ass. _ Lucas feels responsible for this idiot now. In his current state, there are so many bad things that could happen to him and the snow is only the least of it. Plus...if it's actually his reckless driving that put him in this state...

  
  


"You said you were at my service, right ? Then do it for me. So I can have some peace of mind this night instead of wondering whether somebody is going to find your frozen corpse tomorrow morning."

  
  


Eliott sighs. "Alright then. I am not as fragile as you presume me to be. But I do not wish to trouble you. And I cannot refuse such a heartfelt entreaty." 

  
  


That's very noble of you, Lucas wants to say, but he's not even sure this guy would even understand sarcasm, so he doesn't.

  
  


This is just so completely bonkers. Manon is going to have a field day with this.

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


The drive back feels awkward at first. What do you say to someone who really thinks they're a knight from the fucking Middle Ages? Tally ho, do you want a turnip, let's storm the castle? He never really listened in history class and right now, he's regretting it. 

  
  


"So, how does one become a knight?" He says after five minutes of silence. It feels like a stupid question, like Eliott would expect him to know that, but he doesn't seem to mind.

  
  


"The day I became a knight was the best day of my life." Eliott beams when he talks, his voice full of pride. "I left my family at seven to become a squire, and worked for years to become worthy of the title." That seems rough, Lucas thinks. "For a while," Eliott continues, "I had doubts I would even make it, but then my lord gave me the honor, and it was marvelous. From then on, I vowed to put aside all lowly passions - to let go of greed, of vanity, of selfishness, of lust and sloth, and to pursue a path of bravery and virtue in the service of others." 

The traitorous part of his brain wonders what "letting go of lust" means exactly. 

But for the rest...That sounds pretty...lofty. When he thinks about knights, it's mostly the cool swords and bloody battle imagery that comes up. Although he is pretty happy that it's not that kind of knight he has in his car, but this version, who is as threatening as a mastiff puppy. Impressive but not scary in any way whatsoever.

"And, uh...do you feel like you have succeeded in this goal?" 

Eliott's face suddenly turns somber. "I don't know." Oh no, he's touched a nerve. "I've always tried my best, but…" His voice trails off in the distance and he looks terribly sad.

Hm.

Okay, maybe that's not the mood they should try to cultivate right now.

"Hey, let's listen to some music." He turns the radio on, landing on some obnoxious but cheery American Christmas song.

Eliott looks at the radio as if it's possessed.

"What...what is this sorcery ? Where are the minstrels playing this tune ? Are they trapped in your carriage somehow ?" He leans forward, until his nose is almost pressed against the radio. 

"No," Lucas laughs. "It's...picking up radio waves that…" Yeah, that's probably way too complicated, so he just turns the button. "Look, we can change it whenever we want. You try."

Eliott starts fiddling with it, jumping from channel to channel until the noise becomes one unintelligible soup, captivated. 

"This is incredible. You truly are a master of wonderful contraptions."

Lucas should tell him that most cars have a radio and mastery has nothing to do with it, but for an instant he likes the idea of Eliott thinking he is some sort of wizard. And there is something about his enthusiasm that is contagious. 

  
  


Then Eliott starts playing with buttons everywhere, opening windows and activating windshields and then opening the roof, letting a bulk of snow cascade on their heads.

  
  


"Yay. Buttons." Lucas says. He is a bit annoyed, but also irrationally charmed. 

  
  


And cold.

  
  


Eliott looks up, and extends his tongue to catch a snowflake. 

  
  


"No matter how fearsome the storm," he says, "there is always something to learn from it."

Then he grins again, tireless and winsome like a movie knight, utterly ridiculous and yet so...alive. His world turned upside down, but he embraces it wholeheartedly. His words leave a strange echo in Lucas's heart, and for a fleeting instant, he finds himself wanting to believe in fate.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next : Sir Eliott adapts to the modern world, and Lucas gets better at picking his jaw from the floor 
> 
> <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliott adapts to the modern world and Lucas crosses the path of an old flame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is just. straight up cheese. and Lucas being a gay disaster. i hope you enjoy and that it will give you a break from hectic Christmas days if you do that sort of thing <3

_December 1st_

The rest of the drive goes by pretty quickly. Eliott's genuine amazement at everything he finds in the car doesn't become tiresome - and that means everything, from the little tin full of cough drops to the clarity of the mirror overhead to all the "minstrels" and "news criers" on the radio.

Lucas tries to put himself in Eliott's shoes for a minute. How extraordinary and confusing this world must be after a life with so little comfort. 

And there is something about Eliott that tells Lucas that, under the sunshiny demeanor, he's had a rough life, and he is unused to people being kind to him.

Honestly, it just makes Lucas want to be kinder. His aloof, cool reputation is never going to survive if his friends hear of this but…

  
  


Fuck it. The absurdity of all of this just makes him want to live a little.

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


Once they arrive at his house, though, Lucas realizes with a fit of shame that he is absolutely not ready to receive guests. As in, dirty boxers and empty cereal boxes on the floor and a full on Pile of Shame in the sink levels of not ready. He doubts that Sir Eliott, in all his pristine shiny knighthood, would approve. He’s probably the type to get up before the sun to clean his room. So he asks Eliott to wait outside on the porch while he quickly tidies up. 

  
  


As he races to put dirty clothes in the laundry hamper, he calls Manon and turns on the microphone of his wireless earbuds, to explain to her what happened. However, her reaction is more on the side of concern than hilarity. 

  
  


“Lucas, come on, we know nothing about this guy, he could be dangerous. It's nice of you to help but you didn't have to invite him home. At the very best he sounds deeply off his rocker.” 

  
  


“I have a good feeling about him, though. I think he’s...trying. Like a fish out of water that’s adapting to a new environment. He just needs some help.” 

  
  
  


“Fish die out of water. Lucas, please try to think with your upstairs brain this time.”

  
  
  


“I thought you wanted me to meet people ?”

  
  
  


“That is a statement that in no way applies to this situation.” 

  
  
  


Lucas is going to reply with another witty retort when he sees a flickering glow through his kitchen window. 

  
  


“Oh fuck, there’s...Fire. Gotta go, bye.” 

  
  


He drops his earbuds and still hears Manon yelling through them as he races through the door and onto his lawn. 

  
  


There, he is treated to the sight of Eliott kneeling behind his ornamental brushes, holding a bow drawn with a nocked arrow pointed at the trees of his neighbor’s garden, while behind him, a massive bonfire roars to life. 

For maybe the third time this day, Lucas feels like he’s accidentally entered another dimension. 

  
  


He walks to Eliott with a nonchalance he is nowhere near feeling. 

  
  


“Hey there, buddy. What are you doing ?”

  
  


Eliott doesn’t move for a moment, and then swears. 

  
  


“Good heavens, Lucas Lallemant. You scared dinner away. Have you never gone on a hunt ? Silence is paramount.” 

“Dinner?" 

"That tree over there is full of squirrels. I almost got one. Now will you please stay quiet?" 

Squirrel. Of course. 

At least it's not the neighbor's cat.

"You know I have food in the house, right ?" 

At least he thinks he does.

"I do not intend to take advantage of your hospitality. I can provide for myself." 

Lucas rubs his hands together, trying to rustle up some warmth. He knows he should be annoyed, and yet there is something about the chaos of the situation he can't help but find...charming. This out of time weirdo is just too damn charming to be mad at. And he has good intentions.

"Tell you what, Sir Eliott. I will make food for tonight, and you can hunt for us tomorrow. Once the snow has stopped. And somewhere else than my neighbor's garden."

Eliott lowers his weapon. "Lucas Lallemant, you are a man of great practical sense."

He gets up and starts throwing snow on the fire. Lucas helps him, not saying anything when he distinguishes the vague outline of his garden bench in the ashes. The idea of arguing about things like that right now feels silly. Even if he really has to tell Eliott at some point that random arson of lawn furniture is generally frowned upon in their time. 

"I must beg your pardon once again, my dear friend," Eliott says. "I did not know your neighbor was so possessive of his squirrels." 

Lucas wants to laugh but Eliott continues, looking sad all of a sudden, grabbing Lucas's arm.

"I feel I am quite set to make a fool of myself in this world. Everything is so strange...you must help me. I hate to rely on the charity of others but I find that ever since I met you.. there has been this bond between us and I feel inclined to trust you, perhaps more than I should a stranger...tell me, do you feel this connection too ? Or am I just a raving lunatic in your eyes ?"

Oh, wow. It's good it's dark outside, now. Because he is pretty sure he is blushing again. And he doesn't know how to tell Eliott that a lot of the draw he feels towards him can be put down to _oh my god how are you so handsome._

But. Eliott does need him right now, he is confused and vulnerable, and Lucas would never take advantage of that. So he tries to put those thoughts aside.

"Yes, I do feel it too," he says simply. "I am glad we met, even though I don't know why. And I am sorry you find yourself in this situation but I'm gonna try to help you as much as I can until it's solved."

"Thank you." Eliott is smiling again. He has such a great smile, frank and genuine and full of joy. In that instant, with snowflakes fluttering around his face, he just looks...god. Unreal. Like if time-travelling knights were actually real, they would look exactly like him.

Lucas shakes his thoughts in order, and welcomes Eliott into his house, hoping he won't find it too lousy. This is his childhood home, and it is well loved, but...a bit rustic.

"You have a very nice manor," Eliott says instead. Then again, any modern home would seem like the height of luxury to somebody from the middle ages.

"Would it be a bother to enquire for a furnace and a jug to heat some water ? I have had quite a journey and my limbs are quite sore."

"I am going to do you one better and show you the bathroom. All the warm water you want, no need to wait."

"I have a feeling I am going to like this place," Eliott says.

He is a very easy to please guest, Lucas finds, as he shows Eliott how to use the taps, yet again prompting delight.

Then Eliott simply starts peeling off his clothes, dropping his chainmail and then pulling his tunic over his head, without any hint of modesty. At the first sign of bare skin, Lucas panics and rushes out of the room, muttering something about dinner. 

  
  


It's just his luck, really. He has the most beautiful man he has ever seen, in his house, stripping naked in his bathroom, but he is completely out of bounds.

  
  


He directs himself to the kitchen and starts rustling through cabinets to find something edible. He feels a strange pressure - even though whatever he is going to come up with will be better than roasted squirrel...he still wants to serve something nice to Eliott. 

  
  


He finds a rest of buckwheat from his health nut phase, and throws it away, then a few semi-wilted vegetables and a can of tomato paste he can turn into sauce. There is a rest of bacon in his fridge ; he can make a decent pasta dish out of this, hopefully. 

  
  


He’s stirring the sauce and watching the spaghetti, adding a splash of red wine, when Eliott strolls into the kitchen, naked save from a very tiny towel wrapped around his waist.

He's...very well built, lean but muscular, the body of someone who is used to strenuous physical activity. His pale skin glows slightly in the dim light, and it looks incredibly soft. He has a few scars, and they're...the type of scars that confirm he must have a difficult life. There is a feathering of dark hair on his chest, too, and Lucas follows it all the way down to a set of very toned abs and then...

  
  


"Could I maybe trouble you for some clothes while mine dry ?" Eliott asks. Lucas realizes he's been staring.

  
  


_Oh keep it together, Lucas, for fuck's sake._

  
  


Then Lucas sees he's dropped the spoon into the pan, and burns himself trying to get it back. 

  
  


“Fuck !”

  
  


“By God’s bones, you hurt yourself ! Let me fetch some snow.”

  
  


“Wait, what, that’s not…” 

  
  


Lucas doesn’t have the time to finish his sentence before Eliott is rushing out of the house and into the cold, still wearing only a towel, and bends down to grab some snow. Lucas closes his eyes in a hurry, because he's pretty sure the towel won't reach down low enough to cover...yeah.

Then he feels someone very gently taking his hand, and touching his burnt fingers to icy coldness.

He opens his eyes. Eliott is standing very close now, holding a little snow cupped in one hand and Lucas's in the other. His touch is feather light and yet surprisingly firm, and Lucas finds himself marveling at how strong and big his hands are. He can't remember the last time someone touched him like this, with such care.

"There, isn't that better?"

It was really nothing that a two minute run under the cold faucet water couldn't fix but Lucas suddenly finds he loves Eliott's attention towards his needs. He's so...considerate it feels strange. In relationships, Lucas is used to his efforts being mostly one sided.

"Thank you," he says.

Oh god, why is he even thinking about relationships right now ?

Eliott keeps looking at him, and Lucas looks back. It should be awkward. But it isn't.

Suddenly he remembers he has something on the fire.

"I need to...the food."

Eliott blinks and drops Lucas's hand along with the snow - as if he, too, had been carried away.

  
  


Manon was right. He's not thinking with his upstairs brain, he realizes as he comes back to the kitchen. This is going to end badly. 

Eliott is incredibly convincing and playing along might be simpler for now but he can't let himself forget that. Eliott's probably just a random guy with memory issues who is something very boring like an insurance seller who livens up his days by dressing up as a knight. He could even have a girlfriend waiting for him back at home.

So Lucas is going to give him a place to stay and some help until they can figure out his name and call his relatives, so they can be the ones to take care of him.

  
  


That's all. He can't get swept up in the fantasy that somehow the universe dropped Prince Charming on him when he wasn't watching. That sort of thing doesn't just happen.

  
  
  


…

He finds some clothes for Eliott - a shirt of his that is definitely too small for him, hugging the outline of his torso in ways that are positively outrageous ; and a pair of James' pants he had lying around and kept meaning to throw away. But now he's glad he didn't because with their notable size difference, there is no way Eliott would have fit in Lucas's pants.

He means that in the strictest, most literal sense possible. No metaphors here. Nope. None.

  
  


He returns to the food while Eliott finishes dressing. 

Thankfully nothing is burned. He manages to finish cooking until he has two plates of pasta, which he serves with a generous serving of grated cheese.

They sit down at the tiny kitchen table. Eliott looks at his plate, puzzled.

"I am not trying to poison you, I promise," Lucas says with a smile.

Eliott looks embarrassed.

"I thank you for your generosity and your efforts. I am ashamed to say, I do not know how to eat this. Where I come from, we eat mostly with our fingers."

"Yeah," Lucas laughs. "I wouldn't try that with spaghetti." Then he shows Eliott how to take his fork and swirl the pasta against the spoon until it's neatly wrapped around the fork, and he is about to feed Eliott before he catches himself and puts it in his own mouth. "It's easy, really."

  
  


"That is quite ingenious." Eliott says, bringing his fork up to examine it closer. "Are you perhaps an inventor by trade?"

  
  


"What? No, everyone uses those. I'm...a teacher."

  
  


"A learned man, then. Even better. One of those passed by our castle when I was fifteen and taught me to read. He even had two books with him. One bible and a compendium of all the wondrous creatures that roam this earth. Tell me, have you ever seen a unicorn?" 

  
  


A...unicorn…

  
  
  


"Um, no. Can't say that I have."

  
  


"I have always wanted to meet one, but they are drawn only the purest and most virginal souls, but I do not know if I qualify." 

  
  


Lucas almost swallows his pasta wrong.

  
  


"Alas, a few winters ago, one of the fairest maidens I ever saw came to stay at our castle. She was…eyes like a summer sky and the prettiest laugh..." He stops for a moment, eyes lost in the distance. "Well, she married another man, anyway. But my thoughts about her were not as chaste as they should have been." He pauses. "I am sorry, I should not burden you with these things. But...I find you are very easy to talk to."

This is...sad and fascinating all at once.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I...got my heart broken not that long ago. It stays with you, doesn't it ?" 

Eliott nods. 

"I have a feeling, though, that if anyone can meet a unicorn, it would definitely be you."

He wonders if everyone in the Middle Ages has this little of a filter or if it's an Eliott specialty. He's not going to think about the part where Eliott implied he was a virgin ; he's just not. It's none of his business. And it's not like he is in a position to do anything about that situation, is he ?

Eliott smiles sadly and grabs his own fork and spoon to try and replicate Lucas, managing pretty well. His eyes go wide when he tastes the food.

"What is this dish? It tastes wonderful."

"Just some pasta with tomato sauce." Then he remembers that there were no tomatoes in Europe during the Middle Ages. And to explain that, he would have to give Eliott a whole history lesson he isn't sure the knight is ready for. "We have access to a lot more food from far away places nowadays. I will take you to the supermarket tomorrow."

Eliott nods with enthusiasm. "If I have to fulfill my quest, I must understand this world better."

Lucas frowns. "So...what exactly is this quest you keep talking about?"

"I don't know. But I'm sure my heart will point me to it."

Ah, if only life were so simple.

  
  
  


…

  
  


After dinner, Lucas shows Eliott around the house, making sure to include details he would take for granted like light switches, how to flush the toilet, or locking the front door. Eliott is amazed at things all over again, especially the freezer, into which he sticks his head to proclaim Lucas brought the snow inside.

After that, he is at a loss for a moment. It isn't that late, and just ordering Eliott to his room would feel weird. Usually he would just crash in front of the TV, but...

Wait, he can still do that. And maybe it will teach Eliott a thing or two about their world. 

So they sit down on the couch and Lucas turns the TV on, flipping through the channels while Eliott stares at it with his mouth open.

"Magic boxes that make merry," he says. "Exactly like the enchantress said."

There is just too much crap on the TV, Lucas thinks. He would not usually be above watching _Les Anges de la téléréalité_ or _Camping 2_ himself but there is no way he is letting that be Eliott's first glimpse of the wider world. There is one thing that this world doesn't need for sure, and that's a knight that talks like Nabilla.

He settles on some soapy show about people fighting over the ownership of a luxury hotel. It looks cheesy as hell but less likely to include extremely vulgar jokes and deeply dubious moral choices.

Eliott gets into it pretty quickly. "So this is like a staged play, but in a box, except they're not really in there, aren't they? Just like the radio device in your car."

Maybe he is more clever than he seems at first. "Yes. We have a way to record sound and images and transmit them to other far away devices."

"Incredible." He frowns. "Although I fail to comprehend what the morality of this tale should be." 

"Well, maybe that will come later. Or not. Modern stories are not always big on morals." He looks closer at the TV. "Hey, that guy kind of looks like you!"

"I would never wear my hair like that," Eliott says tartly, and Lucas laughs. Seems like some things transcend time.

Soapy as it may be, they get pretty into it. But Lucas can't help but notice how much closer Eliott drifts to him. When the bad guy chases someone through the hotel grounds, he even grabs Lucas's arm and holds on it tightly.

It doesn't mean anything, Lucas tells his traitorous brain. Men in the Middle Ages are probably much freer with their affections towards other men without it meaning anything. Hell, Eliott probably doesn't even know gay men exist. 

But still. He can't remember the last time he was this close to someone who wasn't a friend or family. Especially someone so attractive. He can feel the heat of Eliott's body next to him like a furnace.

"That man is a fiend of the highest order!" Eliott says, thankfully cutting through Lucas's thoughts. "Why doesn't anybody stop him?"

"I don't think they know what he is up to," Lucas suggests.

"His foulness is so plain to see. He is so coarse to everyone around him. Why doesn't anybody question him?"

"Well...he's their boss. He's the one that pays them. And he's very aggressive. A lot of people find it hard to stand up to guys like that."

Eliott sighs. "I have encountered men like these in my time. And fought them. Well…" he stays silent for a moment and here's some of that old pain in his voice again. "Most of the time."

Lucas wonders what complicated past he left behind. There is something so sincere about Eliott in that instant that it's hard to believe it's all made up because his brain got confused.

"Even most of the time is something to be proud of. Standing up to bullies is difficult. The world would be such a better place if people stood up to bullies most of the time." He replies.

"That's what I have always thought. But a lot of people did not seem to agree with me. I remember one day I heard of a man, a small lord, a few villages next to ours, that levied a tax so severe on his peasants that they had to eat their dogs to survive. There were even whispers that some children had disappeared."

Wow. Okay. Fuck. He did not expect that sort of topic to suddenly errupt into their pajama party without pajamas. That's super fucking grim. 

"So I strode over there and challenged the man to a duel for his honor. He did not accept and his men laughed me away. I was at a loss of what to do, but one of the servant girls, who he mistreated horribly, led me to a secret passage." 

There is a moment of silence.

"So…"

"I did not want to kill him while he was sleeping. I woke him up and he called his men but the servant girl had put a sleeping draught in their wine and so he had to fight me alone. In the end, he was terrified, he begged me for his life. But I knew that if I left him alive he would take vicious revenge on those around him."

Oh, okay. 

Eliott is looking at him now, the tv forgotten, his grey-blue eyes hesitant, cautious.

"Do you think that was wretched of me? After all, he was a lord. He was one of my betters, higher born." 

"I don't...I have no grounds on which to judge you. Your life must have been so different from ours back then. We generally aren't faced with such rough choices here."

"I believe you do. You took a stranger in, fed him, gave him shelter and protection from angry squirrel owners. You have been unfailingly kind to me even though I can see my presence has thrown your life into disarray." 

Lucas can't help but laugh at that. "Everyone would have." 

"No, I don't think so. Unless the nature of mankind has radically changed in between our ages, I do not think kindness should be taken for granted. Am I wrong to see in you a kindred soul?"

Lucas feels his cheeks heat up again. God, he hates his capacity to blush so easily.

That is a strange statement to make for someone so cheery, though. 

Eliott looks at him as if he is searching for absolution. As if he spent so long for someone who might judge him on his terms.

Lucas sighs. 

  
  


"I think what you did was brave, and that it was a difficult situation. Nowadays, we consider killing someone a very bad thing, no matter their status, but we live in a prosperous society where we are not faced with these choices. I think you wanted to make sure a lot more people didn't suffer or die, and that is a very worthy cause. And abuse of power is always wrong, no matter how high born you are."

Eliott nods slowly. "I've never liked battle as much as my cousin did. He said it made me a coward."

"That cousin sounds like a real piece of shit," Lucas says.

Eliott laughs, and then when looking at the screen again, gasps and shields his eyes.

"By the heavens ! That lady is naked !"

Lucas turns his eyes back to the TV, where the female lead is emerging from the swimming pool in a very tiny red bikini. It doesn't do much for him, but he can understand how it would shock somebody from the Middle Ages.

"It's okay," he chuckles, "she is wearing a swimsuit. And you can look again, she's gone."

Eliott is red faced when he drops his hand.

"This is a very strange world."

Lucas can't help but have whiplash. Eliott's candor and lack of knowledge about modern times really make him look like a dumbass at times ; but he's a warrior, too, and he's probably gone through things in his life that Lucas can't even imagine. He gets flustered about the smallest things and then makes these great declarations of platonic affections to a man he's met today and walks around his house almost naked. It's funny, until it's deeply sad. He doesn't know how to handle it, really. 

But he's going to try his best.

  
  

    
    
    .      *    *           *.       *   .                      *     .
                   .   .                   __   *    .     * .     *
        *       *         *   .     .    _|__|_        *    __   .       *
      .  *  /\       /\          *        ('')    *       _|__|_     .
           /  \   * /  \  *          .  <( . )> *  .       ('')   *   *
      *    /  \     /  \   .   *       _(__.__)_  _   ,--<(  . )>  .    .
          /    \   /    \          *   |       |  )),`   (   .  )     *
       *   `||` ..  `||`   . *.   ... ==========='`   ... '--`-` ... * 

_December 2nd_

Lucas wakes up, quite a bit later, and he's deeply disoriented for a moment when he realizes he's in his own bed. He doesn't remember going to bed at all ; he was talking with Eliott about that stupid soap show, and then about the even sillier game show that had come on later, and then...well, he must have fallen asleep. He's still wearing all his clothes except for his shoes, and there's a blanket over him.

That means that … Eliott must have carried him to his bed. And taken care of him.

Right then, he is too tired to be careful, and lets himself fully appreciate how sweet that gesture is, even if, yes, this is something an affectionate friend would also have done.

He just...well. He's bad at letting people take care of him. It's usually the opposite that happens. But Eliott is just...he does it so naturally and without any afterthought that there isn't a bone in Lucas's body willing to protest.

He sets his alarm for later in the morning. His last thought before he falls asleep is, _goddamn it, I have had such shit luck in love, maybe the universe owes me something nice for a change._

  
  
  


...

  
  


In the morning, he is lucid enough for embarrassment to make a return in full force. 

Eliott's version of morning lucidity, apparently, is doing strenuous exercise in his living room wearing only his boxers and Lucas's shirt that stretches over his shoulders so much it looks see through. He greets Lucas when he enters the room, from the ground where he's doing pushups, all flushed and sweaty, and resumes his workout, making all sorts of grunts and noises.

  
  


Okay.

  
  


So that's happening. 

  
  


Yeah scratch that late night thought. The universe is not compensating him for anything. That's definitely a new form of torture.

  
  


He pilots himself to the kitchen, and starts the coffee maker, then dials his boss and leaves a message that he won't be coming to work today because of a pressing family matter. He's only ever called in sick once since he started working there, so he can afford it.

Eliott comes to the kitchen after a while, hair still dripping from the shower.

"We need to get you your own clothes," Lucas says, trying not to stare at his chest.

"Absolutely," Eliott says, grabbing one of the toasts Lucas has been buttering and Lucas's own cup of coffee, tasting it and making a grimace of disgust. "Eugh! This beverage is horrid, you must not drink it. It tastes like the dregs of sour wine." 

Lucas chuckles. "That's coffee, actually, and I like it. You get used to it." 

"How strange. Do you happen to have some of that incredible draught you were carrying at the fair?" 

"Hot chocolate ? No. But we can buy some on the way."

"Splendid. You know how to make a man happy, Lucas Lallemant."

He's not reading into that. He's not. 

"But pray tell me,"Eliott continues, "where are we going? I promised I would hunt for us, after all."

Well, here comes the delicate part. He needs to get Eliott to the police station to check if he's not missing from somewhere. And if he says that to Eliott, it's pretty much like telling he doesn't believe him and thinks he's crazy. 

"We, uh. There is a...registry of people that you...we need to check if you're not on it."

Eliott frowns. "Why would I be on it? I have never been here before."

Lucas sighs. Eliott isn't a complete idiot, he's going to notice what is going on sooner or later. "Listen, I want to believe you when you tell me you are from the past and you want to fight a dragon. But...from where I stand from, that's...very, very unlikely. Around here, there are no such things as dragons or enchantresses or time travel. The most likely explanation is that you are a man from our time who...got a shock to the head that somehow scrambled his memories, like the doctor at the hospital said. If we go to the police, we can see if you're not missing from somewhere."

Eliott frowns, perplexed. "I see." He looks away. "You are a man of science. I understand." 

"You do?" 

"Yes. The doctor of our village always warned us about believing in fairies and goblins and such, that they were instruments of the devil to lead us astray." He sighs. "I will go with you, so you can see whether or not I am on that list. I will not be, but if knowing that will bring you peace, I am willing to go through with it."

That's….kind of a…an peculiar explanation of science, but he'll take it. 

"Thank you." 

"I am at your service, after all," Eliott says, the corner of his mouth turned up into a smile, and Lucas could swear there is a hint of playfulness in there. A hint of a challenge too, in his eyes as they stare into his own. Like he's willing to go along with Lucas's plans to be considerate but he won't back down easy when it comes to what he considers the truth.

  
  


God! Fuck the universe.

  
  


He walks out of the kitchen and is about to get his coat and keys when somebody knocks on the door.

  
  


He opens to see Manon, carrying a bag of muffins.

"What are you doing here ?"

She narrows her eyes. 

"Good morning to you too, dear brother. What do you think?"

She doesn't answer and walks past him, into his kitchen, coming face to face with Eliott.

"Eliott, this is my sister Manon. Manon, Eliott." 

Eliott bows, one hand on her heart. Out of his knight clothes, it looks weirder.

"My lady, it's an honor. Sir Eliott De Maury, at your service. Your brother has been most kind to me." He smiles. "I can see that your family has definitely been blessed with fairness of face." 

Manon's eyebrows go up to her hairline and she looks at Lucas. 

I know, he mouths in her direction.

"So, Sir Eliott," Manon asks, "what are your intentions concerning my brother?"

Oh god. That sounds like...but Eliott, bless his soul, doesn't pick up on the implications. 

"My lady, I promise, I would never abuse his generosity in anyway. I want to be a good guest and I would repay him in kind at the first opportunity." 

"Very well. My brother is indeed very generous, and some people have taken advantage of that in the past. I will make you a promise now: if you hurt him in any way, I do not care where you are or come from or what you can do with that sword. I will find you, and I will end you, is that clear ?" 

Eliott nods, expression meek. Lucas is annoyed, but Manon has always been incredibly protective of him, and he loves her for it. 

"Very clear, my lady. I swear, on my honor as a knight, I will endeavor to be a good friend. I have dreamed all my life to have a companion with such a good soul."

Lucas goes red. Manon looks at him, and this time she is amused. 

"Good." She extends her bag in Eliott's direction. "Do you want a muffin? Chocolate chip and vanilla." 

He grabs one and another expression of delight comes over his face. "This is wonderful!" 

Lucas feels an irrational stab of jealousy. "Well," he tells his sister, "now you've seen we're fine, don't you have somewhere to be?"

Manon laughs at him. "Here, have a muffin, calm down. I am not here to steal your candy away, don't worry."

Bless Eliott's lack of understanding of metaphors and colloquial language. 

"What's candy ?" He frowns. "Did somebody steal from you?" 

"No, my sister is joking. And she was leaving." He bites into the muffin. Damn her, but it is delicious. 

"Alright. But I will be checking on you very soon, little brother." 

"I don't need a bloody chaperone, Manon."

She wiggles her eyebrows at him, and then leaves again, leaving the muffins behind.

Ugh.

  
  


He thinks maybe he liked it better when she was suspicious of Eliott.

  
  


"Do men also need chaperones in this world? I thought they were only for young women?" Eliott asks, confused again.

"My sister says a lot of nonsense to annoy me. Please don't listen to her." 

  
  


"She seems like a very fierce soul," Eliott replies, "and a lovely woman. I would be lucky to have such a sister." 

"She's married," Lucas says pointedly. 

Eliott frowns. "Did you think I was in anyway disrespectful with her? Because that was not my intent." 

Lucas sighs. "No, no, you were fine, I just…" _I am jealous over a guy I met yesterday like some sort of idiot._ "I am very protective of her, it's just a reflex. I'm sorry."

"I do not want to offend anyone by accident."

He feels extra stupid now. Maybe it's some sort of leftover reflex from the fact that his sister married his high school best friend (and secret crush) ; but he's totally over that and over Yann, he and Manon are the most perfect couple, so he's just being an idiot and making Eliott feel bad in the process.

"I swear it was fine. Now, how about that hot chocolate ?"

…

  
  


Lucas takes Eliott to his favorite café in town. It's an always bustling spot near the central square, with wooden tables, old pictures on the walls and a cheery, unpretentious atmosphere. The owner of the cafe, behind the bar, greets him by name. They order two hot chocolates - Eliott's with a mountain of whipped cream - and sit down in one of the corner tables near the windows. From there they have a view on the city, and Lucas can see the top of the gigantic Christmas tree where they met. 

"This is incredible." Eliott says. "Like the angels of heaven are dancing on the tip of my tongue." 

That's so cute. 

And...he has whipped cream on his nose. 

Lucas isn't going to say anything about it. Nope. He refuses. If the universe is slapping him in the face with romantic clichés, it can't end well. Eliott will figure it out eventually.

They talk more ; about Lucas's job - Eliott is amazed to learn that all kids go to school now - and things Eliott has noticed about the modern world and wants to know more about, like stop lights and cars and running water and most of all, electricity. And Lucas is good at explaining those things, and he finds the way Eliott thinks fascinating ; he has a lot of gaps in his knowledge but he understands things a lot faster than most of his students do, because of his life experience. And he was probably having a lot of questions. Lucas doesn't fixate on Eliott's nose ; not at all.

"The priest always said that storms meant God was angry with us and we should pray extra hard." Eliott says with glee. "He would have a conniption if he knew lightning could be mastered to light up an entire city." 

"You don't seem to like that priest much." 

"No, he always said I was asking too many questions and making my own, too liberal interpretation of the Scripture and that that was heresy and a grave sin." 

For some reason, hearing that makes Lucas very happy.

This joy, however, is short lived when he sees who has just entered the café. 

James, his ex, together with his new boyfriend. No, his fucking fiancé or so the news go.

The one he cheated on Lucas with. 

He fights the rise of bile in his throat. James looks so happy. They both do. It feels like a jagged knife tearing through his insides.

The thing about James was that he was a jerk, but he was Lucas's jerk. He didn't do romance, or most affection really, he didn't believe in marriage or talking about the future, but sometimes he had a way of making Lucas feel like he was special. Like if Lucas tried hard enough, he could _fix_ him. It was always a thrill, how unpredictable he could be. In the rare moments when he was sweet, it felt so wonderful, like everything else was worth it. That, and well...he was good in bed. Which is why he doesn't trust his horny side anymore.

He feels so stupid in hindsight. But when he learned that James had found someone that did make him believe in marriage, it had sent him into a spiral all over again, six months ago. 

So. Here he is now, that piece of shit, looking all settled and wholesome, playing house after stringing Lucas along for six fucking years and breaking his heart, and it's like nothing ever happened. To add insult to injury, he actually knew the guy he's shacked up with ; they were sort-of friends in high school. He was nice enough but...so bland. Always going along with whoever talked the loudest. Lucas can't figure out what he has that Lucas didn't.

  
  


And Lucas wants to sink into the floor, and he is so fucking annoyed at himself for that, because it still impacts him so much. Because James treated him like shit, even bordering on abuse sometimes, and yet there is still a part of him that care so damn much and he fucking hates it. So fucking much. 

"What's the matter ?" Eliott asks softly. He has probably noticed Lucas's expression changing. 

"I, uh…" Lucas stutters. "It's just…" Usually he would lie and pretend he was fine, but with Eliott, he doesn't feel the urge. Well...not entirely. "That man that just came in, we used to be...friends. Very close friends. And then he...betrayed me."

Eliott's face turns dark immediately. "Should I go and have a word with him?" 

He looks serious. Fucking hell. 

"No, don't." He puts his hand on Eliott's, to try and dissuade him. "I don't want you to get into trouble. He's not worth it."

"He looks like a pompous miscreant." Eliott says. "If he ever bothers you again, please tell me. I will have him weaned of his treacherous instincts."

The speed at which Eliott can go from a puppy in armor to a stone cold badass is just...yeah. And the way he seems to want to rush to Lucas's defense...

He nods. Looks at James very furtively. James looks back, then, and for a moment Lucas thinks he's going to acknowledge him. But nothing. He could just as well have been transparent. And the old feeling of being dejected and worthless rears its head. 

But he looks at Eliott again and it fades surprisingly quickly.

"Wait a minute, you got some cream on your nose." He takes a napkin and dabs lightly at Eliott's nose, and Eliott's smile widens as he does.

"Thank you." Eliott looks at James again. "Breaking the bonds of friendship is one of the most loathsome things a man can do. That's one of the reasons I became a knight. I thought that, once I was knighted, I would find the sort of true companions with whom I could share everything with - ideals, hopes, sorrows, joy, food, treasure, body heat, even the clothes off my back if necessary. I do not think there is anything more pure or sacred than the bond between two men who share these ideals in their hearts."

Eliott stops suddenly, as if he's forgotten what his point was supposed to be, and Lucas can see now he's blushing. "I, uh. I mean I will never betray you like that."

_You won't, because we would have to be together in the first place._

But he still appreciates the sentiment. It makes him want to be a knight a little, too.

In that instant, he finds Eliott's talent for making platonic yet accidentally homoerotic declarations of affection incredibly endearing, even if it also makes him want to tear his hair out. (He became a knight to share body heat with other men?? Really???) 

  
  


The world is so much wider than James and his fucking fiance. So much stranger...and so much more interesting.

  
  


_…_

  
  


They go to the police station and Eliott's predictions come through. He's not on any missing persons list, or a witness protection list, or any other database. They can't find him on the internet or on social media either, whether it's by searching for his face or his name. In fact, his total lack of a footprint anywhere is uncanny in this age where everything they do leaves a trace.

It's as if...he popped into existence right below that Christmas tree yesterday.

  
  


The case is assigned to a detective who will try to search for clues regarding Eliott's existence as if he were a dead body they found ; the man looks…checked out would be a kind way to put it, so Lucas doesn't put a lot of faith in him. Eliott is given a temporary identity, and is assigned a social worker they will see next week, as well as an appointment at the prefecture to sort our his administrative situation...in February.

Explaining the intricacies of modern technology will be a piece of cake next to the nightmare of helping Eliott adjust to French bureaucracy, Lucas thinks as they exit the place. 

The police also proposed to house Eliott in one of their safe houses while his case was ongoing ; he and Lucas took one look at each other and Lucas said he could stay with him.

It's already late ; the inquiry took most of the day.

Eliott yawns. "By God, this was a long winded affair. Do all your people take this much time to make a decision?" 

Lucas winces. "I'm sorry about that." 

Eliott looks at him with a smug expression. "I wasn't on any list, though. As I told you."

"Yeah, well, there could be a number of explanations. Maybe you're a result of a scientific experiment that went wrong. Maybe you're on the run from a shadowy crime organization and they've tampered with your memory. I don't know, like…"

"That sounds very unlikely." 

"Yeah but...not more unlikely than time travel. And dragons."

"Hmm. Then I guess I will have to prove my prowess as a knight to you."

Lucas can't lie. That sounds both terrifying and dangerously appealing. 

"As long as you don't land in jail, that's fine with me. It's not like we are going anywhere for now, so…" 

"Does that bother you? That you have to put up with me for a longer time?" Eliott asks, suddenly worried.

Lucas doesn't have to think about the answer twice.

"Not even a little bit."

And it's the truth. Weird as it sounds, with Eliott there, he's almost looking forward to Christmas. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time : Christmas Shenanigans in full swing


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> as Christmas gets closer, the pining gets worse, some new friendships are made, but some doubts surface

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone ! Hope you've had a Merry Christmas if you do that sort of thing and a merry recovery from food coma ^^  
> Here is a new chapter ! We are getting in more serious territory now, even if the cheese is still OFF THE CHARTS. Lucas 'gay disaster' Lallemant outdoes himself but honestly, Eliott isn't that much better. 
> 
> content warning : off screen animal death (rabbits) and slight gore

_ December 3rd  _

  
  


Today, Lucas has to go back to his job. He will take more days off to go with Eliott to the social assistant and the prefecture so he can't afford to take another right now. And he doesn't want the school to have to hire a substitute because those are always a gamble, and he doesn’t want to disturb his kids’ routines in what is supposed to be a happy but often overwhelming time. 

But that means leaving Eliott alone in his home. And he really, really doesn’t want to come back to another (bigger) fire this time. 

The night before, he's given him a very extensive lecture on fire and electricity safety. They went grocery shopping as well, got some basic clothing for Eliott that actually fit him, so everything should be set. Lucas has given him a set of spare keys so he isn't dependent on him should anything happen. This morning after breakfast they went over the essentials again, just to be sure.

Lucas is almost ready to leave when Eliott asks,

"You didn't tell me where I could hunt, though. You said I could provide the meal today."

Ugh. That. He's shown the library and how the TV works to Eliott so he has something to occupy himself with ; hunting definitely should not be part of that plan.

"Yeah but…" he looks outside ; it's snowing again. "We should do it another time. Because of the snow."

"Ah. Alright." He looks disappointed, but accepts it.

"I need to go, otherwise I will be late."

"I wish you a good day, then, my friend."

"Thank you. You too." They stare at each other a moment too long before Lucas rushes out of the door, embarrassed without knowing why.

  
  


…

  
  


The day moves by at a snail's pace. Lucas tries to focus on his lessons, but his mind keeps going back to how Eliott must be doing. Is he bored ? Lost ? Having fun? Wrecking untold havoc on Lucas's earthly possessions out of some annoyingly endearing good intention?

He wishes he could call him, but the house hasn't had a landline in ages. They should probably get Eliott a mobile phone. Is he ready to be on the Internet, though ? Is Lucas overthinking this ? Eliott is a grown man. The Internet is a scary place, though.

Fuck, he's definitely overthinking this.

...

During the lunch break, he gets swarmed by his colleagues in the teacher's lunch room. Of course Manon had to tell them what happened.

Daphné in particular smiles so wide she looks scary.

"So, didn't I tell you this Christmas would be magic?"

He sighs very deeply. "I hit a dude with my car and now he's got amnesia. That's like the opposite of magic."

"Yes, but what if he is telling the truth?"

Lucas looks at Imane in desperation; along with him she's always been the most rational of the bunch, while Emma and Alexia are likely to believe the option they find the most entertaining.

"In any case," Imane says, "the poor man must be pretty confused. We shouldn't crowd him right now."

Daphné pouts. "So no welcome party?"

"Hell no." Lucas says.

"But," Imane adds, "once he's settled a little, we should meet him. Not a big party, a nice dinner between friends or something. We should show him that we support him as a community, no matter what is going on with him."

"Alright," Lucas agrees reluctantly. "Let's do something this weekend." She's right. He can't keep Eliott for himself. And he doesn't want to be a possessive weirdo. It's just...he likes to be the one that gets to amaze Eliott with all the wonders of the modern world. What if he only likes Lucas because he's just the only person he's really spent time with here ?

But it will be good for Eliott to meet more people, so he can acclimatize. And these are his friends ; they're lovely people, even if a bit...peculiar at first. They're not going to make fun of Eliott or be mean to him. Even though some might be...a bit overwhelming.

And then at least he'll know if Eliott's...considerations for him are only due to circumstances.

  
  


…

  
  
  


As soon as the last bell rings, Lucas rushes out as fast as his students. He drives back home almost recklessly.

  
  


At least the house is still standing and doesn't seem to have sustained any major damage. That's good.

  
  


He goes in and calls for Eliott, but gets no response and his heart contracts in panic. Then he sees movement in his back yard.

He goes out, and it's a repeat of last time's scene in the day light.

Eliott is standing in his garden, behind one of the plastic tables, but this time, he got a catch. The snow around him is covered in blood, as well as his forearms, and he seems in the middle of skinning...something. He's made another fire, too, albeit smaller.

Lucas's stomach feels very close to flipping as he carefully walks towards him.

"Ah, Lucas ! The hunt was good today." 

He sees a dead rabbit on the table. At least it looks…wild, not a domestic kind.

Eliott smiles at him, wearing his armor and sword again, in full knight getup.

"I managed to find three rabbits, although it took me a long time. I found a forest outside of town and had to hide in a thicket of thorns. But this should last us at least through tomorrow, especially with that snow box of yours."  His smile turns into a frown as he sees Lucas's reaction.  "What's wrong ?" 

What's wrong ? Fuck, everything - dead animals and blood all over his garden is just one thing. Eliott had to walk all the way there, he could have gotten hit in traffic again, not to mention the trouble he would have been in if anybody caught him walking around with a bunch of weapons-

"I told you not to go hunt." Lucas says, his voice hoarse.

"Well, the snow had stopped. I didn't think it would be an issue." 

Fuck. Of course he would have taken him at his word.

"You can't just...you can't go out and...you can't hunt here without a special permit. It's forbidden. You could have gotten in so much trouble."

  
  


"Why didn't you tell me that, then?"

  
  


Lucas's face gets red. Yeah, why didn't he ?

"I didn't want to upset you."

Eliott's face goes dark.

"I am not some infant who will throw a tantrum if some of my requests are denied. Nor am I a damsel in distress to be locked in a tower all day. I am a knight, and I demand to be treated as such." 

"They don't care about that here! If they find you going around with weapons and killing things, they're going to lock you up!" 

Lucas's voice must have betrayed how freaked out he is, as Eliott's expression turns softer.

"I know you only want to protect me, my friend. But if you are to be gone so often, I need to be able to make my own way in this world. I cannot do that if you hide its truths from me."

Lucas bites his lip. Suddenly he feels like a massive asshole. It must have taken so much effort to get these rabbits, too.

He sighs.

"I am sorry. You're right. I should have told you."

"And I should not have gone out so rashly,"  Eliott says, his voice soft and penitent. "I do not wish to cause you any worry." 

  
  


"I don't see you as a damsel in distress. This world can just be very dangerous when you're not used to it. So I'd rather we go out together the first few times."

Eliott nods, looking down. "I almost got hit by one of these silver carriages again," he confesses, embarrassed.

Lucas grins at him, not wanting him to feel bad. "Hey, to be fair, a lot of people drive like reckless assholes around here."

The smile makes a comeback on Eliott's face. "Are you including yourself in those "reckless assholes?""

"Hey!" Lucas laughs. Is he teasing him now? That's so cute. But he kind of has a right to, since Lucas did hit him with his car. Even if Eliott was being just as reckless.

Even with his elbows deep in rabbit guts, he's still cute, even if this is a lot less Christmas romance and a lot more clash of cultures.

Eliott looks down. "Should I throw this away?"

"What! No!" It's grossing him out a little but Eliott worked really hard to catch these, and it also feels disrespectful to the rabbits. Besides, he isn't some squeamish city boy, his grandma used to have a farm, he can deal with a little blood. "We can cook them in the oven, I'll show you how. Let's just clean this up first so my neighbors don't think I'm harboring a serial killer."

  
  


…

  
  


They end up marinating one of the rabbits in parsley, garlic and olive oil and cooking it in the oven, while Lucas freezes the rest to make stew with later. The result is pretty decent but Eliott finds the meat tastes weird.

"Yeah, those rabbits probably ate a lot of garbage."

"This world is very strange," Eliott says. "There is such plenty everywhere but some parts of it are deeply defiled and no one seems to care." 

"Yeah." Lucas says. The periphery of the town is quite ugly and neglected, full of industrial buildings and concrete buildings. He can imagine it must look even more awful when you're used to beautiful pristine nature. "Some parts of the countryside after that are very beautiful, though. I could show you."

"I would love that," Eliott says. 

"It's a date," Lucas jokes before he realizes what he said. 

Eliott cocks his head a little to the left, as he does more often when confused, but doesn't ask. Lucas marches on, grateful.

"Yeah and my friends would like to meet you, this weekend? We can host a dinner here."

At that, Eliott's face lights up. "It would be an honor to meet your friends." Then, a little teasing again. "I would usually hunt a wild boar or a deer for such a feast, but I promise I won't this time."

Lucas laughs. He loves that Eliott has a sense of humor beyond all the misunderstandings. And he loves that even though they had a little bit of a fight, they managed to make up again. It makes him feel like this weird bond between them will be able to last no matter what other weird shit life throws at them, and that makes something warm and tingly flare up in his chest.

  
.  
  


.

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_December_ _6th_

  
  


What Eliott mostly wants, Lucas realizes, is to be useful. So he shows him how to clean the house and take care of the garden - which really needed some work done, anyway. On Saturday they also get him a cheap, simple phone so he can call Lucas if there is a problem. 

Eliott has been reading and watching TV, too, and he still has a lot of questions, but he seems to be adapting quite quickly overall. His speech patterns feel less and less medieval and he isn't staring at everything in the street anymore or calling planes "steel dragons" anymore. 

Lucas wonders if that means his memories are going to come back soon. The biggest hole in the "Eliott is really from the Middle Ages" theory is that they were able to understand each other at all, because he's pretty sure old French would be complete nonsense to his ears and vice versa. It makes it more likely that Eliott just lost himself into his...role playing persona or something.

He wonders if Eliott will still want to have anything to do with him afterwards or whether he will be too embarrassed. Lucas would like them to be friends, but...he can understand Eliott just wanting to move on. Maybe the real him is a very different person, too.

He tries not to think about it too much, though. It makes him sad, even though he wants Eliott to be as healthy and fine as he can be.

Anyway, they have a dinner to prepare. Thankfully, the house has never been this clean, so all he has to do is set the table and prepare the main dish ; he's roasting chicken with lemon and rosemary, and making his mother's recipe for winter veggies gratin. Eliott helps him with great enthusiasm. 

They've started decorating the house too, with fairy lights and Christmas calls, even though they will set up the tree a little later.

Lucas got Eliott his own apron, and he picked a Christmas sweater for himself, too - a red and green monstrosity covered with glittering holly ; he looks very festive. Lucas would rather die than be caught in one of these, usually, but Eliott insisted he chose one too so that they would match. He picked a slightly more sedate option, deep blue with light blue snowflakes threaded with silver.

His friends are going to have a field day roasting him for this, but hey. Eliott is happy, so…

He gets quite nervous while waiting for them, though. That they're going to say something that will make Eliott uncomfortable, or will find him weird, or see how Lucas behaves around him and...he's relieved when his friends finally arrive.

It's a small gathering; Yann is still on a business trip, and Arthur and Alexia are still avoiding each other after their third breakup. So it's Manon, Imane and Sofiane, Emma, Daphne and Basile ; and the both of them. 

Manon steps in, takes one look at the both of them, and starts laughing. Thankfully, she doesn't comment on their attire, although he's pretty sure the others won't be as kind. 

"Lady Manon," Eliott bows slightly. Lucas is pretty sure he knows by now that's not how people greet each other here, but he still keeps doing it for some reason. Maybe because it makes people all flustered and smiley.

  
  


Goddamnit. 

  
  


"Ange wanted to come and see the knight," she says, "but she's got school tomorrow so I told her another day. I have a daughter called Angélique," she explains to Eliott, "she's seven and I don't know how she learned about it but all she wants is "see Uncle Lucas's knight".

"I would be delighted to meet her." Eliott says. Lucas really isn't sure whether that is a good idea or not. On one hand, it would be adorable. On the other...Ange has always been very perceptive when it comes to him, and a tendency to say whatever goes through her mind, and if she sees him with Eliott…

"Thank you," Manon says, as she brings the entrée she's made - little goat cheese and fig quiches - to the kitchen. 

The rest arrive together, and so his house is suddenly filled with people. After introductions have been made - Daphné got absolutely besides herself when Eliott bowed deeply, kissed her hand and called her a lady - Lucas distributes glasses and opens the bubbly wine Daphné and Basile brought. 

"I would like to propose a toast," Emma starts. 

Oh no.

"To new and old friends. This world of ours is a wacky wacky place, but it is also full of surprises, and that makes it worth living."

Oh, that wasn't too bad. Everyone cheers and drinks

. 

"My turn," Imane says, raising her glass full of non-alcoholic wine. Isn't one toast more than enough ? "My family doesn't celebrate Christmas, but winter is a time for sticking together and hospitality. So, Eliott, I want you to know that we are there for you, however odd we might seem to you." 

"Hell yeah!" Basile adds and the others nod.

Eliott blushes and looks down. "Thank you kindly, lady Imane." Then he raises his own glass.

  
  


_ Oh nooo. _

"I would be remiss not to speak if the custom is to acknowledge the noteworthy," he says. "It does not surprise me that Lucas has generous and most excellent friends, for I have rarely met such a giving soul."

His friends all turn towards Lucas with diverse expressions of delight and mischief.

"I do not know him well yet but I know enough to compare him favorably to others. Present company excluded, I have noticed that many people here try to avoid me, that I make them uncomfortable or that they think there is something wrong with me."

God, that's sad.

"But," Eliott continues, "the sting of that rejection was quite nullified by the balm of Lucas's friendship. I have never met such an attentive or thoughtful person in my life, even back home, with such gentle manners or pleasant allure, and I want to express my sincere wish that we might remain acquainted for as long as circumstances permit. So, here is to the thread of fate that linked us together." He raises his glass and everybody cheers and drinks, although half of them are trying not to burst into laughter.

Lucas is pretty sure he's blushing to the tip of his ears. They are  _ never _ going to let him live this down.

  
  


Eliott smiles at him and he can't help smiling back.

  
  


Dinner starts shortly after that, and is very lively, the food is delicious and Lucas realizes he hadn't invited anyone home in a very, very long time. He can't help but think, in that instant, that this is much closer to the atmosphere his mother used to love creating here.

Eliott asks his friends questions about their jobs, about their families, about what their favorite thing is living in this time. Emma says air travel, Manon women's rights, and Lucas answers "central heating" although that's probably not the real answer ; Eliott when asked himself, says "people" while looking at Lucas and he is good for another blush. 

  
  


He knew this was going to be very embarrassing. He _knew_ it.

He can't be too mad about it, though. Eliott fits so well in their group. Maybe because half of them are young teachers and they're all a bit zany, full of energy and imagination, willing to accommodate the unexpected, and find Eliott's oddness delightful rather than a bother. 

The dessert is served,  _ cornes de gazelle _ tasting like orange blossom made by Sofiane, served with mint tea, which Eliott declares the finest thing he's ever tasted, before looking at Lucas and amending it as the best dessert he's ever had. Like he doesn't want Lucas to be jealous. Gosh. 

After that they move to the sofa and chairs in front of the fire place. Eliott starts a deep conversation with Sofiane, and Lucas sits down in the couch, soon joined by Emma and Manon on each side.

"Hello, gentle and pleasing Lucas," Emma says, already laughing.

He rolls his eyes. But he was waiting for that one. His temperament is generally on the grumpy side. 

"So Eliott seems to be settling in well," Manon says. 

"I bet he is, what with Lucas being so giving and generous." Emma says.

"Oh come on," Lucas says. "I'm just being normally nice, he's just...very appreciative." 

"I don't know if being nice is very normal for you though, Lulu."

"I'm not that bad!" 

"Yeah you are, especially before Christmas, you're like, the Grinch." 

"Yeah, well." Lucas sighs and throws his head back. "Maybe I'm a little more happy than usual."

"Really, and why is that?" Manon asks, laughing.

Lucas blows air out of his mouth. 

"I just…" He doesn't want to acknowledge this, because then it becomes real, and it can't be. 

He looks at Eliott, the fire casting his face in a golden glow. He's so beautiful.

"I think, him being here, it's given me a new lease on life. Like...we don't know what could happen tomorrow. And he's so happy with little things we take for granted. And I guess I just...realized I like...some more movement in my life. I've been letting myself...drift into this sort of funk, where I don't go out and I don't make an effort to make my life nice, and I don't feel like I deserve to have fun, and... He's an inspiration, that's all," he finishes, before realizing he's denying something that haven't openly accused him of is very suspicious.

"Uh-uh." Manon says, but thankfully leaves it at that.

He doesn't like the glint in Emma's eyes, though.

  
  


As everyone is gearing up to leave in the hallway, putting on coats and shoes, she strikes.

"I like your sweaters, guys." She says.

Eliott beams at her. "We picked them out together in the shop next to the super market." 

"Honestly, they're adorable." She looks at Lucas with a grin as she says, "especially since Lucas's always refused to wear one and called them ridiculous."

"I, uh, that's not, I mean can't a man change his mind ?" Lucas stammers.

Eliott raises his eyebrows. 

"Especially with the right incentive," Emma says, and rushes to get her scarf from under the other's.

Once goodbyes have been said and the door has been closed behind their friends, they find themselves in the hallway, alone.

Eliott is leaning against the wall, his posture more relaxed than Lucas's ever seen.

"So, you never wear Christmas sweaters ?" He looks down on Lucas, a little smirk at the corner of his mouth, and something in his half open eyes, almost languid, that makes Lucas's cheeks burn.

He could say he just really liked this one in particular, or come up with another excuse. He should deflect. But the evening has made him so mellow, warm and happy like he can't remember being in a long time.

  
  


So he just says,

  
  
  


"I don't mind. If it makes you happy." 

  
  


Eliott looks at him then, and his gaze is inquisitive, so intense it's almost scorching, and Lucas finds himself holding his breath. 

  
  
  


He looks and looks and looks and then says,

  
  


"You indulge me, Lucas Lallemant."

  
  


The question hangs in the air between them.

  
  


_ Why? _

  
  
  


Eliott looks at him as if he is studying him ; as if his face would carry the response to the great questions of the universe. Finally, it gets to a point where it's too much.

  
  


"I'm just trying to be a good friend," Lucas says, almost feeling out of breath.

  
  


Eliott nods ; accepts the explanation, and the pressure relents. He smiles again.

  
  
  


"You have amazing friends yourself."

  
  


"Yeah. I'm really lucky to have them."

  
  


"Daphné invited me to help with the village Christmas feast and I accepted." 

  
  


Lucas rolls his eyes. "Of course she did."

  
  


"You think I should have refused ?"

  
  


"No, no. It's just...Daphy can be very, very intense about that stuff."

  
  


"I like her passion, it feels...familiar to me. Everyone is so subdued here, like showing no emotion and being in control is always the most important thing. It confuses me."

Huh.

  
  


"Me too?"

  
  


"No, you're something special. You're...not outwardly demonstrative but your face is like the sky. It's always showing something. Not always something I understand, but beautiful all the same." 

Lucas is happy the light is low in the corridor because he's never blushed so much in his life.

"Do my compliments embarrass you? Because that is not my intention."

  
  
  


Oh, fuck.

  
  
  


"No, no! It's just...I'm not used to receiving them. I am a bit embarrassed, but it's nice."

  
  


"Good. Then I'm glad I'm here. You deserve someone to give you compliments."

  
  


How does anyone respond to that? So he doesn't. He just smiles and nods and leaves to clean the kitchen.

  
  


After they clean up and go to bed, Lucas doesn't fall asleep until the early hours, tossing and turning, replaying Eliott's words and expressions in his head. Does he have any idea of the implications of what he's saying? Of what it does to Lucas? 

Maybe he does come from a time where men are more freely affectionate towards each other and show their emotions more. But still, calling someone beautiful has always had a...non platonic undertone.

The more he tries to settle the matter he finds he can't. He might not be in a position to ask Eliott anything straight up, but that doesn't mean his brain will let up either.

  
  
  
.

.

.
    
    
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_ December 7th  _

  
  
  
  
  
  


He's in the middle of explaining multiplications when his phone rings.

Usually, he has it on silent when he teaches. He apologizes to his class, tells them that this is very rude and not a good thing to do in general, but that it's an exception because he has a family emergency to take care of, and that they need to be good for five minutes.

But he's set up a special ringtone for Eliott and told him to call if something bad happened, so now he rushes to the corridor and closes the class door behind himself.

"Hello Lucas," Eliott says. He talks a little too loud, like he thinks Lucas is far away so he has to shout a little.

  
  


"What's wrong?" 

  
  


"Nothing. I just wanted to hear your voice." 

  
  
  


God. What even.

  
  
  


He knows he should tell Eliott he's busy, and return to work. But...he doesn't.

  
  


"There is a couple of birds in the garden. Beautiful, with blue feathers, and their song is very sweet. It made me think of the color of your eyes."

  
  
  


??????????

  
  


_ Lord help me _ , Lucas thinks. He stopped believing in God when he was six.

  
  


"That's, uh. Very nice."

  
  


"Do you think it would be ok to feed them? So they come back more often?" 

  
  


"We could, yes, but we would have to place it high up where the neighbor's cat can't get at it. And we would have to get a feeder and special seed balls because a lot of things we eat wouldn't be healthy for them."

  
  


"That would be lovely. I often fed the birds on the highest tower of the castle." He chuckles. "My cousin was so angry at how many ended up brooding there because he said they were...defacing his statue in particular." 

Lucas laughs. Eliott, he's starting to realize, looks and talks like an angel, but he's got a little bit of a trickster side to him. He loves it.

  
  


Then he sees a ball of paper fly through the little door window to his classroom.

  
  


"Um, Eliott, the kids are getting rowdy, I need to get back to work. I like talking to you but I think it would be better if you called me during my lunch break, from noon to one. Or if there is an emergency."

"Ah, of course. Sorry if I disturbed you. I did not think you would pick up if you were busy. But I will not do it again."

"It's okay. I promise."

"I will have to wait to tell you about my day then. It will give me something to look forward to."

Gosh. How the fuck is he sweeter than any boyfriend Lucas's ever had in his life.

"Me too," he says, and hangs up, rushing back into his class to call it to order.

  
  


Then Malik asks - without even raising his hand,

"Was that your knight, Mr. Lallemant?" 

"No," Lucas lies, and it sounds unconvincing even to his own ears. How the fuck do they even know about this?

"Oh, Mr. Lallemant, can you bring him with you next time? I've always wanted to meet a real knight!" Sonia says.

"My father says he's just a lunatic, not a real knight." Nicolas falls in.

God, has the whole town been gossiping about them?

He sighs. He needs to address this before the rumors get out of hand.

"Listen up, everybody. The man who has been staying with me did tell us he was a knight. We don't know what is going on with him, but we do know he is a very nice person and he doesn't deserve being gossiped about. His name is Eliott, and regardless of what he is, it isn't "just some lunatic" and besides, that's a very mean thing to say, even against any mentally ill people."

"Sorry Mr. Lallemant." Nicolas says. 

"But can we see him?" Sonia asks, persistent.

Lucas sighs.

"Maybe. If you're all very nice, maybe I'll ask him."

  
  
  


His class erupts into cheers. 

  
  
  


He gets it, honestly. Seeing a real knight is kind of better than Santa. 

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


When Lucas gets home, he is met with the warm fug of...something cooking.

  
  


He finds Eliott in the kitchen, wearing his apron and standing in front of the stove, stirring a big pot.

  
  


The image is so lovely and romantic it almost gives Lucas a heart attack.

  
  


Eliott squeals a little when he sees him.

  
  


"Ah Lucas ! Since it has been a week I have arrived, I thought to make some food for us to celebrate. I put a rabbit in with some vegetables."

Fuck, that's so cute. And he's using the stove like a pro, now too.

"Thank you. That's very nice of you."

He thinks back on all the times he's come back to this house, cold, empty, haunted, without the strength to bring it back to its former lively glory. The gloomy sense of abandonment and diffuse guilt that weighed on him then, whenever he dwelled too much on the state of the place.  


And then, one week ago, everything got turned upside down. God, is it only a week? He feels like he's known Eliott forever. 

At present, though, Eliott is looking at him a little weirdly.

"In a company of knights, when on a campaign, we think nothing of doing chores for each other. Some cook, some hunt, some set up camp...It's very normal."

Honestly, the way Eliott talks about the bond between knights, it sounds like marriage. 

"Did you have a company of knights, back home?" 

Eliott looks away. "No. I wanted to but…" He looks so sad all of a sudden. "I don't think a lot of the others shared my vision of knighthood."

"I'm sorry." Lucas says. He knows what it's like to feel you're alone with something and despair of ever finding others like you. Except that for Eliott, it was probably a lot more literal, not something he could solve by finding the courage to stumble into the local gay bar.

He gets an idea all of a sudden.

"Hey, could you knight me?" He says, a little jokingly, but also very much not. 

Eliott looks at him with fire in his eyes.

"I could. But you would have to train." 

"You could train me." 

"You would have to swear to protect and uphold the innocent and the defenseless." Eliott smiles. "Maybe you have that part down already. But still. Being a knight is a lifelong oath."

"I'm serious." Lucas says. He has no fucking clue how, but it's true. He has no idea how...this thing between them has become so real so fast. But...he wants to learn more about Eliott's life before, about this thing that is so important to him, and besides, this knighthood stuff sounds pretty cool, even if it might not mean much in the modern world. 

And he sees so much in Eliott's bright eyes right now. Hope, fear, joy, excitement, hesitation.

But then Eliott looks away. "I don't know. I'm not a real knight anyway, so...it wouldn't be proper." 

"What? Why?"

"Every knight should accomplish at least one quest of renown. Until then...he isn't really taken seriously. This was...why i was sent here. I think."

_ Oh.  _

Then it dawns back on him that all this is, well, probably not real, even for a different reason, and that he shouldn't encourage Eliott but damn, he's just so…

  
  


It's so easy to get lost in the fantasy. 

  
  


"Well, anyway, it will be ready in half an hour, so if you want to wind down or something…"

  
  


"I have some assignments to grade, uh…"

  
  


"I'll call you when it's ready."

  
  
  


…

  
  
  
  


When Lucas comes back, Eliott has set the table with the special plates, and candles and everything. 

  
  


This...feels somewhere like a third date and a domestic dinner between a settled couple, and it's...almost uncanny, like he's slid into some bizarro dimension where all his romantic fantasies are happening at once.

Eliott is ladling the contents of the pan into bowl plates ; it looks like some kind of stew. It smells like...a lot, assaulting his nose with spices. Lucas can't say if that's good or not.

  
  


"I hope you like it," Eliott says. He is his happy self again, but there is a note of nervosity in his voice.

  
  


Lucas takes a spoonful of brown, mushy veggies with sauce and some sort of stringy meat, avoiding the bones, and puts it in his mouth.

  
  


Oh holy fuck.

  
  


This is absolutely  _ disgusting _ .

  
  
  


It's legitimately, honestly, the worst thing he can remember tasting in recent memory. First, there is way too much pepper, and other spices thrown in, and then there is this pungent, acid taste that could be...vinegar. It's very salty, but also sweet, and slightly burnt, the meat tastes wrong and falls apart in his mouth, and then there is a layer of...grease floating on the surface. It's a bloody assault on his taste buds, trying to be everything at once. 

  
  


His first reflex is to run to the sink to spit it out, but he cannot dash Eliott's fragile hopes and tell him that the first thing he accomplishes in this world is a total failure. So he forces himself to chew and swallow.

  
  


"So how is it?" Eliott asks timidly.

  
  


"Unusual," Lucas says, "but I like it."

  
  


Eliott breaks into a smile. "Ah, that's good. I was worried for a second I put in too many spices, because ...back from where I am, spices are quite precious and loved, and food is a bit bland here, so…"

"It's great," Lucas says, gritting his teeth through a second spoonful. 

Eliott has asked him to be fully honest when it comes to the world around them, but this isn’t that - it’s not going to have any impact beyond Lucas having to eat something he doesn’t like, and that’s really not the end of the world. He wants to encourage Eliott to try things, and if this is the price he has to pay, then so be it. 

  
  


Eliott beams at him. “I really like how the fennel combines with the cinnamon.”

  
  


God. 

  
  


He’s so cute when he’s happy though. That’s worth all the weird taste combinations in the world. 

  
  
  
.  
  
  


.

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_ December 9th  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Today, there is no school in the afternoon, and so they go to visit Manon and Ange. 

Usually his niece rushes to him whenever he arrives, but this time she only cares about Eliott, in a tizzy as if it's Christmas morning and there are presents to unwrap. Eliott has put on his full knight get up, too, and he bows very deeply when he sees her.

"Lady Angélique, it's an honor to meet you." 

She giggles and jumps up and down but when Eliott straightens up her face is serious, and Lucas recognizes the little scientist in her is about to make an appearance. 

"You say you're a knight. Prove it."

Eliott smiles. "What test would my lady require ?" 

Ange frowns, thinks, and looks at her mother before saying with a mischievous grin,

"Can you teach me how to fight with a sword?"

He can see the beginning of a protest form on Manon's face but then Eliott says, slightly confused,

"It is not customary for ladies to train with the sword." 

"Ladies can do anything they want, now, though." Ange fires back. "Isn't that right mom?" 

Lucas laughs. He can see the very mixed feelings on Manon's face. In the end, it's the convinced feminist that wins out. 

"Yes they can," she says, looking at Eliott, who bows again, in graceful concession.

"If she is half as fierce as her mother, she will make a fine fighter," Eliott says. He's so god damn charming sometimes, for all his occasional cluelessness. 

  
  


"But not with real swords," Manon says, the worried mother again. 

  
  


“Of course not ! Young squires always train with wooden sticks !”

  
  


A moment later, armed with broomsticks rid of their brooms, Ange and Eliott disappear into the snowy garden, and soon they can hear peals of laughter. 

  
  


Still inside, Manon makes two cups of coffee, and then looks at him. 

  
  


“What ?”

She smirks. “Nothing. Or is there something you wish to discuss, dear brother ?”

Lucas rolls his eyes. “Ugh, don’t tell me you’re going to start talking all old timey too.” 

  
  


She laughs. “Why, is your patience wearing thin with your guest ? Or, let me guess. The very opposite. You do not want to be reminded of how much you like it.” 

  
  


He rubs a palm against his face. “It’s very likely that he will get his memory back any second now. I don’t want to...ugh.” 

  
  


He looks through the window at how Eliott is darting along Ange as she tries to connect the end of her stick with his armor plate. 

  
  


“None of this is real. I keep forgetting, but...and he’s just so…”

  
  


Manon sneaks her arm around his shoulders. “I get it. It’s complicated.” 

  
  


He sighs. 

  
  


“I hope I’ll get to meet the real him, one day. He must be quite something.” 

  
  
  


…

  
  


On the way back home, Eliott is very quiet. 

  
  


“Ange likes you,” Lucas says. “That’s a good sign, she’s very perceptive.” 

  
  


Eliott stays silent for almost a minute before he says, “Your niece is a lovely young woman, with a lively spirit. I enjoyed teaching her. She said something, though.”

  
  


“What?” 

  
  


“She told me a lot of her friends are talking about me. I asked her, and she said...some said I am dangerous, and that I should be locked up, but she doesn’t think so.”

  
  


Oh, Ange. 

  
  


“I’m sorry, that’s not…”

  
  


“What if I am, Lucas? What if...I have all those memories. I remember getting every single one of my scars. I remember training my own horse, and the feeling of him kicking me when he was still a gelding, I remember the smell of mead in my uncle’s hall, the scent of the violets that the village maidens threaded through their hair in spring. I remember the hunger of that winter where half the castle starved to death after a bad harvest. I remember...so many things, but that world, the world I come from, it’s so different from this one, and the more time I spend away from it, the more it seems impossible. Here everything is so loud, so clean, so bright. How can two places so different from each other exist at once ? Maybe it is me who isn’t...seeing things clearly.”

Lucas’s stomach is all twisted in knots. He doesn’t know what to say to Eliott ; he truly doesn’t. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t think you are dangerous, though. Whoever you are. I like...I like having you around.” 

  
  


“I like being around you, too,” Eliott says softly, but his voice is sad, as if he is letting go of something. 

  
  
  
  
.

.

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_ December 10th  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


This is the day before Eliott’s appointment with the social assistant, and he is nervous, Lucas can tell. To be honest, so is he. 

  
  


He’s done a lot of research. If they can’t find Eliott’s real identity, they will have to go to the judge so they can create a new one for him. The process is likely to be long and complicated, and in the meantime, Eliott is just going to be...in limbo, unable to work or be self-sufficient. They might think, too, that he needs closer psychological observation, and lock him up somewhere. 

He’s torn between telling Eliott to lie about who he thinks he is, and go along with the amnesia diagnosis ; and letting him tell his story so he might get the proper help he needs. 

  
  


As he gets out of work, late because of a science experiment he had to set up for the next day, it is snowing again, in thick whirls that are sure to accumulate quickly. 

  
  


He gets home, and the house is empty. 

  
  
  


A feeling of awful foreboding rushes over him. He gets his phone out, and tries to call Eliott, but he doesn’t pick up. 

  
  


Fuck. Where could he have gone ? 

  
  


Is he that scared that he would run away ?

  
  


The night is falling fast ; it isn’t safe for Eliott to be outside in this weather. 

  
  
  


He looks into the back yard, but there are no tracks ; he searches the house and finds that Eliott's knightly get up is gone. 

  
  


Fuck.

  
  


His first reflex is to call his sister, and he tries to control the panic in his voice, but she hears right through him.

"Breathe, Lucas. Listen to me, I am going to call the others, and we are going to get our cars and drive around the city until we find him. In this weather, he couldn't have gone far. Now, what is the most likely place he could have gone to ?"

Lucas thinks, and it hits him.

"The central square. Where we met.

"Okay, then you start there."

  
  


"Somebody should check the supermarket too. And, uh, the roads that lead out of town to the forest, he's walked that way before." 

"Alright, Lucas. Let's go get him back."

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


Lucas drives fast, faster than is safe. He can't stop thinking about Eliott, beautiful cheery optimistic Eliott with something so sad behind the eyes, and the reasons why he might want to run away from him.

  
  


The square is mostly deserted, at this time and with this weather, the Christmas market closed with all the stalls shuttered, only a few stragglers rushing home before the snowstorm gets worse.

  
  


The massive Christmas tree sprawls, its measly string of flickering golden lights dwarfed by the sheer dark mass of the thing. Lucas parks his car haphazardly, not caring about any regulations, and rushes out, slipping on the frozen pavement and hitting the ground with his knees.

He swears, and clambers back up, the icy wind throwing snow in his face. He almost can't see beyond a few meters away from him. His clothes are way too thin for this weather, and he is freezing and shivering, but he pushes on regardless.

  
  


Halfway through, he sees a silhouette standing in front of the tree, and his heart leaps.

"Eliott!" He shouts, but he gets no answer.

  
  


Finally, he reaches the tree, and the silhouette, and for a moment he thinks he's wrong, that it isn't Eliott, but his arm hits cold metal. 

  
  


Eliott turns around, and pulls Lucas in, and suddenly they are standing between and below the branches of the tree, protected from the worst of the storm, even if pine needles are pressing in on them from all sides.

"What are you doing here?"

Lucas feels an incredible burst of annoyance. "What the fuck do you mean? What are  _ you _ doing here? Why didn't you answer my calls or leave a note ? I've been so worried, fuck…"

Eliott's eyes are full of sorrow, but gentle, as they settle on his face.

"I am sorry, Lucas. I have been considering the possibility that our attachment might be bad for you." 

Indignation leaps into his chest. "That's not your fucking call to make!" 

"And you do not believe me," Eliott continues calmly. "I do not blame you for it. But that means there will always be a gap between us. I came here...to see if I could travel back."

  
  


Lucas's heart misses a step.

  
  


"What? Why?" 

  
  


"I do not fit in this world, Lucas. It is so strange and hard to understand. I keep thinking that maybe this was all a mistake, or that the enchantress was an ally of the dragon and tricked me into coming here." 

"But…" Lucas starts, not knowing how to finish his sentence.

"I have gone through my life with assurance because I had no choice, it was either fly or sink. But this is not the first time I have been called a lunatic. And now I see how little I truly understand. I do not think this world is the answer."

  
  


Eliott takes one of his leather gloves out, then.

  
  


His cold fingers reach out, and land on Lucas's face, and because Lucas's skin is even colder, it almost feels warm. 

Lucas wants to lean into it, but he feels frozen.

  
  


"And you, you have been a blessing." Eliott says, exploring Lucas's face with his fingers, rubbing his cheek with his thumb, cradling his jaw. Lucas's heart is thundering a mile a minute ; still, he doesn't move. He barely even dares to breathe, for fear of interrupting the moment. He can't remember the last time someone touched him like this, so carefully, as if he was precious.  


"But I understand you even less than everything else," Eliott finishes, and there is so much yearning and sadness in that voice that Lucas breaks through his state of paralysis, turning his head to lean into the fleeting caress before Eliott pulls his hand away.

  
  


They stand there for what feels like an age, and then Eliott grips the handle of his sword.

"Maybe my quest should start with a journey," he says.

  
  


Suddenly, Lucas wants to cry.

  
  


"No," he says. "Don't…"  _ Don't leave me. Don't turn my life upside down and then just leave. Don't leave when maybe the thing you don't understand is… _

"At least wait until the weather is clear," Lucas says. He's always been bad at getting people not to leave, so what is even the point?

"You have been a good companion, Lucas Lallemant. But the truth is, I've always fared better alone. Deep down, maybe this is how I am supposed to be."

The revulsion at that idea breaks through the numbness. 

"No," he says. "I know how confusing this must be. I am confused, too. But that's not...nobody is  _ meant _ to be alone."

  
  


He puts his hand over Eliott's, feeling the metal of the sword colder than ice between his fingers.

  
  


"And you are not alone." Lucas says, conviction running through his voice. "Not anymore."

Eliott's eyes catch onto his, and he can't understand what they are saying, apart that it is so much…

  
  
  


And then something extraordinary happens. 

  
  


He feels it before he sees it ; the sword's pommel starts to warm between their fingers. 

"What the…"

Then there is a strange blue glow that starts to emanate from it, and Lucas draws his hand back, and Eliott pulls his sword out, holding it between them.

  
  


The blade is...glowing from the inside out. There is no other way to describe it. The metal is shimmering, with a clear, vibrant blue light. Irresistibly drawn to it, Lucas touches it with the tip of his fingers, tentatively.

  
  


It's warm, and he can feel something like a soft electrical current run along like the metal, like skin when it's being caressed.

  
  


"Holy fuck," Lucas says, and he meets Eliott's eyes again, full of awe. 

"Before she sent me here, the enchantress told me it is not the sword that makes the knight," Eliott says softly, "but what guides it."

Lucas keeps running his fingers along the sword, feeling it shiver under his touch. He doesn't have a clue how, but he can feel it in his whole being, vibrating in harmony - a soft, warm radiance, something that puts him in mind of endless blue skies and laughter and contentment and home. But he can feel, too, that below there is still mordant, bitter, unyielding ice, and that whatever this power is, it is still unfinished, still not fully realized. 

They stay like this, contemplating this strange new magic, for what feels like forever.

"I know what my quest is," Eliott finally whispers, full of tentative wonder at the realization. "I must grow this...power, whatever it is, within myself, and my sword will strike true." 

He slides it back into its sheath, and Lucas feels a sense of loss, but he can still sense it, thrumming, attached to Eliott's belt.

  
  


"What...that light, that... power, what do you think it is?"

  
  


"People," Eliott says, echoing his answer at the party. "People's consideration, people's goodwill, people's support. I've always…" he frowns. "It's the thing I've always wanted. And for some reason the enchantress thought I would find it here. That I still do not understand, but I am willing to try." He smiles. 

"I…" Lucas feels like his entire world has been turned upside down - for good, this time, in a way he cannot deny or explain away. "I believe you," he finally says.

Eliott's smile, then, is enough to power the sun, right through the storm.

  
  


"Thank you for being my first, Lucas." He brushes a strand of Lucas's hair away from his face. "Is it okay if I stay with you a little longer?"

"Yeah," Lucas says, voice rough, feeling completely blown away. "You can stay as long as you'd like."

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhhhhh so ! what did you think of this chapter ! what do you think is going to happen now that Lucas believes Eliott ?   
> comments are my favorite sort of christmas present etc etc ^^ see you soon for the next one !


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Lucas believes Eliott's a real knight, they're about to get a whole lot closer...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so I hope you're still interested in reading a Christmas thing now that the time has past ^^ but this story needs an ending, right ? And I grew really attached to them in this short time. 
> 
> This chapter is...a lot more fluff, obviously, pining and all that wintery goodness. With a big dose of Gay Confusion for the spice.
> 
> content warning : outdated conceptions of gender roles, discussion of possible medieval homophobia
> 
> happy new year everyone <3 let's hope this one is better

_ December 10th _

  
  
  
  


Yes, Eliott Demaury knows little, and even less of this strange new world. But one thing he knows for certain.

  
  
  


Lucas Lallemant must be the eighth wonder of the world.

  
  
  


From the very moment they met, he knew that their paths were to be entwined. And since then, he has only gotten more convinced that their souls were calling to each other, in some deep and profound way he didn't entirely understand but had been yearning for his entire life. 

  
  


That part isn't too strange to him ; after all, bonds between warriors, comrades in arms, men of quality, have been celebrated throughout history, be it Achilles and Patroclus, Alexander and Hephaestus, Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table, or closer to him, his uncle and his man at arms, who always hunted, fought and celebrated together. The idea that he might have found such a companion fills him with joy. Lucas isn't, technically, a knight, but he is fierce and compassionate, and Eliott can see him becoming one, or at least something approximate that would work in this world.

  
  


So that isn't the part that troubles him, but something definitely does.

  
  


There is something about Lucas that...stirs an emotion in him he doesn't understand. It is more than respect, admiration, or a wish for brotherhood. It is a fragile feeling, as frail as a baby bird that has not found its wings yet. It is an instinct to cherish and protect, laced with the possibility of devotion, and yet it is more than that. He feels the urge to spend all his time with Lucas, to get closer to him, to talk to him, even to touch him to make sure he is real and not a figment of his imagination. This embarrasses him, and it might very well be a sign of his loneliness and desperation for friendship he feels is quite unseemly.

  
  


Lucas's beauty plays a part in this confusion. With his long lashed blue eyes, soft pink lips and delicate features, there is something about him that resembles a woman ; and yet, with his strong jaw and even stronger will, he is undeniably masculine. Eliott can smell it on him, too, sometimes, the scent of sweat and male exertion, even though Lucas is prone to hiding his natural body odors like most people here. 

  
  


This does not seem too strange in this world, where the boundaries between the sexes seem to be blurred. Women are brash, outspoken, wear pants and work outside the household, even women of means and status ; meanwhile men are unafraid to be kind or gentle, there is little boasting or searching for glory, and some work to take care of children or even keep their wife's house, like Basile does. At first, he found it disorienting, but the more time he spends here, the more he decides it is one of his favorite aspects of this world. He was never a paragon of virility himself, anyway. This is….freeing.

  
  


But when it comes to Lucas, this blurring is troubling. In the quiet times, he blushes so prettily, like a maiden, and Eliott wants to get closer, but the next instant there is fire in his gaze, and Eliott wishes to be consumed. Sometimes Eliott finds himself wondering if his thoughts towards Lucas are not strangely similar to the ones he used to have for his lady, and that would be impossible. 

  
  


He thinks about it a lot, all the time, especially when he is with Lucas. The man is an excellent host but it goes beyond that ; he gives Eliott the sort of tender care and attention he cannot remember receiving in recent memory. It seems too much for a stranger met a week ago. What would motivate him so ? He looks troubled, as well, when they share a glance, as if by a similar stirring. It scares him, and he doesn't understand why.

  
  


Eventually he realises that Lucas reminds him of an angel he saw in a rare manuscript and this illuminates everything - the same air of purity and holiness, strong in its serenity, ready to strike believers with the arrow of revelation and guide them to an elevated life. The draw they feel towards each other has to be of a spiritual sort. After all, who better than God to create such clear and instantaneous purpose, to link souls with such immediacy, to inspire a passion that rouses body, heart and mind equally? 

  
  


And if God mandates it, who is he to resist it ? 

  
  


This and more he realizes in the evening after Lucas finds him at the Christmas tree and his blade lights up. Because truly, this miracle only happened after Lucas touched the sword. It feels like a direct sign of the universe that they are meant to work together. 

  
  


The energy that lit the sword up felt like him. Blue like his eyes, strong, true, kind.

So surely this is his quest ; could there be any other ? He must find worthy companions to bless his endeavor, and it is this love and goodwill that will power him against the wretched dragon. A pure feeling against treachery and deception: it feels fitting. 

He can feel that Lucas's energy is not entirely enough, that his sword craves more, and yet it is the beginning of everything. It has unlocked something in him, a strength of purpose and confidence that had faltered before. How foolish he was, to cede to doubt and fear, to be ready to wander off into the cold, to give up the best thing that happened to him in ages.

  
  
  


_ You are not alone _ . 

  
  
  


These words will be his gospel from now on, and he will practice the teaching of his lovely angel.

  
  


He wants to tell Lucas this as they drive back, but he is obviously focused on the treacherous road, and shivering too. He went into the snowstorm without prior clothing, and Eliott feels awfully guilty. Lucas called all his friends to call off the search too - so many people disturbed because of his dark mood.

"I am sorry," he says when they pass the threshold of the house. "I bring you so much worry, I -" 

"Shh." Lucas says, and presses a finger against his lips, sending a shiver coursing through Eliott's whole body. His face is flushed, his eyes feverish. Eliott immediately falls silent. "You never were an amnesiac, were you? You are an actual knight. From the actual Middle Ages."

  
  


Eliott nods. 

  
  


"Holy fuck." Lucas says. "Holy fuck." His fingers leave Eliott's mouth, although he did not mind them there. "You...you really are the real deal, aren't you?" His voice is laced with shock and awe. It seems he has finally broken through to the man of science, and his heart fills with joy.

  
  


"I am. Or I strive to be." 

  
  


"God, I have so many questions."

  
  


"I will answer them all. But please, first, let me get you warm again."

  
  


Lucas nods. He seems quite besides himself, and lets Eliott take off his coat, bring him to a chair in front of the fireplace, and wrap him in a comforter. Then he gets a fire going, and rushes to the kitchen to get some water boiling in that strange little automatic contraption. He prepares some tea with ginger, lemon and honey, and brings it to Lucas, whose shivering has thankfully stopped.

"It's not that bad," he says. 

"Allow me to fuss over you this time," Eliott says, "I know what it's like to learn some disorienting things." He finds Lucas's shoes are wet and kneels to take them off, as well as his socks, and wraps his feet in another blanket as he goes to find Lucas's slippers. Then he puts them on, too. 

  
  


"Are you warmer now ?" 

  
  


"Yes, I"m good." Lucas says, and that blush of his has made an appearance again, petal pink and high on his cheekbones. He truly does have the face of an angel, Eliott thinks. "Take your armor off and come sit with me."

Eliott cannot refuse such a heartfelt entreaty, so he goes to his room and changes. He generally regrets the rigid shell of his armor when he does ; these modern clothes always leave him feeling too vulnerable. But this time he is more than glad to let go of cold metal and sodden leather, and to go join Lucas by the fire wrapped in soft clothes that hug his body.

He grabs a cushion and sits on the floor, close to the fire at Lucas's feet.

"Don't you want a chair ?" Lucas asks. 

"No," Eliott says. "I like this. I used to spend hours sitting by the castle hearth as a child. It reminded me of home. No matter where it burns, a fire is always home."

"It is, isn't it." Lucas agrees, and for a while they contemplate the flames in silence. 

Then he slips down to the ground in turn, until he sits shoulder to shoulder with Eliott. 

  
  


"You have to tell me." Lucas says.

  
  


"What?"

  
  


"About your life, about…everything. What...how did you become a knight ? What were your days like ? Your castle ? Why do you want to slay a dragon ? And you said you had a horse right ?" 

His eyes are burning with excitement, the kind that makes Eliott giddy and slightly flushed to be the object of so much sudden interest.

"Eh...well." That's a lot of questions...where to even start ? Well, at the beginning, probably. "I left my family at seven to go be a squire in my uncle's castle. My father...he was bastard born, sharing a father with my uncle, the lord of the castle, but his mother was a kitchen maid. My father left the village to avoid the infamy he grew up in, and married a farmer's daughter in a remote settlement, two weeks away in the wild hills. I do not have many memories of that place, except that the forest around was enchanted, and the wind would howl like a beast in the valley." He pauses. "There was a river nearby, too, and a spring I used to fetch water from. I wonder if it's still around."

  
  


"We could go look," Lucas says. 

  
  


He nods. Yes, they could, couldn't they ? Somehow it has not entirely dawned on him yet, that this is not just a foreign land but one superposed on his own. The future.

  
  


"I don't have many memories of my parents either. My father was gruff and did not say much but he was kind. My mother had a beautiful singing voice." Something tightens in his heart. "I don't remember much else. They died two years after I left, of a bad fever that also took my two younger siblings."

  
  


"I'm sorry for your loss." Lucas says, his voice soft."

Eliott shrugs. "It was a long time ago. When I learned the news...I threw myself into my pursuit of knighthood. It became my reason for living. I...did not have a great standing in the castle, because of my father's origin. For a long time, I felt like I could never do anything right. My cousin especially was harsh with me, and so were his friends." He pauses. "I used to tell myself that he was doing it to help me be better." But in hindsight, it was easy to dismiss the notion.

"Let me guess, he felt threatened by you."

  
  


Eliott frowns. That's absurd. "I cannot see how. I was never that great of a knight, I am decent in combat but I was never half the warrior he was. He always bested me during our jousts. And I wasn't...good at the politics. I blundered during dinners with visiting dignitaries. I always made friends with the wrong people."

"What do you mean, the wrong people?"

"Well, you know. People like, the itinerant bard, the cook, the scullery maid, the gardener, or peasants, or the women of the castle, or the bookkeeper...about everyone except other knights, to be honest. My cousin used to say I was too friendly with the commoners, that I must be one. I think he told the other knights not to associate with me, sometimes."

"That actually sounds very threatening for your cousin. That is a lot of people to be friends with, the people who run your castle on the daily too. And you might not be the best fighter - but I bet they liked you, all those people. You are very likeable, and you are kind. I bet a lot of them would rather have had you as their lord. That cousin of yours sounds like a piece of shit. And well, you did have noble blood, didn't you? Even if through a bastard."

  
  


That's …he looks down and shivers. Even thinking this way feels dangerous. 

"Ever since I got to the castle, I thought I would one day pledge allegiance to my cousin. I looked up to him. I wanted nothing more than to gain his approval. But he just…"

An emotion bigger than words gets stuck in his throat. He looks into the flames. Suddenly the events that happened before he came here present themselves back to him full force. Coming to the future put all that in the background - it was a blessed distraction, in a way. Because thinking back on the guilt, the shame, the hurt - 

"He just made a fool out of me so many times. And he didn't need to. I never wanted to compete with him, I just...and I kept thinking I was doing something wrong."

"I don't think you were," Lucas says softly. "Some people just need to belittle others to feel strong. That means that deep inside, they are weak."

He feels something heavy fall on his shoulders then and realizes that Lucas has wrapped his blanket over Eliott's shoulders as well, so that they are now both sitting under it. It is such a small gesture and yet the comfort that comes from it is infinite.

He wants to share everything with Lucas. Things he's never shared with another living soul ; things he has been ashamed of and always kept for himself ; his most intimate hopes and fears.

So he does. He tells Lucas about the dragon, about his strange moods, about how he felt like such a failure he was ready to walk into the dragon's lair to an almost certain death, or accept an enchantress' dubious invitation. About how lonely he has felt all his life, and how being here feels so strange - like he is linked to his old self by the most tenuous of threads, all those difficult memories, and yet if he doesn't hold on to them, he will be lost.

Lucas listens and doesn't judge him. As he speaks, he feels held, supported. Eventually Lucas says,

"You've had one hell of a journey, haven't you?" 

Eliott wants to answer that it was less of a journey and more of a series of blunders, but he actually likes this way of seeing it. 

"Yes. Indeed."

"I'm sorry you had to go through all that hard stuff. But I'm glad it brought you here, ultimately." 

"I'm glad too," Eliott says, and he really means it. All these difficult moments he is now able to come to terms with precisely because he now feels safe and happy, no matter how confusing this all is.

  
  


Lucas then leans his head on Eliott's shoulder, and something warm and heady starts thumping in his chest.

  
  
  


Yes, in the end, the confusion is worth it.

  
  
  
  

    
    
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_ December 11th _

  
  
  
  


It truly is a miracle, Lucas thinks, how a world so rough created such a sweetheart.

  
  
  


Now that he has a new understanding of Eliott's situation, it changes the way Lucas sees him.

If he isn't an amnesiac, then this is the real him - there is no overinvested nerd or boring insurance manager hidden underneath. And...actually Lucas loves that. He loves that he doesn't have to...treat Eliott like he's delusional anymore, worry about not encouraging him, about what will happen when he recovers his memory. That he can engage fully and honestly with this weird and wonderful person that has entered his life so suddenly but that he can't imagine his life without anymore. 

  
  


It's still completely insane, of course. He can't focus on the implications too much because it might drive him nuts. If time travels and dragons and enchantresses are real then what's next ? Fairies ? Vampires ? Aliens ? Or is there an actual scientific explanation? Are these things still around anyway or did they die out after the Middle Ages? And how come they don't know? 

So, it's easier to focus on Eliott. He isn't an amnesiac but he still has some issues - understandably. 

They're going with the amnesia story so far, which is the easiest way for Eliott to reintegrate into society. After their long fireside chat yesterday, they talked strategy a little. This morning, they go to the social assistant, in the town hall building.

  
  


It goes as well as it could have. Eliott remains vague about his connection to the Middle Ages and emphasizes blank spaces in his memory. They talk about seeing a doctor and then a therapist, about applying to  _ Pole Emploi _ to find a job. Eliott explains that he does have skills, such as horse riding, archery, baking, pottery, and swordsmanship - which the woman they are talking to is clearly puzzled by, so Lucas tries to get them to move on.

They can't do much, anyway, until Eliott is given a new identity. For that, they will have to go through a series of tests and investigations first - it will be a lengthy process, only to start in February and likely to take months at the very best. In the meantime, she says there is an empty room at the local hospice where he could sleep and eat in exchange for helping with the cleaning. 

Eliott looks at Lucas and says they will consider it.

They get out and Eliott is bewildered. "This world is very generous in some ways, but also very strange. Why do they have to take so long to give me an identity I already have?" 

"Honestly, I don't know." Lucas replies. "That's just what the rules are like nowadays." 

"Hm." Eliott says. "In my time, if I arrived in a new place without any resources, I could have gone around to seek hospitality and work with the farmers of the area and be set for the season already." 

"Well. There might be a few ways to get you some work, let's say...off the books. We could ask around. But...you don't have to, you know. I am not rich, but my mother left me a house so I don't have to pay rent, and my salary is big enough to feed us both."

They get into the car and Lucas starts the motor. 

"I like living with you," Eliott says. "But I don't like the idea of contributing nothing."

"You're not contributing nothing. You're cooking and cleaning, right ? And those trees in the backyard have needed a trim since forever. Plus, honestly, my life was so boring before you got here. It's just really nice not to come back from work to an empty space."

  
  


"I'm glad I can at least provide entertainment," Eliott says with a dry tone and a smile. 

  
  


"It's not just entertainment," Lucas says. "It's warmth."

  
  


"Ah. Like the fire." Eliott says.

  
  


_ The fire is always home, no matter where it is. _ That's what Eliott said yesterday.

And yes. Eliott makes his house feel like a home again. Damn. This is getting too domestic. 

"So, uh," Lucas says quickly, "we'll ask around if people have chores they need doing in exchange for a little money, like, I don't know, trimming hedges or walking dogs or shoveling snow. And you can stay until February and then however long it takes to get you an identity and you can apply to a job and all that. If you want to. You don't have to, of course. You can always go to the hospice if you want to. I'm sure there's some nice people there." 

"I'm sure there are," Eliott says with a smile, "but not as nice as you."

  
  


Well. 

  
  


That settles the matter, then.

  
  


"How about we put up the Christmas Tree this afternoon?" 

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


Lucas gets his old plastic tree from the attic, in several pieces. It's definitely seen better days - it has started to go slightly yellow in places - but it will do, in a pinch.

  
  


"What's that?" Eliott asks when he sees it.

  
  


"Um, my Christmas tree." Lucas says as he starts putting it together, stacking the central plastic tube together. "I know, it's kind of shitty, but the real ones shed so much needles."

"That is  _ not _ a Christmas tree," Eliott says, a little petulantly. "Your sister has a real one, hasn't she? It looks so lovely. I think it is a brilliant tradition." 

Oh god. Lucas sends him a look of disbelief. 

"We would have to drive to the other side of the town, to the tree farm, all the other tree sellers are way overpriced and sell limp trees."

"Well, we don't have anything else planned today, do we?" 

Lucas sighs deeply. This would be Eliott's first Christmas tree. Doing it properly would be nice.

"I promise I will clean up the needles," Eliott says, with such a charming smile Lucas knows he must be doing it on purpose.

"Alright. But you're carrying it." 

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


"So this little forest is cultivated expressly for the purpose of being cut down at Christmas? What is the relevance of this to the birth of Jesus?"

"Um. I don't know." Lucas says. "I think it has to do with…I don't know. This is not really my area of expertise. It's a tradition, I guess. It's supposed to be...fun. Christmas magic and all that." 

As they walk through the tree farm, Lucas sees a lot of people he knows - it's a busy time to pick a tree, apparently - waves at a few, but doesn't stop for any. He's still a bit at a loss of how to explain Eliott to them.

"They're parents of my pupils," he explains. 

Eliott takes it all in, eyes full of wonder. "A tree sacrifice. Almost a pagan custom."

  
  


Lucas's alarm sets in a little. He keeps wondering exactly how deep Eliott's religious convictions go, and how they would orient his...other opinions.

  
  


"Is that a bad thing ?" 

  
  


"Well, the village priest might have thought so. But this seems pretty harmless to me." He grins. "Also, the one at Manon's house looked wonderful. I don't think she is the type to invoke infernal demons, is she?"

Lucas laughs. "You should see her when she's really mad. She wouldn't even need to invoke demons to be terrifying," he explains, his voice full of affection.

"You sound proud."

"Oh man, you don't even know. I had a difficult time in school when I was a kid. Some other kids, they disliked me because I was...different, and they were bullying me. When she learned about it she went after one of them and made him cry in front of everyone just with her words. They never bothered me again." 

Some guys had given him shit for getting saved by a girl, but nobody had tried anything too severe after. Nobody wanted to get on the bad side of Manon Demissy, the prettiest, most popular girl in the whole school. And when she left, two years before Lucas, he'd gotten tough enough to defend himself.

Things had gotten so much better, more than a decade later. It's still dizzying to think about. Even if things are far from perfect - this is still deep country. Some prejudices are deeply entrenched. 

But Eliott ...Eliott's lost in time. And so his opinions are a lot harder to figure out.

"I am glad you had her," Eliott says. "Things would have been a lot different for me, I think, if I had a sibling to defend me." 

Lucas wants to hug him then. If they'd been alone, he might very well have.

Instead he says, "Well, anyway, if anyone in my family were to summon demons it would probably be me, but like, by accident."

Eliott's face becomes joyful again. "Well, you summoned me, didn't you."

Lucas has a little theatrical gasp. "Are you telling me you are secretly a demon? Are you hiding a tail under there ?" 

"I don't know, do you want to check?" 

  
  
  


Lucas' mouth falls open.

  
  


Ok, that  _ is _ flirting. 

  
  


Eliott has a little nervous laugh. "Oh look, that tree over there, doesn't it look amazing?" 

Is he changing subjects because he's embarrassed? Because he knows that what he said could be potentially embarrassing? What is happening?

"Um, that's a little tall. We would have to cut the top to make it fit." 

"Oh no, then this one." Eliott rushes to it. It's a head taller than him, and really full and bushy. 

"That one is great." Lucas says, "but it's still gonna be pretty heavy, so we should get a smaller one, probably."

"Nonsense," Eliott says. "It will be a breeze. Allow me?" 

Slightly curious, Lucas gives him the axe they got at the entrance. 

Eliott looks down at the bottom of the trunk, swings the axe, and cuts it clean through in one smooth strike.

  
  


Okay. Okay. That. That was hot. No denying it.

  
  


"Excuse me, sir ?" 

Behind them, two women with a baby are gathered around a smaller tree, but they seem to have trouble getting it out. 

"Would you mind helping us? You seem like a natural!"

Lucas knows them. Stephanie and Melissa. He's met them at Mika's bar, and the rare LGBT events that take place in their little town - in the area, most queer people know each other. They're a couple, and Lucas feels a wave of trepidation at the idea of Eliott noticing that.

"Of course, ladies. It would be an honor." They giggle as Eliott bows and then repeats his feat, cleaving their tree away from its base and then lifting it up on his shoulder. Then he turns to their own tree and picks it up with his other arm. "Allow me to help you to your car." 

Oh, god. Wow. Yeah. Okay. 

Stephanie shows Eliott the way, but Melissa, pushing the pram, comes to Lucas as they follow.

"Oh my god, hey, Lucas! Long time no see! How did you get yourself such a dreamboat? Congratulations!" 

"Shh! We're not...he doesn't know…" 

Melissa gives him the side eye. "Oh come on, man. He's cutting a tree for you ? You're getting a tree together? That's not super platonic, honestly." 

Lucas turns red. "It's...complicated." 

"Well, uncomplicate it, then. Guy like that, he won't stay single for long." 

  
  


"Yes he will."

  
  


"Why, is he asexual?" 

  
  


Lucas frowns. "I don't know." Maybe that's why Eliott never slept with anyone. "Asexual people can have relationships, though." Fuck, this is another layer of complication.

Melissa sighs. "Don't be one of  _ those _ hopeless gays, Lucas. I know pining is aesthetic and love is scary, but actually having someone? Beats it all out of the water. Worth the risk of trying." She looks at Stephanie, who is helping Eliott not to hit others with the tree. 

  
  


Ugh. She's so annoying. What the hell does she know about their situation?

  
  


But then Eliott turns his head and beams at him, and his heart misses a beat.

  
  


"Asexual my ass," Melissa says. "He's showing off for you. He's practically screaming at you," she takes on a simpering voice, "oh Lucas, have you seen my big muscles? I could carry you just like this tree." She laughs. 

  
  


Lucas glares at her. But he doesn't have a smart response. The situation  _ is _ ...easy to read into. 

"I don't want him to  _ carry _ me."

"That was the polite version."

"How thoughtful of you."

"Well there are children around." 

  
  


He rolls his eyes at her. "You had it easy. Stephanie asked you, if I remember correctly." 

"Honey, that's because I prepared the terrain for her. I sent her so many signs, my interest in her became absolutely crystal. Even if you don't want to make the first move...you can still reel him in."

"He's not a fish." Lucas says grumpily. "Besides, why do you guys even need a man to carry a tree for you? Isn't that against your principles or something?" 

She looks at her pristinely manicured nails.  "Are you using clichés to throw me off?" 

  
  
  


God.  _ So _ annoying. 

  
  


Is she wrong, though? 

  
  
  


As they pay for their tree, Lucas notices the way the girl at the till is batting her eyelashes at Eliott, acting all coy and blushy. He feels a flash of jealousy.

Eliott is going to meet other people. It's inevitable, and Lucas doesn't want to prevent it. But he won't be the only one to have noticed how gorgeous Eliott is. And some might have a lot less qualms in doing anything about it. 

  
  


Melissa's words follow him on the way home, after they've tied the tree to the roof. 

  
  


Eliott not being an amnesiac changes things. Yes, he is in a precarious position. But the idea of...a potential thing between them has become a lot less morally problematic. Eliott might not be as out of bounds as he thought. As long as Lucas makes it clear that his support is not dependent on...anything else.

The thing is...They have this connection, yes, but Eliott comes from an entirely different world. Lucas cannot know that he interprets their little moments of complicity in any way like Lucas sometimes does. 

  
  


Okay, but even so…

  
  


He  _ likes _ Eliott. He can't lie to himself anymore. Not only is he the most attractive person Lucas had ever met, he's just so...cute in a way that disarms all of Lucas's walls. From what he has told Lucas from his past, he seems to also be very brave, and an incredibly decent, principled person. He has a heavy heart, but he wears it with a sort of battle-worn optimism and grace that is truly compelling to watch. He's curious, and endearing, and charming, and sensitive, and very well mannered, and thoughtful, and funny, and…

  
  
  


Yeah, he  _ "likes" _ Eliott.

  
  
  


Fuck. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


….

  
  
  
  


They give the tree a fitting spot in the living room, and then it's time to decorate.

  
  


"So, how does this work?" 

  
  


"Well, I'm going to get the fairy lights in first. Then the pearl strings and tinsel, and then the ornaments." 

Eliott waits patiently as he wraps the lights around the tree, but Lucas can see him chomping at the bit to get started.

After that, they start wrapping tinsel and strings of colorful plastic pearls around. A lot of people prefer to color coordinate their trees, but his mom has always done her tree in all the colors of the rainbow.

  
  


And those are her ornaments. He didn't have the heart to throw them out after she died.

  
  


He can't help but get a little emotional when opening the ornament box.

  
  


"Are you alright?" Eliott asks. 

  
  


"Yeah, yeah, I just…" He sighs. Eliott has been so open with him already. Maybe it's time for a little reciprocity. "These decorations belonged to my mom. She picked them because every single one of them needed to be special, and each year, she would ask her guests to bring one on Christmas." He picks one up, very delicately. It's one of the oldest, a tiny ballerina made of wood and painted white and gold. He places it on one of the highest branches. He gives a ball to Eliott, made of papier mache and painted with holly leaves, made by Manon when she was a kid. 

  
  


"Thank you," he says reverently, and places it in the tree very carefully. "Your mother, is she…"

  
  


"Yeah, she passed away three years ago. I...she became very ill, and I moved back here to take care of her, but she...didn't make it." 

"I'm sorry," Eliott says, his voice full of emotion. Lucas knows he means it. He knows what it's like, after all.

  
  


He picks up two ornaments in the shape of rainbows peeking out of clouds. That had been the year after Lucas had formally come out.

"And your father, is he…"

"My father left us when I was a kid. One day he was just gone, without a warning for weeks, and after that, he barely called once a year to have news." he says, a lot more bitterly. "He remarried and had another kid. I haven't seen him in years. He was an asshole." 

"I'm sorry. That is absolutely dishonorable." 

Lucas laughs sadly. "Yeah, that's a good way to put it." He puts the box between them, so they can both take ornaments. He picks up a donut shaped one, which had been a contribution from Emma, that year where she celebrated with them because all her family was away. "He actually left us not long before Christmas. My mother got very sad, but then she decided that she would not let him rule one more moment of our lives, and that from then on Christmas would always been the most magical time of the year. And she kept her word. Even when times were tough, she would make it extraordinary." He smiles at the memories. "One year we staged our own Nativity play in this room with some friends and neighbors. Another year, she covered the entire room in tinsel and we pretended to have landed on a foreign planet. It was amazing."

"She sounds like a remarkable woman."

"She was. She was so generous and she knew how to...make everyone feel welcome and at home. She would make any moment into a party. I just...god." He feels so heavy, suddenly. "Since she's been gone, I just...my life has felt so empty, especially living here. Especially during this time of year... I don't feel like I can ever recreate the sort of joy and warmth that she gave off. But the idea of selling the house is even worse. So I just…" He swallows. "I keep thinking that if I had lived closer, I could have spent more time with her, that I could have picked up on her illness sooner, and…" He takes a deep breath. All the old pain and grief surges again, always under the surface.

  
  


Next to him, Eliott hangs a pair of lovebirds in the tree and then gently takes Lucas's hand. 

  
  


"My dear friend," he says. "You strike me as a person that does not shy away from taking on many burdens. That is praiseworthy. But from what I have seen, life is full of senseless tragedies and loss. We struggle to ascribe them meaning but...placing this guilt for them in your heart can be like drinking poison. Even if it feels like it helps you thwart the ill winds of fate."

  
  


That's...oof. Kind of grim. And maybe too much brutal honesty if it had come from anybody else. But there is no judgment from Eliott's words, no _ get over it already.  _ Only clarity. He knows what he's talking about ; he's had to survive incredible grief. And Lucas finds he likes it. After his mother died, everyone was walking on their toes around him, but it only made him feel even more isolated. Even Manon, who had just as many reasons to be devastated. But his grief had just...swallowed him. 

  
  


Lucas looks at where Eliott's hands are grasping his, and one of his fingers making a gentle circular motion. 

Some comforting gestures really have traversed all of time and space, huh.

"Yeah." He says, his voice a little rough. "Feeing guilty is better than feeling powerless, sometimes." 

  
  


He hangs the next ornament in the tree. It's a little angel made of felt. He takes a deep breath and feels something come loose.

  
  


"But I know my mom wouldn't have wanted me to shut myself off from the world." 

  
  


"It's normal to need time," Eliott says softly.

  
  


"I've had time to grieve, I think." Lucas says. He smiles softly. "Maybe it's time for some Christmas magic again."

  
  


He grabs a falling star made of shimmering glass and gives it to Eliott. "Here, this one goes on top." 

  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  


That evening, Eliott cooks again, as he's been doing for the last few days with equally disastrous results. Lucas isn't feeling very optimistic, but hey, he might learn at some point, or accidentally make something decent. And Lucas asks him to lower the salt and sugar, pretexting to be watching his diet. That should be a win already.

He grades his assignments while Eliott chops vegetables. It's so fucking domestic. And lovely. He feels like he's been waiting for this his whole life. He still can't believe how easy it is for them to just...exist together. When he was with James, there was always this pressure, to be funny, sexy, interesting all the time, to attract James' attention so that he wouldn't get bored of him. All these little ways he had to ignore Lucas, to put him down, to be a little careless with his feelings...So that Lucas never got too secure in the relationship, always stayed on his toes, always tried to be better.

Eliott is different. Eliott is comfort, and it's everything but boring. It's this wonderful, mellow feeling he wants to sink into and...

_ Fuck, you've known him for ten days, what the fuck are you even talking about ? _

He's always scoffed at movies where people fall in love with just one glance.

And this is not such a situation, anyway. He just doesn't…

  
  
  


The bell rings. He frowns. They're not expecting any guests.

  
  


He goes to open the door. It's Manon, carrying a bottle of wine.

  
  


"So Ange is having a sleepover with a friend, and me and Alexia were supposed to go to the movies, but she isn't feeling well. Mind if I join you two?" 

"No, not at all," Lucas says even if that is...not entirely true. 

  
  


They go to set the table.

  
  


As they do, Lucas realizes with horror that Manon is going to taste Eliott's cooking. 

It all unfolds like a beautiful trainwreck.

  
  


They sit and have some chit-chat about the weather and the way Ange hasn't stopped talking about sword fights and being a warrior princess. 

Then Eliott brings the food. He's prepared meat and vegetables. How bad could it be ?

The answer : extremely. The meat is almost burnt on the outside and still raw inside. Since Lucas told him to go easy on the salt, he compensated with a ton of pepper. And the vegetables are overcooked and sloppy, drenched with...honey sauce.

  
  


Honestly, there has to be something wrong with Eliott's taste buds.

  
  


Eliott smiles at him. "Do you like it ?" 

  
  


Lucas looks at Manon, who is having a similarly unpleasant culinary experience.

"Uh, yeah. It's great," he says, his cheeks heating up, and he throws a warning look in Manon's direction. "As usual."

"I'm sorry, Eliott, but the meat is a bit too raw for m e." Manon says. 

"She's always been a picky eater." Lucas supplies hastily. 

"That's true. I'm not big on pepper either."

"Oh...I'm sorry." Eliott says.

"Don't be. I dropped by unannounced and you were cooking for Lucas."

"Yes." Eliott beams proudly. "I've been doing it all week." 

Manon throws Lucas a very eloquent look. 

"We have some cut meat in the fridge, if you want."

"That would be very nice, thank you." 

As Eliott disappears into the kitchen, Manon immediately whispers, furiously,

"Oh my god, Lucas, that was awful. How long has this been going on?"

"Only a few days," Lucas says, cheeks heating up. 

"Wow. Boy, you are whipped."

"No! I just, cooking makes him happy, alright? He just likes...a different flavor profile." 

Manon breaks into laughter then, a very undignified, snorting laugh that she tries to muffle with his hand. 

"Please eat your vegetables." Lucas says, desperate.

"How the tables have turned," she says. "Fine, but you'll owe me. Four baby sitting evenings to be called in whenever I want."

He's in no position to negotiate. Eliott is coming back. "Fine."

When Eliott comes back, putting some thin slices of roast beef and ham on Manon's plate, Manon smirks deviously and says, "It's wonderful that you are here to cook for Lucas. He's always told me he hated cooking for himself."

"Happy to be of service," Eliott says. 

  
  


Fuck. He's really brought this on himself, hasn't he. 

  
  
  


…

  
  


As the evening ends, Eliott insists on cleaning up as well. Lucas goes to have a rare cigarette with Manon on the porch. 

  
  


"Okay," she says. "Don't lie to me this time."

"Ugh." 

"That's not a word." 

"You suck." 

"Yes, but that's Yann's business, not yours."

"Ewwww, Manon!" 

"So we are talking about you then. Glad we've settled it."

There really is no reasoning with her when she gets like that. 

"Okay! Listen, yeah, I like him a lot. But he is still, you know. Amnesiac." 

He's lying this time. He feels a bit bad about it. But also, he just can't deal with Manon's inquisitiveness right now. Not when his own feelings are such a mess.

"I've been thinking about that. He might be cut off from his past but he is still a fully grown man in full possession of his mental and physical capacities. He's a bit like...a foreigner, right ? Unfamiliar with the culture, with a different perspective and habits, but that doesn't mean they can't make their own choices, or that hitting on them is wrong, does it?" 

Well, she has a point. And he's dated enough exchange students in college to see what she means. 

"Yeah."

"So maybe it's just you who likes torturing himself a little bit too much ?"

  
  
  
  
  

    
    
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                              `````'     

_ December 12th _

  
  
  
  
  
  


They were coming home from grocery shopping when Eliott saw the sledding slope, and immediately wanted to go.

  
  


It's Sunday, and the weather is sunny, so Lucas doesn't see why they shouldn't. They get the big sled, that is shaped like a thin pallet with a curved front and is steered with a string. It has more space on it but is also more unwieldy.

  
  


Once there, Lucas realizes the obvious flaw in his plan. They have one sled. They're going to have to sit on it. Together. Very close.

He looks around. Maybe someone has a share sled. The slope is full of families, groups of friends, couples even, but most of them only have one sled as well. It would be weird to ask since they already have one. 

  
  


Well, maybe they can take turns? 

  
  


Eliott doesn't see it that way, clearly. He looks at the others with an interested air, then puts the sled down, sits at the end, and taps for Lucas to come sit in front. Between his legs.

  
  


"What, don't you know how to steer?" 

  
  


"Um, yes. Sure." Lucas stammers, really hoping that his traitorous tendency to blush can be chalked away to the cold this time. 

"I will do it next time, if you want," Eliott says. 

"It's fine," Lucas says, as he sits down carefully. They're not touching yet but Lucas can very distinctly feel Eliott's presence at his back, warm and looming. 

They've never been so close. It's intoxicating. Suddenly Lucas very much wants to lean back.

  
  


_ Fuck, Lucas, you idiot, focus.  _

  
  
  


He can do this. He does want to show Eliott that he isn't physically incapable.

  
  


Eliott wraps his arms around Lucas's waist, gingerly, and leans in close, leaning his upper body against Lucas's back. He's so much taller that Lucas briefly finds himself tucked into the crook of his neck and there is something so intimate about that that a jolt courses through his body.

"Are you okay?" Eliott says, leaning back. "I'm sorry, did I get too close?" 

"It's fine." Lucas says hastily, although his brain is divided between  _ please come back _ and  _ what the fuck Lucas what are you, a teenager?  _ "Push us off."

"Okay," Eliott says, using his arms to slide them over to where the real slope starts, and they're gone, Eliott grabbing tight onto his waist.

For a moment the exhilaration takes over and he doesn't think about anything else. They're on the part of the field where the slope is steepest and it goes fast, really fast. He just needs to make sure he steers them at a little bit of an angle because if they go straight down there is a row of trees and a drift they will crash into.

"Woohooo!" Eliott yells, and his joy is communicative. He hasn't done this in ages - when he takes Ange here it's mostly her on her small sled on the other side of the field, where the slope is less abrupt. At some point, he realizes now, he integrated the message that playing and having fun like this is simply not something that adults do anymore and that's just...stupid.

He lets the crisp, pine scented winter air fill his lungs, and enjoys the speed, the sensation of letting loose and gliding through the snow, the beautiful blue sky and sunlight…

  
  


Then there is a small bump, and Eliott is shoved forward, plastering his entire body tight against Lucas's back, and Lucas's mind goes blank.

  
  


A few seconds later, they're thrown overboard and into the snow drift, and Lucas finds himself face down into the snow before he can even process what's happening.

  
  


He raises his head, brushes the snow away and finds Eliott on his back, laughing. He can't help but laugh, too, as he walks up to him.

"Taking a nap ? Tired already?"

"I'm starting to think you were showing off earlier and that you do not know how to steer at all."

Lucas extends a hand to Eliott and he takes it to pull himself up. And then they are standing. Close. Close enough Lucas can see the little flecks of silver in Eliott's eyes.

He clears his throat and says, "Yes. Yes I do. I just got distracted, that's all." 

"Yes ? By what?"

Lucas's mind blanks out again, and he doesn't know what to say.

Eliott grins. "Thought so. Well, let me show you how it's done then," and he whirls away, picking up the sled and lifting it up on his shoulder like it weighs nothing, and walking to the edge of the field where people are climbing back up.

  
  


Godfuckingdammit.

  
  


Lucas rushes after him. "What, did they also have sleds in the Middle Ages?" 

"Well, yes," Eliott laughs. "I can promise you we did not wait for you guys to want to go downhill fast on a piece of wood."

That's fair. 

"Ok, but I'm steering again after."

"If you mean to prove to me your prowess, I fear we might be here until the evening."

"Or we might break our necks on the next run."

  
  


Eliott stops and turns around, and looks down. Standing over higher ground, he's towering over Lucas. 

Lucas swallows.

  
  


Eliott reaches out and draws a thumb and forefinger across Lucas's throat, ever so gently.

  
  


"Don't worry. I'll take care of your neck."

  
  


Then he turns and starts walking again, leaving Lucas to almost have an aneurysm in silence behind him.

  
  


What the fuck. How is that allowed. How is that not flirting. How the fuck does Eliott even get the nerve. And then pretend like this is completely normal. Again.

  
  


God, Manon has it all wrong. He likes to torture  _ himself _ ? More like the universe likes to torture him.

  
  
  


…

  
  


On the next try, a bigger bump unseats Lucas and has him rolling in the snow halfway through, which leaves Eliott to accuse him of sabotage. On the third try, they are almost successful, but Lucas takes too sharp of a turn towards the end, sending them both flying into the snow again. But this time, Lucas ends up belly down and Eliott flat on top of him. 

  
  


Yeah, fuck the universe. 

  
  
  


It's only on the fourth try that Eliott manages to get them all the way down safely, Lucas clinging to his back. And Eliott is terribly smug about it too. 

He manages to land the fifth try. After that it all blurs together. The sun, the wind, the snow. Eliott's presence at his side, warm and steady and almost magnetic. Lucas can't seem to stop bumping into him, grabbing on to him, and Eliott keeps finding excuses to touch him too, and Lucas feels a little drunk with it all.

  
  


Maybe the universe is trying to be nice after all, and he's just got to make good on it.

  
  
  
  

    
    
                          ()
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                       o-3_)::::::::::|""""
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                              `````'      
      
    

_ December 14th _

  
  
  
  
  


Lucas moves through a dream. He knows it's a dream, because everything he sees is wrapped in glittering, golden fog.

He comes in from the cold, into his house. Inside it's toasty warm and the whole house is filled with candles.

Eliott is in the kitchen, but he's not cooking ; he's just hot chocolate, two big mugs filled with whipped cream to the brim and cinnamon on top.

Lucas comes closer. He's never wanted to drink hot chocolate more in his entire life.

Eliott looks at him, and smiles, one of his trademark smiles that light his entire face up, eyes crinkling at the corner. Then he dips his finger into the whipped cream, and licks it off, in a flash of pink tongue. 

  
  


Oh, and Lucas wants to be whipped cream now.

  
  


He steps closer.

  
  


Eliott repeats the motion, but this time, he brings his cream-dipped finger to Lucas's lips.

  
  


Lucas feels his heart beat in his chest like a hummingbird. There is gold dust swirling everywhere around them, even in Eliott's hair.

  
  


He opens his mouth. 

  
  


Eliott brings the tip of his finger in and Lucas closes his lips around it, suckling on it with his tongue, the creamy taste filling his mouth. 

  
  


Eliott exhales loudly, almost a moan.

  
  


Lucas blinks and Eliott is almost naked, just a small towel hanging loosely around his hips, his torso covered in scintillating gold. 

He's gathered whipped cream again, but this time, he trails it across his lips, and leaves it there. 

  
  


Lucas steps in closer, and….

  
  
  
  


He wakes up to the blaring sound of his alarm, with a jump, a raging hard on, and a monumental amount of embarrassment once he takes stock of what just happened. That was the cheesiest dream he's ever had. He's turning into one of those idiots in a Christmas Hallmark movies.

It's undignified, that's what it is. 

  
  
  


…

  
  
  
  


When the school day ends, he's taken a decision. He needs advice, the kind his sister or their friends in common can't give. No, for that, he needs a very specific type of friend. Even though he's probably going to regret this later.

  
  


He drives to one of the smaller streets on the edge of the town center, parking his car where he can.

  
  


The little bar is like it always is, a somewhat non-descript front with a velvet curtain behind the glass hiding the insides. Every time he comes here, he's reminded of the first, of the mixture of fear and exhilaration in his chest - and the few times before that when he'd stood in front of the bar and didn't make it in, paralyzed by fear.

Nowadays it's so easy. But it's an easiness he fought for.

He pushes the door open and the familiar fug of beer and warmth, now tinged by cinnamon, wafts into his nose. The place has the bones of a regular bar, with wooden panelled walls, and a counter on the left, but there are some details that give it away, little rainbow garlands, a row of pride flags in the back...and Mika himself, the owner, as unmistakably flamboyant as ever. The place is not just a gay bar - it wouldn't survive serving that clientele alone in a middle sized ccountryside town - it serves as a lair for all sorts of bohemians, students, artists, activists, and all kinds of people who pride themselves on being outside the norm. So there are posters and paintings on the wall, candles stuck on bottles with colorful drippings everywhere, a small stage in the back, various theatre props strewn around - including a very large antique wheelbarrow, fake flowers, a huge lace parasol and a cannon made of cardboard that fires confetti. The whole place exists in a generalized state of chaos, overwhelming but very comforting. Lucas realizes it's been a long time since he's been there - James didn't like the place, thought it was obnoxious, and maybe it rubbed off - but he missed it.

  
  


He's not here for fun reasons, however. 

  
  


It's early and the bar is still pretty quiet, which serves his purpose well. 

  
  


He slides onto a high chair behind the bar.

  
  


"Well, well, well. Look at what the cat dragged in." The bartender says, with a fakely offended expression.  


"Hello, Mika." 

"I was starting to wonder if you'd run away again."

"Sorry. I know it's been a while." 

"Ah, don't worry, I know how it is with you youngsters, can't put down roots." 

Mika calling him a youngster was warranted maybe a decade ago, but now, a five year age difference really isn't that much. 

"Alright grandpa. Can I have a whiskey, neat?"

Mika makes a face. "Whiskey neat ? What are you, straight?" 

He still serves Lucas what he's asked for, but adds a little pink paper umbrella on top.

Lucas laughs and removes it before taking a sip. The alcohol burns through his throat, but he welcomes it.

"So, spill. What has you day drinking like this ?"

"Oh come on, Mika, we don't need to jump into it right away. How have you been ? Are you still seeing that Italian guy?"

Mika laughs. "Oh no, now I definitely want to jump into it right away."

Lucas rolls his eyes. Well, this is why he came anyway. Mika is very annoying but he gives good advice. Well, sometimes.  


  
  


"So I met this guy - "

  
  


"I know," Mika interrupts. "Everyone's been talking about it." 

God. He should have known. This place is a gossip mill. 

"Drop dead gorgeous guy," Mika continues, "came out of nowhere, you hit him with your car, possible amnesia, thinks he's a knight from the Middle Ages. And you're playing the good Samaritan. Is that right?" 

"Yeah, more or less. Except I believe him."

"What?" 

"I actually think he's a real knight from the Middle Ages who time travelled." 

Mika continues stacking glasses with only a minimal air of disbelief. He's probably heard a lot of wild shit, so Lucas doesn't have too much of an issue telling him the truth.

"Weird way to catch dick but okay. You do you, baby gay."

Lucas takes another sip.

"But that's the problem, though. I don't know if…Fuck, Mika, I just don't know how to explain it, it's insane, the way he just...these things keep happening where I think he's hitting on me. He's so kind and thoughtful and doing all these things for me...the other day, he told me the emotions on my face were changeable and beautiful like the sky." 

At that, Mika's eyebrows do go up. "Yeah, that's kind of gay."

"And I feel we keep having these flirty moments that end up being awkward...so, doesn't that mean he knows there's something…" He looks down into his glass. "But he's got this innocent, candid vibe about it like he's got no idea of what he's doing sometimes, when he's touching my face at random moments or talking about how knights are supposed to share everything, even body heat, or when he keeps walking through the house wearing just a towel or underwear and I just…just ughhhhhh."

"Oh no, what a terrible situation to be in," Mika says, droll.

"I'm serious!" He blurts out. "This is driving me fucking crazy. I've started to dream about him and me...well, anyway, I might do something stupid soon."

"And you want me to, what, dissuade you?" Mika asks in disbelief.

"Well, I want some sympathy first, okay." 

"Hmmm...that you got, kitten, but I am not going to discourage you from doing something dramatic and slightly ill advised that could result in you getting some. That would be against everything I stand for as a person." 

  
  


Lucas finishes his glass in one go and starts coughing from the burn.

"No but Mika…it's this Middle Ages thing. Best case scenario, he doesn't even know gay people exist. Worst case...he thinks we're all filthy sodomites who deserve to burn in hell or something." 

"Well, if I suspected one of my friends could be a raging homophobe, I would want to know sooner rather than later, wouldn't you?" 

He thumps his forehead against the wooden bar, not knowing how to explain why this feels so scary to him. 

"Oh, kitten. This isn't just about getting laid, isn't it. You're catching feelings for him."

Lucas lets out a noise of despair. Mika taps him gently on the shoulder. 

"I'm sorry. I understand that would make it difficult." He sets another glass next to him. "On the house." 

Lucas takes a sip and grimaces. It's one of Mika's house cocktails, sugary alcohol that tastes like a cinnamon punch in the face. But honesty, right now, it feels more appropriate than his attempt at whiskey dignity.

"If you think he might get violent if he finds out, you shouldn't have him in your house. It's not worth it, kitten." 

"No! No. He told me he doesn't like violence. He's not...he might despise me if he learns, but I don't think he would ever hurt me."

"Well, that's something."

"God. Fuck! I tried not to let this happen. It's just such a bad idea. But he's so ...fuck. Being around him...it's like Christmas morning everyday. It makes me excited to be alive again, you know? Don't tell anyone I said that," he adds quickly.

"Well look at you, Mr. Grinch. That sounds like something worth taking risks for, honestly. I've...seen you, these last few years. It's like a light went out somewhere. And I don't blame you, you've had some rough times. But if you've found something that gives you joy…"

"Yeah. But why does it have to be so fucking complicated?"

"Yeah, it sucks. But I know one thing for sure. People like us have always existed through all of time and space. And some of us have to have found happiness, and tolerance, and people willing to keep our secrets, and love, even if hidden and precarious. So yeah. Your new friend might be a bigoted relic. But...he might also be a lot more understanding than you think, instead. You don't know. And more than that. He might be struggling with desires and feelings he can't even name, that his world never gave a place to. And if that's the case, can you imagine ? That's a coming out story that would blow us all out of the water. Talk about epic."

  
  


That's….

  
  


Thinking about it, suddenly, gives him shivers. The idea of Eliott reaching across all these centuries to find a place where he could truly be himself...that's one hell of a fairytale.

  
  


He doesn't think Eliott is capable of hate. What he is afraid, truly, is to lose this miraculous closeness between them. To lose this feeling of lightness that he's had ever since Eliott came into his life. To lose the chance to get to know him better, to be a part of his life.

  
  


But if Eliott somehow...shares his inclinations...Maybe this is why the enchantress sent him here. Maybe they could…the simple idea makes him dizzy.

  
  


Manon was right. He doesn't know how this happened, but he's whipped.

  
  
  


"I...what do I do, Mika? I don't want to mess it up." 

Mika scrutinizes him. "Has he told you about his romantic past?"

  
  


"Yeah, uh. He's had feelings for one lady but nothing ever happened. He's never, uh." He blushes at the thought. 

  
  


"Aww. You better be careful then. And well, one lady, that doesn't mean anything, really. He could easily swing more than one way."

"Yeah. I think the thing I'm most worried about is...he's religious, and I don't know to which extent…"

"Maybe you should find out more about that, then. Just...talk with him. About things like family and love and you know, drop some hints about how things have changed. See how he reacts. And if you want to be a bit more direct, you can bring him here and sees how he reacts when he sees other queer people that aren't you. Bonus of that is if he reacts badly, you won't be alone and we can give him a bit of a lesson."

He appreciates Mika's protectiveness, but he hopes it won't come to that. He would rather it remain between them.

  
  


Ugh. This was easier when he could go to the online profiles of a guy he liked to see if there were any hints. This, he's going to have to do the old fashioned way. Taking his courage in hand and jumping into the unknown.

"I honestly have no clue of what is going to happen but...you're right. I think he's worth it."  


He downs the rest of his drink. 

  
  
  


One thing has definitely changed since the day he came here for the first time. He knows that some truths are worth living fully, no matter the risk.

  
  


And if there's anything he wants to show Eliott from the future, this is definitely it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhh they're going to get there in the end don't worry. 
> 
> the sledge scene is actually inspired from another (this one actually pretty decent) Christmas movie on Netflix, Let It Snow. 
> 
> next chapter : Lucas makes a move


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliott tells a story, Lucas takes a risk, and Christmas comes closer and closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeyyyyyy yes this is still happening we are doing this ! wow this week has been a crazy year huh ? hope you're hanging in there, wherever you are <3
> 
> content warning : very vague discussions of medieval homophobia/islamophobia

_ December 15th _

  
  
  
  
  
  


There is a difference, Lucas realizes, between deciding to do something, and actually bringing yourself to do it.

  
  


Yesterday after he came home from the bar, Eliott smelled the alcohol on him and asked if he had some, so they ended up making some unholy concoction with cinnamon, cupboard vodka and maple syrup, and got pretty drunk.

  
  


That almost led to...something happening. Lucas isn't the type to go wild when drunk, he still has pretty good control, but Eliott is a whole other story. He's apparently a sloppy drunk with no alcohol tolerance, and he started leaning into Lucas after two glasses, playing with his hair and calling Lucas  _ an angel from heaven, sent to guide me through the darkness. _ At that point, Lucas found himself very close to doing something stupid, having already spent an unreasonable amount of time staring at Eliott's lips.

But then out of nowhere, Eliott had started crying. Lucas couldn't tell if they were sad tears, happy tears or just overwhelmed tears, since he kept laughing through it and wiping his eyes, before simply dropping his head in Lucas's lap. 

  
  


"I don't know if i miss home or if I never want to see it again," was the last cogent thing he'd mumbled, and then Lucas, at a loss for words had started very carefully threading his fingers through Eliott's silky soft hair in a soothing motion, over and over again, and Eliott had leaned into it until he fell asleep.

  
  


He'd sat there...a very long time, on the floor of the living room, not wanting to disturb the moment. Feeling like he was holding something infinitely precious in his hands. It was wonderfully easy, then, to be close. As if it was something they did all the time.

  
  


But no. 

  
  
  


He's going to have to earn this. Stolen touches and glances don't feel like enough anymore.

  
  
  


Now, they're doing some shopping. Tomorrow, Daphné is holding a wreath-making evening at her house. She sells them in advance to fund her community Christmas dinner, people sign up for one and then they have to make them. So they make a party of it, which is usually pretty fun. He's avoided it for the last two years, pretexting a heavy workload. But this year, he is actually looking forward to it.

  
  


They find what they are supposed to bring - raffia string and an ungodly amount of cinnamon sticks - and are about to head home but then Eliott stops in front of a store window that is set up as a nativity scene, with figurines of painted wood.

  
  


"This is lovely," Eliott says. 

  
  


Well, this is an occasion.

  
  
  


"So, uh, Eliott," Lucas starts, "you believe in God, right?" Wow, this is awkward, and not usually a type of subject he likes to talk about. 

"Of course." Eliott frowns. "Why, don't you?" 

"No," Lucas says. "A lot of people don't, these days. Religion is not as important as it used to be. Is...is that an issue?"

"No, no." Eliott says. "I talked about this with your friend Sofiane, as he and his wife are Mohammedans. I mean, Muslim. I was quite surprised when I learned that so many people of different creeds were living together in harmony. That is wonderful." 

"Well, I don't know about the harmony bit, to be honest. A lot of people still aren't that tolerant or accepting here. But I guess it's better than the Crusades." 

There is a moment of awkward silence. "My grandfather was in the Crusades." Eliott says, and for a moment Lucas is worried about a lot more than potential homophobia. But he didn't seem to have a problem with Sofiane at the party, so… 

"We were told there was no higher glory, to participate in reclaiming the Holy Land from the infidels. The promise of riches and all our sins forgiven. A lot of the others dreamed of the day a new Crusade would be announced."

"And you?" Lucas says carefully.

"I don't know," Eliott says. "Sometimes I thought it could solve a lot of my problems, going to a far off land and returning with better renown, or not at all. I had a lot of sins to be forgiven for. And it would be an occasion to see the world. But...I don't know. Once a Moor from Spain travelled through our village on his way to the north. He was a scholar, a brilliant man, who told me about the movements of the stars and the planets, about mathematics and sacred geometry. It seemed quite absurd to me to see him as some sort of horrible barbarian infidel because we had some disagreements about who brought forth God's word into the world." A lopsided smile appears on his face. "Then again, the village priest often told me my ideas were very close to heresy."

"Really?" Lucas asks, suddenly hopeful. 

Eliott traces the shop window with a finger, over the outline of the Virgin Mary. 

"Well, I always thought that God was best found, not by gathering in some dark stuffy building to listen to the priest yammer on about our sins or the end of the world in Latin, but instead by going out into the world to contemplate the wonders of creation. Like - walking in a really old forest where you can almost hear the trees breathe. Or looking at the night sky, and feeling so small and so held at the same time. Or working with a new horse, when it starts to trust you. Or holding a newborn, or telling a story to people who really listen. Or...or finding a companion you can trust with your whole soul, somebody who is a true equal. Yes, and...the priest especially didn't like it when I told this to other people." Eliott's voice is so passionate all of a sudden, Lucas can damn well imagine him as a threat to the Church. Well, for many reasons...not all of them theological. Charisma, heart and a pretty face - that’s the stuff revolutions are made of. 

"But I have always loved stories about the life of Jesus," Eliott continues. "In fact, they reminded me of the ideals of knighthood. The fact that he never married, and spent his life travelling around with men who were deeply devoted to him, and they shared a common ideal and were as one within the embrace of the divine...I wished to model myself like him, to lead a life of compassion and goodness. I had a little painting of him near my bed side. It was one of my most precious possessions. He was on his throne for Judgment day, and his face was stern but fair, and the colors were not very vivid except for the eyes, a very strong blue, and when I looked at it I often felt they were penetrating my very soul. It made me want to be good. He visited me in my dreams, sometimes, too." Eliott looks at him with an odd air. "Your eyes are blue, too. They would have cost a fortune to paint."

  
  


Oh god. Wow. Jesus Christ. Literally. What the fuck. Does. That. Mean. 

  
  


Lucas’s brain is full of static, and he doesn't know if he wants to laugh, smash his forehead against the window in frustration, or ask  _ Eliott _ ,  _ are you gay for Jesus ????? _

This does not help, at all. This is clearly something he cares about deeply, and that could have a lot of implications. At the same time, this is the most homoerotic description of faith he has EVER heard.

"I'm sorry," Eliott says then, embarrassed. "I am ranting and this subject must be quite boring for you."

"No," Lucas says, "if it's important to you, I find it interesting. You know, we could set up a little Nativity scene at home if you wanted." 

"Really? That would be most lovely."

  
  


Lucas is lucky Eliott is so clueless, he realizes then. Otherwise he would have seen right through him ages ago.

  
  
  
  
  


## ❄❅❆❉❊❄❅❆❉❊❄❅❆❉❊❉❊❄❅❆❄❅❆❉❊❄❅❆❉❊❉❊❄❅❆

_ December 16th _

  
  
  
  


They arrive at Daphy and Basile's house after nightfall. Lucas is bringing mulled cider, and Eliott is bringing his newest acquisition: a lute. 

They walked past the music shop yesterday and Eliott got all excited, especially when he saw an instrument he knew how to play. After that, Lucas was incapable of resisting his puppy dog eyes.

So Eliott is going to play for them tonight while they make wreaths. Lucas really hopes he plays better than he cooks, because his friends won't be as forgiving as him.

  
  


Daphy and Basile's place is as lively and messy as usual - they live in a converted water mill near the river, the result charming but slightly haphazard, old stones everywhere, an enormous living room with a giant fireplace and a minuscule kitchen, and a second floor with a wooden ceiling so low everyone keeps hitting their head. They've gone all out with the decorations, but in an old fashioned way : baskets full of clove-studded oranges, wreaths of holly and ivy, candles, mistletoe, candy canes and red ribbons, paper snowflakes pasted on the windows. The place smells heavenly, and Daphy emerges from the kitchen with a tray full of decorated spiced sugar cookies. The rest of their friends are already here, Arthur and Alexia managing a Christmas truce this time, and Yann, who just came home from his business trip. 

They are immediately set to work, around the long rectangular wooden table that occupies most of the room ; they have about sixty wreaths to make so there is no time to waste. They start with a pre-made basis of circled branches, to which they attach a variety of items in as artful a way as possible : boughs of blue and green fir, birch branches, sprigs of holly and mistletoe, bundles of cinnamon sticks, dried slices of orange, star anise, rose hips, little stars made of straw or felt, candy canes, blue or white or red ribbons, and little pine cones. Cookies and mulled cider circulate, oldie Christmas songs are put in the background, and this is the most intensely Christmassy atmosphere Lucas has experienced in a long time. Usually, he would run away but this year he actually wants to enjoy it. Maybe because it actually feels like he has something to celebrate this year.

Yann, who is sitting next to him, leans over to him. "So, bro, Manon told me about your new  _ friend _ ," he says, the last word stressed. "He's very good looking."

Lucas looks over at Eliott in panic, on the other side of the table, thankfully very engaged in a conversation with Alexia and Emma. "I'll tell you later, not now," he hisses through his teeth. 

"Oh ho ho," Yann says with an over the top jolly tone, "you sly little minx. I smell some romance in the air." 

He looks under the table to figure out where Yann's foot is so he can crush it. "Don’t test me, or I will tell Manon about that thing you did in middle school that gave you a rash all over."

"Your threats do not scare me, little man. I don't think there is anything anymore that can destroy my sex appeal in her eyes."

"Don't talk about sex and my sister."

"You know we've had a baby together right? Or do I need to explain to you how those are made."

Ugh. Having your best friend marry your sister is great - it made Yann and him literally family. Except in moments like these, when it's the worst.

  
  


"Something to do with storks, right? You straight people are so confusing."

  
  


Yann laughs.

  
  


"Lucas, pay attention," Daphné says, "we said we were not going to use more than one color of ribbon per wreath."

  
  


He focuses on his wreath after that, trying to get an even cover of greenery and tie slices of dried orange over it without stinging his fingers. For some time, everyone is absorbed in their work, occasionally chattering and drinking.

  
  


After a while, Daphne comes to check their work again. When she sees Eliott's wreath, she gasps, and Lucas is worried for a second before she says,

"Oh my god, this is incredible. You are an artist. We are giving this one to the mayor."

  
  


Lucas gets up to see, curious, and is awestruck for a moment. It is, indeed, stunning.

  
  


Eliott has woven the slender birch branches into a lattice pattern that radiates from under the wreath, and on the wreath itself, he's arranged leaves, orange slices, rose hips and star anise in successive waves, so that it looks like concentric circles. 

  
  


Wow. 

  
  


"That's fucking beautiful." Lucas says, and Eliott very obviously glows with pride. 

  
  


"I have done this before in winters past. It is quite delightful to find some traditions have remained the same. Mine have always been quite popular in the village. I am glad I can make one with you." 

  
  


"God, Eliott, leave some talents for the rest of us, will you?" Lucas teases. 

  
  


"No I won't," he smiles, "now that I have someone to impress." 

  
  


"You already do," Lucas says, "everything else is a bonus."

  
  


Eliott smiles at him very sweetly and for a moment, he is lost in it. 

  
  


Then he becomes aware that his friends are staring at them, and quickly goes back to his chair, his ears burning. 

  
  


"Brooooooooo," Yann says when he sits down.

  
  


"No," Lucas says firmly. 

  
  
  


They've become so casually flirty, Eliott and him, when they're alone, and it feels so natural, that Lucas has completely forgotten what it would look like to other people.

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


In the end, Lucas manages to make five pretty decent wreaths. Daphy, with her experienced fervor, makes nine. Eliott only makes three, but everyone agrees they're the most beautiful. Lucas asks if they can take one home, but Daphne gives him a resounding no.

  
  


"Don't worry," Eliott says, "I will make something else especially for you." Which gets them another round of glances, so Lucas keeps himself from answering something equally corny like  _ I would love that _ but he hopes his eyes can convey that to Eliott regardless.

  
  


He doesn't want one of their friends to blurt out something before he has the possibility to…

  
  


Once they're done, they clear the table and Basile brings out a big pot of hearty stew ladled into earthenware bowls. And after they've eaten, they gather their chairs around the fire, with yet another serving of mulled cider.

  
  


Eliott has taken place next to the fireplace, a little bit apart. And he's gotten his lute out.

  
  


"Fair ladies and gallant gentlemen, would you allow me to entertain you tonight ?"

  
  


Everyone cheers him on, so he takes an instant to gather himself, and then he plays.

  
  


The first notes are slow, and recognizably medieval, somewhere between a harp and a guitar. There is something really out of time about this instant, and it is beautiful.

The tune picks up, starting to be a little more lively, bringing on a joyful atmosphere. Eliott's fingers start moving faster and faster, and Lucas realizes that his fears were quite unfounded. He knows how to play, holy shit. Eliott's terrible cooking skills must be the exception, not the rule. 

His hands are so beautiful, and...really quite big, and they do usually say that that means... Lucas's traitorous brain supplies. And his fingers seem so deft, so agile, and he can't help but imagine what they would feel like running along his…

  
  


Fuck. 

  
  


It's getting worse and worse. He needs to do something.

  
  


Eventually the music stops, and his friends clap with enthusiasm.

  
  


"Dear friends," Eliott continues, his voice deepening, taking on a theatrical allure, "tonight I wish to tell you a tale," he pauses and plays a few notes. "A tale of passion, despair, and impossible odds. A tale of chivalry, nobility and pure hearts. A tale, my friends, of courtly love." Longer notes now. 

  
  


Everyone cheers even louder at that, and Lucas's stomach does a weird loop.

  
  


"This is the tale of a young man who, when he was even younger, was called to be a knight, when a lady in white appeared into his dream and told him of his fate. There will be, for you, she said to him, if you become a knight, untold strife and suffering, but there will be purpose, and purity, and glory, and beauty. Now that you know this, what choice will you make?" 

  
  


Eliott pauses, and plays on his lute again, a poignant tune with both somber and hopeful accents. He looks at them, and at Lucas, who feels suddenly like it's his heart that is strung up and between Eliott's clever fingers to play.

That's a choice they must all make, in a way. To engage in life fully, knowing there will be pain and hurt, or to hold back, giving up the chance at anything true and wonderful.

"Our young hero," Eliott starts again, "did not have to think long, for his heart longed for the purity of ideal, and to make a life for himself such as would be wound worthy to sing about by the troubadours." He plays another tune, this one stirring and full of energy. "So it was settled. He became a squire in the service of a great lord, and he trained very hard, dedicating himself to his goal entirely, thinking of nothing else, until he had come of age, and he was one of the finest fighters that his land had ever raised. He was knighted without any doubt by the lord of the castle, and won many contests of skill. He was happy, but he did not feel the sense of purpose promised. But then, on the spring fair of his eighteenth year…" 

He stops, and plays for a minute or two, a lilting, impertinent air that becomes more and more elated as it goes along. Everyone is under his spell, and Lucas feels a mix of flamboyant emotions - pride, delight, admiration, frustration, and a tinge of embarrassing jealousy. Eliott is such a capable, charming, interesting person - what could he even see in Lucas beyond the fact that he was the first to help him? Isn't it really wrong to try to take advantage of that? 

The music ends, and the story resumes. "A tournament was held, bringing together the noblest houses in the land, and their most talented knights would joust against each other for the honor of their houses. Of course, our hero fared well. On the first and second day, he won all his matches. But on the second night, he had a dream." A few suspenseful chords. "The lady in white appeared to him again, and she said, the hour of your greatest joy and your greatest sorrow is near, be ready. When he woke up, he thought he would be finally facing a formidable foe, whose defeat would make his renown. So he steeled himself." Eliott plays a serious, suspenseful tune.

"But the day went by, and he won his matches, and yet he did not feel much of a challenge at all. Was this it ? Was this why he had worked so hard? But then…" Three tense chords. "Then as he rode into the last joust, his halberd held straight before him, he noticed, on the dais where the noble ladies sit, that a newcomer had made her appearance." A few notes, high and clear like birdsong. "She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, with hair like spun gold and eyes like the summer sky, and she was laughing, pure and crystalline, the sound carrying to the heavens. And then, she turned her gaze on him. Suddenly, he felt struck by some overwhelming force, and he forgot where he was, until the halberd of his opponent hit his chest and he was thrown from his horse." Eliott rips his fingers across the chords to create a discordant note, and then slaps his palm on the instrument to mimic the noise of a fall, and everyone laughs. "For love, when it happens, often feels like an accident before it feels like fate."

  
  


Daphné and Alexia make cooing noises. Lucas’s heart feels like it’s melting through his fingers.

  
  


God. 

  
  


Does he even…

  
  


Eliott plays the lady's theme again, and then the one he started with, which probably symbolized the knight. "As he got back up, he felt the sting of shame, as this was his first defeat and he was a proud man, but then, he saw the eyes of the lady were on him again, and there was no mockery in them, only wonder. And as he led his horse out of the jousting field, he saw that she was waiting for him, her pristine blue dress gathering mud where it was dragged over the ground. Are you okay, sir ? She asked him, and he bowed, for a moment too awestruck to speak. She had a lovely voice, soft but firm, speaking of character behind her enchanting looks. I am, my lady, thank you for your concern, but would you rather not go congratulate the victor ? No, she said, for did I not topple you before he did, and is therefore his victory not meaningless ?" 

  
  


Everyone laughs at that ; Eliott beams proudly. 

  
  


"So our knight was disarmed by the lady's candid words, and he found himself blushing and stammering, and…" Eliott, frowning slightly, looks at Lucas for the first time in a while, almost giving him a heart attack and faltering in his storytelling for the first time, "...and he...he, um. He said, why my lady, you have bested me in truth, and you should be declared the true winner of this tournament. Then she laughed again, that wonderful laugh. Well, she asks, what is to be my prize ?" Eliott plays a sweet, impertinent tune. "Anything my lady desires, the knight responded, for in that moment he was struck by a deep desire to please her. The lady looked at him and said, surprise me. Then she petted the nose of his horse and was gone, in a flash of gold and blue." 

  
  


That's so cute, Lucas thinks. Of course Eliott would be a romantic with this as with everything else.

  
  


"Our knight was quite troubled, for he was not accustomed to thinking of these matters. What could he offer the lady, who had to have wealth and rank already beyond what her heart desired ? 

He thought about this the next day and then the next. He tried to see more of the lady, but she was as evanescent as a bird. She often wasn't sitting in the dais, and he caught glimpses of her across the fair, mingling with the crowds. Her behavior was quite unusual for a lady, to be so bold and spirited, but the knight liked it. And she had to be a lady of good morals, always with her chaperone, giving alms to the needy, and after all, she did not throw herself at him but asked him to prove himself before he be worthy of her affections. So he had to. But how ? 

All during the rest of the festival he tried to devise ways to please her ; singing songs ; throwing flowers in her path ; praising her beauty ; he even paid one of the marchants to release birds as she walked by. This made her laugh and look at him, but only briefly. 

Then came the last day of the festival, and prizes were awarded. Our knight won second place and a pouch of silver. He thought about the new armor he was going to buy, but as he walked out he saw the poor gathered at the edge of the field, and how thin their faces and clothes were, even the children, so he gave his prize away. It is only then that the lady came to him and said, we’ll make a knight of you yet. She gave him a token of her affections, a handkerchief he could wear during tournaments. And so, during the three following years, he always wore it, tied to his armor or his sword, and won everything he won in her honor.” Eliott plays a soft, very romantic tune that goes crescendo.

“When they could, they spent a lot of time together, and got to know each other quite well. The knight learned that his lady was not only beautiful, but kind, high spirited and wise in all the ways that would make her the most excellent of wives, and that she, in turn, relished his company and sought it out whenever possible. He realized that he had fallen in love, and this, in itself, brought him his first sorrow. Indeed, he could not hope to marry her since he was only a lowly knight. Only by accomplishing feats of great renown could he hope to be worthy of her hand. So he told her, and, having no choice, his heart breaking, set on his journey to become the man he needed to be." 

Eliott plays a forlorn, sad, yet determined air for a while, then stops, and looks at them with a soft smile.

"Well, and then what?" Basile asks. 

Eliott laughs. "Well, do you really want to know the end ?" 

"Of course we do," Lucas says.

"I need to go to the bathroom first," Arthur says. 

"Alright, let's have another round of cider and cookies." Daphne proposes.

As everyone walks around, Lucas goes to see Eliott. 

"I didn't know you could play like that. And tell stories. That was amazing." 

Eliott blushes a little. "I wasn't sure...well. You have a lot to entertain yourselves here. This must seem really dull compared to the TV." 

"Are you kidding? TV is boring most of the time, it's always the same drab over produced soulless shit. This...it's something new, and just for us, and...you are there, and you are so passionate and into it and I think...like, doing something live for us, and your voice really carries the story, and this is why concerts and theatre plays are just the best thing in the world - it's a unique moment, you know ? And we are living it with you and through you, and it’s so intimate and..." Lucas stops, realizing he went into a bit of a tirade and becomes embarrassed. "I mean...yeah, it's cool."

He really needs to take Eliott to a concert one of these days. And a theater play. Or maybe he would like opera better. Or some sort of spectacle or circus. Or…

  
  


Eliott smiles. "Well, if you like it, I could play for you, as well. When we’re alone." 

  
  


Oh. 

  
  


"I would love that," Lucas says softly. "And you know, I used to play piano. So I can play for you too." 

  
  
  


Someone behind them whistles. Lucas turns on his heels and throws an angry look at Basile to prevent whatever he was about to say from coming out. Any kind of teasing now - Eliott might not understand it as a joke, might ask questions and...well, Lucas wants them to talk about it, but not like this. Not because of one of Basile's stupid quips.

  
  


Thankfully, he doesn't push it ; Daphy gives them two cups of warm cider and the story can resume. 

  
  


"Our knight travelled the land and accomplished many feats, defeating fearsome beasts, breaking curses and saving maidens. He often was handsomely rewarded by grateful people, and amassed quite a fortune. He was also often subject to temptation, but he only ever thought about his lady, and remained faithful. 

He did not, however, even after five years, feel worthy of returning to her. For he did know that he needed riches to ask her father for her hand, and the title he could buy with it ; but he knew that his lady valued greatness of the soul much more than that of the purse. 

And then, one day, along with three companions he had made on the road with a similar purpose, they came along to a very wretched village.” Eliott plays a slow, ominous air. “Children were running feral in the streets, everything was unkempt, the fields untilled, the houses turning into shambles. The knight's companions warned him ; maybe this was a village touched by the plague, they ought to turn back. But our hero pushed on, until he came to an old crone on her doorstep, and asked, pray tell me madam, what ill has befallen your village? And she said, there is a lake, in this forest - she pointed at the forest in the north - on which there is an island, and on this island there is an entrance to a cave, and from the cave comes, at night, a siren song so alluring that no grown man or woman can resist. So they leave their homes, their fields, their families, and they disappear into the cave, and almost no one ever returns. Of those who do, they come back having aged fifty years in a few weeks, or they return as children and infants, the years stolen away from them. They tell of a place where all their best and worst hopes come true, of a maze that drives you mad, of a ten-headed snake with venom dripping fangs." The lute makes a sinister sound and Lucas, completely caught in the story, almost jumps. 

"Our knight," Eliott continues, "decided to take on this problem, even though his companions warned him not to. He was afraid but this was a worthy endeavor and somebody needed to help these people. So he made his way to the island, alone, but the mouth of the cave was closed. He waited a day and a night until, suddenly, raising him out of sleep, he heard the strangest melody." He demonstrates, playing an eerie, dreamlike air, looking at Lucas as he does. "It invoked in him a strange sensation. Like none of his woes mattered anymore, and his heart was lifted to the sky. Suddenly he knew with absolute certainty that his lady was waiting for him at the end of the tunnel. So he rushed in, and downward, until he found himself in a castle room. And there she was, radiant and smiling and as beautiful as on the first day, and she ran to him and kissed him, and it was the sweetest thing he had ever known." Eliott plays a sweet, romantic air. 

"Then she asked, my lord husband, how was your trip ? And he was confused, because he couldn’t recall them marrying. But then, a child ran into the room, with blonde curls and blue eyes, and cried, Father, welcome home! And the happiness in the knight's heart was such that he could not refuse this reality any longer. So he let himself dwell in it, walking the halls of a castle he ruled along with his wife, surrounded by their children, by trusted advisors and valiant friends, and he felt at peace in a way he had never been before. And so the days passed and blended together." 

Eliott plays the same eerie air he played at the entrance of the cave. "But soon, our knight noticed that something was not quite right. The food had an ashy aftertaste, and there was no music, and the people around him seemed...under a spell, and if he looked into their eyes, they were empty. And his lady was the worst of them. Although she was as beautiful as ever, and taking her to bed gave him untold bliss," at that, Lucas can see Eliott blush a little, "she was no longer bold and spirited, and they did not talk like they used to, and so the knight realized that this could not be the woman he loved, but an empty shell. And one night, as they laid in their marriage bed, he asked, who are you ? And she laid her hand on his chest but her touch was cold and wrong, and she replied, your wife who loves you, and the knight said no, you are not, and pushed her away vehemently." Eliott plays a downright scary air, and keeps interlacing his sentences with crescendo notes. 

"And the world started to twist, and suddenly he was no longer in a richly furnished bedroom but in a dirty, muddy cave, and above him the most foul creature he had ever laid his eyes upon loomed, with ten snake heads, open maws emitting a putrid air, fangs dripping with venom, and coils wrapped around his limbs, and although he flailed, trying to get free, he found himself too weak, as if the creature's burning eyes were staring into his soul and paralyzing him. Why do you struggle so, knightling, it said. I can make all your wildest dreams come true. No, the knight said, and struggled some more. If you rebuke me, the creature replied, you will never in your life again know happiness like this. It matters not, serpent, the knight said, for I would rather have one more day only with my lady than these lies for the rest of my life, and he wrenched his sword free and thrust it into the creature's heart, killing it on the spot." The music continues, more and more tense until it reaches a climax and drops abruptly.

"Then our hero freed himself and cut off one of the snake heads and the monster’s heart as proof it was dead, and walked towards the exit ; but he got lost in the tunnels, who all resembled each other, and he had to walk for what seemed an eternity, months or even years, before he finally found the exit. When he emerged from underground, he found that the island had changed completely, and the cave entrance was overrun with vegetation, and he had to cut a way out with his sword. He made his way to the village once more, and found it also completely transformed. It was no longer a ruin, but a bustling, thriving place. Fields were planted, and the streets were decorated for the harvest festival, and there was a market with stalls full of bounty and opulence. 

So he made his way towards the castle and was received by the old lord, who when he saw the snake's head, fell to his knees and called the knight a savior. Five years ago, he explained, a knight had come to their town and freed it from its curse, and many of the adults were able to escape from the cursed cave, the lord among them. But they had never been able to find their rescuer until now. For this, the lord said, he would name the knight his heir, for all his sons had fallen to the beast - to inherit all his estates, riches, and his title, and to be a wise and beloved ruler. The knight accepted gladly, for this is what he had been seeking all along. He stayed in the village and feasted with his new people for a week, before he said to the lord that he must go and bring back an even wiser lady to be his wife. So he travelled back to his birthplace, his heart full of joy."

Eliott pauses to take a sip of his cider. The audience is completely captivated. 

The air he plays is soft, but mournful, and Lucas feels a pinch of dread. 

"But when he arrived, he found things were much changed there as well. The old lord had died, and his son had taken his place. He welcomed the knight, curious to hear about his exploits. Tell my wife, he said, to make preparations for a feast. The knight sat down, his nerves strung taut although he did not know why, and waited. 

  
  


Then the lord's wife entered the room, and his heart stopped. 

  
  


It was her - the woman he loved, the woman he had waited so long to find again. Older but no less beautiful, still radiant. Wearing the clothes of a married woman, her belly swollen with child. A pain so intense came over the knight that his mind went black, and he fell to the ground, unconscious.” Eliott stops talking but doesn’t play his lute, leaving a moment in silence.

Lucas feels his heart seize painfully. The rest of his friends look shocked. This is...not what any of them expected. 

“When the knight came to, he had been put to bed, and night had fallen. In the corner of the room, his lady, now not his anymore, was standing, her face full of sorrow. When she saw he was awake, she advanced and said, I thought you were dead. It’s been ten years. Five years ago, your companions rode in to tell you you had gone to fight a curse and never came back. I waited for you, but I was aging past the age to marry, and...I did what I had to. We can still leave, together, the knight said, forgetting all notion of propriety. I’m alive, and I still love you. I never stopped loving you. I cannot, the lady said. My husband is a kind and caring man, and although ours was a marriage of reason over sentiment, I have come to care for him very much, and I cannot do this to him. Most importantly, she said, touching her belly, we will have our second child soon. I am sorry, my dear friend. I loved you once, passionately. But it has been a long time. I mourned you, and I let you go. In honor of our friendship, we will give you shelter and a place in my husband’s guard if you so desire. But we cannot talk of what was between us any longer.”

Eliott plays a very delicate and very sad air and suddenly Lucas wants to cry and wonders if this is somehow a metaphor for Eliott’s own life. 

“The knight stayed in bed, struck by weakness, for a long time. His heart was broken beyond repair, and he had lost all his will for life, and the world its luster. As the spring came around once more, and he was reminded of the time he met her, he harbored very dark moods, and thought about ending his life. But then, one night, as the frost was melting and buds were breaking out on the trees, he had another dream. Once more, the lady in white came to him and she asked him, well, was it worth it ? The joy and the sorrow ? And although he did not know how to answer immediately, when he woke up, he knew the answer. Yes, it had." 

A new melody follows the words, haunting and yet lovely.

"He finally got up and walked through the castle. He saw that the place was well loved and full of warmth, and of laughing children and joy, and that his lady who was his no longer was happy, and that he could not tear her away from this. As he loved her, he would have to let her go." The new melody repeats. 

"But what of him, then ? He thought about going back to the village he saved, of taking another woman as wife and settle, but the thought seemed so wrong. No, it would be unfair to that other woman, he thought, because his heart would always belong to someone else, and that pretense of happiness would be a lie. It was different for his old love ; she had thought him dead, she had mourned, she had had children with another man. He did not blame her, but he could not follow her example. What of him, then ?" That same tune, again and again. 

"He remembered the old songs he had grown up with, tales of courtly love, and it always went the same. A lady, of pure heart and exalted station, and a knight who loved her but could never be with her, yet pledged his undying love to her all the same. For love itself is reward enough, and sorrow and joy are truly the same, signs of a passion fully felt. And he could dwell in this. So he made a vow, that he would continue what he had done all this time - to do good deeds in her honor, even though this time, without afterthought. He would remain chaste and unattached, and have no family except but his sword, and remain devoted to his love and his ideals. And so this is what he did, taking the road again, and he became one of the greatest knights the realm ever knew, passing into legend, but never settling down. But once a year, without fail, during spring, as his birthplace held a tournament, he would come, and compete, a blue handkerchief tied to his sword's pommel, the colors of his old love that she no longer wore, because it was the color of her youth and of her old hopes. And every time, for as long as they both lived, they looked at each other once, and took strength in the fact that some things are meant to endure, no matter the bitter twists of fate. And the knight knew that, in the end, it was all worth it. And even after the knight's legend had faded, and after the lady's death, her descendants, generation after generation, would speak of a mysterious figure in armor that would visit the village every spring, and always in times of great turmoil, watching over them, and making sure no ill befell them. And so, they grew up with the belief that there was something like love in this wretched world, and that was a good thing." 

Eliott plays a few last notes, his eyes lost in the distance. "And that, my friends, is the end of our story." 

Silence falls over the room, and a shiver runs along Lucas's spine, as he is traversed by an emotion he has absolutely no clue what to name.

Eliott's face looks so raw and vulnerable in that instant, and a little scared as he looks back at them, as if he's shared too much. 

"Wow, that was super sad." Daphne says, breaking the silence, and suddenly Lucas wants to yell at her. 

Eliott's smile falls. "I am sorry, I did not wish to ruin the mood."

"But beautiful," Manon adds, bless her. "We need sad stories sometimes, because they remind us to cherish what we have." She cuddles up against Yann, who draws her closer, and Lucas notices that Daphy is sitting on Basile's lap, and Imane's head is on Sofiane's shoulder, and even Alexia and Arthur are looking at each other again even though that is the stupidest possible idea, and suddenly Lucas feels so lonely he could choke on it, and he looks at Eliott and knows he feels the exact same. And that he is shaken, because the reception of his story is not quite what he'd hoped for. 

"It was fucking beautiful," Lucas says, and he starts clapping, slowly and deliberately, and eventually the rest follow suit, and Eliott smiles at him, gratitude coloring his expression.

  
  


After that, the evening doesn't last long, as they all have jobs to go to the following day. Lucas has been very careful with the cider, so he can drive them home. 

As they walk to the car, Lucas's head is buzzing with questions. 

  
  


One in particular. He's been so busy thinking about how Eliott felt about him, he hadn't even considered…

  
  


"Eliott," he asks suddenly, incapable of stopping himself, "that story, was it inspired by you ? And that lady you loved ?"

Eliott stops and looks at him, his face golden in the street lights. 

He shrugs. "A little. But also not really."

"What do you mean ?" Lucas doesn't understand why, but he really needs to know. 

"I...wanted to be able to do that. The courtly love thing. To keep loving someone no matter what. And yes, the lady I loved married someone else, and it was unbelievably painful, but in time...I forgot her. I don't know if I will ever be capable of a love that strong. So this, it wasn't a sad story to me, it was supposed to be beautiful and pure." He looks away. "My cousin used to tell me it was pathetic that I was such a romantic. Do you...do you think your friends think that too ?"

Oh, no. Lucas's heart is breaking in all sorts of different ways at the same time. 

"No, no...they…" For a moment words fail him and he falters. He doesn't even know what to explain but he knows there is something here that...that he needs to say. "We live in a time where being with the person you love is a lot easier than it used to be. We are all romantics. But...that is still pretty recent. You know, maybe fifty years back still, Yann and my sister would not have been able to be together, because of their different skin color. Even me, I...So...we are all scared, I think, to ever look back. But...I can understand, if you live in a time where that is anything but a given, I can understand the beauty and the nobility of accepting and honoring these feelings, no matter what the world says. And making the best of it. And yes, I think, it's worth it. Even when it's sad." 

Eliott has stepped closer, and once again, he sends Lucas's nerves haywire as he gently cups his cheek.

"You are so good at explaining things for me. Making it all clearer, like a light in the darkness." He sighs. "My life would have been so much better if I'd had you back then." 

_But you can have me now,_ Lucas wants to say, but he doesn't.

"Is that truly what you want?" Lucas asks instead, "to love someone from afar?"

Eliott lets go of him again. "It would be simpler, don't you think? Ideals are a lot less likely to hurt you or get hurt by you. At least then your love remains pure and true."

Lucas frowns, because that sounds very wrong to him, but Eliott has resumed walking, and the confusion follows him home, and after he goes to bed.

How do you declare your feelings to a man for whom the pinnacle of romance is to spend the rest of his life pining for someone he can't have? And what made Eliott so afraid of tangible love, or so sure he would never have it?  


  
  
  
  
  


## ❄❅❆❉❊❄❅❆❉❊❄❅❆❉❊❉❊❄❅❆❄❅❆❉❊❄❅❆❉❊❉❊❄❅❆

_ December 17th  _

  
  
  


Christmas is coming closer and closer. He’s ordered most of his presents online, and they’ve arrived for the most part. Ange is getting a knight costume from him and a combat sport class of her choice at the rec center, for a year, instead of the usual science kit. He’s found a lovely pair of earrings that model an antique pair from ancient Greece for Manon and assorted fun gifts for his friends. But he doesn’t have anything for Eliott. 

It’s not like he doesn’t have options. Quite the opposite, he is paralyzed by choice. There are so many things from the modern world Eliott doesn’t have and could use. At the same time...he doesn’t want to give Eliott something that is so expensive that he will feel like he can’t reciprocate, or that would be too much. But he doesn’t want to give him some lousy, generic gift either. He wants something truly special, and just enough, and that doesn’t come across as weird, and and and…

So yeah - this is why it’s barely a week to Christmas and he still doesn’t have anything, when he usually does these things well in advance. 

Finally, he decides to bite the bullet before going home on Friday. First, he gets some very good quality, comfortable gloves, leather with a plush interior that feel like a hug for your hands, a very soft handwoven shawl in tones of blue and green that will suit Eliott wonderfully, and a woolen hat, so Eliott will have something warm and practical that he can use. And the second part of his gift, he wants it to be an experience, something fun they can do together. So he looks at concert tickets online, and picks three different ones for the both of them, so Eliott can have a broad overview of modern music. A classical concert and a retro revival event - from the 30s to the 70s - that will both take place at town hall, in January. And - this one being the most expensive by far - two tickets for a concert of one of his favorite indie pop artists in February for which they will have to go to the big city. 

It’s also a way to set an ultimatum for himself, because this is an artist who sings very explicitly about being gay. So. 

And yeah, when he’s done and he finally realizes how much he’s spent, well...he’s gone a bit overboard. But Eliott doesn’t need to know, and also…the concerts are a gift for the both of them, so it doesn’t really count. 

He gets home and Eliott is very smiley and more than a little fidgety, as if he is hiding something from Lucas but in a good way. Lucas wonders if Eliott got him Christmas presents. Lucas told him about the custom, after all. 

  
  


“Hello ! Did you have a good day ?” 

  
  


“Yes,” Eliott said. “The game of foot ball - he says it as two separate words - this morning was quite entertaining. A lot more eventful than jousting. And Lady Imane’s brother will be a good friend, I think. He seems like a good natured, most witty and cordial fellow.” That’s right ; Sofiane had invited him during their wreath-making, to come play football with him and his friends, including Imane’s big brother Idriss. 

  
  


This is good. He feels jealous, a little, but that’s stupid. He can’t be Eliott’s sole link to the world, that’s not healthy. It’s just his abandonment issues talking. Idriss and Sofiane are great guys, they'll be careful with Eliott while also not treating him too differently as they would anyone else.  


“I marked quite a few goals,” Eliott continues. “Even though I also broke the rules a lot.” 

“I bet you did,” Lucas laughs. He must have given them a run for their money. 

  
  


“I do not quite understand why it would be forbidden to tackle your enemy,” Eliott says. “But Sofiane called me a barbarian and Idriss said I should try rugby instead.” 

  
  


Lucas laughs. Wow, yeah. Eliott playing rugby ; he can see it. He would be a fucking force of nature. And in those tight jersey shorts, too...Lucas himself tried rugby in high school and he was, no big surprise, utterly pathetic at it. But he wouldn’t mind signing up again if that meant Eliott could tackle him. 

  
  


Ugh. Here go his teenage fantasies again about being ravished by the class jock. A knight is a sort of medieval jock, isn’t it. So maybe this is not all so out of character. Eliott is just the upgraded version - not a braggart but the real deal, dashing and manly without being a boneheaded jerk. 

  
  


“So, do you want to go to the ice rink tomorrow ?” Lucas says instead, trying to distract himself. 

  
  


“I would love to,” Eliott says. “You people have so many entertaining ways to get physical. I would like to try them all.” 

  
  


Ha ha. As if he could ever distract himself from Sir Eliott Innocent-innuendos over here. 

  
  
  


It’s a fucking lost cause. 

  
  
  


“Also, this afternoon, I helped out quite a few crones with their grocery shopping.” Eliott says proudly. Like they had talked about after the meeting with the social assistant, they’ve circulated word around that Eliott is available to help people with their chores, along with his phone number, and he’s been getting calls, a surprisingly low number of which were prank calls. He’s helped a lot of people clear snow from their driveways already, one young woman move house, and their antisocial neighbor trim his hedges, after which he had said, chewing on his cigarette,

“You know I don’t usually like you people much, but he’s alright.”

Lucas had spent a minute wondering what his neighbor’s problem was with knights before realizing, yeah, that was probably a homophobic dig. 

How many people thought they were a couple now ? Did anyone say anything to Eliott ? 

He blinks and comes back to the present. “That’s really nice of you. Did they pay you ?” 

Eliott frowns. “No. That would seem quite wrong, to ask money for such a normal task. Somebody has to help the elders, after all, in a civilized society.”

  
  


Ah, man. Lucas thinks. Technological progress set aside, he sometimes wonders how they’ve managed to get _ less  _ civilised when it comes to certain things. 

  
  


“Also,” Eliott continues, “I made friends with two of them. They are quite charming and gave me tea and told me much about the history of this town. Marguerite also invited me to come and play the lute and tell my stories at the hospice on Tuesday.”

  
  


Aw. The idea of Eliott being friends with Marguerite, he can’t be too jealous about. He knows her ; she’s terribly nosy, and a gossip to the bone, but she’s also very lonely since her grandchildren never come to visit her. He’s half expecting to see her on their doorstep very soon, but that could be a good thing, too. 

Maybe the whole town needs a little bit of Eliott’s knightly graces. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


## ❄❅❆❉❊❄❅❆❉❊❄❅❆❉❊❉❊❄❅❆❄❅❆❉❊❄❅❆❉❊❉❊❄❅❆

_ December 18th _

  
  
  
  
  
  


The central square is very busy today, and the Christmas market is in full swing again. They get hot chocolate and Lucas tries very hard not to think about that dream he had involving mugs and whipped cream and a nearly naked Eliott.

  
  


They make their way to the back of the market, where a little ice rink stands framed by little tents selling soup and coffee and pretzels and crepes and more chocolate. It’s too small to really skate properly, but it’s good for a first time. 

  
  


“We are supposed to do what ?” Eliott says with horror when Lucas explains. “Attach blades to our feet to go out on the slippery ice ? Are you serious ?” 

“Well, we don’t have to. It is quite a difficult sport after all.” Lucas says, half serious half teasing. 

“That sounds like a challenge.” Eliott says, narrowing his eyes. 

“Half of what I say you take like a challenge,” Lucas laughs. 

Eliott looks down on him. “Well, you are a bit uppity sometimes, Lucas.” He says, his tone chiding but his eyes sparkling. 

“What, and let me guess, you have never engaged in a bout of one-upmanship in your life.”

  
  


“Never before I met you,” Eliott grins. “I was pure as the driven snow, and you’ve sullied me.”

  
  


Fucker. 

  
  


“You like it,” Lucas says after a few seconds of inner flailing. 

  
  


Eliott sighs. “Ah, I do. Very well, you demon, give me your blades, and lead me to my doom.” 

  
  


He is such a drama queen. Lucas loves it so much. 

  
  


They rent a pair of old fashioned skates - the kind you tie to your shoes - and borrow a chair, the one they give to beginners to help them stabilize on the ice. Lucas makes Eliott sit down on it first, and ties his skates, making sure they are properly attached several times before doing his own. 

Then he sets the chair on the ice, and assists Eliott in climbing up, as he takes a few wobbling steps on the pavement first. Eliott grabs onto the back of the chair firmly, before walking onto the ice with unsteady legs. 

Immediately he almost slips, and Lucas grabs his arm and keeps him upright. 

  
  


“Wow, careful. It’s very slippery.”

  
  


“Heavenly mother,” Eliott says, expression horrified. “I cannot trust the ground under my feet. Why do people do this to themselves ?” 

  
  


“Well,” Lucas says, letting go of Eliott, “when you learn how to do it properly, it can be really fun.” Then he starts skating backwards. 

  
  


The truth is, this is something he is really good at. 

  
  


He had an ice skating phase when he was a teen, and he sort of hid it from everyone because it was not a manly thing to do, and he was very preoccupied with that at the time. But for a year or so, before the shame set in, he practiced very hard, even thought about trying competitions. And, well, it stuck with him. And he doesn’t have the same set of hangups now ; especially not with Eliott. 

  
  


Eliott looks at him, mouth open. He laughs, checks there isn’t anyone in their way and then pivots in a neat little pirouette, flying across the ice and doing a whole loop in less than a minute, weaving his path between the few others on the ice before coming back to where they started. 

Eliott’s expression is awestruck. “That was so graceful,” he says. Then, at seeing Lucas’s smug face, he adds, “Show off.” 

“Just for you,” Lucas grins. Then he gestures to Eliott. “Alright, your turn. Just...push the chair forward a little and try to follow.” 

He sees Eliott swallow, uneasy for a moment, but he’s not a fucking badass for nothing, and after a while, he starts to gain more ease on the ice, and looks less like a skittering fawn and more like his usual regal self. 

After five minutes and a few laps, he decides to let go of the chair. 

“Are you sure ?” Lucas says. “You don’t have to.” 

“Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith,” Eliott says, face scrunched up in focus. He pushes the chair aside and then starts advancing on his own, one tentative step after the other, slowly sliding to the middle of the rink. 

“See ? Well done ! You’ll catch up with me in no time !” Lucas cheers him on. “It’s all about balance,” he says. “And keeping your momentum.” 

Eliott smiles, slowly gaining more confidence. 

A little bit too much confidence, actually, because he starts going way too fast, and soon he finds himself hurtling straight forward, towards a group of people chatting and completely unaware of what is coming their way.. 

“Lucas ! Help ! How do I stop !” he yells. Lucas races to stay in front of him.

“Narrow your feet ! Push on your heels, bend your knees ! Turn to the left !” He shouts, but that might be too complicated, because Eliott starts flailing with his arms. 

Well, there’s nothing to it then. 

He rushes to Eliott’s back, shoves himself against him, pushing his feet between Eliott’s to the left, then grabs him by the waist, and steers them away from the group with one powerful shove, deviating Eliott’s speed, their skate blades skidding across the ice with a scraping noise, sending them both crashing into the plastic barrier, and cutting off their breath. 

Eliott scrabbles against the barrier with all his might, and Lucas is still grabbing on to him, keeping him upright, blood beating in his ears, intoxicated with adrenaline and their sudden closeness, and the way Eliott yielded to him, letting Lucas lead him out of trouble, perfectly trusting. 

  
  


“Are you okay ?” Lucas asks. 

  
  


“Wow.” Eliott says, and nothing else for a moment. 

  
  


“Do you want to stop ?” Lucas asks. 

  
  


“No,” Eliott says. “This is fun. But maybe i will go a bit slower.”

  
  


Lucas laughs. “Yeah, good idea.” 

  
  


Eliott turns, and his gaze is very soft. “No matter what I do, no matter how new or strange, when it’s with you, I always feel safe. It’s a gift that you have, Lucas Lallemant. You make the world seem friendlier. Easier.”

  
  


Ok, well, apparently it’s time for Let’s Turn Lucas as Red as a Fire Hydrant hours again. 

  
  


“And warm.” Eliott again. “Like it’s not that difficult to make a home.”

  
  


Seriously. That’s overkill. And also...that’s something people used to say of his mother. Not of him, grumpy irritable Lucas. Is he really that different around Eliott ?

  
  


“I, uh…” he stammers. “Do you want to see me do a double turn ?”

  
  


Eliott’s eyes light up. “You can do that ? Yes, please !” 

  
  


Lucas straightens on his skates to forget the rush of emotion sending butterflies from his stomach into his whole fucking body, and launches himself, seeing a straight line with no people with enough space for him to do what he wants to. 

  
  


He gathers momentum and then throws his leg out, and he’s gone, spinning on himself, motions coming back to him naturally, one turn, and then another, and he lands back on two skates again, and turns around. 

A lot of people are watching him now, but Eliott is the only one that matters. Again, the wonder, eyes locked together as if they’re the only two people in the universe, that instantaneous fucking connection, transcending entire centuries. 

_ What if ...you’re here for me, and I’m here for you ? What if all of this, it’s for us, so we could find each other ?  _

The audacity and hope of that thought flours him. Fuck. Fuck. He’s not ready for this, he’s not. This is some soulmate shit and he’s barely figured himself out, he can’t …

He turns back around. Another spin, that ought to shake his thoughts up. 

  
  


Unluckily for him, he’s nowhere near as focused as he should be, and so when he throws himself into the movement, he’s unbalanced. 

And it ends with him sliding and falling on his ass on the landing, making a complete fool of himself. 

Somehow Eliott manages to skate over to him, and extends a hand to help him get up, but Lucas really has overestimated his stability, so instead of getting up it’s Eliott who slides forward and falls down with a yell, Lucas on top of him. 

Ouch. 

Eliott sprawls backwards onto the ice with a dramatic sigh. “Forgive me. I am nowhere near as good at rescuing you as you are at rescuing me.” 

  
  


“No,” Lucas, “you are.” He smiles. “Just maybe not on skates.” 

  
  


Eliott looks at him from under his long lashes, coy, eyes burning bright. 

“What did I rescue you from, then, Lucas Lallemant ?” 

  
  


Lucas’s throat gets tight all of a sudden. Where to even start. 

  
  


“Boredom,” he says. “Living like a zombie with a heart of stone. Feeling completely unworthy of attention or affection. Not being willing to let anything good in. Believing that there is no such thing as miracles.”

“That sounds like a dreadful fate,” Eliott says. “I am glad I came here, then.” He pauses, his eyes smoldering. “Maybe you were my quest all along.” 

  
  


God. Lucas wants to spill everything in his heart, set everything free. 

  
  


Then someone whistles at them, breaking through the moment. “Get a room, lovebirds !”

  
  


Lucas jumps as if scalded and hastily gets off Eliott, scrambling upwards. Eliott does the same, frowning. 

  
  


“What...what did that mean ? What was he implying ? Did he compare you to a woman?” 

  
  


Lucas’s heart shrinks three sizes. Fuck. In fact, he’s a coward. He can’t talk about this now. 

  
  


“He was being stupid, don’t pay attention to him,” Lucas says. He looks at the exit. “We should go anyway, it’s getting late.” 

  
  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  


He can’t fucking deal with this anymore. All the tender moments, the ambiguous flirtations, the ‘accidental’ physical closeness, the little attentions, the touches to his face that are just not platonic in any way, shape or form. How well they get along, how easy it is to spend time together. Eliott talking about how kind and gentle and graceful and beautiful he is and how he makes him feels safe and leads him in the darkness or whatever the fuck but then - then there is always something that comes crashing through the soaring feeling, and it’s just. It’s not fun anymore. He feels it burning in his chest, scorching his insides.

  
  


But he just. He doesn’t know how to broach the subject. He just doesn’t. 

  
  


So he goes for the nuclear option. 

  
  
  


He sends a message to his guys. Tonight, boys’ night out, at Mika’s bar. Casual, but for one thing.  _ I want to see how Eliott reacts.  _ To the unmistakable ambient queerness. And if he says something that will stomp on Lucas’s heart and dash his hopes, at least he won’t be alone.

  
  


After tonight, he’ll be set. 

  
  
  
  


...

  
  
  


He walks on eggshells the entire afternoon. They get a quick dinner before heading out. 

  
  


Lucas feels so nervous. He’s not really said anything to Eliott except, “we’re joining the boys in one of our favorite bars, just a casual night out,” and Eliott had responded with his usual enthusiasm. 

Is this deceitful ? Or reasonable ? Fuck. He can’t remember being this anxious since he came out, and he even started biting his nails again. 

They arrive at the bar. For some reason, Lucas is almost surprised it’s still there. As if it could have disappeared into smoke from the sheer power of his anxiety. 

  
  


The guys, thankfully, waiting for them outside, don’t make a fuss. They enter the bar all together, Lucas scanning Eliott’s reaction very intently. It doesn’t seem out of the ordinary, beyond wide eyed wonder. And the bar does look really fun and intriguing, he has to admit. There is also no way for Eliott to know what all the rainbows and Pride swag mean. 

It’s still quite early, so they have no problem finding a table at the back. Lucas manoeuvres them so that Eliott has his back to the wall, and a view of the entire room. And Lucas sits in front of him, so he can see Eliott’s reactions.

Mika arrives soon after, wearing a bright pink shirt. Thankfully, he doesn’t make a fuss. He can be obnoxious as hell, but he also knows how to read the room, and he’s picked up that this is a sensitive matter. He just asks for their orders and comes back with them a moment later. 

“You must be Eliott,” he says then. Lucas tenses up. Maybe he is  _ actually _ that annoying. “Lucas has told me a lot about you.” 

Eliott grins, delighted. “Yes, he quite likes talking about me, I think.” He looks at Lucas then, teasing. Lucas splutters and grabs his beer, swallowing too big of a gulp to pretend he is in no way affected. 

“Well, excuse me, don’t you have another toast to make about me ?” Lucas fires back. 

“Yes,” Eliott says, his smirk getting more mischievous by the second, as he raises his glass. “To Lucas, and his impeccable taste in friends.”

To that, the other guys cheer, and they all clink their glasses against Eliott’s. Meanwhile, Mika stares at Lucas, eyebrows very eloquently raised, before turning back to his bar. 

Yeah. He can imagine what that looks like. 

  
  


…

  
  


The rest of the evening ticks by, and they drink and talk and have fun, telling Eliott all sorts of anecdotes about their high school days, and Eliott tells them about training as a knight, and for a while Lucas forgets why he’s there. But not too long. He can’t help but keep checking the room. There are no couples here tonight and no signs of outright queer activity. He can’t help but think this is very stupid. He really is a coward, waiting for other people to do the coming out part for him. As the end of the evening approaches, Lucas is more and more wound up. 

Eventually, Yann must have noticed, and taps him on the shoulder. “Help me get another round of drinks at the bar, yeah ? Everybody getting the same ?”

As they stand in line, Yann says, 

“Ok, bro. Spill.” 

Lucas looks back. “It’s Eliott, I, uh...I don’t...I mean…”

Yann takes one look at him, then Eliott, then back at him. 

“Yeah, he’s into you.” 

“What ?” Lucas splutters indignantly. He’s been so torn up over this, and here Yann is, slicing through his dilemma so easily. “You can’t know that !”

“I have eyes,” Yann says. “He’s been staring at you all evening. I’ve never seen somebody be so blatant. It makes me want to get a room for you.”

“Yann,” Lucas whines. “I don’t know what to do. He just keeps saying these things...but he’s from the Middle Ages ! I mean, he thinks he is,” he adds hastily to maintain the charade, “and you know what they thought about gay people back then ! I can’t make a move on him, he’s going to tell me I deserve to burn in hell.” 

“Homophobia or not, he is into you,” Mika says, barging into the conversation as they reach the bar. 

Lucas frowns. That’s an option he hasn’t considered. That Eliott might be legitimately into him, but also held back by a medieval view of the world. That would make things...complicated. 

“What do I do,” he asks, truly at a loss. 

“You need to tell him the truth,” Yann says. “I haven’t seen you so torn up over something like this since high school. That was not a good time for you, bro.” 

Lucas sighs. Yann’s right. He’s hid enough for a life time. 

“No offense, gorgeous,” Mika says, “but that’s easier to say when you’re on the outside. There are very little ways of getting your heart broken worse than having your crush curse you out for who you are.”

Lucas bites his lip. That’s all the crux of the issue, isn’t it. He wants to trust Eliott. But he’s grown in a world that, although changing fast, was still too hostile for him to do that easily. 

“Let me handle it,” Mika says. He takes his phone out. “I’m going to call Camille and we’re going to indulge in a little mid-shift tongue to tongue action in plain sight.” 

Well, that could do it. “Please don’t over do it,” Lucas begs. 

“You know me,” Mika grins. “I’m the very picture of propriety.” 

  
  
  


…

  
  


Ten minutes or so later, Camille enters the bar, and goes to find his boyfriend. Lucas turns, focusing on Eliott’s face, barely daring to move a muscle. 

They must be kissing now, right ? Eliott’s expression doesn’t change. He sips on his beer, expression mild, while Basile tells them about his latest fishing expedition slash catastrophe. 

Eventually Lucas turns around and yeah, they’re kissing. 

So...why isn’t Eliott reacting ? At all? Well. Okay. He’s frowning just a little bit. But that could be because he’s focusing on the story. Maybe he didn’t even notice. 

  
  


Fuck. This isn’t working. 

  
  


He’s going to have to do this himself, isn’t he. 

  
  


He looks at Eliott, at how the light hits the planes of his face, making him look both elegant and strange, like some sort of fairy creature. 

  
  
  


There is no precedent to their situation. And if Eliott were to say something, hurtful...it would come from such a different world than Lucas is used to. It would sting, but it wouldn’t be the same, it wouldn’t be a reminder that the world doesn’t tolerate who he is. Because a different world is being built. And if he can, if it’s in anyway something Eliott needs, then Lucas would like to show that new world to him. 

  
  


In the end it comes down to a very simple thing. 

  
  


He wants to know what would happened if Eliott were to look at him _like that_ again except this time they both knew what it meant. 

“Guys,” he says, as soon as there is a lull in the conversation, “I’m getting a bit of a headache. I’m going to take a short walk and head home. Eliott, you want to come with ?” 

  
  


Eliott looks at him, a little surprised, but nods. The other guys are conspicuously silent. 

  
  


Lucas gets up, awkwardly. “Well, then, see you next time.” 

  
  


He gets his coat, pays for his and Eliott’s drinks, and gets out. As they leave, he sees the guys making - very unsubtle - gestures of encouragement. 

  
  
  


The cold air hits him as he rushes out in a hurry, waking him up from beer-infused torpor. 

  
  


They take the direction of the city center. It has started snowing again, but very lightly, and the world is a delicate snowglobe, quiet, secluded onto itself, almost fragile. 

  
  


Lucas pays attention to the icy road, making sure he doesn’t trip. 

  
  


The silence stretches on between them, and Lucas usually likes that he can be silent with Eliott without it becoming awkward, but this time, the silence feels more like an impossible wall to climb. 

  
  


“I am happy you have such good friends,” Eliott says softly, at least. “Especially after that other one betrayed you.” 

  
  


What ? Ah yes, James. 

  
  


Oh, but this is an opening, isn’t it. And it’s a stupid hook for a coming out, really, talking about his piece of shit ex, but at the rate this is going, he just needs to speak, to say anything, otherwise they’ll walk all the way up into the forest and he still won’t have managed to open his mouth. 

When he finally talks, he feels like he has to wrench the words from his chest. 

  
  


“James wasn’t...he wasn’t just a friend. He was...well, he’s my ex now.” 

  
  


Eliott frowns. “Ex what ?” 

  
  


“Ex boyfriend,” Lucas says. “We were a couple. A romantic thing.” 

  
  


There is a very, very long silence, and Lucas’s heart feels impossibly tiny, and like he’s just kicked down a very deep well. 

  
  


“Oh,” Eliott says. His expression and tone are utterly indecipherable. 

  
  


_God, A+ for eloquence, dumbass,_ Lucas tells himself. 

  
  


“I’m gay,” he starts again, feeling fresh snow crackle under his feet. “That means I’m attracted to other men only. Romantically and sexually. Nowadays, it’s a common thing. Some men like both men and women. And like, other genders too. And the same goes for women. It’s normal.” 

Eliott remains silent, and Lucas finds himself grow defensive as panic claws up his throat. 

  
  


“Men can marry other men, now, too. And adopt children together, and have a house together, and...do everything other couples do. And...nobody thinks that makes them women, or...Wrong in anyway, or...deserve to go to hell or…” he swallows, heart beating a thousand miles per hour. He’s really simplifying things, but right now he needs Eliott to know where they stand. “And we’ve had to fight for that, and now...we don’t want to go back, and the people who think otherwise, they...well, fuck them.”  _ Stop talking, Lucas.  _

  
  


He stops. “Say something,” he demands, to Eliott, his voice more imperious than he feels inside. 

  
  


Eliott stops, a bit further away from him. He’s still frowning. There is something extremely weird going on behind his eyes and Lucas doesn’t like it. 

Finally he says, “there are other genders ?”

  
  


_You oblivious fucker,_ Lucas wants to scream. _Is this really the only thing you’re going to comment on ?_

  
  


“Yes,” Lucas says, not feeling in a mood to explain further. 

  
  


“It’s a strange world,” Eliott says. 

  
  


What the fuck is that supposed to mean ? Suddenly, Lucas feels a rush of hostility. Maybe he needs to be done with this shit. He’s done with feeling ashamed. He’s not going back. Ever. 

  
  


Then Eliott speaks again, and this time, his voice is soft. 

  
  


“Thank you for telling me this.” He says. “I might not understand it, but I don’t believe you deserve to burn in hell. You are a lovely person, and whoever you choose to love will be lucky.” 

  
  
  


Oh. 

  
  


Lucas looks at him, and Eliott smiles at him gently, and suddenly, he feels utterly sad, but in the softest possible way, like the coldest snow falling lightly on slats of ice.

  
  
  
  


_ I don’t understand, but I accept you. _ The straight response by excellence. Detached, but supportive. Apart, but still present. 

  
  
  


So it’s the opposite, then, of what he suspected. Eliott isn’t a homophobe. But he’s not into Lucas either. 

  
  
  


Well.

  
  
  


They’ve arrived at the central square. The place they met. The place Lucas told Eliott,  _ you’re not alone.  _

  
  
  


And it strikes him : if he had to start over, he would do everything exactly the same. 

  
  
  


And so maybe Eliott isn’t meant for him. But he still changed Lucas’s life, in such a short amount of time. Made him believe in good things, made him open up to life, made him want to fall in love again. And that is so important.  


And Lucas is still glad he helped Eliott, because Eliott is a wonderful person who deserves good things. And he’s a medieval knight telling him, a gay man, that he accepts him for who he is, and that has to be some sort of historical first. And yeah, this is going to hurt for a while, but in time, he wants Eliott and him to remain friends. He knows they have a connection, no matter if it’s romantic or not. They have so much still to teach each other. 

  
  


“Thanks,” he says to Eliott, a little roughly. 

  
  


They stand there for a while, staring at the square as it becomes a pristine field of velvet white. The violent emotions in his heart whirl around each other, a maelstrom that is ferocious and sharp and painful but so alive. 

  
  


It was worth it. 

  
  
  


The lady in white in Eliott’s tale was right, Lucas thinks. Sorrow and joy are often the same. And love is its own reward. 

  
  
  
  
  


## ❄

## ❅

## ❆

## ❉

## ❊

## ❄

## ❅

## ❆  
  
  


That night, sleep eludes Eliott as he tosses and turns in his luxurious bed. 

  
  
  


Something is gnawing at the back of his mind, but try as he might, he cannot manage to put his finger on it. A stirring, a trouble, a yawning need without words. He feels upset and he doesn’t understand why.

  
  
  


He doesn’t understand much of anything right now. 

  
  
  


When Lucas had revealed this thing about his nature, Eliott had sensed the disarray in his voice, and so his first reflex had been to comfort his friend. He could not stand to see so much fear in those beautiful blue eyes.

  
  
  


But by the Virgin’s holy shroud, he is so confused he doesn’t know what to do with himself. 

  
  


He thought he’d elucidated it. The strong feelings between him and Lucas must be the work of God ; Lucas was his angel, his prophet, his star of Bethlehem. The keeper of his faith, tender of the flame. 

  
  


But how can he be holy if he is an unrepentant sinner ? Eliott remembers the priest’s words.  _ Two men laying together as a man and a woman would is an abomination.  _

  
  


Back then, he’d thought it referred to a man getting another pregnant, which surely, if it had ever happened, must be very unnatural, and the work of some devilish trickster. The thought of ever getting pregnant himself he found very disturbing. 

  
  


Maybe some men could get pregnant and he’d simply never heard of it. It’s not like he had ever travelled a lot, really. Or maybe it was a modern thing ? Could Lucas get pregnant ? 

  
  


He feels really stupid, all of a sudden, and the soft sheets are itching against his skin, and it all feels like a trap. He wrenches himself out of bed, and grabs the quickest clothes he can find, and goes outside, sitting down on the porch. 

  
  
  


_ Love isn’t all about getting pregnant or having children, you know that,  _ a little voice murmurs in his ear.  _ You’re being willingly obtuse. _

  
  


What is love about then ? The answer weighs on his chest like a slab of ice, trapping him under it until he feels like he cannot breathe. The night snow swirls around him, blank, offering no answer.

  
  


He goes back inside and grabs his sword. Its power has only grown since it has awakened. It doesn’t feel only like Lucas anymore, but like all the people he’s met, talked with, befriended, laughed with, helped. It feels like a life unfolding, and the end of his quest coming closer and closer. 

  
  


Yes. His quest. That is what he should focus on. Soon, his time here will come to an end. He cannot be distracted. 

  
  


His quest to become a true knight. This is what he has always wanted, all his life, and this strange new world cannot change the core of who he is. 

  
  


He must not scatter his mind and his efforts. Lucas is a good person, not an abomination, of that he is sure ; but what matters is that he will help Eliott on his quest. What he does with his life concerns him little. 

  
  


He must dedicate himself anew, and all confusion will fall away. 

  
  


Yes. 

  
  


This decision calms him, and he returns to bed, determined to renew his drill practice, to pray, to be disciplined, to be tireless. 

  
  
  


But as he sinks into sleep, his last thought is the one that remains, and it’s the most treacherous one, most raw and unfiltered and naked, the one that knows the deepest layers of his heart, and it knows,

  
  


it’s not really God he wants to pray to, anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boyyyyyy
> 
> fellas, is it homophobic to be upset about your friend's coming out to the point you can't sleep at night because you're too busy thinking about his eyes and you're sublimating everything through religious metaphors ? lmao
> 
> but please be kind to this Eliott, he just has major cultural jet lag AND more than one reason to be in very deep denial. but we'll dig more into that next chapter. some other things will also be gotten into in depth, but shh spoilers ^^
> 
> i'm proud of Lucas for finally saying it ! even though this is a bit of a bummer, but you know, you need a bit of angst before the final stretch ! and we are very much getting into that final stretch now. 
> 
> After this there is either one or two chapters left depending on how long it gets. Plus an epilogue. i will miss this story when it's done but i am also really eager to let you read what i've planned for them ! 
> 
> next chapter : Eliott gets into the Mother of All Sexuality Crises, and Lucas's patience gets worn to threads, and they go on a hike.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time for Eliott to have the Big Gay Crisis ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, this chapter is a little angstier and less cute than previous chapters ; it's quite introspective and a lot of it is from Eliott's perspective. That said...hope you'll enjoy reading it because I really enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> cw : medieval perceptions of gender/sexuality, vague mentions of sex
> 
> thanks for sticking with this fic out of the holiday period <3

_ December 19th  _

  
  
  
  
  
  


Eliott dreams. 

  
  
  
  


He is sat on his faithful steed, Polaris, ambling through a silent winter forest. The ground is white with snow ; the sky is white with fog ; the two split apart by black trees like bones. The skin of his hand is deathly pale, his clothes are as dark as Polaris’s coat. It is a world without color. The cold air enters his lungs, and makes him feel as if he is entirely made of ice. 

  
  
  


And then, suddenly, he arrives to a clearing. 

  
  
  


In the middle of the clearing, on the cold ground, a thick wooden cross is laid, and a man is attached to that cross, his limbs tied with coarse rope. Eliott finds himself standing over him, his horse suddenly gone. 

  
  


The man is naked, save for a white cloth gathered over his loins ; his skin is pale and smooth as marble, his muscles chiseled like those of an ancient statue, and almost as immaculate, save for faint traces of blue veins and the feathering of hair on his chest. His body exposed, on display, strung taut across the wood like a bow, looks both strong and delicate. 

  
  


His face is so peaceful. But not alive.

  
  


Seeing him like this brings Eliott to tears, and an ancient and visceral grief claws out of his throat. He falls to his knees, laying a hand on the man's forehead, cold as ice.

  
  


“Please, no,” he sobs. “I never wanted to sacrifice you for my sins.”

  
  


Lucas opens his eyes, violent blue like a summer sky, and color enters the world. It takes Eliott’s breath away. 

  
  
  


Lucas smiles, blue lips suddenly pink again, and turns a serene gaze onto Eliott.  


  
  
  
  


“There is no sin,” he says, “only lost chances.” 

  
  
  
  


And then Eliott wakes up, with a crushing sensation of shame mixed with a sharp spark of euphoria, and he tries to forget his dream as fast as possible. 

  
  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  
  


When Lucas wakes up, he’s not in the best of moods. He slept on his shoulder and his neck feels sore as hell. And remembering what happened yesterday makes it even worse. 

  
  


But he’s got stuff to do, today, and he doesn't have the luxury to wallow. Daphné is counting on him to go to the wholesale store that is an hour and a half away from the town, to use the school’s company card so they can buy food for the community dinner. 

  
  


So he swallows his bruised heart’s protests, even though what he truly wants to do right now is curl up on the couch and cry, and avoid Eliott as much as possible. Instead, he walks into a shower for a brief, cold shower, and makes himself coffee, until he’s alert and functioning again. 

  
  


He goes to knock on Eliott’s door. For a moment there is no response. It’s weird ; usually Eliott is always awake before him. 

  
  


Lucas’s heart sinks. Is Eliott avoiding him, after yesterday ? Did he irrevocably mess up their friendship ? 

  
  


“Yes ?” The voice comes through from the other side of the door. 

  
  


“I need to go to the supermarket to shop for Daphné’s dinner. Do you want to come ?” 

  
  


There is another pause. 

  
  


“I said Daphné I would help her, too. Helping is important. For the quest. So, yes.” 

  
  


Ah, the quest. He hadn’t heard about that in a while. 

  
  


The door swings open and Eliott gets out in his boxers, and seeing his bare chest and bed hair after yesterday like this, so close and so completely inaccessible, feels like a slap in the face. But he notices Eliott also looks terrible, as if he hasn’t slept all night. 

  
  


Eliott walks past him to go to the bathroom. Weird. That’s not the behavior of somebody afraid of his roommate’s gayness. But he also looks in a really bad mood. 

  
  


Weird. 

  
  
  


…

  
  


On the road, they talk very little, and this time, it is definitely awkward. So Lucas turns the radio on, and listens mindlessly to random pop tunes and then the daily news. Several times Eliott looks like he is going to ask something, but he doesn’t. 

  
  
  


They arrive at the wholesale store around ten in the morning. Usually, Lucas always finds shopping here quite fun, because everything is so oversized. But right now, he just wants to get this done as fast as possible. 

  
  


When they enter, a lame Christmas jingle welcomes them, along with some tired tinsel and plastic trees. This is the worst side of Christmas - all the over the top commercialism. 

  
  


He looks at his list. Daphné always finds it very important that the menu be elaborate, because for a lot of people eating with them, it will be their only chance at a fancy meal during the holidays. Lucas usually agrees, but this time it’s giving him a headache. Do people even actually like eating sturgeon eggs ? 

  
  


Eliott and him both take their own chariots, and so they start on a trip along the immense alleys of the massive hangar. 

  
  


“Wow,” Eliott says, looking at rows upon rows of bucket sized tubs of pickles. “That’s a lot of food.” 

  
  


“Wow,” Lucas says sarcastically, “I hadn’t noticed.” He bites his lip, immediately regretting his words. Things might be strained right now, but that doesn’t excuse him being an asshole. 

  
  


Eliott stops, his expression wounded, turning hurt eyes toward Lucas, and that’s the worst feeling in the entire world. 

  
  


“Why are you angry at me ?” he asks. 

  
  


“I’m not angry,” Lucas says stubbornly, stopping in turn, barely managing to stop his cart from bumping into a stack of extra large cans of pickled herring. 

“That’s not true,” Eliott replies, just as mulish. “Your face is all red, you’re huffing and you’re getting mean.” 

Ugh. 

Eliott’s honesty is so annoying sometimes. He can’t even fucking sulk in peace. 

“Ok, fine, I am angry. I shared something super private with you yesterday, and you’re avoiding me. How am I supposed to take that, huh ?”

“I’m not avoiding you!” Eliott protests. 

“Why are you not talking to me, then ?”

“Well why aren’t you ?” 

Wow. This is going well. Lucas is really discovering that they’re well matched in terms of pig-headedness. 

“I am not avoiding you,” Eliott repeats, his voice smaller. “I am really not. I just...I slept really badly. I had a nightmare. For a moment, I thought you’d died.” 

  
  


Lucas’s mouth falls slightly open. What the fuck is he supposed to reply to that ? Is Eliott...worried about him ?

  
  


“I, uh. I am sorry.” He says, at a loss. “I’m...not dead now, right ?” He grabs a can of very heavy pickled fish and starts lifting it over his head. “I would not be able to do this if I were dead, right ? I don’t think the undead would like pickled fish. Way too salty and sour. ” 

  
  


Eliott looks just as puzzled, which. Good. For a change. Maybe he should be weird more often, then Eliott’ll see what that’s like. 

  
  


“Whereas I, for instance, love pickled fish. Fucking love it.” 

  
  


“I have never had pickled fish,” Eliott says tentatively, his voice small. 

  
  


“Well then you haven’t lived,” Lucas says, and he puts the jar down in his caddy even though it’s not on their list. Daphné can figure it out later. 

  
  


“There’s a lot of things I haven’t had,” Eliott says. He looks so sad suddenly.

  
  


What ? 

  
  


“Like a real lasting friend, for instance. Lucas, if I hurt you, that was not my intention. I told you I would make a fool of myself.”

  
  


Oh no. Shit. 

  
  


“No, I am sorry," Lucas admits. "Fuck, this is my fault...I’m being a paranoid asshole. I’m sorry. It’s not entirely true, what I told you yesterday. There are still people today who think that two men loving each other is wrong. I’ve...been hurt before. But it’s not fair for me to take it out on you.” 

  
  


“Okay,” Eliott says, looking at the can in Lucas’s cart, forlorn. “Maybe…” he says tentatively. “Maybe it’s like pickled fish. They think don’t like it because they haven’t tried it.” 

  
  


This is the weirdest conversation he’s ever had in his life. Also, using fish as a metaphor for this is like, the entirely wrong gender. Maybe he should have grabbed the giant pickles instead. 

  
  


“I don’t know,” he says. “Most people are pretty aware of their tastes. That doesn’t change the fact that we should all respect each other’s differences.”

  
  


“How ?” 

  
  


“How what ?” 

  
  


“How did you know you only liked men ?” Eliott asks, not looking at Lucas, still intensely looking at the can of fish. 

  
  


“Uh...I guess I…” He wonders how to condense such a complicated process in a few words. Also, why the fuck is he even asking about this ? “I think I've known pretty early but I was kind of in denial about it for a long time, because the media had given me a negative image of what gay men were like, and I didn’t want to be like that. And then I…” _Got a crush on my best friend,_ Lucas doesn’t say, because he doesn’t want Eliott to think that’s a pattern. 

Even though it totally is. Fuck his life. 

“...I tried to date girls and it didn’t work, and I found myself developing feelings for another boy, and I started to be more and more unable to lie to myself, and then I met other gay people, and they weren’t at all like I thought they would be. They were super brave and badass and they made me want to live my truth fully.” 

“That’s good,” Eliott says, still staring at that fucking can like it holds the solution to all the mysteries in the universe. Then he turns around and grabs a can of giant pickles, and puts it in the cart. “I haven’t had those either. I want to try.”

  
  


Okay...

If there is a metaphor in all of this, Lucas thinks, it’s going completely over his head. 

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


An hour or so later, once they’ve gotten everything they need piled up in the trunk and the back seat - sturgeon eggs, toast bread, rye bread, vacuum sealed roe deer meat, preserved cherries, tubs of fancy tapenade and aubergine bread spread, little verrines full of tomato and ham mousse, miniature yule logs with passion fruit icecream put in iceboxes, and so on - it’s lunch hour. So they sit down on a pile of wooden crates in the parking lot, Lucas gets some bread out, and he opens the pickle jar and the pickled fish. He creates a haphazard plate for both of them out of a cardboard package, and makes them a sandwich. 

Eliott bites into it and makes a face. But he chews and eventually says, “well, I think I like it.” 

Of course he would. His taste buds must be nuclear bomb - proof. Lucas winces as he bites into his own. It’s just extremely fucking sour. He adds another slice of bread. 

Eliott eats a lot faster than him, and when he’s done he fishes another huge pickle out of the jar and puts it in his mouth whole, sucking on it a little in a way that makes Lucas’s brain flatline completely. 

Why. How. Why is this still happening. Fuck. 

“Don’t do that.” He says hastily. 

Eliott frowns, popping the pickle out of his mouth. Lucas can’t help but notice how wet his lips are. 

“Why ?” Eliott asks, innocent. 

“Because, eating too much of these is bad for your stomach,” he says. 

“Oh, okay.” Eliott bites his pickle clean in half and then gives the other half to Lucas. “You finish this, then.” 

  
  


He is very happy there’s no one else to see him eat the pickle half Eliott has chewed on, because this is really fucking undignified. And gross. And he’s thinking about Eliott’s saliva in his mouth now. 

  
  


But wasting food is a shame, and all that. 

  
  


“This bread is really very bad,” Eliott says. “This won’t do for a feast.” He grabs a toast and flaps it around until it disintegrates. “No consistency whatsoever and it tastes like soap. But I can show you how to make some from scratch.” 

Lucas should tell him no. They won’t have enough time. There is so much to do. If Eliott bakes like he cooks, this will be a disaster. Also, it’s way past time he stopped indulging Eliott’s every whim just because of how whipped he is. Because that’s not going anywhere, and by behaving like this, he’s just keeping his pointless hopes alive. And maybe he should make Eliott realize that their relationship won’t be always this cosy and close, simply because if it stays like this, Lucas is going to completely lose it very soon. 

“I have some flour at home,” he says instead. 

  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  
  


After a confusing night, Eliott is having a confusing day. 

  
  
  


He doesn't want his relationship with Lucas to change. It feels like his only steady, sure, reliable thing he has in this new world. 

  
  


But it is changing. And he feels at fault. They are behaving strangely around each other and he doesn't understand why. 

  
  


Did Lucas's revelation really change how Eliott sees him? He doesn't want that to be true. But it is. 

  
  


Eliott doesn't want to be like those horrible bigoted people who hurt Lucas in the past. After all, falling in love isn't a choice, isn't it ? And Lucas is a good, kind person. That hasn't changed.

  
  


But he can't stop thinking about it. About the idea of two men falling in love with each other. And...being intimate with each other. The idea makes him feel flushed and bothered in a way he doesn't understand.

  
  


It makes him rethink what he knows about love. What he's always been taught by stories. In his time, a lot of people married out of convenience and sometimes love developed out of familiarity and care. But that can't be too relevant here - he can't imagine why two men would enter a marriage of convenience. So passion remained ; stirring and overwhelming and often tragic, but life giving. So it must be like that. But…

  
  


He thought love was all about the unique spark between a man and a woman. The woman was supposed to be delicate and beautiful and let herself be wooed ; and the man brave and strong and tough. 

  
  


But maybe he is being stupid again because it wasn't always like that in real life, was it ? He's met many tough as nails farm wives who ran their estates with an iron hand and were very beloved by their husbands ; and he has seen maidens swoon over the sensitive, frail, delicate bard. Even in his own stories - he likes tales of bold ladies who are more than just a pretty face.

  
  


But still...when two men are together, does that mean that one has to play the role of the woman? Or is it something else entirely? 

  
  


He finds himself thinking about this on the way back home from the big supermarket. The radio is on again, but at least the silence feels less awkward than on the way there. 

  
  


He wants to ask Lucas more questions, but he has the horrible feeling he will only end up saying stupid, hurtful things. So he keeps his mouth shut. 

  
  


But his mind won't let it go. Worse, it starts turning to thoughts of Lucas...with another man. A faceless one at first and it becomes the man they saw in the cafe, James, the one who betrayed Lucas. Close, holding each other like a husband and a wife...kissing. 

  
  


That vision makes him really upset and weirdly aroused at the same time and he immediately flinches, opening the window to distract himself. It's so wrong - having these sorts of impure thoughts will not help his quest at all, and Lucas is his friend ! He can't be thinking about a friend like this. 

  
  


"Are you okay?" 

  
  


"Yes, yes, I…" Eliott stammers. His face feels uncomfortably warm, his clothes too tight. "Just needed some air." 

  
  


"Okay," Lucas says, opening his own window in turn. 

  
  


Lucas is always so kind to him. For a moment Eliott can't help but wonder...but no. No. Lucas is his friend. No. 

  
  
  


…

  
  


They arrive back at the town and go to the kitchens of the community center to offload the food and store it in the massive freezers there. Then back home.  Eliott tries to focus on his plan : making bread. This is something tangible he can do and then the people will be able to eat decent bread, which is a good cause.

  
  


Lucas once again humours him, giving him flour and utensils and a sort of powdered yeast so he won't have to wait days for a homemade mother of yeast to rise from warm flour put to ferment in water. But then he starts walking away to go and do some grading, and Eliott protests. 

  
  


"Wait ! Let's do this together. I want to show you," Eliott says. He can do this ; be normal. He doesn't want them to get used to avoiding each other. 

  
  


Lucas smiles and accepts, and Eliott can't help but feel a rush of happiness. He shows Lucas how to make dough. It's quite simple - flour, water, yeast, a pinch of salt, a few teaspoons of sugar, a little bit of spice. 

  
  


"When I was a squire, I was expected to do chores around the castle. For quite a few years, my main task was to help bake bread in the kitchens." He thinks back on the memory fondly. "I loved it there, it was always bustling and warm and it smelled nice. The chief cook didn't talk much but she always gave me scraps from the lord's dishes, and the scullery maids sang songs, and the baker would always tell me stories about household spirits and how to keep them happy. He made me set aside a few bites of bread with honey on it and milk at the end of the day by the fire place." The place is still so present in his mind, he can smell it - baking bread, earthen dishes, ash from the fireplace, honey and spice, starched linens, vinegar, working people's sweat, the old kitchen dog's fur, mud and rain from outside, ripening fruit. "It really helped me being there after I learned of the death of my parents. They were all so kind to me. Otherwise I would have felt so adrift."

There is a moment of silence. Lucas's beautiful eyes are on him once more, grave and full of sympathy, and although the memory is evocative, Eliott finds himself distracted from it. The sky is so often cloudy, but Lucas's eyes never are, which makes them so much better ; constantly clear and radiant in a way that makes him feel he could fall into them and it would be glorious. 

  
  


When he catches the thought, suddenly, he feels very embarrassed and looks away.

  
  


"Anyway...it was a long time ago."

  
  
  


"Thanks for telling me. And showing me," Lucas says, his voice a bit hoarse.

  
  


He looks at what Lucas is doing. 

  
  


"You're not kneading the dough properly," he says, and demonstrates on his own. "You have to really put your weight into it." 

  
  


Lucas tries again, but he just...doesn't have the right approach. 

  
  


Without really thinking about what he's doing, he drops his own dough and steps up behind Lucas, pressing close and putting his hands on Lucas's own. 

"Can I show you?"

  
  


"Um. Yes," Lucas says. His voice is weirdly low, breathless. 

Eliott grabs onto his fingers with his own, lacing them together, and pushes them into the dough. 

"You really need to push into it with some vigor, really dig in deep," he explains. 

Lucas doesn't say anything, just lets Eliott handle him, shaping and kneading together, and for a moment he is lost in the back and forth motion, and then without even realizing it at first, the moment turns into something else. Lucas exhales loudly and suddenly he is aware of everything. Every little thing. 

The sensation of flour rubbing in between their linked hands ; the back and forth, thrusting motion ; Lucas' neck, bare right below his eyes, peeking out from under his shirt, inviting, so close he could press his lips against the smooth, soft looking skin. The heat of Lucas’ body, his scent under lemon and laundry soap and the smell of yeast and spices. The way his backside is pressed against Eliott's crotch, and the rush of pleasurable fire it is sending into the rest of his body, and, and - is he leaning into it ? Is Eliott ? Is...oh god.

Oh god. 

  
  


Eliott drops Lucas's hands immediately and jolts away from him as if burned. A wave of panic hits him and he has to force himself not to run away. 

  
  


"Well, uh," he forces himself to say, "i think it's good now, so we just...let it rise for an hour or so before we work on it again." 

"Okay," Lucas responds. His face is red and he is deliberately avoiding Eliott's gaze.

  
  


Oh god.

  
  


"I'm going to...rest now." He says hastily, and he flees, not stopping until he's closed the door of his room behind him and let himself fall onto the bed. 

  
  


God. 

  
  


He wishes in that instant that he could just fall unconscious. It would be so much simpler.

  
  


But he's alone now and he can't. He has to face the truth. 

  
  
  


Is he…

  
  
  


Is he...drawn to Lucas ? 

  
  


All those strange feelings, that connection he explained as some sort of spiritual calling, are they…?

  
  


He presses his face into his pillow. He wants to scream. He can't deal with this. Christmas is approaching fast and so is the deadline for his quest. These...strange pulsions are a distraction. He can't afford to let it veer him off course. 

  
  


But he can't deny it anymore. That heat between them...it was real. And now he rethinks all those moments between them, when he felt compelled to touch Lucas, to be close to him, to make him laugh. When they looked at each other and he felt understood and connected like he has never felt before in his life.

  
  
  


No, no. Romantic love is a trap, he thinks, and sexual impulses are even worse. It only ends in deception and tears. Especially for him. He needs Lucas's friendship right now. Nothing else. Very soon, his time here will come to an end, and he will have to go back to his time and fight the dragon. 

  
  


He still cannot let himself be distracted. So this, whatever it is, he cannot afford to consider or explore or let blossom. He will have to continue as before, with the strength of his ideal to show him the way.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

    
    
        ...        *                        *       *
          ...   *         * ..   ...                        *
     *      ...        *           *            *
              ...               ...                          *
                ..                            *
        *        ..        *                       *
               __##____              *                      *
      *    *  /  ##  ****                   *
             /        ****               *         *  X   *
       *    /        ******     *                    XXX      *
           /___________*****          *             XXXXX
            |            ***               *       XXXXXXX   X
        *   | ___        |                    *   XXXXXXXX  XXX
      *     | | |   ___  | *       *             XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
            | |_|   | |  ****             *           X   XXXXXXX
        *********** | | *******      *                X      X
    ************************************************************  
      
      
      
      
    

_ December 20th  _

  
  
  
  
  
  


Lucas is going to fucking lose it. 

  
  
  
  
  


He'd resigned himself. He'd decided to accept it - Eliott was straight, nothing he could do about it, he should just let it go, move on, get over it. Give up on the idea of them ever being anything more than friends. 

It sort of broke his heart, but he felt like he didn't have a choice. He'd wasted too much of his life pining for straight boys. He was done with that. He wanted someone who would love him back.

  
  
  


But then...Eliott got weird. Lucas got worried he was being the homophobic kind of weird but...not really. He's still walking half naked around the house so he's not afraid of Lucas checking him out. He's clearly freaked out, but he's curious. Asking questions that just…

  
  
  


_ Oh, fuck me. _ They sound like the questions of somebody questioning their own sexuality. 

  
  
  


And then yesterday, with the bread…

  
  
  
  


Something definitely had happened. He's fucking sure of it. The way Eliott had pressed against him, wrapped around him, his torso against Lucas’s back, thrusting against him as he was showing him how to knead...at first Lucas had been flustered and figured that this was Eliott's usual brand of obliviousness, but then...it had gotten out of hand. He'd heard Eliott's breath hitch up, and their movements had gotten more...enthusiastic and then…

  
  


Well, to put it plainly, he'd felt Eliott's dick pressing into his ass, sending a thrilling shock of surprise and pleasure along his spine. And, um. He was...definitely well endowed. Lucas, for a moment, just couldn't help it, he leaned back. And, for a few seconds before he freaked out, Eliott...pushed into him harder and it was…he knew, in that instant, that they were on the exact same wavelength.

  
  


Honestly, Lucas is happy that Eliott ran away after that because by then Lucas was definitely hiding an erection under the kitchen counter. After that, he fled to the bathroom and jerked himself off in the shower, feeling both incredibly guilty and aroused at the same time, visuals of Eliott bending him over that counter, into all that flour, pushing his pants down and having his way with him right then and there crowding his head until he climaxed.

  
  


Fuck.

  
  


And on top of that ? The bread was actually really good, when they baked it later, so he had to call Daphné and offer to make bread for the party, so now, they're going to have to do this again and Lucas just  _ knows _ his fantasies are going to rear their head again. 

  
  


He is just. So screwed. And Eliott's behavior has gotten even more confusing since then. He is clearly trying to be normal, but at times he is super awkward, sometimes prickly, sometimes...he blushes and looks away and it's as if…

  
  
  


Lucas tries to tell himself that it's nothing. Straight guys get confused or curious at times, they want to experiment, but that doesn't mean they have any interest in something real or serious. And he can't…he can't let his heart be batted around like this, he just can't. 

  
  


But despite his best intentions, treacherous hope has reared his head again. And the sad truth is, even if Eliott just wanted to experiment with him, Lucas would probably let him. Because he is that level of whipped. And the mere possibility of being able to touch him and taste him and bring him pleasure drives him absolutely fucking crazy. Even it if it will surely break his heart in a thousand pieces in the aftermath.  


  
  
  


Fuck this, and fuck his life, and fuck the fucking spirit of Christmas. 

  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  
  
  


This evening, they’re going to the hospice so that Eliott can entertain the residents. He’s dressed up in his knight get up, his armor all shiny and polished, and the only thing Lucas’s stupid brain can think about is how good he looks. 

Emma, Basile and Arthur came with them to encourage Eliott, the rest of their friends wanting to but too busy with their lives. If he had been able to choose a friend combo, Lucas would have preferred something else, because these three are definitely the type to make all sorts of innuendos and jokes. But he’s still happy they’re here. 

They've set up a small scene area in the common room of the hospice, decorated for the season and already full of people, with a spotlight and a microphone.

  
  


Suddenly, right before they enter, Eliott grabs his wrist.

  
  


"I don't know if I can do this," he says, voice low so only Lucas can hear, nervous. “There’s so many of them. What if I think I’m...weird, or uninteresting, or…”

  
  


Despite the recent awkwardness between them, his first instinct is still to soothe Eliott, so he turns towards him.

  
  


"Hey, it will be fine. You're brilliant at this. They're going to love it."

  
  


"I don't know," Eliott says. "Your friends and you, I know you're always indulging me. I have no idea if I'm even good."

  
  


Ouch. 

  
  


"Well, _ I _ like indulging you, maybe." Lucas replies, too wired to think about what he's saying. "I could listen to you read the dictionary and still find it interesting, but that's because you have a gorgeous voice, and I’m sure they’ll love it too."  _ What the fuck are you even saying Lucas for fuck's sake _ . "And I would never get my friends to sit through something they didn't like. And you have done this in your time, haven't you? I bet they liked it. People are people. They always like stories. And yours are great."

Eliott looks at him very intently, too intently, a blush on his cheekbones, and Lucas realises they're past the point in their relationships where they can just pay each other compliments without it being...ambiguous. His heart beats into his throat as they keep staring at each other.

"I hate when people indulge me," Eliott says, voice low, "except when it's you." His hand moves towards Lucas's face and for a moment Lucas thinks Eliott is going to touch him again, but at the last second he drops it, and moves on towards the stage.

  
  


What the fuck was that even ? 

  
  
  


…

  
  


Eliott tells a different story this time ; one about a princess kidnapped by a giant bear, and of a knight who dressed up as a bear himself to rescue her. He makes voices and noises too, along with the lute. It's silly and fun and absolutely delightful, and the audience loves it.

  
  


Well, most of it, because there is one lady in a salmon dress that keeps making derogatory comments about how Eliott is a nutcase. Lucas and his friends go to her during the break and ask her to stop, in a friendly way at first and then  _ very _ unfriendly, so she calls security on them, but then it's discovered she isn't even a resident, and so she is cast out, and the rest of the evening happens without other impediments. 

  
  


Everyone claps and cheers and at the end Eliott is crowded by old ladies who give him flowers and ask to touch his armor, and he lays the knight routine on thick and they love it. When he finally manages to wrench himself free and rejoin Lucas and his friends, his cheeks are flushed and his eyes bright. 

  
  


"Look at you," Lucas teases, "you're a star now." 

  
  


Eliott beams at him. "I think they liked it."

  
  


"Careful, soon everyone will want to indulge you." 

  
  


"Don't be jealous," Eliott grins, "I'll still only let you." Then he walks away to talk to another group of old people.

  
  


Basile and Arthur turn towards Lucas, looking concerned. 

  
  


"Didn't he tell you he was straight, man ? Because I'm straight and even I can tell that was not. Like, at all."

Lucas sighs. "Yeah, I'm not so sure anymore. He told me he didn't understand being gay, but I'm starting to wonder if maybe that was not a case of confusion rather than straightness." He makes a face. "Honestly, I don't envy him if that's the case. Like can you imagine, first you jump 700 years in the future and then you have a sexuality crisis ? I wouldn't blame him for being confused." 

  
  


"Yeah," Arthur says, "okay, but what about you in all of this ? You can't let him play with your feelings like this." 

  
  


Lucas looks at Eliott, standing there in his armor and holding a rose to his nose, so bright and complicated and wonderful. It strikes Lucas that he hasn't even started to uncover all the layers of him.

  
  


And that he wants to so, so badly. 

  
  


"I don't think he's doing it on purpose. And I know, this could hurt." He says softly. "But it could be so worth it, too."

  
  
  
  
  

    
    
        ...        *                        *       *
          ...   *         * ..   ...                        *
     *      ...        *           *            *
              ...               ...                          *
                ..                            *
        *        ..        *                       *
               __##____              *                      *
      *    *  /  ##  ****                   *
             /        ****               *         *  X   *
       *    /        ******     *                    XXX      *
           /___________*****          *             XXXXX
            |            ***               *       XXXXXXX   X
        *   | ___        |                    *   XXXXXXXX  XXX
      *     | | |   ___  | *       *             XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
            | |_|   | |  ****             *           X   XXXXXXX
        *********** | | *******      *                X      X
    ************************************************************  
      
      
      
      
      
    

_ December 20th.  _

  
  
  
  


Today it is the last day at work for Lucas before the holidays, so he asked Eliott to come and say hi to his pupils.

  
  


Eliott was a little apprehensive, but Lucas had said he'd promised, if they were good, and they had been. He doesn't want to disappoint.

  
  


And he is curious to see where Lucas works. He's never seen a school before. 

  
  
  


From outside, the building is not very impressive. There is a courtyard outside with a playground, a few trees. They walk into a very long hallway, decorated with rows and rows of colorful streamers made with rings of paper. Eliott raises his eyes and sees paint flaking off the ceiling. 

“So yeah, the government keeps cutting our budget. We do our best to keep this place in order but...it’s not easy. So I know, this place is a bit of a dump.”

  
  


Eliott frowns. “The other day, you told me education of children was very important in this society.”

  
  


Lucas sighs. “Yeah, in theory. But you know...the ones who make decisions are often not the ones with the moral principles. Some of these kids...they live hours away but they have to come here everyday because their village schools got closed because there was no money. It’s...not great, honestly.” He shrugs. “But we try to make it work.” 

  
  


They arrive to a class, kids already sitting inside.

  
  


“Ok, I’m going to talk for them for a minute, do a roll call. Wait for my signal, alright ?” 

  
  


Eliott nods. Lucas disappears into his class and Eliott waits in the hallway, in silence. He can already see some little faces trying to see him via the door’s window. He steps aside, nervous. He’s in full knight get-up, with his chainmail, his cape and his sword. And the sword is buzzing softly everytime he touches it, and it reassures him. 

He was pretty good at interacting with children, in his time. But he’s afraid that in this one, it will only be a reminder that he doesn’t belong. 

What did Lucas say yesterday ? People are people. And hopefully, children still like to be told fun stories, so. 

Lucas opens the door, with an encouraging look, and welcomes in. 

  
  


“Welcome to our classroom, Sir Eliott. Children, say hello to Sir Eliott.” 

  
  


The class immediately dissolves into noise, a lot of them offering greetings but others already asking questions, raising their hands and jumping up excitedly. 

  
  


The room is very colorful, with drawings and paintings covering the walls except the blackboard and the maps on the left side. The children are dressed in bright colors, too. Eliott can't help but notice how well fed, healthy and well cared for they look. Children of the common people, here to be educated and prepare the future instead of having to toil already at their parents' side.

In that moment, he feels so happy they've come so far.

  
  


Lucas raises his hand and the class falls silent. 

  
  


"Hey, remember what we said? Not all at once. Give him a chance to talk first."

  
  


Eliott takes a breath. Right. He's a knight. But in the moment, it all seems quite absurd.

  
  


"Hello, fine ladies and gentlemen," he says and bows slightly, "I am quite pleased to make your acquaintance."

  
  


Giggles follow. A lot of the kids raise their hands. 

  
  
  


"Alright, Laurine. You first." Lucas says.

  
  
  


"Do you have a horse ?" A small girl with pigtails and glasses asks. 

  
  
  


Oh, that's a question he knows how to answer. 

  
  


"Yes. A very fine steed, with a coat as dark as night, and a long flowing mane. And swift as the wind, too." A pang of nostalgia floods him. God, but he does miss his horse. "I named him Polaris, after the North Star, because one night when he was still very young, I rode him out into the forest and got lost, but Polaris somehow was able to find the way towards the village. Like travelers use the North Star to guide themselves, he was mine." 

  
  


"That's amazing," Laurine said. "I have a pony called Caramel. He's a Shetland. We keep him in the paddock with the donkeys."

"Nobody cares about your pony, Laurine," another kid interrupts. 

"Young gentleman," Eliott tells him sternly, "you are mistaken. Knights talk a lot about their horses. They are our most essential companions. Tell me, Lady Laurine, does your Caramel have a good temper?" 

Laurine smiles at him, proud. "Yes. He loves apples." 

"Well, I hope he will carry you onto some marvelous adventures."

After that a few other kids ask questions about his armor, tournaments, what people ate in the middle ages. But then a boy speaks out of turn, very condescending,

  
  


"This is all bullshit. He's not a knight, he's just cracked in the head. My grandma thinks aliens are secretly living among us, we're not inviting her to talk about it, are we ?" 

Eliott feels a pang of acute shame, and he is at a loss for words. 

  
  


"Nicolas," Lucas says, angry but his voice remaining calm, "what did we say about this subject ?" 

  
  


"It's okay," Eliott says, "I guess it's a valid question." But he doesn't know how to continue. Suddenly he feels so… cut off from all of them. He literally belongs to an entirely different world. How can he ever get that across ?

Lucas, behind him, stepping forward, says. "Well, we learned about the human body not too long ago, didn't we ? Brains in particular are fascinating. For instance, did you know that a woman in Spain got into a car accident, bumped her head, and when she woke up, she was able to speak fluent German, whereas she did not know three words of it before? So, our theory is that Eliott was in an accident and got amnesia, and his brain found a way to synthesize an entire set of memories of a life in the Middle Ages. And he has the skillset to match it, too. He can hunt, he can shoot a bow, fight with a sword, bake bread from scratch, play a lute, and many other things. Don't you think that's interesting ?"

The kid looks down, his brow knitted with a frown. 

Lucas says softly, "and your grandmother, even if she must be a bit disconnected from reality, I am sure she still cares about you."

Suddenly, the kid looks sad rather than angry. 

"My dad says we can't see her anymore because she's crazy."

"Well, I hope she's well cared for. But it might be worth asking to see her again. You could be surprised."

The boy nods, lips tightly cinched together.

"My father has a photographic memory," another girl says. "He can remember a dinner menu he read when he was ten years old."

"Yes ! Thank you, Natasha. Brains are truly wonderful things and we are far from understanding them fully. People with different brains deserve to be understood, not mocked or shunned, and they teach us about what it means to be human. The world is an interesting place only because we are different from each other. I hope you will remember that."

Eliott can't help but be stunned by the grace and ease with which Lucas handles his class, even when they are being disobedient. Back from where he comes from, this boy would have been beaten for his insolence. But this...this seems so much better. Lucas was able to see the hurt beyond the anger, and turn it into a lesson of empathy. And possibly a family reunited.

God, Lucas would make such a good father, the thought strikes him out of nowhere. He hit by a terrible sense of longing then. A family is something he had given up on. 

  
  


"Let's have another question," Lucas says. "Noah?"

  
  


"Did you ever kill someone ?" A minuscule redhead asks. 

  
  


"Ah no, he is definitely not answering that. Lisa?" 

  
  


"Are you and Mr. Lallemant in love ?"

  
  


Eliott's mouth falls slightly open, and he is tongue tied even more severely.

  
  


_ No _ , he wants to reply,  _ we are just friends. Lucas is a very dear friend to me.  _

_ A friend I can't stop thinking about, a friend who is the most beautiful man I have ever seen, a friend whose presence thrills me beyond words.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Am I in love with Lucas Lallemant?  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The thought bowls him over ; it is too large to process ; it scatters his mind to all corners. 

  
  


"That's private, Lisa," Lucas says. His tone is...still measured, but strange.  


  
  


"Well, ok. But it's not true what you said last time about how true love is made up. Theo and me are together again and he's going to help me run for president." 

  
  


Lucas has a shocked laugh. "Well, that...is good. I...well. Now, Malik, what about your question ?"

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


Eliott spends the rest of the morning answering more questions, which thankfully are more focused on things he can answer - castle life and etiquette, clothing, music, battle strategy. Some kids do ask about amnesia and whether it was possible he was a professor of medieval studies ; the others come up with theories - maybe he's a stuntman who worked in fantasy films ; maybe he's an archeologist like Indiana Jones ; maybe he's a famous writer. He doesn't understand what a lot of these things are but he finds their enthusiasm touching. He explains about seeing doctors and having to go to the judge to get assigned an identity, and Lucas turns this into a bit of a civics lesson. 

It's fascinating, Eliott thinks ; the dynamic he has with his class. He never talks down to them, instead putting down difficult concepts in simple words they can understand. He asks questions constantly, pushing them to think for themselves. In return, they are curious, engaged, even if a little impertinent. And they are a bit rowdy, but he never feels as if Lucas is losing control ; instead he leaves them space to express and correct themselves. 

He feels this is an extension of how he treats people in general. Eliott's noticed - Lucas often appears a little gruff, closed off on the surface ; but below that he is incredibly perceptive. He always knows what to say to people to make them feel good. Eliott wishes he had that talent. It would make his life so much easier. But maybe he can learn from Lucas.

  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  
  
  


During lunch break he goes to eat with Lucas and his friends in the staff cantina. 

"So, you survived the little hellions, I see," Imane laughs. 

"Lucas protected me," he says. "But they still debated what I was before I...lost my memory. Like, a stuntman, or a professor or... I like the idea I am a "medieval Indiana Jones" from what they said. Those sound like fun movies. "

"I told them that was not possible," Lucas sighs, "archeologists study way older things, Eliott would have to be a historian. And those movies have aged incredibly badly. Although, I can see you fighting Nazis," he says to Eliott with a smile. 

"Those were horrible people, weren't they." The others nod. He's read about some of what happened to the world after he left his time of origin. Some of it was wonderful, but some of it...it would give him nightmares, if he thought about it too much. 

  
  


"That would be a cool movie concept honestly," Emma says. 

  
  


"I don't think you would be a stuntman, anyway," Alexia says. "With a face like yours, they would have put you in the movie properly."

  
  


He flushes at the directness of her compliment. 

  
  


"That's a stupid option," Lucas says, slightly...combative. "We would have recognized him if he was in the movies."

  
  
  


Alexia just laughs at him.

  
  
  


Is that… jealousy?

  
  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  
  


The rest of the afternoon, they just make arts and crafts. Eliott gets put to work making streamers with some of the kids, to decorate the community center. They get a nice rhythm going. There is music. It's fun. He loves witnessing Lucas in this environment. And the kids, past their inquisitive questions, treat him like they would anybody else, which is often not the case with the grown ups. 

  
  


Even though some are  _ very _ keen on seeing Lucas and him sword fight. 

  
  


"Maybe one day," Lucas says, laughing. "I would need to train first, otherwise the fight would last two minutes before he turned me into confetti." 

  
  


One day. In the future. 

  
  
  


Lucas expects him to stay, Eliott realizes. It's not the first time he hints at it. Eliott told him about the quest at the very beginning, about his Christmas deadline. Lucas didn't believe him then ; but once he accepted Eliott was indeed a knight, this is the one information he decided to gloss over. 

  
  


Eliott has to go back, to slay the dragon, He knows that. He's always known that his presence here would have to be temporary. 

  
  


And yet...now that he has embraced this world, it's so difficult imagining giving it up, and the reminder he will have to hits him with a melancholy that is almost too heavy to bear.

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


Towards the end of the afternoon, a man knocks on the classroom door, saying he is here to pick up the decorations for the community center. He introduces himself as Jeremy ; he's tall and lanky, and he looks at Lucas as if he hung the moon.

  
  


Eliott feels something uncomfortable growl in his chest. 

  
  


"You didn't have to," Lucas says with a smile, "I would have driven there anyway."

  
  


"But you're so busy ! No really, it was no trouble. I like to be of service." 

  
  


"Thanks man, I owe you one."

  
  


"Well, I hope you did them color coordinated though, otherwise Daph is going to freak out."

  
  


They both laugh again. Eliott decides he doesn't like this man. There is something...simpering about him. The way he is standing so close to Lucas in the middle of the classroom is simply inappropriate.

  
  


He wouldn't usually think so, but since Lucas can be courted by men, he feels this Jeremy is taking undue liberties. 

  
  


He is about to say something when it strikes him - yes, but he's been behaving like this, himself,  _ all the time _ . Standing close to Lucas, touching him, putting his hands on his face, holding on to him during their outdoor activities...a wave of embarrassment washes over him. Has  _ he _ been inappropriate? Lucas must know he didn't mean to be.

  
  


_ Yes but you wanted to _ , the little voice in his head says.  _ You wanted to touch him, be close to him, even though you didn't know what it meant. You didn't know, but part of you already did.  _

  
  
  
  


_ Because I am… _

  
  
  
  
  


He's...

  
  
  
  


The bell rings, shaking him out of his thoughts ; Jeremy is gone, the kids are running outside. Soon, it's only Lucas and him in the classroom. 

  
  
  


It used to be so simple and comfortable to be alone with him, but now it's not. Now Eliott feels as if he has swallowed a snake and it's dancing a jig in his entrails.

  
  
  


They clean the class up in silence. Lucas handles him a broom, and he sweeps up all the colorful snippets of paper with a broom. The air is heavy. Lucas is being awkward with him, too. 

  
  
  


_ Are you and Mr. Lallemant in love ? _ The little girl's question echoes in his skull. 

  
  
  


He….god, he knows nothing about love. How foolish could it be to assume that just because Lucas likes men, he must like Eliott that way too.

  
  
  


And yet, there are reasons to think he does, aren't there ? 

  
  


Not overwhelming ones. Lucas is always so careful around him. Eliott doesn't think he would ever be the type to pressure Eliott, to ask for such repayment for his kindness. But...little things, maybe, that slip past Lucas's carefully guarded facade. Fingers softly stroking his hair through a drunken haze. Little smiles, teasing.  _ You have a gorgeous voice.  _ His face when Eliott had lifted that Christmas tree. 

  
  


Oh, but Eliott is all but ready to come undone. This is too much ; this is...he had prepared himself for a lifetime of yearning, for an angel in a secluded tower, pure and perfect and very far away, in whose name to do great deeds. But Lucas...Lucas is there, right there, so real, so solid, so hard to avoid, so…tempting. 

  
  


Oh god. Oh god. He is tempted. 

  
  
  


He fights through a flash of fear, of thinking about hellfire. No, no, that old, cantankerous priest's words cannot rule his life. That spiteful, unspiritual creature who knew so little of the world. And yet he is afraid, because he spent so much of his life trying not to sin. Trying to be good. But being here has turned his view of the world upside down entirely.

  
  


"Alright," Lucas says softly, cutting through his panicked thoughts. "I think we're done for the night. Let's close up." 

  
  


They do, and walk out of the school, into the snowy night. 

  
  


Once they're in the car, Lucas starts the motor and the heating. But he doesn't drive away. 

  
  


"Did you have a nice day ?" He asks, with a solicitous tone. 

God. Lucas just always cares so much about what he thinks and how he feels and it's just...he's never met anyone else like this.

"I, uh, yes." Eliott stammers.

"Ah, good. Ok, well, I was a bit worried, because I know it can be a bit tiresome to be in there all day, and I love my class, but they are definitely a handful when you're not used to it."

"Well, I don't think I could do this job," Eliott confesses. "It seems to require a lot of energy, patience, and...social prowess. But...I did not find today tiresome. I liked seeing you work. The kids are great. And...You're a very good teacher."

"Thanks," Lucas replies, and this time Eliott notices the blush blossoming onto his cheeks, even in the low light of the car. He blushes so easily that at some point Eliott thought it was just how he expressed his emotions, but in hindsight, that seems very silly. 

People are people and people blush...either when they feel shame, or they feel…more pleasant feelings. And why would Lucas feel ashamed to be told he is a good teacher? And he doesn't blush when talking to his friends, even when they praise him.

  
  


Eliott looks out past the windshield. The school is on a hill and from here, they can see the town, the snow covered roofs, the lit up windows like warm little doorways in the darkness. He's never seen a gathering of humans and homes this big, it strikes him, but it is so ordinary for the people who live here. And he's seen pictures in Lucas's books - sprawling cities, towers of glass and metal reaching to the heavens, incredible feats of light and architecture. It's truly an age of wonders and miracles. 

  
  


But it's the little things that amaze him the most. 

  
  


"Some of the kids gave me their drawings," he tells Lucas, showing him the sheets of paper he is still holding.

  
  


"I saw. Any favorites ?" 

  
  


He shows him a drawing of a very intricate, detailed knight's armor, the visor closed. The kid who made it is clearly very talented. 

  
  


"The kid who made this one told me...everybody thought he was a girl but actually he was a boy, and he wants people to call him...Tristan." he says, reading the signature. "Is that one of those other genders you told me about ?" 

"Oh...I had my suspicions about that one for a while but...well. It's not easy to talk about. Yes, so...some people feel they don't fit the gender they are assigned to at birth, and some feel like they are a man instead of a woman or vice versa, and some that they don't have a gender at all, or that it changes over time, or something else. And gender is different than biological sex, it's...how you feel inside, how you want other people to treat you, how you want to be in your body, how society thinks you should act...a lot of things at once, really." 

  
  


Eliott frowns. This is...a lot to take in. 

  
  


"It's a lot like being gay," Lucas continues, "it's not something you choose. But it's not always evident to figure out, either. Discovering who you are...it takes time. Especially when you have nobody like you around you to teach you."

  
  
  


There is a silence. 

  
  
  
  


"Well, it's a bit confusing to me, but...it did make the kid very happy when I called him Tristan." Eliott looks at the drawing again. "It took me some time to figure out I wanted to be a knight, too."

  
  


Lucas smiles at him. 

  
  


"I think it's really good, that even though you don't always understand, you try to accept people for who they are regardless. So many people nowadays can't manage that."

  
  


The compliment makes him feel all warm inside. 

  
  


"I...well. It's what I have always tried to do, ever since I left home. I wouldn't have been able to adapt otherwise. And...i think…" For some reason, his breath catches in his throat, "if you do not, then your world will always remain small. I mean, you are right. Sometimes you'll never know who you are unless people show you it's possible to exist that way."

  
  


He thinks of the first time he saw a knight ; the power he had felt then, recognizing this was something that spoke to him. 

  
  


And he thinks about Lucas telling of meeting gay people for the first time. 

  
  
  


And…

  
  
  
  


"Lucas, I…" He starts, but then his jaw clamps shut, and suddenly, he is terrified. He has an urge to speak but he doesn't know what to say. Suddenly, even breathing becomes difficult. 

  
  
  


He turns to Lucas ; the way they are parked, under a streetlight, only the bottom half of his face is illuminated, throwing his jaw into relief, the curve of his lips. The knot inside his stomach gets worse, burning, hungry, unbearable. He feels locked inside himself, stuck. 

  
  
  


"Hey," Lucas says, his voice low, "the holidays start tomorrow. How about we go for that hike in the countryside ? Before the Christmas madness really starts. Just you and me." 

  
  


He thinks about it. Lucas and him, alone in the forest. He's always liked the forest. It feels so pure, so primal - nobody in there can tell him he doesn't belong. It would level the differences between them, make time less relevant. 

  
  
  


In the forest the truth always comes to light. The forest is dangerous, the forest is an ordeal. But the forest is freedom, too. 

  
  


What has he been training himself to be brave for anyway ? 

  
  


He wants to know himself. 

  
  


"Yes," he says, voice hoarse. "Let's do that." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Eliott bby 
> 
> so yeah...big things are going to happen in next chapter, if you can't tell. we are getting closer to the climax of the story (pun intended ...lol) and there aren't a lot of days left till Christmas.   
> A LOT of things have yet to happen so i am going to give myself time to wrap it up properly with two chapters, bringing this fic to 8 chapters and an epilogue. 
> 
> hope to hear what you thought about this chapter in the comments <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a walk, a fight, and a reconciliation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> helloooo here we gooo
> 
> content warnings : medieval views of gender and sexuality, brief mentions of mental illness/suicidal urges, near drowning
> 
> AND there's smut in this chapter ;) if you want to avoid it, look into the end notes for details

_ December 22nd  _

  
  
  
  


The sky is blue and clear as they leave that morning, driving through the snow covered country, fields and hills covered in patches of pristine and glimmering white. It has started to melt, enough to make sure they will be able to find solid ground to hike on, but it still creates an enchanting atmosphere. It is fiercely cold, but Lucas has made sure they are dressed warmly ; all in all, it’s a fine day for an outing. 

  
  


He drives them deeper into the countryside, where the hills start to turn into low mountains, and there are a few remarkable hiking paths that will take them to beautiful vistas and through lovely woods, for most of the day. Eliott looks like he is in prime physical condition, so that won't be an issue. They'll get some nice sun, fresh air and wind in their hair. It's going to be very nice.

  
  


Lucas is in a good mood, even if ...very on edge. He's really going to enjoy being on holiday, especially once Christmas is over and he can just do absolutely nothing for a few blissful days. He feels like he's been running around every which way for weeks without a break.

  
  
  


And today….he can't help but hope.

  
  
  


He knows it's very reckless, but...well. Eliott's behavior these last few days has been…

  
  
  


Oh damn, it has been even worse in so many ways, in the best possible way. Lucas' doubts that something is going on between them are melting away like ice in the snow. Eliott has become so awkward and blushy and odd in his presence, in a way that he recognizes. He is actually extremely bad at hiding it. 

  
  
  
  


Lucas may be wrong. This may not be something viable.

  
  
  
  


But god, the mere possibility makes him so damn  _ happy _ . He wants to sing from the rooftops, he wants to jump onto Eliott and kiss him until they're both breathless, he wants...so many things.

  
  
  


But he has to be careful. He can see Eliott is struggling. And of course he would be. For a medieval man to realize he likes other men...he's done some research and honestly, it could have been a death sentence in his time. 

  
  
  


So yes. He has to tread extremely lightly. He wants to ease Eliott into it, without hurrying, as softly and painlessly as possible. He wants to show Eliott that this type of love can be as vital and easy as breathing, if you let it. 

  
  


His plan for the day is...first of all to spend some quality time together, away from the busy confusion of the modern world. From what he's gathered, Eliott is quite an outdoorsy guy, and he'll find himself comfortable in nature. And then, if possible, he wants to give him some openings. Talk about queerness in positive terms, if he can find a way to bring it that isn't too obvious. The acceptance of his friends, the joy of pride, and well, the things he likes about loving men, which...well. Men. 

  
  


Yeah ok, he's not really sure what he's going to say without coming across as super in your face. He's never been in this position before. And probably nobody ever has. 

  
  


But he is determined to help Eliott through this crisis he is facing. 

  
  


He would also very much like to have a clearer idea of Eliott's feelings towards him. But that's secondary. Or so he keeps telling himself.

  
  
  


So of course, it's all he can think about.

  
  
  
  

    
    
    .:::.   .:::.
    :::::::.:::::::
    :::::::::::::::
    ':::::::::::::'
      ':::::::::'
        ':::::'
          ':'  
      
      
      
    

It’s a beautiful day, and Eliott is terrified. 

  
  
  


He wants to be brave. But this is not a type of bravery he is used to. Sure, he can fight all sorts of monsters and jump into battle, but he’s been training for that ever since he was twelve, and had his first combat at seventeen. There is still fear, but practice makes it so much smoother. His body knows what to expect, the reflexes are deeply anchored, he knows he can do it. 

  
  
  


But this sort of thing...he’s had so little good outcomes. When it comes to people in general or...this. 

  
  
  


But Lucas’s pull on him is like gravity now. He cannot escape and neither does he want to, even though he feels like a moth drawn to a flame, silent and frantic, heartbeat fluttering like blind wings. 

  
  


In the car Lucas puts on music. Modern music is so strange, sometimes so discordant, loud and complicated it gives Eliott a headache - but this one is calm and lovely, no human voices, just melodies played with string and wind instruments, and some Eliott does not recognize at all. The sounds nestle into his heart and soothe the burn of uncertainty, at least a little. The trepidation is still there. 

  
  


He likes this, them spending time together, without talking. It feels so comfortable. But he wants more. He wants…

  
  


Heavenly mother, ever since the possibility has entered his mind, the idea of them together...it has filled his mind entirely and yet he has not been able to face it outright. So it’s all confusing molten emotions he tries not to name, but he feels like a kite without a string. 

  
  
  


Finally, the car stops. They’re in the mountains now, in a little valley framed by pines, and when they get out, Eliott sees the car is parked next to a little gurgling steam, water rushing between slats of snow covered ice and rocks. The sun is playing between the branches, and the air is crisp and resinous. 

They get their packs, containing food and water for the day. Eliott has brought his cape, wearing it over his modern clothes and a carrier bag slung across his torso. He’s missed it - there is something so comforting about the way it falls and wraps itself around his body. He is a bit antsy about going into the woods without a weapon, though, but Lucas has told him it is perfectly safe - no wolves, bears, boars or marauding bandits. 

  
  


“So,” Lucas says, “I have done this hike a few times when I was younger, I should be able to remember it, but worst case scenario, I downloaded a few maps on my phone.” 

  
  


Eliott has an unpleasant thought. “Did you do this hike with James ?” 

Lucas smiles, for some reason. “No. He wasn’t the hiking type, he found the woods boring.” 

  
  


“One must be quite a shallow individual not to find beauty and solace in nature.” 

  
  


Lucas’s grin gets larger. “Indeed. Are you saying I have bad taste in men, Eliott ?” 

  
  


Eliott can’t help but blush a little. It’s still so new to him, the casualness with which people talk of this, children and adults alike. “No, I...well, one person is too small of a sample to make a judgment. Maybe it was a passing folly.” 

  
  


Lucas sighs as they set off through a little upwards path that goes higher up the mountain, the ground frozen solid below their feet. Eliott treads carefully, evaluating the terrain.

  
  


“Yeah, that’s very possible. At first, at least. He was handsome, he made me laugh, he was a little dangerous, charming...I sort of got caught in it, and when I realized he wasn’t good for me...it was too late. Sometimes we’re so keen on preserving the status quo, the familiar, we hurt ourselves.” 

  
  


That sounds quite wretched. “I’m sorry about that.” 

  
  


“Yeah, well, the advantage of modern times is that you don’t have to have one relationship that lasts forever. Cutting ties is easier so there is room to make mistakes. I’m not mad I met James, even though I wish I had broken up with him a lot sooner. I think, in the end, being with him taught me what I really wanted in a relationship.”

  
  


“What’s that ?” Eliott is embarrassed but he can’t help but be curious. 

  
  


“Not him, that's for sure. Someone who I can trust, first of all. Not to cheat on me, and not to stay with me because I’m convenient and they can’t find anyone else that tries to please them like I do. I’m...well, when I’m in a relationship, I tend to really give it my all, to try my very best to make him happy. Some guys get scared, and some guys think I’m convenient and want to use me even if they don’t really care. I want someone who is with me for me and not for the idea of a relationship, you know ?” 

  
  


God, that James must have been an utter imbecile and a monumental bag of dunces, not to realize what he had. 

  
  


“Not like an ideal, but something real.” Eliott says, tentative.  


  
  


“Yeah. And I want someone who has some depth, values, purpose. Who cares about more than just financial success, social status and getting smashed.” 

  
  


“Um...smashed ?” 

  
  


“You know, getting drunk, partying, having sex, showing off, that sort of thing.” 

  
  


“Ah...you mean debauchery.” 

  
  


Lucas laughs and steps over a fallen trunk. “Yeah. Although don’t get me wrong, it’s fun to get a little wild sometimes. But I want to do more with my life than that. I want someone with whom I can have a real conversation.”

  
  


Eliott imagines what it could be like to get a  _ little wild _ with Lucas, and blushes at the thought. 

  
  


“I think that’s very wise. In my time...A lot of marriages were out of convenience, and it always striked me as deeply sad, to have to spend the rest of your life with someone you don’t even know what to say to. A lot of lords and ladies I’ve seen lived lives that were as separate as possible.” 

  
  


“Wow, yeah, that sounds really shitty.” 

  
  


They are getting higher now, starting to see the valley below. It’s still early, and the morning sun plays beautifully on the snowy tops. 

  
  


“We don’t really do marriages of convenience here that much anymore, but… I still think it’s possible to trap ourselves in something that isn’t real,” Lucas continues. “Because you have all these expectations and ideas of what your life should be, of the person you want to be with, and you just hang on to the first one that comes around that fits the mold. You can think that’s love, but it’s not. James was...this sort of mysterious troubled figure that brought some excitement and drama into my life, I thought that’s what I needed to feel alive, but it was all so shallow in the end, just noise. That’s not what being alive means.” He stops and stretches. “I want someone with whom I can travel and have fun and go on adventures, sure, but with whom being quiet and slow and lazy feels just as exciting. And someone with whom I can just...figure it out as we go along, make up our own relationship standards, surprise each other. Grow together through change.” 

  
  


Eliott feels a simmering, scintillating sense of excitement inside. He could be that person. He really could. He has a lot of values. They like spending time together doing nothing, he already knows. They went on adventures. And well, what with him being so alien to this world, there wouldn’t be much they could hang on to in terms of expectations. 

  
  


And if there is one thing he finds important, it’s being faithful. 

  
  
  


“What...what is it like, being in a relationship with another man ?” he asks, trying to downplay his curiosity. It’s a legitimate question, after all, for someone new to this world as he is. 

  
  
  


Lucas thinks. “Well, honestly, I’ve never been in a real relationship with a woman, so I can’t really compare. I feel like what a lot of people say about these things tends to be super cliché. I believe love is love and for the rest, it depends on the people. Being in a queer relationship, though, it can be...challenging in the sense that you don’t have a lot of role models around you, but at the same time, it feels like something brand new, so it’s cool. And then I guess, there is the pressure society puts on men to be a certain way, to be tough and not too emotional, and that can create problems when you have two in a relationship that are both super emotionally constipated. But again, it depends. Women can make it super complicated for themselves too.”

  
  


“Oh, okay.” Well, that is certainly an interesting answer, but not one that fully satisfies. “In my time...well, there are expectations about who does what. But it’s not really like this here, isn’t it ? Even for men and women.” 

  
  


“Less, I guess. Although there are still a lot of stereotypes. Again, I think it’s about the couple to choose, if someone works outside and one takes care of the home, or they both work, that sort of thing, but in the end, the ideal is that you have a partnership of equals.” 

  
  


“That sounds…” Eliott bites his lip. “Maybe you will think I’m silly, but it sounds like a bond between knights, or at least the ideal I’ve always had of it.” The parallel makes him blush, to draw a comparison with what he has wished for so ardently, and he realizes that maybe, the source of him wanting to be close to other men that much, well...

  
  


Lucas laughs. “Well, there you go. Maybe the key to a good relationship is fighting dragons together. Or you know, metaphorical dragons.” 

  
  


He would like to fight dragons with Lucas, he thinks. The way he talks about love is just...so wonderful. Warm and safe and soothing just as much as thrilling and intriguing. 

  
  
  


“Do you have a physical type ?” Eliott asks, even though that is a dangerous question. 

  
  
  


“Not really. Although I like them tall,” Lucas says, raising his eyebrows in Eliott’s direction. “And guys who know how to use their hands, that’s a major turn on.” 

  
  
  


Oh, heavenly mother. 

  
  
  
  


There is something else he wants to ask, then. But that is definitely not fit for polite conversation. And it would give him away way too much. 

  
  
  


So he says, “I have never really thought too much about these things, to be honest. I thought I would meet my love and just know.”

  
  


He didn’t know he would fall in love with Lucas when he met him, though. He just instantly knew that he needed to get to know him. But...maybe love isn’t this loud and unmistakable thing that announces itself as it arrives. Maybe it’s more something that you make up as you go, something that keeps and keeps creating itself and changing. 

  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  


They walk for a few hours, getting to the top of the first mountain and then going back down, into a tightly secluded valley at the bottom of which ran a small river, having to walk alongside it for a while before finding a bridge ; and then up another mountain again. Lucas tells him more about his love life - how he had his first kiss with another boy at summer camp when he was seventeen, how he came out more fully when he went to study in the big city, the concept of pride and queer culture, some of the history. Eliott finds it completely fascinating. The idea that men and women fought for their right to love freely who they loved...he cannot imagine anything more romantic. 

“I would love to see a Pride parade,” he says. 

  
  


“Oh, I bet they would love you, if you came all decked up in your knight armor. We could get you a rainbow cape, too. I bet you would have at least ten marriage proposals by the end of the first hour.” 

  
  


Eliott blushes at the thought. “I…” He frowns. “I can’t marry ten people at once, can I?” 

  
  


Lucas bursts into laughter. “No, not yet. Why, is that something that would interest you ?”

  
  


“No ! No. I should be quite satisfied with just the one, provided it was the right one.” 

  
  


Lucas’ face turns soft. “That one would be lucky, then.” 

  
  


After that, they don’t say anything for a while, simply because Eliott knows they are circling closer and closer to the tension thrumming between them, and ...he still doesn’t know what to do with that, and he isn’t sure Lucas does either. So they walk. 

  
  
  


…

  
  
  
  


As they reach the top of the second mountain, Lucas proposes they stop and eat on the large stone slabs that are taking in the sun, and are slightly warm when they sit down on them. Lucas takes out the sandwiches he’s made, along with hot chocolate in a thermos can. The sandwiches are made of thinly sliced bread interspersed with cheese, smoked ham, tomatoes, parsley, pickles, and butter, and although it feels like a lot of trouble for travel food, it is delicious. And well, it’s not like they are going to be walking for two weeks subsisting on one loaf of bread and chunks of hard cheese. They can afford the luxury now. 

  
  


From there, they have a view onto the entire valley. But Eliott finds it hard to detach his gaze from Lucas for too long. Looking at him too much while they were walking would have been both odd and dangerous, but now…

  
  


He truly is very attractive, isn’t he ? Now Eliott can allow himself to at least think that much. His wide blue eyes, so spirited and warm, intoxicating to look into ; the sharp, compelling lines of his face he would like to trace with his fingers ; his cute cold reddened nose Eliott wishes he could kiss ; his jaw that would fit perfectly into Eliott’s palm ; his full, pink lips that look almost sinfully inviting. Eliott wonders, too, what his body is like below his clothes - he’s never seen him bare, he’s so guarded around Eliott, but Eliott understands that too now. Just thinking about this makes him shiver ; he’s never allowed himself these sorts of thoughts, not even about women. But he has a feeling that Lucas wouldn’t mind. That he would invite it, even.

  
  


“Like what you see ?” Lucas teases, and Eliott immediately lowers his gaze, cheeks red. He must have been staring a little too long. 

  
  
  


He knows, doesn’t he ? 

  
  
  


Lucas  _ knows _ about Eliott’s feelings. He is a lot more experienced with these things, he must have seen right through him, maybe even before Eliott knew himself. And he...well, maybe he feels the same. 

  
  


The realization blooms into his chest, unmakes him, overwhelms him. He feels so naked, like he has nowhere to hide. But Lucas isn’t putting any pressure on him, either. Gives him the time to figure it out. Eliott appreciates that. It makes him feel safe. Cherished, even.

  
  
  


Except time is the only thing that they don’t have, and when he remembers that, any high spirits he might be in sink into the ground. 

  
  


Two days till Christmas, till he is supposed to go back and fight the dragon. That’s...nothing. Why is he even letting himself consider this ? He is a fool, and the sudden knowledge of this rips through him like a serrated knife. 

  
  
  

    
    
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Lucas is...confused. 

  
  
  


The day was going great. He is really enjoying the fresh air and the exercise, Eliott looks fucking gorgeous in the sun with his cape and his fluffy hair. And they've managed to talk about what it means to love another man, to flirt a little too, and it all made Lucas's heart so light. Eliott was curious, too, interested, unafraid to ask questions. It all felt like his plan was unfolding perfectly. 

  
  


But then towards the end of the lunch, a shadow had come over Eliott's face, and then...he'd closed himself off again, for some reason Lucas can't understand. Did his teasing suddenly get too direct ? 

  
  


He wants to be patient, but this is so frustrating. Like his heart is being pulled along on a string, hitting every bump in the road on the way.

  
  
  
  
  


He can wait, of course he can. But...god. He feels like they’ve been circling each other for months, even though it has barely been three weeks since they’ve met - their life together since then has been so full. And almost like that of a couple, Lucas’s treacherous brain supplies. They go on cute romantic outings, they wait to tell each other about their day in the evening, they have deep conversations about the meaning of life, they do domestic chores for each other, they visit friends together, they eat breakfast together...just like a couple would. They just work so well together, during day to day routine. Lucas hasn’t had a moment where he wished Eliott wasn’t there. Instead, his presence made him so much more eager to go home every night, and not just because his house would not be empty but actively because of Eliott’s presence, because he wanted to see him and tell him about his day and hear about his latest adventures. 

And...there is so much yet he wants them to do together ; he wants to show Eliott so many things he loves, and learn about Eliott’s life. He is pretty determined to actually learn to sword fight at some point, because not only is it cool as hell, it’s one of the hottest forms of foreplay he can imagine. They could go and see what traces in history remain from his old life, piece it all together, travel the world to show Eliott where the great events in history happened, go to medieval reconstitutions and exhibitions, hear what it was like to  _ live _ those things. He wants to adapt himself to Eliott just as much as Eliott is adapting to him and to his world. He wants to make sure that he never feels lonely. 

  
  


So yes, he can wait if that’s what it takes, but honestly...he’s more frustrated than he can ever remember being in his life. The tension between them is so thick he could cut it with a knife, and the backseat of his brain is getting more and more graphic as to what he would like them to do together. And also just - he wants intimacy. He’s realizing how much he misses it - being held, cuddled, holding somebody’s hand in the street, flirty stolen kisses before leaving in the morning, lounging on the sofa with entwined legs, lazy mornings and breakfast in bed, just...to have someone to belong with. And to be honest, he’s never really had that, what with him mostly dating unromantic assholes. And it being with Eliott would make it so much more special because Eliott is the kind of person who sees the extraordinary in the little things, who cares, who notices, who is attentionate right back. So...there is something in his chest that aches more and more sharply when he looks at Eliott and it’s getting more and more difficult to hold it back. Every minute they spend together, the truth is getting closer to spilling from his lips.  _ We could be so good together, what are we waiting for?  _

After a while, Lucas decides to have them turn back - they definitely need to be back before nightfall - but by another route. If he remembers correctly, there is a great panorama a bit towards the south, with a waterfall that must be frozen at this time of year. So he has them take a sharper path along the edge of a mountain for a while, clambering over rocks and through narrow passages between massive stones. 

At some point, though, they have to climb over a big rock and Lucas realizes, embarrassingly, that he isn’t tall enough to reach the top to push himself over. He thinks that he will just give up and take the longer path around it, but of course, Eliott grabs his arm and pulls him up, almost effortlessly. 

  
  
  


Lucas can’t help but swoon for a minute.  _ Fuck, he’s just so strong.  _ It makes the embarrassment worth it. 

  
  
  


And then he realizes he’s in Eliott’s arms, one of Eliott’s hands on his waist to stabilize him, and Eliott has realized it too, his face is red, but he’s not letting go, and he looks down at Lucas’s lips…

  
  
  
  


_ Fuuuuuuuuuck.  _

  
  
  
  


Lucas is about to just close the gap between them when Eliott lets go and turns around brusquely and Lucas wants to scream. 

  
  
  
  


It is torture. Of the most delicious and excruciating kind. He needs it to fucking stop. 

  
  
  


....

As the afternoon advances, Lucas realizes two things. First, the sky has gotten cloudy again, and that means it might very well start to snow soon. Which would be a big problem because, two...he's pretty sure they're lost. 

  
  
  
  


He looks at the maps on his phone, but the truth is that they're pretty far into the mountains and Google maps isn't that useful here, only marking the biggest trails in grey lines. He should have downloaded specific hiking maps, but here, there is no reception. Fuck, he's so stupid ! He should have checked the weather better, too. But he was so distracted and focused on what he was going to say to Eliott that he didn't even think about it. 

  
  


He doesn't want to admit it all to Eliott, because he was the one responsible, he's the one showing Eliott around, he should have prepared better, and now, he feels irresponsible and stressed out. And even more on edge.

  
  
  


He makes them stop once again, tries to look at the horizon line to figure out how they're situated compared to where they started. 

  
  
  


"Are we lost?"

  
  
  


"No!" Lucas protests, too loudly. 

  
  
  


"It's okay, you know," Eliott says. "It happens to everyone, forests are confusing." 

  
  


"No, it's not okay." Lucas says, clenching his teeth. He feels irrationally annoyed, not only at himself but at the whole situation. He lets himself fall until he is sitting on a rock. "Fuck, I'm sorry." And anxious, now, too. If they don't manage to find their way back soon, they could be in serious trouble. "I should have prepared better."

  
  


He feels Eliott's hand on his shoulder. 

  
  


"My friend, I know you like to take care of everything and everyone, but you are human, too. You can let others carry you, too, sometimes."

  
  


A nervous shockwave goes through him. Fuck, he really can't deal with another soul baring conversation right now. 

  
  


"Let me handle it." Eliott says. Lucas turns around, puzzled, but Eliott is already gone. In a few fast paces, he has reached the nearest tree, and uses the lowest branches to sling himself up. 

  
  


"Wait, Eliott, fuck, that's dangerous !"

  
  


"Don't worry," Eliott's voice comes from way up already, "I know what I am doing."

  
  


His movements are swift and agile as he climbs up, up, up, but Lucas's heart is still in his throat. If Eliott were to make a bad fall now….God, he is going so high, to where the branches don’t even look like they can support his weight...

  
  
  


Eliott reaches the top, and stays there for quite a while, at least five minutes, before coming down, with as much ease. Lucas’s heart is in his throat the whole time. 

  
  
  


"I know the way," he smiles when his feet hit the ground. "Were you concerned for my safety?" He laughs. "I've been climbing trees since I was a child."

  
  


What an annoying, smug, reckless…

  
  
  


"Yeah I was," Lucas's voice is rough. "And it's not fucking funny. There would have been no way to get you help if you fell." 

  
  
  


"I don't fall," Eliott says with perfect confidence. 

  
  
  
  
  


Oh for fuck’s sake. 

  
  
  


“You’re not invulnerable, you know.” 

  
  
  


Eliott laughs again and gets closer, and caresses Lucas’s cheek with the back of his finger. “My sweet Lucas, always so worried.” 

  
  
  


Then he turns back and keeps walking as if nothing happened. 

  
  
  


Suddenly Lucas is absolutely furious. That  _ fucker.  _ He knows now. He knows what he’s doing, and he’s being all...like he can’t deal with it but now he’s just....and he can’t just...fuck. Fucking tease.

  
  


“Eliott,” Lucas says, to his back, because this can’t go on anymore, he’s had it, they need to talk, otherwise he’s going to have an aneurysm. 

  
  


Eliott doesn’t stop, though, so Lucas hurries until he’s behind him and grabs him by his arm. “Eliott ! We need to talk.” 

  
  


Eliott stops, very suddenly, and Lucas doesn’t, at least not in time, and so they bump into each other. Eliott holds him back, and then they’re standing so close…close enough to kiss, and Eliott is looking down on him, his expression full of wonder and need, looking at him as if he were a treasure, and…

  
  
  


No, but they can’t kiss, they need to talk first. 

  
  
  


_ Come on, Lucas, you can do this. Be a fucking grown up about this.  _

  
  
  


His voice feels like sandpaper as he finally starts. 

“Eliott, I…” He takes a deep breath. “Ever since I met you, you’ve changed my life.” He swallows, feeling as if he just jumped off a cliff in freefall. “And I...like you. I really like you. I think I’ve started to develop feelings for you. Romantic ones. And I feel like you might be returning them...and I don’t want to push you but I can’t hide it anymore.” 

  
  
  
  

    
    
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“I can’t hide it anymore.” 

  
  
  


Oh. 

  
  
  


_ Oh.  _

  
  
  


Eliott’s heart soars to the sky for a brief instant, joy and delight in equal measure. _ Lucas likes me. He likes me. Somebody likes me - and it’s Lucas. _ What a wonder. 

But then the cold and inexorable iron grip of shame closes around his throat. 

  
  
  


He can’t have this. He can’t do this to Lucas. 

  
  
  
  


He responds and it’s as if the words are blades, making him bleed as they come out of his throat. 

  
  
  
  


“Lucas, I...we can’t.” 

  
  
  


Lucas’s face, expectant, immediately falls. 

  
  
  


“What ?” 

  
  
  


Eliott closes his eyes. He has to tell Lucas the truth. He owes him that much. 

  
  
  


“I’m not...I’m not good. For you, or anyone else. I can’t…” his chest feels so tight, in that instant, like it wants to suffocate him from the inside out. “I’m not someone you should love. I...the first woman I was in love with, she loved me back. But I ruined our relationship, and that’s why she left me and married another man. I...there is something wrong with me, with my mind. I get these moods sometimes, and I become another person, it’s like a curse. Sometimes I’m reckless and out of touch with reality, exhilarated to the point of possession, and sometimes I’m in such a dark mood I can barely move and I think about ending my days. I’ve always tried to hide it as best I could, but if...if we were to be together, I wouldn’t be able to and...I don’t want to do this to you, Lucas. I respect you too much to saddle you with the burden of looking after a broken man. And I’m sorry, I...should have told you sooner.” 

The words feel like molden lead coalescing into solidity, ugly and unmovable, and he waits for the condemnation. He doesn’t dare open his eyes, or looking at Lucas. He doesn’t want to see the repulsion or pity in his eyes. 

  
  
  
  


But then, he feels a set of fingers gently cup the side of his face. 

  
  


“Hey, Eliott, look at me. Please.” 

  
  
  


Eliott doesn’t want to, but he can’t resist that voice, so gentle and careful. Lucas’s eyes are a shock, grabbing right on through his mind to his soul. 

  
  
  


“Eliott, please don’t say that about yourself. You’re not broken, and you are so brave for telling me this, for dealing with it on your own, for making it this far.” Lucas insists. “And you’re not the only one dealing with these sorts of problems. A lot of people have problems with their moods, or the way their mind works, but it’s not because of a curse. Human brains are strange, remember ? And nowadays, we know how to treat mental illness a lot better. Because that’s what it is, an illness, it’s like having a broken leg, it doesn’t make you into a bad person.” 

His voice is so full of steely conviction, Eliott finds himself melting inside. “My mother,” Lucas continues, “she...saw things sometimes. Things that weren’t there. She got confused as to what was real or not, and when she was younger, it got real bad. But we got her therapy, and medications, and she was able to manage a lot better. It didn’t entirely disappear, but she had a good life. She was loved, and happy. I loved her, and so did my sister, and her friends. And I won’t let anyone tell me she was broken.” He takes a deep breath. “And we can get you treatment and support, too. It won’t be easy, sometimes, but it doesn’t change the way I feel. I want you to be happy, Eliott. I want to get to know you better and see where it takes us. I don’t think being with you would be a burden. It would be a blessing.” He has a little smile, then, and repeats Eliott’s earlier words to him. “You know, you have to let other people carry you, sometimes.” 

  
  


God. How long has he been craving this sort of acceptance - all his life. All the loneliness, being misunderstood, never feeling at home anywhere, this constant struggle to repress the darker parts of himself, feeling cursed and wretched and unworthy of love, doomed to wander the earth alone forever, clinging to the smallest scraps of decency - and Lucas just...gives it to him as if it was the easiest thing in the world. 

  
  


This makes everything so much worse. 

  
  


“Lucas, I can’t…” He makes a noise of distress. “I need to go back to my own time, Lucas. On Christmas, two days from now. I’m leaving. I need to...i have a dragon to slay, and i’m the one who let it out, this is my responsibility, and I can’t…”

  
  


Lucas’s face falls for real this time. “For people who have been dead for centuries ?” 

  
  


“They’re not dead to me ! They’re the people that have cared for me my whole life ! I can’t just run from the situation I created...I would despise myself for the rest of my life if I didn’t do this ! This is...i wish i could choose the easy road,” he blinks, tears streaming down his face. “But I can’t. This is not who I am as a person.”

He can see the pain on Lucas’s face, then. He probably forgot this. Maybe he didn’t want to see it. Maybe he believed Eliott about everything but not this, because he didn’t want it to be true. 

  
  


God, this is so wretched. He wishes he’d never come, for an instant, because to be so close to paradise and have it wrenched from under your nose is the worst of all torments. 

  
  


“Okay, you need to go back on Christmas,” Lucas says, voice very soft. His eyes are wet now too. “I get it. It fucking sucks. But...we still have time. Be with me until then. Please.”

  
  


“I can’t.” Eliott says, his heart tearing itself to shreds in his chest. The thought of...knowing what it’s like, being together with Lucas, for little more than two days, and then having to give it up ? To go back to a life of darkness and loneliness and violence ? He’s afraid it would rob him of his resolve to go back, or of his will to live if he does. 

  
  


Lucas’s face closes off, and he takes a step back. 

  
  


“I would rather have one day with you,” he says, his voice wobbling with emotion, “than an entire life with the lie that we’re better off keeping apart, not knowing what it’s like.” He’s alluding to Eliott’s story, he realizes, and it gets straight to his heart. “I would have the sorrow and the joy, at the same time. I still think it’s worth it.” He wipes his eyes with a rageful gesture. “But I can’t make that decision for you.” 

He turns and walks away from Eliott, then, as if ashamed to show him the emotion overflowing on his face, and Eliott feels completely unmade. He never wanted to hurt Lucas like this, never. 

  
  


“Wait, please…” 

  
  


But Lucas doesn’t listen, stalking into the forest, and Eliott can hear his harried breathing, as if he was trying to keep himself from crying. 

  
  


Then, absolutely out of nowhere, there is a loud crack as if of ice breaking, and Lucas disappears into the ground, with a cry of surprise, and the world turns upside down. 

  
  

    
    
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“But I can’t make that choice for you.” 

  
  
  


Lucas turns away, then, trying to cling to his dignity. Fuck. Fuck. He gets it, he really does. He’d fucking forgotten, that Eliott had always said he would have to leave. Or maybe he’s just been in denial. Thinking this was just too wonderful to ever stop. Wanting to believe in the fairytale. Making plans for the future like some sort of optimistic idiot. 

But god - they still have time ! Preciously little time, but still, better than nothing ! Even if he had only one hour he would want to show Eliott what it’s like to be truly loved with all he has. And the fact that Eliott would rather forego that, it drives him crazy. 

  
  


One minute he is striding through the forest, barely looking where he goes, knowing only he needs some distance because he doesn’t want Eliott to see how this is fucking breaking his heart, and he doesn't want to beg.

  
  


The next, there is a loud crack, and the ground disappears below his feet -

and then he finds himself completely plunged in ice cold water, the change in temperature so total and brutal that his whole body seizes up, and ice water enters his lungs.

Fuck, how could this, what...sheer panic engulfs him, confusion, and then survival instinct. 

He struggles, but it’s dark everywhere around him, muddy and blurry shapes, and even trying to look hurts his eyes, and his muscles are cramping up, but the fear and adrenaline are bringing him into a frenzy. He frees himself of his heavy backpack, letting it drop, but it’s not enough, his waterlogged clothes and shoes weighing a ton, all his movements sluggish, clumsy. 

He struggles and struggles but then he hits ice, above him, trapping him and a terror the likes of which he has never known in his entire life gets hold of him, and he can feel the current pulling on him, trying to pull him deeper and deeper, and he knows he is going to die. 

  
  
  


But then he finds himself brutally dragged backwards by his collar, face scraping the ice, and the next thing he knows, he is being lugged out of the water with astonishing force, and thrown into a snowy bank. 

He immediately seizes up, coughing out water, expulsing it from his lungs until he can breathe, and it hurts, everything hurts, he’s so fucking cold - 

  
  


A hand grabs him, turns him around unceremoniously. Eliott, looming over him, half of his clothes also dripping wet, his breath fuming into the air. He hugs Lucas, holding his face, kissing his forehead and cheeks, and cries out, 

“Oh my god, Lucas, you’re alive, you’re okay, it’s alright.” 

Still stunned, teeth chattering, Lucas lets him strip him out of his coat, his sweater, and the rest of his waterlogged clothes until he’s standing there only in his boxer and shoes, and then Eliott wraps him in his cape, which is still dry somehow. 

  
  


Then Eliott grabs him up again, and lifts him up in a bridal carry. Lucas would normally protest, but he’s too shocked, numb and cold to do anything but burrow in against him, seeking out warmth. 

  
  


Eliott starts walking and Lucas’s fear ratchets up again. He is so fucking cold he can’t stop shivering, and Eliott is in his wet clothes too, it’s freezing temperature and they’re in the middle of nowhere, and he’s pretty sure his phone went to the bottom of that fucking hidden lake with his backpack, and they didn’t have any reception anyway, and…

  
  


“Eliott,” he croaks, “where…”

  
  


“I saw a cabin not too far away when I climbed the tree,” he says, voice clipped and short with effort. 

  
  


Lucas decides to trust him ; besides, there isn’t much he can do, and right now, he can think of little else except how cold he is, and how much it hurts to breathe. 

  
  


At some point, they stop, Eliott puts Lucas down, and starts rubbing his muscles with frantic motions, probably to make sure the blood keeps flowing, across his legs, chest and arms. Lucas lets himself be handled, but he can’t help but worry, because Eliott is just as wet as him, even though apparently his head didn’t go under water. 

  
  


“Eliott, you…”

  
  


“M’fine,” he grumbles, before picking Lucas back up and resuming his walk.

  
  
  


...

Finally, after what seems like an eternity, Lucas terrified about how numb his toes feel, they arrive at the aforementioned cabin. It is actually a small house, squat and wide, with glass windows and stone walls, which could be good for them - but there is snow piled in front of the door, and the inside looks dark, like nobody has been in there for ages. 

Eliott puts him down once again, and advances, pushing the snow aside to get at the entrance door. He starts pounding on it, but there is no answer. Lucas feels despair rise even more severely in his chest. His feet hurt so much, and his fingers and his lips and just...Everywhere, and he won’t be able to take this much longer. 

  
  


Then Eliott walks around the house, and he comes back with an enormous tree log. Without breaking a sweat, he rams it up against the door’s lock, several times, until the door’s hinges start creaking and he breaks it straight through. 

  
  


Woah. 

  
  


It takes him a bit longer to wiggle the entire thing free, and then he swings the door open, grabs Lucas once again, and brings him inside. 

  
  


It’s dark in there, and musty, and possibly even colder than outside, and when he tries to turn on the light switch, it doesn’t work. But at least they’re out of the wind. 

Eliott puts him down again.  and immediately gets busy, bringing more logs in from outside, and Lucas just watches him, shivering and still in shock, wrapped in the measly woolen cape. Until finally, Eliott has piled up a massive pile of wood in the fireplace, and he starts lighting a fire.   


Lucas looks around the place. It’s small and very rustic, but well cared for. To the side, there is a bed, covered in quilts and furs, and Lucas hobbles towards it and drags as many as he can off and dumps them in front of the fireplace. 

Once the fire gets going, Lucas rushes to it, trying to soak as much warmth as he can into his shell shocked limbs. 

Next to him, Eliott strips - entirely - without discomfort, which honestly, Lucas can understand. But fuck. Even in this state, Lucas has to make an effort not to sneak a peek. 

Eliott is right, though, keeping any of his freezing wet things on out of misplaced modesty is stupid, so he wraps himself in one of the quilts before shimmiying out of his sodden boxers and shoes as fast as he can, and stepping closer to the fire. 

His entire body hurts, the circulation trying to start over like pins and needles in his limbs, and the heat from the fire is still quite weak. Then Eliott crawls over to him. “Can I warm you ?” he asks, and Lucas doesn’t have to think about it before nodding in acquiescence. 

Eliott sits himself against Lucas’s back, legs on both sides, only the thin comforter between them, heat radiating from his body. He starts rubbing Lucas's limbs again, to get the blood flowing, starting with his back and shoulders, to his forearms and hands, taking the time to rub circles into his hands until sensation slowly starts to flow back into them, and then moving on to his lower legs. It hurts, but in a good way, relaxing his muscles from their cramped up state. The touch is grounding, too, and the panic slowly starts to release its grip on him.  


As Eliott grabs his feet to do the same, curling over him, he starts to feel a little exposed, especially because the quilt he’s wrapped himself in is starting to slip, and well...they’ve never been this close, Eliott’s breath in his neck, bodies pressed together entirely, Eliott’s fingers stroking and kneading into his skin. But also, he’s just had a near death experience, and he doesn’t want him to let go, so he doesn’t say anything. 

  
  


“I’m so sorry, Lucas,” Eliott eventually says, his voice broken. “I’m so sorry.”

  
  


“I’m ok,” Lucas replies, “I’m okay now. You saved me.” 

  
  


“I never should have…”

  
  


“It’s not your fault. I should have watched where I was going better.” 

  
  


Eliott makes a wounded animal noise. “I can’t lose you, Lucas, I can’t…” He pushes his face into the back of Lucas’s neck. 

  
  


Lucas struggles free, pushing Eliott’s hands away, and turns around so he can face him. He doesn’t want Eliott to bear the guilt of this on top of everything else. 

Eliott’s eyes are red ; he looks absolutely devastated. Lucas comes up on his knees, and raises Eliott’s chin towards him. 

“Hey, I’m okay. That was scary, but you handled it so well. And you are truly not at fault. You’re allowed to make your own decisions, even if I don’t like them.” He puts his hand on Eliott’s bare shoulder. “Are you okay ? You got wet too.” 

  
  


“M’fine,” Eliott says, “I’m used to the cold. It’s when you’re not that it’s really dangerous.” 

  
  
  


Lucas lets out a deep sigh. “I’m lucky I have you, don’t I ?” Even though, as he speaks, he remembers their earlier conversation, and the pain of realizing he wouldn’t have Eliott with him for much longer. 

  
  
  


“Lucas,” Eliott sighs, and kisses him. 

  
  
  


His lips are chapped but warm, as they press against his in a close mouthed kiss ; radiating the same heat as the rest of him, jolting Lucas’s heart into missing a beat. The gesture comes as such a total shock, that he doesn’t have time to react before Eliott retracts quickly. 

  
  
  


“I’m sorry, I don’t know what…” Eliott mumbles, face red, eyes downcast. 

  
  


_ He kissed me. Eliott kissed me. Holy shit.  
_

  
  


The idea of letting him think this was a mistake is unbearable ; Lucas rectifies this immediately by grabbing his face and kissing him again. It’s Eliott’s turn to be shocked but he quickly gives into it, voraciously. 

The kiss is messy at first, clumsy and too passionate, their teeth clacking together, all feral and desperate hunger. Eliott takes Lucas’s face in his hands as well, as if to make sure they won’t be separated, pressing against him, warm and lovely, and Lucas feels so, so alive, remains of adrenaline mingling with the euphoria of something he’s pining for for so long. He slips his tongue into Eliott’s mouth, stroking and licking, making him moan and reciprocate with enthusiasm. 

  
  


_ God. Fucking finally.  _

  
  


The kiss gets both slower and more heated as they find their pace, and Lucas can feel Eliott trying to savor him, worship him with his mouth, pulling them apart only to dive back in, again and again and again until Lucas feels completely dizzy. He didn’t expect Eliott to know how to kiss like this, and he didn’t expect this at all, he’d given up on it again, and the surprise is like bliss flowing in his veins, incandescent. 

  
  


Speaking of...he suddenly feels the side of his leg heat up with a fierce sting, and then it becomes painful and he yelps, springing free and looking back, where his quilt has caught fire, straying too close to the fire. He throws it in entirely, patting his leg. Eliott pulls him back, examining his skin, which is slightly rosy, but not really hurt. 

  
  


“Fuck, Lucas, are you okay?” It’s the first time Lucas hears him use a modern swear, and he laughs, which is another sign he’s not entirely in his normal state of mind. 

  
  


“I’m fine, I’m fine, don’t worry.” He says, and goes back to kissing Eliott, not willing to lose even a second. The big difference, though, now that he’s thrown the comforter into the fire, is that there is nothing hiding how naked they both are. Eliott is a vision, all lean muscle, a well defined chest and sculpted abs, the body of someone used to getting very physical in all ways but one - and his thick cock hanging low between his legs, starting to plump up. And as Lucas presses their bodies closer together...he feels it. It sends shivers run along his entire body, and this time, not because of the cold.

  
  


He pulls away, breathless. This is still something that requires care, no matter how much he’d like to beg Eliott to pick him up and fuck him against the wall.

  
  
  


“What do you want ?” He asks. 

  
  


Eliott smiles at him, overcome with joy. 

  
  
  


"I love you." 

  
  
  


Oh.

  
  
  


And it's that simple, finally. 

  
  
  
  


That's not what he asked but it is everything he needed, and he feels so lucky, so happy, suddenly, it's almost too much to bear. And god, he’s so proud of Eliott for managing to say that. 

  
  


"I love you too," he says. Eliott beams at him, that winning sunny smile Lucas can never get enough of. He's fucking gorgeous, in the flickering light of the fire, making his skin glow golden, the outline of his muscles, his still humid skin. Lucas wants to touch him so badly it hurts. But now, he may actually get a chance.

  
  


Eliott takes Lucas’s face into his hands, so delicately, stroking Lucas’s skin with his thumbs. “You are so beautiful,” he says, his tone worshipful, and Lucas feels he could melt into it. Eliott looks like he’s been struck by lightning, hair and eyes wild. “I’ve always seen it, from our first encounter on, but I did not understand. I thought you were an angel sent by heaven to guide me, because only heaven could make such perfection.” 

  
  


God. Of course Eliott would be such an outspoken romantic once he gave himself permission. This is wonderful, even though it’s also giving him extreme whiplash. 

  
  


“I have been a fool,” Eliott continues, his voice husky. “I did not know my own heart, and when I started to understand, I thought it would be better if we kept apart. I...have been so used to deprivation and denial I made it a virtue. But you were right. This is worth any sorrow that life can devise. Please, forgive me for not seeing it sooner.”

  
  


“Of course I forgive you,” Lucas replies. “I can’t fucking imagine what it must be like, everything you’ve gone though. And it sucks, that...you have to go. But...let’s make the best of this, okay ?” For the next day or so, he wants to forget their deadline as much as possible, and lose himself in this as fully as he can, soak it in until it sinks into his very marrow, and becomes a part of him forever.

  
  


Eliott nods frantically and kisses him again. “I have never known such despair as when I thought I might lose you.” He presses his lips against Lucas’s cheeks, his nose, his forehead. “I wish it had not taken this to open my eyes but now that I know, I wish nothing but to be your devoted slave for as long as I can.” 

  
  


Um. Okay. Of course Eliott would still find ways to make him blush, even after this. 

  
  


“Just be yourself, that’s enough for me,” Lucas whispers. “And let me love you like you deserve.” 

  
  


"It would be an honor and a pleasure," Eliott says. Then he looks away, shy suddenly. "But you must tell me what to do. I know nothing of these matters." 

  
  


"You mean…" 

  
  


"You wish for us to have intercourse, do you not ? Or am I being a fool again?" 

  
  


Lucas laughs, butterflies in his belly. Eliott's overly formal language has never been as funny or adorable as right now. Even if he'd never thought he would one day be turned on by a guy asking him if he "wished to have intercourse."

  
  


"Yeah, I do. But we can take it as slow as you want." 

Eliott kisses him then, deep and heated. "I would prefer fast, actually. I am quite determined to renounce my vow of chastity now." 

"Oh, are you? I'm glad," Lucas teases. "I would have had a bit of a problem otherwise." He refers to the fact that, well, he can feel himself getting harder and harder as well, and he's pretty sure Eliott is getting there as well. 

He shuffles back, just a little, angling his body so it gets cast into the light, and they can see each other better.

Eliott gets even redder, if possible, his eyes roaming up and down Lucas's naked body. 

  
  


"Like what you see ?" He repeats himself from earlier. 

  
  


This time, Eliott replies. "Yes. So much." Lucas can see desperation in his eyes - he's hungry for something he doesn't even know but has been yearning for all his life. 

  
  


"Touch me, then."

  
  


"I...where ?"

  
  


"Anywhere you want," Lucas says, and to underline his words, he shifts his body, putting his arms behind his head, his bucking his hips forward slightly, spreading his legs a little deeper, putting himself on display in what he hopes is an inviting, alluring way. 

It works - Eliott sucks in his breath, making a noise of arousal, and then reaches out, until his big, beautiful hands come to rest on Lucas's waist. Then he starts stroking him, mapping out his body. Up down his back, his shoulder blades, and then lower, down his loins until finally, his fingers spread over his ass, kneading lightly, making him sigh loudly, raising goosebumps along his skin. God, he’s missed just...being touched. 

Although Eliott’s carefulness and worshipful air are wholly new. 

  
  


His hands come to rest on Lucas’s chest, and he starts playing with Lucas’s nipples, rubbing until they start hardening under his touch. Lucas feels another electric shiver run through his body to his groin, and he takes a deep breath, forcing himself to stay patient. 

  
  


This is also torture. But this one, he doesn’t want to stop. 

  
  


Then Eliott looks down and licks his lips. 

  
  


Oh, yes. 

  
  
  


“How do I…”

  
  


“Well, you’ve touched yourself, haven’t you ?” 

  
  


Eliott gets even redder, if possible. “I...it was...I thought it was a sin.” 

  
  


“But you gave in sometimes, didn’t you ?”

  
  


“Yes. Not a lot...but…” 

  
  


“Well, do you remember what felt good ?” 

Eliott seems to be frozen in confusion, so Lucas decides it’s time for a little demonstration. 

He spits in his own hand and then, making sure he holds Eliott's attention firmly, grabs the base of his own cock, and pulls upward, exhaling with the delicious pressure. 

"I, ah...don't think there is anything sinful about this, don't you ?" 

  
  


Eliott shakes his head. 

  
  


"I get the appeal of the...the forbidden," Lucas says as he brings himself to full hardness. "It drove me crazy, you know, I was - was into you from the moment I saw you, but I, ah, no, I thought, the guy doesn't even know who he is, I can't…" Eliott's eyes on him get more and more intense. Good. Lucas wants to rile him out of his paralysis. "And then when I knew who you really were I thought who even knows what he would think if he knew…" He moans softly, losing himself in the movement for a minute, the slide of his fingers, Eliott's hungry gaze. "But you, you fucking tease, walking around my house almost naked, touching my face, telling me I'm beautiful...god. Do you have any idea...how hard it's been…" 

Eliott moves in closer, then, until they're almost touching. 

"How, ah, many times I've thought about you just...mmmh, letting go and just grabbing me and having your way with me in the middle of the kitchen - " 

He hasn't even finished his sentence when Eliott cuts him off with a kiss, and in the next instant, pushes him backwards, so he catches himself on his hand. He gets the message, and lets himself lay down, landing very softly in the pile of furs laid down on the floor, Eliott guiding his movements so he doesn’t hurt himself. He unfolds his legs, and Eliott settles between them. 

  
  


Eliott hovers over him, smiling like the cat who got the cream.

  
  


"Well, there's a small kitchen over there." 

  
  


Lucas's legs fall apart as a response, and he moves to take hold of himself again, but this time Eliott pushes his hand away. 

"Let me, my love." 

  
  


Oh. Ohhh. Yes. 

  
  


When Eliott reaches for him, his movements are slow, very tentative, fingertips running along his shaft, feather soft. It feels incredible, but it's not enough anymore.

  
  


"Please," Lucas begs. "Eliott, please…"

  
  


Eliott understands his demand and finally wraps his hand around his cock more fully, pulling up from the base to the tip in a languorous motion, and starts jerking him off, and it feels incredible. It's been way too long since he had anything but his own hand down there. And Eliott is...he looks absolutely overwhelmed in the best way possible. Lucas gets it - it was a lot for him too, the first time he touched another guy's dick.

  
  


Except Eliott is a much faster learner than he was, maybe because sex put aside, he is clearly very comfortable in his own body, and it doesn't take long for him to get the gist of it. Eliott's wonderful agile fingers, working him, up and down, thumbing at his slit, pressing on to the sensitive spot under the head...and he is so attentive, eyes tracking every single trace of of pleasure on Lucas's face, that he soon understands how Lucas likes it best, slow and tight, and before he knows it, turns him into a dripping, whimpering mess. 

"It's good that this isn't a sin," he whispers in Lucas's ear, voice deep and raw, "because I would have happily damned myself."

Eliott's words are a shock to his system, and he finds himself coming all over the both of them, with a rasp of a moan, much sooner than expected, pleasure sharp and piercing and then all mellow on the come down. Eliott kisses him through it, plastering their bodies together, messy as hell, wonderful. Lucas wraps his arms around him, and he feels so wonderfully warm and blissful he never wants to move again. 

He can feel Eliott bucking against him, grinding into his slippery skin, instinctively chasing his own release. 

  
  


Lucas puts his hand on Eliott's neck. 

  
  


"Wait, wait, love."

  
  


Eliott moans into his neck before stilling.

  
  


"I want to put your cock in my mouth and suck on it until you come," he whispers into Eliott's ear, choosing to be explicit on purpose - and with great effect.

  
  


"Oh...god, please, yes." Eliott groans. 

  
  


Lucas flips them over, until he's on top and he can crouch between Eliott's legs. The vision of Eliott sprawled below him, expectant and glorious, almost gives him a heart attack, and he would also start being embarrassingly poetic if he didn't have better things to do with his mouth. 

  
  


In this case, Eliott's beautiful cock, straining hard and dripping right under his nose, desperately in need of some tender care. Fuck, it's mouth watering, long and thick and just slightly curvy in a way he knows could feel incredible in his ass later.

  
  


He guides it to his mouth and licks at the head first, Eliott spasming and gasping at the contact. He is so sensitive, Lucas is pretty sure he won't last long, but he still wants to make it a blowjob worth of the occasion.  He sucks the head into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the tip, reveling in the salty taste. Eliott throws his head back with a moan, his hands coming to rest into Lucas's hair. 

He starts to sink deeper, breathing through his nose as he lets it fill his mouth, hollowing out his cheeks, pulling out all his tricks. 

  
  


"Lucas, ah, yes, god, so good, your tongue, please, ahhh," Eliott babbles, and bucks up, pushing into Lucas's mouth a little faster than he can handle. Lucas pushes his palm flat against his hip bone, keeping him down.  He takes it as deep as he can handle and pulls of entirely, leaving a string of saliva behind.

Eliott whines. "Ah, please my love, my angel, do not leave me in such agony." 

That's cheesy as hell, but Lucas doesn't care, he fucking loves it, and one of these days he wants to tease Eliott for hours just to see how flowery he can get. But right now, it all feels too urgent, and Lucas can practically feel Eliott's neediness simmering thick in the air, so he goes down again. 

He's always liked giving head but this is the fucking deluxe experience, he feels like an arthouse pornstar with the fireplace and the fur and the beauty with the magnum cock laid below him...but he also feels like he's fallen into a romance novel, with the gallant knight finally falling for his charms, and it's just, it's everything all at once. 

  
  


He lets Eliott in until he the back of his throat and wraps his hand against the part that doesn't fit - although he'll certainly work on that later - and makes himself as sweet and engulfing as he knows how. Eliott makes the loveliest noises, he is incredibly vocal and Lucas expected nothing less. 

  
  


He barely has time to get lost in the motion before Eliott cries out, his whole body going tense, and then floods Lucas's mouth with thick and salty liquid. He swallows most of it, suckling Eliott through his orgasm until he whimpers and pulls out, all spent and oversensitive. 

He wipes off the few drops of come that dribbled out on his chin and lays down, draping himself over Eliott and pulling one of the furs over them.

  
  


Lying there, all post coital and happy and toasty warm...heaven, really. Even if there is a slight stickiness problem they will have to solve soon. 

  
  


"Heavenly mother, I love fornicating." Eliott sighs, very sincerely. 

  
  


Lucas can't help it, he bursts into laughter, his face buried into the curve of Eliott's neck. 

  
  


"Are you mocking me, my angel?" Eliott asks, but his tone is teasing, not offended. 

  
  


"Nothing calls it that seriously anymore." Lucas says. "But it's fine. I love it. It's so cute. You are allowed to say whatever the fuck you want." He traces Eliott's lips. "You could say anything and it would still be hot." 

  
  


Eliott looks up at him, very satisfied with himself, then raises his eyebrows. "Do you want to share a pickled fish sandwich?" 

  
  


This sends Lucas into another fit of laughter, and he feels almost delirious with happiness. Finding someone with whom you can laugh during sex, it really is  _ everything _ . 

  
  


"So, is this how men always have...intercourse with each other?" Eliott asks when Lucas has calmed down. He loves the eagerness in his voice.

  
  
  


"Eh, no, there are other ways we could have sex."

  
  
  


"Such as ?"

  
  
  


"Wouldn't you like to know?" Lucas says, wiggling his eyebrows. 

  
  


"Yes, I very much would, I want to try everything."

  
  


That's a tall order, and not even he wants to try  _ everything _ that two men have ever done with each other sexually, but he can definitely give Eliott a tour of the basics. 

  
  


"How about we rest a little and I show you ?" 

  
  


Eliott nods, contentedly, and wraps a proprietary arm around Lucas's lower back, pulling him in closer, and they doze off like this for a while.

  
  
  


At some point, Lucas wakes up to the patter of swirling snowflakes, tapping gently against the window. Somehow, he truly has landed himself in a fairytale, hasn't he ? 

  
  
  
  
  

    
    
    .:::.   .:::.
    :::::::.:::::::
    :::::::::::::::
    ':::::::::::::'
      ':::::::::'
        ':::::'
          ':'

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Love and pleasure, Eliott thinks, are much like spiritual revelation. One can wander the earth unaware of one's blindness to the truth, but once it strikes, one's vision of the world is changed entirely. 

  
  
  


He does not regret waiting this long. In truth, everything that brought him to this perfect moment, he is now entirely satisfied with. Having Lucas deflower him truly feels like the chance of a lifetime, a blessing he will carry with him forever. 

  
  


His sweet Lucas, now asleep in his arms, his lovely body all lax and unguarded against his own. Every place where their skin connects, every place of Eliott's body where Lucas touched him, feels holy.  How he could have been so...determined to resist him is beyond him now. This is not a distraction, but a life-giving benediction. 

  
  


As for his fears of eternal damnation, they have all melted away from the moment he touched his lips to Lucas's own, and the world had radiated with rightness, with wholeness and peace. Something this tender and lovely cannot be of the devil, he is sure of that now. No, it must be human folly who deigns it so, used to denial and suffering too much to let it go. 

He knows now, that this is pure and true and something he would give his life to protect. And he has lost so much time. But even having this for a day, it is the highest possible happiness. 

  
  


And Lucas is indeed an angel, although this might verge on blasphemy - so kind hearted and generous, so beautiful, seeing through Eliott's dark night of the soul to pull him back and into his loving embrace. Eliott truly believes he would have come around even if Lucas had not fallen through the ice, although it did speed up the process. But the short instant where he had thought Lucas lost...he shivers and puts it out of his mind. He does not want to interrupt the bliss of the moment with such thoughts. 

Eventually, though, they are interrupted, as Eliott is risen from his state of half slumber by a rattling noise. The broken door, which he tried to close as best he could, is now threatening to open. That would be a problem, now that the room has come to a suitable temperature again. 

  
  


He looks outside and...snow, falling in thick sheets. He groans internally. 

  
  


He turns his head and meets Lucas's beautiful eyes. 

  
  


"Well," Lucas sighs, "I don't think we're getting out of here anytime soon." He doesn't sound too upset about that, and neither is Eliott. All he wants right now is to stay in this warm cocoon as they explore each other's bodies further. 

But he has to work a little for that, first. 

"We need to barricade the door," he explains. "So it won't just open. But first, we need a stack of wood enough to last us the night."

"Yeah...no way we're going home now...but fuck, I told Manon we were going hiking, she is going to be super worried if we don't give her any news…and my phone went down in that fucking lake." 

  
  


Eliott very carefully shimmies out from under Lucas, leaving him wrapped in the furs, and goes to search into his coat, still wet from where he dropped it earlier. He finds his phone, and miraculously, it still works, so he hands it to Lucas. 

  
  


"Hallelujah," Lucas says. "I knew it would come in handy to get you such a sturdy one. And it has some reception too, fuck yeah." 

  
  


He starts typing at lightning fast speed.

  
  


"I will get us enough wood in the meantime," Eliott says. 

  
  


"Oh...I can help." 

  
  


"No, stay here. No need for the both of us to get cold again." 

He looks at his sodden clothing. Getting back into them is as appealing as the thought of rolling into the snow, but he doesn't have much of a choice. He puts on a sweater, his pants and boots, wraps himself into his cape, and opens the door, closing it behind himself again as fast as possible. 

  
  


The cold is a shock, but he clenches his teeth and keeps going. It is a very familiar feeling ; he has had to survive treks in the middle of winter before. It is not pleasant, but he keeps his thoughts full of the fire inside and Lucas's inviting and soft nakedness and the idea of the room, warm and welcoming all night long, and he powers through. 

  
  


After a few back and forths to the wood reserve, he has a sizable stack piled up next to the fireplace; more than enough to last them through the night. He feeds another two logs to the fire, making sure it keeps going strong.

  
  


As he comes back for the last time, he immediately gets out of his clothes again, shivering, and this time Lucas is the one to warm him, brushing snow out of his hair, wrapping him in the furs and sharing his body heat very willingly.

Very soon it turns to kissing again. How could it not - he cannot stay away from Lucas's lips. Kissing him is like drinking from the chalice of eternal youth, endlessly replenishing and life-giving. 

"I think we should move this to the bed, don't you?" Lucas proposes. Eliott nods enthusiastically. What a capital idea. 

  
  


Before, though, they push the heavy cupboard in front of the door, making sure it is truly and well blocked and cannot be opened or entered. After that, Eliott puts another log on the fire, and Lucas carries all the quilts and furs and covers back on to it. Eliott is about to topple him on top of it when Lucas blocks him with a hand on his chest. 

  
  


"Actually, I think...we should wash up first. You are not touching me with your dirty log hands."

  
  


Eliott frowns. "They were not clean earlier." 

  
  


"Well, they could be. And I have … something in mind." 

  
  


Puzzled but curious, Eliott follows him. They find that one of the doors to the back of the room leads to a smaller room that contains a library and a table, as well as two single beds, and the other leads to a washing room with a bathtub.

  
  


The water is cold, and Lucas winces when he puts his fingers under the faucet. 

  
  


"Fuck, cold as ice." He dips a towel under it, humidifies it just a little and starts rubbing away the semen stains that still cover his torso, which Eliott is almost sad to see disappear. Nevertheless, if Lucas wants them to get clean, then they will, so he follows his example. 

  
  


After that Lucas says, "I found the water boiler in the kitchen. But it won't be operational until an hour or so." 

"Isn't this enough?" Eliott asks as he finishes washing his hands with soap and dries them. 

  
  


Lucas bites his lip. 

  
  


"Well, I…" he leans against the opposite wall, all naked and lovely. "I would really like you to fuck me. And for that, I would have to wash up, um, down there."

  
  


Eliott is confused. "Isn't that what we did already?" Or does that word harbor a more precise meaning than sexual contact ?

  
  


Lucas blushes. "I, um...kind of, but...what I mean here is...I would really, really like for you to put your dick up my ass." 

  
  


Eliott's mouth drops slightly and he flinches at the idea. "What ? Why would you want that ? Wouldn't that be…super painful ?" 

  
  


"Maybe just a little at first. But if we do it right, no, it doesn't have to be. And then it can feel really, really good. For both of us. But if you don't like the idea, we don't have to, of course." 

  
  


He thinks about it. The thought both confuses and makes him feel all hot. The idea of being inside Lucas like that…it must feel incredible.  


  
  
  


"I don't want to hurt you." 

  
  
  


"Don't worry, I won't let you." 

  
  
  


He looks at Lucas and at the naked desire on his face. He trusts him. And well...he wants to explore as much as possible while they still can.

  
  
  


"Okay." 

  
  
  


A smile breaks out on Lucas's face, and he rushes forward to kiss Eliott. 

  
  


"Thank you. I think you're going to love it, too. Now, how about you go back to the bed ? Think about me while I get ready." 

"But...the water is still cold."

  
  


Lucas sighs a little dramatically. "Well, sometimes you have to make some sacrifices, when the situation calls for it. And I'm sure you'll love warming me up."

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


So Eliott goes back and settles himself on the bed after making sure the covers are arranged properly. He hears Lucas swear very fiercely over the cold water, and can't help but feel both very sympathetic and aroused at the thought he would go to such lengths for them to be intimate.

  
  


Finally Lucas emerges out of the bathroom, but goes to the kitchen instead of the bed, and starts rustling into the cupboards. Eliott wonders if he's hungry, if eating is necessary before sex, but Lucas just comes back with a small green bottle. 

  
  


"Olive oil," he explains. 

  
  


Eliott frowns. "Are we making salad?" He jokes, trying to hide his apprehension. 

  
  


Lucas laughs. "No." Then he taps the bed next to him. "Sit on the side ?" 

  
  


Eliott complies, letting his legs dangle over the bed.

Lucas straddles him, but in reverse, so that Eliott looks down on his lovely bottom. That ...goes a long way towards making him forget his nerves - it is simply incredible to look at, worthy of an antique statue made by a master sculptor.

  
  


Lucas opens the bottle and slicks his fingers with oil. 

  
  


"So the thing is," he explains, "assholes don't self lubricate with arousal like a woman's pussy would. So you have to use lube or something else, and you have to be careful at the beginning." 

  
  


Ah…Eliott wouldn't know about any of this, but he's going to take his word for it. 

  
  


Lucas lets the small bottle fall into Eliott's lap. Then he touches himself, sliding his fingers down into the crease of his ass and spreading himself with his other hand - until Eliott can see his hole, a tightly furled button that evokes all sorts of contradictory emotions in him - he finds himself definitely drawn to it, but has no idea how anything is going to fit. It looks so tight.

Lucas starts rubbing at himself, slow languorous motions. For a moment Eliott is too stunned to do anything, but his body knows something he doesn't, and he finds himself hardening again.

"You can touch me, too," Lucas says, leaning forward and curving his ass to expose himself better. 

Eliott immediately complies, feeling increasingly desperate to do something although he doesn't know what. He oils his fingers as much as he can without making a mess, and grabs Lucas' hip with one hand, hovering uncertainly with the other. 

Lucas finds him, and gently guides him where he must be. When his fingertips land, he feels the sensitive skin flutter under his touch. 

He is very careful, maybe too careful at first, as he learns the intimate topography of Lucas' body, but Lucas lets him explore at his own rhythm, caressing and pushing until eventually he whimpers, 

  
  


"Please, put it in." 

  
  


Eliott is once again at a loss, so Lucas demonstrates, and pushes at his own entrance with a fingertip until it sinks inside. Eliott stares in wonder and surprise as his finger goes deeper and deeper, the rim stretching and opening, and Lucas lets out a sigh. Then he pulls out, and his hole...doesn't seem as tight as it used to. 

  
  


"Your turn," Lucas says. 

  
  


Eliott complies this time, desperate to know what he feels like. 

At first he only feels the tightness of the ring of muscles clenching around his finger ; then as he goes deeper, an incredible feeling of velvet softness, wet and warm, closing in around him, and he is completely absorbed in it, in how incredibly intimate this is. 

Then he hits something like a wall, Lucas gasps and bucks into it. He immediately pulls out, scared he's done something wrong. 

"I'm so sorry, god, did I hurt you ?" 

"Oh no," Lucas replies, voice hoarse and breathless, "not at all, that felt fucking amazing. There is a spot...inside there, it's called the prostate, it feels incredible and you managed to find it on the first try. Well done. Now get inside me again." 

Eliott glows with pride as he complies, finding that spot again that makes his love writhe and whimper in pleasure as he pushes against it and rubs it repeatedly, and he finds that he actually really likes this. 

"Please," Lucas begs, "another. Stretch me, get me ready for your cock." 

  
  


Eliott feels slightly dizzy as he does, adding a finger, and feeling Lucas's rim widen, he starts to understand. He tests it, scissoring his fingers open, very gingerly, and Lucas moans as his hole is loosened up.

"Another," Lucas urges him on, and as soon as Eliott adds a third finger, he starts rocking himself back on it, and there is something so erotic about it all, the way he is desperate for Eliott to get deeper and deeper inside him, that has him straining against his own stomach, and now, yes. He very much does want to put his cock in Lucas' ass. Really, really badly. Even if he is still worried about the fit. He is a lot bigger than three fingers.

  
  


"I'm ready," Lucas pants, and Eliott pulls his fingers out. 

  
  


Then Lucas slides off, and climbs back up onto his lap except this time, he's facing him. 

  
  


They get lost in each other's eyes for a blessed moment, and Eliott can't help but wrap his arms around Lucas and draw him in for a kiss, caressing his skin as he does, feeling the luckiest of men in all of history. 

Then Lucas grabs the bottle, pours out some more oil and starts slicking him up, sending shivers of pleasure and anticipation up his body.

With one hand, he holds Eliott up, guiding him until he's nestled against Lucas's hole ; even feeling the sensations of it brushing against his cockhead is enough to make his body bloom in pleasure. Then Lucas, with a movement of his hips, pushes down.

They both gasp, in unison. The heat and pressure feel so good, but it's so tight, close to too much. Lucas raises himself up, and down again, teasing them both. Suddenly Eliott feels a powerful urge to yank him down and bury himself in that gripping, silky heat to the hilt, but he lets it pass, teeth and muscles clenched as he lets Lucas set the pace.

Soon enough, Lucas loosens up enough to take more and more, and Eliott can't help but remark, in a rapt tone, his breath short,

  
  


"I had no idea bodies could...do that." 

  
  


Lucas bows his head closer, lips brushing against Eliott's ear as he keeps moving.

  
  


"It's because you're so fucking hot," he rasps, "and I am so fucking horny." 

At that, he pushes down with renewed vigor, and Eliott moans, drowning in sensations.

A few moment later, he can feel Lucas's tights brush against his own, and his testicles rest in the curve of Lucas's ass, and when he realizes he is all the way in, it sends a deep shiver through his entire body. 

"By the seven heavens," he swears. "This...is incredible. You are incredible. Thank you." He buries his face in Lucas's neck, overcome by emotion. 

Lucas laughs sweetly and rocks forward, a whole new wave of pleasure accompanying his motions. 

"You feel so good," he moans. "I can feel you so deep." 

Eliott is still a bit puzzled as to how this could be enjoyable for him, but he can feel Lucas's pleasure, in how hard he is behind them, in his shivers, in his expression, his slack motions, almost liquid as he bounces himself, picking up the pace. And that's what matters. 

And god…he has never felt closer to heaven. Lucas's inner walls clench around him in rhythm, fitting like a glove, gripping and releasing him, building the heat in his belly up. He feels all sorts of cries and pleas fall from his lips ; he feels besides himself, taken to a higher dimension, where everything is good and nothing hurts. And Lucas is so sweet against him, slippery with sweat, encouraging him, stoking the fire, bringing them both to new heigths of bliss. 

  
  


After a while, he feels himself near the same kind of release that he experienced when Lucas had his mouth on him, almost painful, ecstatic pleasure, not unlike standing on the top of a mountain and feeling he could fly. 

  
  


"Lucas, my love, I am close, ah, please, harder, I -" 

  
  


Then Lucas stops. Eliott lets out a cry of protest and agony. 

  
  


Lucas's eyes are feverish, full of mischievous as they anchor themselves into his. 

  
  


"Sometimes it's better to wait a little." 

  
  


Then he pulls off, both of them whining at the loss, and climbs back on to the bed, settling on all fours, sticking his ass out in Eliott's direction, and looking back at him with a lustful, lascivious look. 

  
  


"Fuck me like this, from behind." 

  
  


Eliott scrambles to obey, thinking only of being inside him again. He grabs Lucas' hips, on his knees, and lines himself up, his previous shyness or uncertainty all but evaporated. Lucas's hole is almost gaping now, luring him in, mesmerizing. 

He lets out a loud groan of satisfaction as he is welcomed back inside, and starts thrusting. The sight of his engorged member slowly disappearing into Lucas's perfect, peach shaped bottom is enough to almost make him lose his mind. 

Like this, though, he has a lot of control over their movements, he is the one that sets the pace, and he's a bit hesitant to go too fast - but Lucas spurs him on,  _ harder, harder, fuck me harder - _ and so he finally lets loose. 

He starts pounding into him, and Lucas gets noisier and noisier, high pitched moans and pleading growls, driving him wanton, blazing pleasure licking at his insides.

"Please, touch me," he pants, "touch my dick, oh please, Eliott, I'm so close."

  
  


Eliott lowers himself until his torso is plastered to Lucas's back and reaches down, still thrusting, and grabs his swollen, dripping cock. He times his strokes with the movement of his hips, shoving himself into him over and over again until finally, he lets out a long cry of ecstasy and spills all over Eliott's hand and the bed cover below. The way Lucas clenches around him like a vise and his noises of pleasure pull him over the edge, and he thrusts once twice more before he is coming as well, utter pleasure blacking out his vision. He releases his seed deep inside Lucas' ass, whose twitching and clenching milks it out of him to the very last drop.

They collapse into the mattress together. Eliott doesn't want to pull out yet, even as he softens, and they stay there for a while, still enmeshed and completely dazed, until Lucas makes a noise of discomfort. 

He retires himself very gingerly, Lucas making a pained noise as he does, and he can't help but be a little worried as Lucas just lays there, flat on his back, completely supine. 

  
  


"Are you okay ?" 

  
  


"Fuck, yes." Lucas mumbles, his eyes closed. "Might not walk for a week, but it was worth it."

  
  


"What ?" That's very alarming.

  
  


"No, no, don't worry. Figure of speech. I feel great. Amazing." His voice is muffled by the bed cover. "Best fuck of my life, straight up." 

  
  


At that, Eliott can't help but glow with pride. As he has understood it, Lucas has had quite a number of lovers, worldly men with plenty of experience, so the fact that he has surpassed them all…

  
  


"It's because I love you," Eliott says as he lies back down against his lover. 

  
  


"Well if that's the power of love, sign me up." 

  
  


…

  
  
  


After a while, Lucas' stomach grumbles with hunger. Eliott gets up, very much feeling like it is his duty to feed him now, while Lucas goes to the bathroom. 

Thankfully, the kitchen is not as empty as it looks, so he won't have to hunt. He finds some of those non-perishable tins of food that he finds so incredibly ingenious. He finds some raviolis in tomato sauce in a can that he heats up over the fire, then serves it into two bowls, along with canned pineapple he puts into two glasses.

  
  


Lucas welcomes him back with enthusiasm, and they scarf down their meal quite fast - this sort of physical activity definitely makes you ravenous, he can tell. 

  
  


After that, it is discovered that they finally have warm water. Lucas finds candles and fills the bathtub, and they sink together in soapy, perfumed water. 

  
  
  


This is another dimension of heaven, Eliott thinks, especially after the ordeal they went through earlier, Lucas all relaxed in his arms, the soothing and luxurious effect of the bath, the candlelight flickering and golden. They stay in there for quite a while, and take turns washing each other, and in that instant, Eliott truly feels like a great lord, rich in all the things that matter. 

  
  
  
  
  
  

    
    
    ***     ***                   ***     ***                   ***     ***
     **   ** **   **               **   ** **   **               **   ** **   **
    *       *       *             *       *       *             *       *       *
    *               *             *               *             *               *
     *     LOVE    *               *     LOVE    *               *     LOVE    *
      **         **   ***     ***   **         **   ***     ***   **         **
        **     **   **   ** **   **   **     **   **   ** **   **   **     **
          ** **    *       *       *    ** **    *       *       *    ** **
            *      *               *      *      *               *      *
                    *     LOVE    *               *     LOVE    *
       ***     ***   **         **   ***     ***   **         **   ***     ***
     **   ** **   **   **     **   **   ** **   **   **     **   **   ** **   **
    *       *       *    ** **    *       *       *    ** **    *       *       *
    *               *      *      *               *      *      *               *
     *     LOVE    *               *     LOVE    *               *     LOVE    *
      **         **   ***     ***   **         **   ***     ***   **         **
        **     **   **   ** **   **   **     **   **   ** **   **   **     **
          ** **    *       *       *    ** **    *       *       *    ** **
            *      *               *      *      *               *      *
                    *     LOVE    *               *     LOVE    *
                     **         **                 **         **
                       **     **                     **     **
                         ** **                         ** **
                           *                             *

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut : from "I'm fine, I'm fine, don't worry," he says, and goes back to kissing Eliott" to the end, save for the five last paragraphs (Eliott tells Lucas he loves him and Lucas reciprocates, they have sex twice)
> 
> SOOOOOOOOO FINALLY HUH !!!! So happy these two finally got their shit together after all that pining ^^ Even though it had to get a little dramatic for it to happen, but who doesn't love a bit of a dashing rescue ? 
> 
> It was also very funny to write Eliott's POV through all of this, I hope the flowery language didn't completely ruin the mood ^^ but honestly the mix of very romantic smut + comedy is just, like. yeah. 
> 
> next time : Christmas finally arrives, and our lovebirds must make a decision that will change their lives forever


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas and Eliott's last moments together, as Christmas Eve nears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yooo what's up guys it's me your writer with a deep inability to write short stories *sigh* so my 'short' fun Christmas AU is inching towards the 100K....WHAAAAT. I am kind of super proud of it though, and thank you for sticking with it <3333
> 
> So this is not, like promised, the last chapter ! There was just too much plot left, and well...i didn't want to cram it into one. but you get more fic !!! this chapter is actually a lot more angsty than expected ? but you know the payoff will be extra sweet ! enjoy ^^
> 
> content warning : some short smut scenes

_December 23rd_

  
  
  
  


Lucas wakes to a world of softness and warmth, and when he opens his eyes, he finds himself staring into Eliott's, jewel blue green full of adoration. 

  
  


"Hi," he mumbles with a smile, flutters in his stomach. 

  
  


He still can't believe this is happening. 

  
  


"Good morning, beautiful," Eliott says, brushing hair away from his face. He is lying on his side, as is Lucas, and wraps his arm around Lucas's waist, drawing him closer and kissing him. They both have morning breath, which he couldn't care less about. 

After a while, the world around them becomes clearer. There is a fire roaring in the hearth, which means Eliott must have gotten up earlier to make it. 

  
  


"Do you want breakfast?" Eliott asks with a winsome smile. As Lucas nods, he reaches down to the floor besides the bed and pulls out a tray, with something already prepared. It isn't really luxurious - trail mix, canned peaches, some crackers, tea that looks oversteeped - but it's the attention that makes him melt. 

  
  


"God, where have you been all my life," he sighs. 

  
  


Eliott smiles, something sad in his eyes. "Looking for you in the wrong century."

  
  


Suddenly the looming end of their blissful togetherness sharpens in his mind. Yesterday, he managed to forget it, the euphoria helping, but it's harder to ignore today, and he feels a strong pressure not to waste any minute. 

He looks out of the window. Snow seems to have stopped, and there is even a little sunshine filtering through. Their clothes, which they have put in front of the fire to dry yesterday evening, must be ready to wear. And he doesn't want to linger here, on the off chance the owners of the cabin decide to swing by. They would probably pretty pissed off to see that two strangers broke into the place, ate their food and fucked in their bed.

"We should leave soon," Lucas says.

Eliott sighs. Lucas can tell he doesn't really want to. "Our shoes are still a little wet."

That's...not an appealing perspective. 

  
  


"Well...ok. Let's wait an hour or two more." He has an inkling it's still pretty early, and he doubts the owners of the cabin would want to come here on the day before Christmas eve anyway.

  
  


Eliott grins. Once they're done, he sweeps the tray away and then rolls over Lucas, pressing him into the mattress, their lips finding each other again. They make out until Lucas feels dizzy, like a teenager who has just discovered kissing. There is something about doing these things with Eliott - it feels as if they are actually wholly new for the both of them. And maybe, in a sense, they are.

"Hey," Eliott says, smiling at him, "can I fuck you again ?" 

His tone is so direct and matter of fact, that Lucas has a slight premonition Eliott isn't done driving him crazy with saying and doing tantalizing things with the most innocuous tone and expression. He blushes and laughs a little.

He would like to. But he is honestly incredibly sore. Asking Eliott to rail him like that yesterday when he hadn't done this sort of thing in a super long time, well...it has consequences. 

"I don't think it's in the cards, sorry. Not if I want to be able to walk to the car after. But maybe later today."

Eliott frowns. "You told me it didn't hurt."

  
  


Lucas can't help but be relieved he doesn't try to pressure him to change his mind and that Lucas' well being is the only thing in his mind. James always used to be so pissy when he didn't want to do a specific sex thing. 

Lucas sighs. "It's not too bad. I'm a bit sore when I move." He puts some of Eliott's wild hair back behind his ear. "Sometimes a little pain is worth it. And well, I know what I like." 

  
  


Eliott smiles. "The sorrow and the joy."

  
  


Lucas laughs. "Are you making your tales of courtly love about sex now ? My, my, you are well and truly debauched, Sir Eliott." 

"A lot of those tales were already about sex, you know. We just weren't able to be open about it." Eliott sighs. "I guess that's why we were all so very dramatic. I like this better." He raises himself until he is hovering millimeters above Lucas, in a plank position that must take a lot of strength to maintain so steadily. "Show me what you do want, then."

  
  
  


Yes, he knows what he likes, and Eliott hits all his damn buttons.

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


Time seems to fly as they roll around in bed with absolute abandon. Eliott is just as eager as yesterday and increasingly shameless - it's an amazing combination, and he has incredible stamina.  When they finally emerge, reluctant but quite satisfied, Eliott has learned how to give blowjobs, the sun is streaming into the room, and it's around eleven.

  
  


They start tidying up and cleaning - well, they have a false start, after which they realise that doing the cleaning while being both naked is bound to be a little bit of a distraction, so eventually, they put on their clothes. They are mostly dry, but smell heavily of mud and waterlogged leaves, which makes Lucas want to immediately jump into a shower again. 

  
  


Lucas writes a letter to the owners of the cabin to leave behind, apologizing profusely, explaining that their situation was a matter of life or death, that the cabin saved their lives and so they are extremely grateful, and sorry for the break in. Lucas leaves his email address, saying he will pay for the door repairs if they contact him, hoping they won't sue him for trespassing. 

  
  


He also takes two of the furs with him because they are just...too stained to leave behind and wouldn't dry in time if they washed them in the sink. 

  
  


After they get out, Eliott piles a lot of logs in front of the broken door, to avoid attracting attention for any passers by. 

  
  
  


Finally, they set off, being extremely careful this time, especially since the fresh snow has made things extra slippery. Eliott climbs into a tree again to find the way and Lucas doesn't say anything this time, even though his heart is in his throat the whole time.

The trail still winds through beautiful places though, especially with the fresh snow and the sun, turning it into a winter wonderland.

A big wave of relief hits him as they finally make it back to the car. This could have ended a lot, lot worse. When he thinks about falling into that lake too long...he shivers.

But as they drive home, talking about everything and nothing, flirting and laughing, Lucas feels so warm inside it could just as well be summer. 

  
  


...

  
  
  


When they arrive home, the first thing Lucas does is throw everything in the washing machine, and then he goes to prepare a real, actual lunch for the both of them. Eliott tries to help but Lucas tells him to sit down as he fries up eggs, bacon and tomatoes in a big pan, and serves it with thick slices of buttery, rustic bread. 

  
  


They both scarf their lunch down, and Lucas starts to feel a slight sense of panic. It's past three already. They have so little time, they shouldn't waste any of it. 

  
  


They're supposed to spend the day helping Daphy with the community dinner. But all he wants now is to spend time with Eliott alone. 

  
  


"I'm going to tell Daphy we fell ill during our hike, and we can spend the day together, what do you think ?" 

  
  


"I would like that," Eliott nods gravely. 

  
  


Lucas thinks. Is there anything he really wants to show Eliott before he...? God, there is so much he wants to do with him, but there is no time, no time at all. 

  
  


He gets an idea though. 

  
  


"How would you feel about going on a date tonight ?" 

  
  


Eliott blushes. "I would like that." He continues, a little perplexed, "I saw one on TV, the man had to date triplets but couldn't tell them apart ? For some sort of contest. They were on a boat."

  
  


Lucas presses his palm against his face. Try as he might, he could not save Eliott from TV reality after all. 

  
  
  


"Yeah, that's not my thing." He laughs. "I was thinking of taking you to a nice restaurant, eat some good food, maybe go for a walk…bit boring maybe."

  
  


"That sounds lovely." Eliott says, and Lucas knows he absolutely means it. "But however are we to occupy ourselves in the meantime ?" He grins with an air that says he knows  _ exactly _ what they are going to do in the meantime. 

  
  


…

  
  


It's kind of fascinating, Lucas thinks, having  _ intercourse _ with someone of a different time, who has never been exposed to modern sexual mores. Eliott is so innocent about certain things, and so completely unselfconscious about others. Like making a lot of noise, begging shamelessly for what he wants, and his general sense of enthusiasm. Or paying Lucas a lot of over the top, love-struck, slightly ridiculous compliments about his eyes or the shape of his dick. There is so little posturing, it's very refreshing. Lucas knows he is lucky, because a random dude from the Middle Ages would have been a lot more likely to be a homophobic brute with no understanding whatsoever of consent. Eliott is kind of a miracle in that way, too.

Although he can be...well, he's a bit macho about certain things, and he has a tendency towards boasting, but never so much that it crosses a line from kind of sexy into obnoxious. 

It's like he is exactly Lucas's type, but an ascended version, better in every aspect. 

And yes, as it turns out, he is _entirely_ capable of picking Lucas up and fucking him against the wall.

  
  


It's what they've just finished doing, lying sweaty and out of breath on the living room couch, when the bell rings. 

  
  


"Ugh," Lucas says, "let's just pretend we're not home."

  
  


There are a few energetic knocks on the door. 

  
  


"Lucas Lallemant, I know you're in there. Open up." 

  
  


Shit. Manon. He'd texted her when they'd got back to let her know everything was ok, but maybe Daphy had told her about their shitty excuse. 

  
  


"Lucas, I know where the spare key is ! I'm coming in!" 

  
  


Ugh. Sisters. 

  
  


Fuck. He looks around at the room. It's an utter mess. Eliott looks at him, and he  _ finally _ looks tired, like he would very much like never to walk again. 

  
  


Lucas stumbles up, and wraps himself in the comforter, then goes to answer the door. 

  
  


"What do you want?" He grumbles. 

  
  


Manon, impeccably put together as always, smiles and shows him a bag.

  
  


"My darling little brother," she says with a grin and a voice entirely too sweet, "coming to check on you of course ! With everything that happened...and you're sick, right ? So I made you chicken soup ! You do look very feverish." 

  
  


"Thanks." 

  
  
  


"Well, aren't you going to invite me in ?" 

  
  
  


"No," he grumbles, "we're busy." 

  
  
  


"Ooh, you're busy."

  
  
  


"Very busy."

  
  
  


"With Eliott or separately ?"

  
  
  


Usually he would say something vague to throw her off, but Eliott's brand of honesty must be rubbing off on him, so he just says, 

  
  


"We're trying to see if we can get to seven orgasms in one day." 

  
  


Manon immediately makes a grossed out face. 

  
  


"Ok, that is way too much info, I get the message, I'll stop being nosy. But," she says, smiling again, "I am very happy for you. We could all see how into each other you were. And he seems like a really good guy."

  
  


Lucas sighs. "Too good to be true, maybe." Oh no, he can't get emotional about this now, or confuse Manon so much she'll ask for an explanation. "Ah, whatever, maybe he'll teach me to not be such a pessimist." 

  
  


He tries to grab Manon's soup but she puts it out of reach. 

  
  


"Ah-ah, not really sick, you do not get the soup." 

  
  


"But I am completely exhausted," Lucas sighs dramatically. 

  
  


Manon rolls her eyes. "Goodbye, Lucas."

  
  


"Goodbye, sister. Goodbye, soup." He says to her back as she walks to her car, laughing, and he closes the door.

  
  


Eliott has a shy expression on his face when he comes back. 

  
  
  


"Do you think she approves of me ?" 

  
  
  


"Oh yeah, absolutely. I mean, you pretty much won her over when Ange decided she liked you. And the other day, during the dinner, she told me we were obviously into each other and that I should make a move."

  
  
  


Eliott turns red. "I, uh. Really ?" 

  
  
  


"Yeah. I think we were pretty much the last to know, to be honest."

  
  
...  
  


After a short nap, they start getting ready. Lucas has a Plan, after all, and he's called and made all the right reservations, so it's important they arrive on time. 

  
  


"So I was thinking," he explains in the car, once they're all showered and dressed up, Eliott in that dark teal turtleneck sweater Lucas picked out for him that makes him look like a goddamn model, "we won't have time to travel. But I still wanted to show you a little bit of the world. So tonight I have made reservations at five restaurants that make dishes from all over the world. We'll each just a little bit at each and then move on to the next. How does that sound?"

  
  


"Absolutely incredible," Eliott says, with stars in his eyes. 

  
  


Eliott likes spices, at least, so he picked more than a few cuisines known to be very spicy. 

  
  


...

The first is a very small Thai restaurant on the edge of town, decorated with gilded trimmings, posters of beaches and colorful fake flowers. They sit down at a small wooden table next to the window. They are the only ones inside, but again, it's still pretty early. He's tested all the restaurants he picked before ; they're all quite good. 

  
  


Lucas orders for them : coconut and chicken soup and sour shrimp soup to eat half a bowl each, one spicy papaya salad, and homemade lime water.

  
  


Eliott is incredibly taken by the food, unsurprisingly, and spends a lot of time staring at things in his bowl to figure out what they are, or closing his eyes in bliss. 

  
  


"I'm starting to feel jealous of how much you like this food," Lucas jokes.

  
  


"Do not fret, my love, you are still first in my heart." Eliott sighs. "But this shrimp soup might be a close second."

  
  


Lucas laughs. 

  
  


"Thailand is in….the continent called Asia, is that right ?"

  
  


Lucas nods. 

  
  


"Have you ever been there ?"

  
  


"No, but I really want to. I'd like to see all of Asia, do a sort of tour." 

  
  


"Ah, that must be quite incredible. I read a lot of your geography books. This is quite a unique opportunity to learn about the world. You know, in my time, men would have killed for this knowledge."

  
  


Lucas winces. "Yeah, and they will. I mean…"

  
  


"I have read about that too, in your history books." Eliott says. "It is really strange, to learn of both the wonderful and the horrible things that await mankind in the time I come from. You know...there are people I wish I could share this with. There is this bard that came to the castle often who had such dreams about travelling the world. Or the kitchen maidens, I wish I could show them how women live here." He sighs. "I wish I could take my people and bring them here. They deserve the shelter of this future more than I do, in truth."

  
  


Lucas feels, suddenly, all encompassing sadness, so wide it is dizzying. For the both of them, and this ocean of time that separates them, and for all the humans that toiled in darkness through the trials of history, in times when thriving was almost impossible, and especially those that cared for the man he loves, and those he cared about. 

  
  


"But there is little rhyme or reason to the way things are, I suppose." Eliott says, something very grave and solemn in his eyes. Once more, Lucas is struck by his maturity below the innocent facade. "Don't despair, my sweet and valiant friend, for I am sure greater things are yet to come. Now, tell me of the places you have seen, tell me of the world."

  
  


So Lucas tells Eliott of all the countries and cities he's visited : Australia, New York, Morocco - they went on a friend trip with Imane to visit Sofiane's family and tour the country - Germany, Ireland, London, Barcelone, Berlin, Corsica... And Eliott tells him about his own journeys. Although they all kept him in mostly the same region, they sound so epic, the world so much larger than it used to be. Tales of trekking over mountains, into deep caves and through treacherous marshes, and turbulent rivers...fighting bandits and strange creatures...he wishes they had time to go adventuring like this together.

  
...

At some point, they move to the second joint of the evening, a very fancy Chinese restaurant, with dark wood everywhere and a lot of intricate orchids that Eliott is very taken with.  Lucas orders his favorite : single dishes of laquered duck with crispy skin, lotus root soup, mandarin fish in orange sauce, little steamed buns, and especially for Eliott, pork in Sichuan pepper sauce.

  
  


This is an equally great success, until the last dish, which leaves him...puzzled.

  
  


"This is the strangest thing I have ever tasted. It is...sour, yet cold, and spicy, and it numbs the tongue, and it feels almost...tingly. I think I like it," he says after a while. 

  
  


Honestly the strangest thing Lucas has ever tasted is Eliott's cooking, but he doesn't say that, he is merely glad Eliott seems to enjoy it so much.

  
  


"I think you might."

  
  


"You are such a caring person." Eliott sighs. 

  
  


Lucas blushes. He's still not used to all the compliments, for the smallest things. 

  
  


"But I think, romantic feelings set aside, that it must be the best way to live." Eliott continues.

  
  


"It's not always easy." Lucas reflects. "I tried to stop being like that for a long time. I have wished I was tougher for most of my life." 

"I understand that." Eliott says. "For quite a while I too believed that being strong and having a kind heart were mutually exclusive."

  
  


"But not anymore ?"

  
  


"No. They are both sorts of courage." He stops. "Meeting you solidified this in my mind. Both in watching you interact with the world and in figuring out the kind of man I would like to be around you."

  
  


_ God.  _

  
  


This feels so…

  
  


"Yeah," Lucas says, his voice rough. "I feel the same. I feel like I don't have to apologize for who I am when I am with you." 

  
  


"It's because our souls recognize each other." Eliott says, his tone calm and clear as if stating an evidence.

  
  


Lucas bites his lips. Suddenly he wants to cry. 

  
  


Eliott covers his hand with his own, where it is laying on the table. 

  
  


"And nothing can break that connection," Eliott says, "neither time or space. I fully believe that we will be reunited one day, of not in this life then the next. I cannot imagine a version of Paradise without you in it."

  
  


_ Fuck. _

  
  


Lucas blinks tears away. "I don't believe in Paradise. And even if I did it would not be enough. I want a life with you." 

There is a moment of silence. Pain and regret flicker across Eliott's face, but he looks so calm, almost hieratic. Lucas feels so young then, and like he is truly speaking to a man eight centuries older than him.

He presses his palms into his eyes. He can't start crying like a baby in the middle of the restaurant, that would be so fucking embarassing. 

"Anyway, let's pay the bill and go to the next one, yeah ?" 

…

  
  


As they arrive to the car outside, Eliott draws him into his arms and holds him, a gesture meant for pure comfort, and this time, Lucas truly cries, strangled sobs he tries to tone down but cannot contain anymore. Eliott's continued stoicism both reassures and rattles him. He feels so stupid for breaking down like this when he's the one that insisted it was still worth it to try.  


  
  


Once they're in the car, Eliott says, 

  
  


"I would welcome a reason to crumble, you know. But my principles have kept me going through the bitterest, most lonely of winters."

  
  


"I know," Lucas says through gritted teeth. "I would never ask you to abandon them. I'm not that selfish." 

"I am not sure it is entirely up to me, anyway," Eliott says. "I have a premonition the enchantress might send me back whether I want it or not."

Lucas sniffles. In a sense, that makes things easier. 

  
  


"Well, I guess it's useless thinking about that now, anyway."

  
  


...

He drives the car to their next spot, very slowly, as if he could slow down time that way. They enter a small Spanish bar where they eat a small plate of tapas, cured ham, fried peppers, potato omelette, fried calamari, cubes of cheese and small empanadas, served with red wine.

After that, they go to a small, American style diner, and share a burger and a small strawberry milkshake. 

"Are you still okay with the food ?" Lucas is starting to feel very satiated, even though he only ate very small portions of each dish. "I know it's a lot of different things at once." An average French man would probably scream bloody murder at all the flavors they are mixing tonight. Then again Eliott clearly doesn't have a problem with unorthodox taste combinations. If they had fries, he would probably dip them in the milkshake too.

"I love it." Eliott says. "It reminds me of our greatest feasts after the harvest, when we spent days on end eating all sorts of wondrous dishes." He laughs at Lucas' expressions. "It is what we tend to do when food is so scarce for much of the year. Sometimes it is important to indulge while you still can." 

That's a philosophy very applicable to their present moment, he guesses. 

In the background, old music plays on a vintage style jukebox. The whole place was designed to mimic the fifties, with neon signs, pink booths, checkered floors. It feels almost as if they have time travelled again, to an era that is both unfamiliar to them. It feels so surreal.

"It's crazy," Lucas says, "to think time travel actually exists. I keep wondering if we could go to other eras, too." 

"That is indeed a wonder," Eliott says. "What era would you like to visit?"

"Well, I have always thought Ancient Egypt would be cool as fuck. And maybe the roaring twenties, for all the partying and the hidden gay subcultures. But I think most of all I would like to see the future, you know ? To see if we make it or not. If like, the earth turns into some sort of post apocalyptic wasteland or if we make it and we have a beautiful clean future with flying cars and houses in trees and no more poverty or hunger. What about you ?"

"Well...I am already in the future, and I do recommend the experience," he smiles. "It is disorienting but wonderful. Although I can imagine each era will have its shadows." He sucks on his straw, and Lucas can't help but think about how cute he is. "I think I would like very much to visit the nineteenth century and talk to the Romantic poets. And to see the sixties and the seventies, and the era of the revolution of love."

  
  


Of course he would.

Lucas laughs. "I can see you as a hippie, with long hair and orange glasses." 

  
  


"We could start a band together," says Eliott. "We would have a lot of groupies, but they would always be unsatisfied, because we would always be faithful to each other."

  
  


Ah, that's so sweet. "How come you know so much about that ?"

  
  


"I watched a documentary movie on the TV the other day."

  
  


"Ah, of course. Well, I would love to be in a band with you. Although I only know how to play the piano, so that doesn't really fit the band thing."

  
  


"We would make it work. It would be quite a new thing."

  
  


Lucas remembers something, all of a sudden. 

  
  


"We should play. Together, tomorrow, you and me. With your lute and me on my piano. While we still can."

  
  


"Yes. We really should." 

  
  
  


…

Lucas looks at his watch as they walk out. It's quite early still, since they started so early. So they are on schedule. He parks the car close to the city centre.

  
  


"Okay, so we have one joint left to visit. I thought we could take a bit of a break, give ourselves time to digest a bit." He explains as they walk to the central square. 

"A walk would be quite welcome,"

  
  
  


"Ah, that that's not quite what I have planned, though."

  
  


They arrive at the square. It is far from empty this time, a lot of stalls from the Christmas market still open, smells of mulled wine and cinnamon wafting in their direction. 

Lucas has them wait, once again, next to the Christmas tree. 

  
  


Eliott looks at him with an excited smile. 

  
  


Finally he hears the jingle of bells, and they both turn. 

  
  
  


A carriage is standing next to them, one of those old timey versions made of wood, with massive wheels and little lanterns in front. It is decorated for the season, with little white garlands and bells and holly, and drawn by two enormous horses, with a shining dappled grey coat, their harnesses decorated with bells and red ribbons . A driver is sitting on the front seat - an old man with a massive beard, who looks exactly like a vintage version of Santa Claus, with a red top hat lined with fur and a cinched red coat. He gestures at them. 

  
  


"Gentlemen ? Did you order a carriage ?" 

  
  


"Indeed, we did." 

  
  


Eliott squeals a little. Lucas opens the door for him to climb inside it. 

  
  


Once Lucas is in, he gives a couple of banknotes to the driver and then leans back. Before he made the reservation, he made absolutely sure the driver wouldn't have an issue with driving a couple of men around, and so he relaxes. There is a fur lined, heavy quilt in the back that Eliott throws over them, and a lot of cushions, making it incredibly comfortable. The back and sizes of the carriage are quite high as well, so they are completely shielded from the wind. 

  
  


Eliott wraps his arm around him and Lucas leans into him. The driver motions the horses forward and so they go, into the sleepy town. For a moment they are lost in the magic of the moment, admiring the Christmas decorations. The bells attached to the carriage jingle softly, making a melody with the clacking of the hooves on the pavement. After a while, it starts snowing, ever so lightly, and the driver stops to fold out a little roof over them. 

  
  


Once again, they find themselves out of time, through the magic of snow. The driver takes them uphill, to the older part of the town, passing beautiful stone houses in a city going to sleep, under garlands of light.

  
  


"This is quite magical," Eliott whispers in his ear. "Only the greatest lords used to have such carriages, in my time."

  
  


"Maybe you are a great lord to me," Lucas says, half teasing and half serious. 

"You certainly make me feel like one," he says, kissing Lucas's temple. He sighs. "If I was, I would make you my first knight. I would make sure we would be inseparable." 

Lucas thinks about it, about what it would be like if he had been thrown into Eliott's era instead. It's a bit scary to think about, honestly. 

"I would probably have to be your valet or something, like there is no way I would pass as a knight, seriously."

"I am not so sure. If I were to train you, in secret…" He sighs. Those are sensitive things to think about, right now, Lucas gets it. "I do not know. It would prove quite complicated. But I know I would raze cities to the ground to keep you at my side." 

Lucas shivers. That is such a foreign sentiment to him, death as a proof of love. And yet this is the language of Eliott's world - dangerous, barbaric even, but awe inspiring. And he knows that if he had been from the same time, he would have been flattered beyond measure, made to feel worthier than an entire world that would have tried to keep them apart. 

He takes Eliott's hand in his, interlacing their fingers, kissing the back of his hand.

It's a strange night, he thinks. He feels so happy, but these sharp flashes of sadness come and go, and now his throat is tight, just as Eliott's grasp on him, as if he was trying to keep him from slipping away. 

"Lucas," Eliott says, his voice grave and very low. "Promise me something. When am gone, mourn my presence, but not for too long. And then find someone who will love you like you deserve."

  
  


Lucas lets out a bitter laugh. "What, I'm not allowed a few rebounds with random assholes ?"

  
  


"Lucas, please." His tone is urgent. "I need to know that...you will be fine. That you will not stay with men that treat you badly. You deserve love, and happiness."

Some gnarled, ancient hurt fights to get free in his chest. "I don't know about that. Everyone always leaves me." 

Eliott says nothing at that, pressing his face into Lucas's hair. Lucas is being selfish right now, he knows, by making this all about him. Eliott is going back so he can save people's lives. His little abandonment issues and broken heart don't matter when it comes to this. But god…

"You must know," Eliott whispers into his hair, "that I will be with you always, in thought if not in the flesh."

"No," Lucas says, sliding himself further to the right and turning so he can see Eliott. "If I have to promise to move on, then so do you. No courtly love solitary pining shit."

Eliott swallows and looks down. "I am not as easy to love as you are." 

  
  


"Bullshit. You are incredible. You are brave, kind, funny, and fucking gorgeous. You are one of the best people I know. And listen, I can understand...whatever it is, that you have, it will probably be difficult. But if you tell those you care about, they may surprise you. I am sure that there will be willing to face the sorrow, because you are a true joy." 

He can see Eliott's lips tremble. 

  
  


"Let's be happy," Lucas whispers. "In each other's name." His heart hurts so much. But he has never felt more right about anything. 

Eliott kisses him, then, passionate to the point of desperation, and then he says, "yes, yes. I will." He smiles at Lucas, his eyes shining. "It will be our quest."

  
  


"Yeah." Lucas says roughly. It hurts, the idea of Eliott with someone else. But the idea of him alone is agony. 

For the rest of the ride, Lucas nestles himself against Eliott and holds on as tight as he can, letting the sighs wash over him.

  
  


Soon, they are back at the square. They give the driver a generous tip for steering them through the snow and then walk to the last restaurant close by. 

It's a small Italian eating house, remarkably authentic and held by a small, wrinkled grandpa in a checkered apron. The main room has a wonderfully romantic atmosphere, with old saffron velvet curtains, little wooden tables and candles everywhere. It's notorious for being a popular spot for couples in town, and he's always wanted to bring someone here. 

  
  


They don't have that much appetite left, but Lucas still wants to make it special, since it's their last spot. They order one plate full of seven big raviolis, each one a different filling, in a wonderful sauce with sage and butter. They cut and share them all, and try to guess the flavors.. 

  
  


For dessert, they order sparkling white wine, one serving of tiramisu, and one of blancmange with pistachios and candied orange. 

They clink their glasses together. 

  
  


"Here's to happiness," Eliott says, but his tone is not joyful, and neither is Lucas' heart. 

They drink. The wine is light and sweet on his tongue. 

"When I get back, I will slay the dragon, if God permits. And then I will go and see my friends at the castle and the village, but only to say goodbye. I will not stay. I no longer wish to serve as my cousin's vassal." Eliott says.  


Joy and relief break through Lucas' heart. That, in any case, is a really good thing, that Eliott doesn't feel himself tied to that asshole anymore. 

"I think I will travel." Eliott continues. "I want to go South, to the sea. I want to go see the Moorish cities, the Alhambra of Grenada and the universities of Cordova and Toledo. Maybe...maybe someone there can help me. And there is knowledge there, they say, libraries, instructors, real medicine. Maybe I will...learn science." He continues. That's...wow. "I will try to help people and hopefully earn some coin. Maybe I will find a lord worth serving." He sips on his wine. "Maybe I will ask the bard to come with me. I know he's always been afraid to travel alone." 

  
  


Lucas is so happy that Eliott seems to have gained this new perspective. But his chest still feels tight. 

  
  


"Is that bard handsome ?" 

  
  


Eliott frowns. 

  
  


"I've never really thought about it. But I guess he is, yes. And he's always been...partial to me." 

  
  


Lucas clenches his jaw not to say something petty. All he wants, really, is for Eliott to find some measure of companionship and support. 

  
  


"I hope you have some wonderful adventures." He says instead. "And that in time you find somewhere to settle where life is kind and you are loved." 

Eliott nods. "Thank you. What...what will you do?"

  
  


Lucas considers it. The idea of returning to his former life...it feels so dull, so empty. 

  
  


"I don't intend to leave here. I have a good job, my house, my family and friends. I like living here. But I...think this last month has shown me that I was missing something. Passion, excitement, discovering new things. So maybe I'll take up a new hobby. Maybe I will go do some historical reenactment. Or sword fighting. And I will do that tour of Asia."

  
  


"Have some shrimp soup in memory of me," Eliott says. 

  
  


Lucas nods. If that ever happens, he probably will be the first dumbass to ever burst into tears over a bowl of soup.

  
  


"And I want to find someone to settle down with." He sighs. The idea of going to the dating market after all of this...it sounds like such a chore. 

  
  


But he's made a promise now. 

  
  


"Good." Eliott nods. There is a moment of silence. This is so strange ; they just got together but already they must separate, after what feels like years of belonging together. 

  
  


Eliott takes Lucas's hand on the table, and brings his to his lips, bowing down slightly, brushing Lucas' knuckles with his lips. 

  
  


"Now, my love, let us not let the future steal anymore time from us."

  
  


"Alright." Lucas says, blinking away tears again. 

  
  


Eliott takes a spoonful of tiramisu and moans as he eats it, a little too loud to be polite, making Lucas laugh and blush a little, and something flutter in his belly.

  
  


Yes he wants to focus on this now. No matter what happens tomorrow, right now, he is in love. 

  
  
  


…

  
  


They stay in the restaurant until closing time, and take the long way back to the car after they are ushered out. 

  
  


Lucas does something he's wanted to do for a while - takes Eliott's hand in his own, lacing their gloved hands together. They walk hand in hand, like any other regular couple, and it warms his heart. 

  
  


"Did you like our first date ?" Lucas asks. 

  
  


"Exceedingly so," Eliott says. "Although I don't want to eat for another month."

  
  


Lucas laughs. 

  
  


"I am proud of us for making it to the end, honestly. Even though this is probably bad timing, because we have an enormous dinner coming tomorrow." 

  
  


Eliott sighs. "What a difficult life."

  
  


"That's the real magic of Christmas. Feeling too full to move." 

  
  


Eliott smirks. "But you like that, don't you."

  
  


Did he just…

  
  


Lucas laughs, letting out a fakely scandalized gasp. Eliott is turning into a real menace, seriously. It's a thing of beauty.

  
  


"And you like doing the filling, don't you."

  
  
  


"Mhhm. I do." Eliott stops and draws him in, not too far away from the car. "Do you think you might have some space left for me ?" 

  
  


Lucas raises his eyebrows. God, this is the most ridiculous semi-ironic sexy talk he's ever had. He loves it. 

  
  


"Maybe. I do love a second dessert." He grins and looks at the car, thirty meters away. "But only if you can catch me before I reach the car."

And then he's gone, running as fast as he dares to, jumping over patches of ice.

  
  


He hears Eliott's laughter, and his footsteps as he gets into the game. 

  
  


Of course Eliott catches up with him, with those stilt-like legs of his - but Lucas is quite fast himself, so it's only when they are almost at the car. As he feels Eliott's arms close around his waist, he deliberately steps on a patch of ice, and swings them around, Eliott's back bumping against the car.

  
  


He turns around, so he has Eliott trapped between him and the car. 

  
  


"Well, look at that. Now I have caught you." He says, still panting from the sudden exertion. 

  
  


Eliott tightens his grip on him. "We've caught each other." 

  
  


"Lucky us." Lucas says, and he kisses Eliott, melting against him like snowflakes against warm skin, feeling so giddy and in love everything else fades away.

  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  


When they finally reach home, though, they are both too tired to do anything apart from crawling into bed as fast as possible. It's been...quite a day. Lucas can't remember having had this much sex in like. Almost a decade.

Eliott hovers at the doorstep of Lucas' room when he comes back from the bathroom, suddenly hesitant. He's been in here earlier already, but this, entering Lucas' room to sleep with him, it's a little different. 

Lucas tilts the covers and motions for Eliott to come join him. Eliott smiles softly, and drops the last of his clothes before joining him.

  
  


"You remember we got you some pajamas, right ?"

  
  


"Do you _want_ me to wear them ? Because I always get too warm during the night when I do."

  
  


"It's fine, don't worry." Lucas says. He's the opposite, he always gets too cold, so this is a great arrangement. He shimmies out of his own pants, and then turns off the lights.  


  
  


"Taking advantage of your personal bedwarmer, I see," Eliott grins. 

  
  


Lucas presses their lips together quickly in the dark, tangling their legs together, reveling in the comfort of skin to skin contact.

  
  


"Yes, but no funky business, we have a busy day tomorrow." 

  
  


Eliott draws him in as a response, and Lucas goes gladly, nestling into his chest. "Alright. I will be the very picture of temperance. Sleep well, my angel."

  
  


This is the only night they have left, and the knowledge echoes in Lucas's whole body, stealing the heart of this sweetness between them. And it really upsets him, that they have so little time left but the fear and sadness won’t fucking leave. Instead, they expand, until Lucas almost feels like he is going to suffocate. 

  
  


Until Eliott, who must have somehow felt his distress, puts his hand on his lower back, at the base of his spine, and starts rubbing his skin. Little circles around his vertebrae, his fingers digging lightly into his muscles, releasing them from their tension. Lucas exhales, and whispers a word of thanks. Nothing ever taught him to do that, Lucas thinks, it’s a gesture born purely of instinct, and late night intimacy, and that, for some reason, soothes him immesurably. 

Life is like that, he thinks - no moment is ever the same, no moment comes back, every single second is only ever lived once. Even if they were to have a lifetime together, this moment would still be unique. And he wants to savor it like that. 

Eliott keeps going, his hand moving up to his back, his shoulder blades, his neck, so slowly, tentative, mapping the terrain, and he keeps going until slowly, Lucas’ mind relents and lets his body sink into sleep. 

  
  
  
  

    
    
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          :     `---'     :-'
           `-._       _.-'
               '""""""
    

_ December 24th  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Lucas wakes up to a diffuse light on his face, warming his eyelids, and to the shiver soft sensation of lips brushing against his belly, feathery little kisses, slow and leisurely. 

  
  
  


He woke up for a few hours last night, his mind restless, but he doesn't feel tired, so it must be late. He doesn't feel an impulse to get up immediately, though.

  
  


Another thought came to him during the wan early morning hours. He got worried about Eliott's living conditions when he got back, and slunk away from their warm bed to his office, where he printed a lot of pages from first aid army manuals, survivalist guides, and mental health resources. He might create a massive paradox by sending this information back into the past, he's aware, but if anybody has an issue with it they can come to him to explain themselves first. In the meantime he'll do anything he can to augment Eliott's chances of survival. 

  
  


Really, looking at it from this angle, Eliott's brief presence here was a miracle. A chance for him to recharge, to be healed from a lifetime of emotional neglect, to be shown that things could be different, to discover things about himself. To learn that there was nothing wrong with him. To be given some love and tenderness before he carries on his journey. Lucas hopes it will direct the course of his life into something good, maybe it's a bit pretentious, but...he wants to focus on this, on the good they did to each other, on how this was so much better than not meeting at all.

  
  


He keeps his eyes closed and lets himself savor this, the quiet and heart filling pleasure of being taken care of, teased, showered in affection. His skin sings with it ; making his eyelids flutter, letting the light in amidst peach tones. He sighs happily, without opening his eyes. 

  
  


"Hello," Eliott's voice rumbles into his skin. 

  
  


He smiles. Eliott kisses start travelling up, from his lower belly to above his navel, to his sternum, collarbones, jaw, and finally his mouth. He responds to the kiss slowly, letting himself be loved like a fruit ripening in the sun.

"I don't think I will be able to tell stories anymore when I go home," Eliott says, whispering in Lucas's ear.

  
  


"Really?"

  
  


"The things I want to make poetry about now would be wholly indecent to their ears." 

  
  


Lucas finally opens his eyes, blinking sleep away, taking in Eliott's face hovering above his own, a world in itself. He raises his hand, draws a thumb across Eliott's cheekbone. "There is still time for poetry." 

  
  
  


"Yes," Eliott whispers, "my love." 

  
  


Lucas  feels a little high right now - there is something about sleeping in the arms of someone that makes him feel so good and safe and happy...it's downright therapeutical. He thinks about those butterflies who only ever live for a day. How do you fall in love with the ephemeral ? Maybe it calls for surrender. In the pain of an ending there is always the power of the full bloom.  


  
  


Eliott lays down besides him, on his side, while his fingers continue to dance across his skin, drifting lazily without a specific purpose.

"My love is like a lute under my fingers," he murmurs, "strummed tight and making the sweetest sounds."

  
  


_ Oh, he meant it literally about the poetry. _ Lucas's cheeks heat up as he turns his head towards Eliott, smiling almost despite himself. 

  
  


Eliott's hand wraps himself around his waist, and slides lower until he is grabbing the swell of his ass, making goosebumps rise on his skin.

  
  


"My lover's curves are like the lay of the hills," he murmurs into Lucas' ear, "I could lose myself in them for days." 

  
  


Fuck, this is so romantic. 

  
  


Eliott's hand comes back up, fingers taking an interest in Lucas' nipples, playing with them until they get stiff, and Lucas lets out a loud exhale. 

  
  


"My lover's body is a land of rosebuds and thorns, and I love them all equally," he continues. Lucas shivers ; he feels so sensitive, so exposed in the best way possible, his mind and body both ready to melt under Eliott's hands. "My love's beauty was given by angels, and calls me to worship. His eyes are like jewels, slivers of fallen sky."

  
  


Eliott's hand comes up, thumb landing on Lucas' lower lip, pushing his mouth open. "My love's mouth is like the sweetest wine, making me forget all my sorrows." 

  
  


Lucas' tongue darts out to press against the pad of his finger, a teasing motion destined to urge him on. 

  
  


Eliott rises, until he is once again hovering over Lucas, kissing him hard but only for a few seconds. "My lover's spirit is like fire," he says, his voice rough, "and I would ride with him to the ends of the earth." He bears down, pressing their bodies together, making Lucas gasp. 

He reaches down and pulls the sheets all the way off from where they were still covering Lucas's lower body, laying him bare. He takes a moment to admire what is under his eyes and then he lets his fingertips skate from Lucas' chest all the way down, and takes him in hand. 

The pressure is tight, just the way Lucas likes it, and he lets out a needy whimper as Eliott's hand starts working him, repetitive and steady motions. 

"Oh fuck, Eliott, yes, please…" 

  
  


"My love holds my soul between his fingers, and his pleasure is my clarion call," he continues while playing with Lucas' slit, spreading precome all over his shaft.

Fucking hell, Lucas thinks through a haze of lust, it should be illegal to be that good at multitasking.

  
  


"Ah, ah, please." 

  
  


Moans falls from his mouth as he gets closer and closer, fingers scrabbling for purchase in the sheets, hips bucking up.

  
  


"Please, I'm close, I -"

  
  


Eliott smiles sweetly at him, and lets go.

  
  


Lucas swears. "Fuck, please, come on, you fucker-"

  
  


"Didn't you tell me it was better with a little waiting, sometimes ?" Eliott laughs.

  
  


Fucking hell. He knew he would regret showing Eliott how to be a tease. 

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


Some time later, they slump back into the sheets, finally satisfied. 

Lucas pushes sweat-slick hair from Eliott's face. 

"Thank you for the poetry," he says, "that was beautiful."

  
  


Eliott smiles. "When I woke up, I was thinking of the Song of Songs, I think it inspired me."

Lucas frowns. "Is that, uh...something you heard on the radio ?"

Eliott laughs. "No, it's a book of the Bible, the Old Testament. It talks of the courtship and pleasure between two lovers."

Of course. 

"It's not one that the priest showed us, I can tell you. But I found it anyway, in a travelling monk's bible, and I learned it by heart before he left. It has always been one of my favorites."

  
  


Lucas smiles, incredibly endeared. "I knew you weren't as innocent as you looked."

Eliott sighs. "I guess not. Are you disappointed?"

  
  


"Absolutely not."

  
  


Eliott kisses him, their mingled tastes still lingering on his tongue.  When he pulls back, he says,

  
  


"Who is this that grows like the dawn, as beautiful as the full moon, as pure as the sun, as awesome as an army with banners?" 

"Is that…"

Eliott nods and grins. "I'm mixing it up a bit, but that's what I remember." His voice takes the tone of the storyteller again, low and captivating. "Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste."

"Wow, that's kind of…" Lucas laughs.

"His mouth is full of sweetness, and he is wholly desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend." Eliott says, stealing another kiss. "His cheeks are like a bed of balsam, banks of sweet-scented herbs, his lips are lilies, dripping with liquid myrrh."

Another kiss. "He has brought me to his banquet hall, and his banner over me is love." 

Another kiss and Lucas feels dazed, body slack and utterly spent, blood rushing with endorphins, but his heart still fluttering. 

"O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the secret place of the steep pathway, let me see your form, let me hear your voice,  for your voice is sweet, and your form is lovely."

Damn. He'd never thought he would be so into somebody reciting bible verses in bed. But maybe there is a first time for everything. 

"You are altogether beautiful, my darling, a nd there is no blemish in you." 

Yeah, he is blushing again. Of course he is. That's his prime reaction around Eliott and it's not mired in shame, never. It's surprise, that someone could open up something so true and deep inside him with just a few words, and more than a little overwhelm, more emotion than he usually deals with, and there is no getting used to it, and he loves that. 

"The fig tree has ripened its figs, and the vines in blossom have given forth their fragrance. Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come along." 

"I think I've done that already," Lucas says. 

  
  


Eliott laughs. "Indeed. How about this, then. Put me like a seal over your heart, l ike a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, passionate love unrelenting as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the divine flame."

  
  


He puts his hand on Lucas' heart, then, and the mood shifts, from giddy and romantic to something much deeper, that has his blood beating at his temple, heartbeat rushing in his ears. 

"Alright," he whispers. Suddenly Eliott's touch is like a brand, and he feels the urge to reciprocate, pressing his hand against Eliott's chest, where he can feel his heartbeat the strongest, in a mirroring stance. 

  
  


"If I could," Eliott says, "I would marry you, so that our souls could be entwined for all of eternity."

  
  


Lucas swallows. 

  
  
  
  


"I would say yes." 

  
  
  


He would, wouldn't he. He has no idea how, but he knows it's true, even though they have known each other for so little time. He has never felt this kind of connection with anybody else. Despite everything that separates them, they function on the same wavelength. And at the same time, he feels Eliott could always surprise him, that their bond would be a perpetual source of new delights. 

  
  


Eliott kisses him once again and this time it feels like they are sealing their almost-promise. In another universe…

  
  


For a moment they are lost in it and everything feels possible. Then Eliott rolls off onto his back, breaking the kiss, and Lucas is left to catch his breath. 

  
  


He looks at the window. It could be noon by now. The heaviness weighing on his stomach returns. 

Fuck, they have places to be today. 

  
  


"We need to help Daphne with the bread," he says, "we promised."

  
  


Eliott sighs. "We cannot break our word, then."

  
  


For another minute, they lie there. Finally, Lucas sits up, to start and go get ready. 

  
  


But Eliott holds him back.

  
  
  


"Wait," 

  
  


Lucas turns back around. 

  
  


"We said we were going to play music together," he explains. 

  
  
  


God. They did, didn't they. 

  
  
  


Fuck. They have so little time left, not enough time to do everything. 

But fuck. There will be other Christmas community dinners. Daphne can wait another hour. 

  
  


…

  
  
  
  


They decide to shower and dress up first, as quickly as possible because every minute counts now, and then settle in the living room. Lucas exhumes the piano from under a mountain of books, copies, science projects and all the dust that accumulated since the last time he played - how long has it been, a year, more?

Eliott grabs a chair, sitting down next to him with his lute in hand. 

  
  


"So, uh, do you know how to read sheet music?" He asks. 

  
  


"I don't know what that is," Eliott confesses. "An older bard gave me his lute and showed me how to play some melodies, and for the rest, I always sort of improvised."

  
  


Lucas frowns. This could be a lot more complicated than first thought. 

  
  


"Well...why don't you play something, then. Something with a short melody that repeats, so I can try to get into it."

  
  


Eliott obtemperates, a few false starts before finding his feet, a sweet air that Lucas recognizes from his story, something like birdsong. He listens for a while before he gets the underlying rhythm, and on the fifth repeat, he tries something of his own. 

Eliott stops after two beats. "I'm sorry, I got confused, I have never played with anybody else before."

  
  


"It's okay, how about I show you?" Lucas plays his own air for a moment, and then they try again, and succeed at keeping it up for a while.

  
  


It sounds strange, anachronistic, clearly arranged by amateurs, and the air is very simple. But it's charming, too, and he can see Eliott is having fun. They could do a lot more, with a little practice. 

  
  


Finally, after a while, Eliott starts deviating from the pattern, and so does Lucas, until it becomes a willing cacophony, and they stop playing to laugh. 

  
  


"My neighbor is going to kill us." 

  
  


"Pff, I doubt it, since he cannot trim this own hedges." Eliott says. "But if it came to that, I would fight him. Music should be a right for all. Will you play something for me ?" 

"Alright." It's only fair ; he's heard Eliott play already. 

  
  


He thinks for a moment and starts with extracts of a few simple classics he knows how to play well. Fur Elise, Clair de Lune, Gnossienne n°2. 

"You are talented," Eliott says when he stops. 

"Well, I didn't write that," he laughs. He feels a bit embarrassed about this. He used to have potential. He was actually pretty damn good as a kid, good enough he could have made it into a career. But he gave up.

  
  


"Still," Eliott says, "you play with a lot of soul. What's your favorite number?" 

Ah. Well. 

  
  


He wonders if he can still play it. This is the last piece he ever taught himself, when he was older, on his own. He'd already given up but that one was too beautiful. He had to learn it. 

  
  


He starts, the first few notes are slow. Eliott looks at him, tender, encouraging. Motes of dust are swirling in the sunlight, hitting the ivory under his hands and making it shine.

  
  


He takes a deep breath and lets his fingers run over the keys, lets that old sensitivity rise inside him, the one he's always been so afraid of ; as the music swells and quickens, like a whirlwind. When he first heard it he thought, this is what it must sound like to fall in love. Tentative and delicate at first until it becomes an unstoppable tide, of sorrow and wonder and joy, something that leaves you breathless and changed forever. He plays and he loses himself in it and fuck, he missed this so much, why did he ever give up on this ?

When he's finally done, he turns to Eliott, who is looking at him as if he was struck by thunder, his eyes shining. 

  
  


"Wow, that was...incredible."

  
  


"Eh, I'm a bit rusty, but…"

  
  


"Does it have a name, this song?"

  
  


"I love you." He replies. "It's by a modern compositor called RIOPY." 

  
  


Eliott beams at him. "I love you too," he says, "I don't know how to say that in music."

  
  


Lucas laughs. 

  
  


"I may not be able to marry you," Eliott continues, turning serious again, "and I will seek happiness without you as I have promised. But you will always be my muse." 

  
  


God. 

  
  


"I will write songs in your honor, and make you the hero of my tales. And who knows, one day, I will put my sword down, become an artist, maybe learn how to paint. And maybe, if you look carefully through the remains of history then...maybe you will find your likeness, or verses I wrote about our love."

  
  


Lucas shivers at the thought - of love reaching through the centuries like that. 

  
  


"That would be incredible."

  
  


"Yes. It would be. Just like this is."

  
  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  
  
  


When Lucas sees on the mantelpiece clock that it is approaching two in the afternoon, they rush out, Lucas firing apologetic messages to Daphne, and drives them as fast as he safely can to the community center. 

  
  
  


Daphne, when she sees them, however, is not angry, but instead she squeals and rushes to hug them both at the same time. 

  
  


"Manon told me you were together now ! Oh, I am so happy for you! This is so romantic."

  
  


When she finally lets go, she punches Lucas' arm. "What did I tell you ! I knew this year would be the right one for you. It's the magic of Christmas !" 

  
  


"You say that every year," Lucas grumbles. 

  
  


Eliott laughs, obviously delighted. 

  
  


After that, there is little time for Lucas to get all bothered over Eliott's bread making skills, as Daphne sends him to the grocery store to get some missing ingredients. When he comes back, Eliott has two batches of bread rising already, and is ordering a few other volunteers around in the kitchen. Lucas is set to making decorations with holly and ivy for the already laid out tables in the main room, persevering even though it keeps pricking his fingers.

The rest of the afternoon goes by in a blur, until the main room is all bedazzled and wonderfully decorated, Christmas tree lit and tables set, and Eliott has made a mountain of golden, perfectly risen bread loaves. Daphne calls him a miracle worker before shooing them away, telling them to go and get "all prettied up" so they can welcome the guests while they finish the last details of the meal. 

Lucas doesn't drive them home immediately, though. Instead he drives them to the outdoors store, and loads up a cart with all sorts of potentially useful survival gear. Eliott looks at him slightly puzzled as he piles up high tech rope, survival blankets, foldable knives, water purification tablets, several bottles of disinfectant and painkillers and first aid kits. Lucas tells him he's not sending him him back without giving him the best chance at survival he can.

  
  


It's about half past six when they arrive home. He freezes in front of the mantelpiece clock. 

  
  
  


Only a few hours to go before midnight. Panic surges in Lucas' throat. Somewhere in this morning's blissful moments that anguish had let loose, as Eliott's poetry made them feel suspended in eternity. But now the reality of it is looming - Eliott gone from his life, forever, just a memory. 

Eliott is standing next to him, and when their gazes meet he doesn't, as usual, smile, or say something cute or reassuring. He is just as scared as Lucas is. 

  
  


"I…"

  
  


Silence. He can hear the ticking of the clock. 

"I don't know if I can do this," Eliott rasps. 

  
  


Fuck. 

  
  


Lucas clenches his jaw. He can't ask Eliott to stay. But he certainly isn't going to tell him to leave either. 

  
  


He can't. 

  
  


Instead he says, "Please hold me."

  
  
  


Eliott does and his time there is nothing tender about it ; he pushes Lucas backward until he slams into the wall and kisses him, rough and desperate. Lucas welcomes him greedily. 

  
  
  


Eliott pulls back. 

  
  


"I'm sorry, I…"

  
  


"Keep going," Lucas demands. "I don't want to think."

  
  


Eliott takes this as an invitation to grab him by his thighs and pull him up, and Lucas lets himself be carried back to his room, arms wrapped around his neck.

  
  


This time, when they come together it's so different than the morning's blissful poetry, it's an almost frenzied desperation, rough and angry and a lot less careful than they've been before. It feels almost animalistic, as they leave marks on each other ; Lucas's nails scratching Eliott's back, Eliott's fingers digging into his hips hard enough to bruise. 

It's so intense, and it's over way too soon. This was their last time, Lucas realizes. When Eliott lets go of him, he feels as if he has lost a limb. 

Eliott gets up first, his back turned to Lucas. He is trying not to show it, but Lucas knows he's crying, seen the glimmer in his eyes right before. He wants to extend an arm but before he can, Eliott has left for the bathroom.

  
  


Lucas listens to the sound of running water and in that instant he is angry - at Eliott, for not wanting to be vulnerable when it's all that Lucas has been, at himself for falling so fast, and most of all, at the universe, for giving them something so good and then snatching it away. 

  
  


Eventually he goes to shower too, and puts on his formal tuxedo, with a white shirt and a black bow tie. 

  
  


When he arrives into the living room, he sees Eliott's mouth drop for an instant and can't help but feel satisfied. 

  
  


"You…this...you are very handsome," Eliott stammers. He is, too, in his knightly get-up. 

  
  


"Thank you. Shall we ?" 

  
  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  
  
  


The community center is already tightly packed when they arrive - late, again. Daphne is busy, and instead they are welcomed by the rest of the gang, looking at them with large grins. 

  
  


Of course they all know. It's impossible to keep a secret in this town.

  
  


"Well hello,  _ les amoureux _ !" Basile says. "Couldn't tear yourselves apart from each other in time, huh ?"

  
  


Lucas gets red, unsurprisingly. He should have expected this. Maybe they do deserve it. 

  
  


"Congratulations on breaking through to Grumpy's heart, Eliott," Arthur laughs, and Lucas glares at him. 

  
  


"I know where you live, Dopey," he replies. 

  
  


"But Eliott," Basile grins, "aren't knights supposed to stay chaste and all that ?"

  
  


Eliott laughs. "I used to think so, but Lucas made me see the face of God several times since then, so now I don't."

  
  


The gang all burst into laughter as Lucas' blush turns to scarlet. Of course, yeah, of course Eliott would only get worse with the innuendos after they got together. He only has himself to blame. 

  
  


It's embarrassing, but he's going to miss it. 

  
  
  


"Uncle Lucas ! Uncle Eliott !" That's Ange's voice, and Lucas pivots to see her running at them full tilt. 

  
  


Uncle Eliott ? Where did she get that one from ? 

  
  


And it's to Eliott she runs, with a huge smile. 

  
  
  


"Uncle Eliott ! Do you like my outfit ? I'm a knight and a princess at the same time !" She twirls round to show him. 

  
  


She is wearing a red velvet dress that Manon must have picked out, very elegant and proper, but on top of that, she attached a little chest plate and shoulder pauldrons made of darkened plastic. A wooden sword is hanging from her belt and she is holding a shield made of painted cardboard. There is a little tiara with red rhinestones in her hair to finish the look. It looks absolutely adorable, even if people are giving her strange looks.

  
  


"Are you? Well, that is most intriguing, my lady." Eliott says, delighted. "You must be the town's first shieldmaiden! Have you practiced the drills I showed you ?" 

  
  


As she demonstrates, Manon sidles up to Lucas and sighs. "She wanted me to buy her the entire armor getup with the helmet and everything. This is the best compromise I've found. I hope she doesn't start anything with the other kids."

  
  


"Hmm. I wonder where she gets her stubborn streak from."

  
  


Manon elbows him in the ribs. 

  
  


"Ouch ! You're lucky, you know. Before Eliott showed up she asked me to help stake out your house so we could see if Santa existed or not. With booby traps and everything."

  
  


"God. You are such a bad influence."

  
  


Lucas laughs. "I will take that as a compliment. What's up with the Uncle Eliott thing though ?"

  
  


"She asked me if the two of you were in love the other day and I said yes. Now she thinks you are going to marry."

  
  


Lucas presses his lips together. Oh, the irony. 

  
  


"You know, this morning, he told me he'd marry me if he could."

  
  


Manon frowns. "Well, gay marriage is legal now, haven't you told him ?"

  
  


"Yeah, I have, but it's not…" He drifts off. He can't tell Manon what is going to happen, she would think he was crazy. "...Nevermind." He walks off into the crowd. 

  
  


The main room is bustling, people already sitting at the tables. When Eliott enters he is immediately surrounded by a bevy of people he has helped, thanking him, as well as some of his fan club from the hospice. It softens Lucas' heart a little. Wherever he goes, Eliott will always keep helping people.

  
  


...

He goes to the kitchen to see if Daphy needs anything and is roped into ferrying bread baskets and salt and pepper and water back. 

  
  


When he is done, most of the guests have arrived and sat down. A random volunteer tries to convince him that for some reason, he can't sit next to Eliott. But Eliott gestures to him ; he is keeping the chair next to him free by digging his sheathed sword into the seat, looking at anyone who passes too close with what Lucas can best qualify as a "fuck off" smile. 

  
  


He joins him with relief, Eliott putting his sword back onto his belt. 

  
  


Sitting on the other side of him, in a bright yellow gown, her white curls all done up, Marguerite says in her slightly trembling voice, 

  
  


"You know, I have never understood why they don't let husbands and wives sit together at these sorts of things."

  
  


God, what the fuck is up with all these references to marriage today ? 

  
  


Eliott smiles at her. "Maybe because then they would only talk to each other and ignore all the others."

  
  


"You have an optimistic view of marriage, young man." She throws a glance at Lucas. "With such a handsome beau, I can understand, but you'll spare a few minutes of conversation for me, won't you ?" She lowers her voice and bows closer to them. "Otherwise I am afraid Mr. Gentier over there is going to make me nosedive into my plate with his talk about marchandise transport before the evening has even begun."

  
  


Eliott laughs. "Alright. But only because it's you."

  
  


Lucas is not going to be jealous of a seventy year old, no. Plus it's cute that Eliott is just so charming with everyone. But he doesn't know if he is willing to spare him for even five minutes, now that the clock is ticking towards their final separation. 

  
  


…

  
  


Before the first course is served, Daphne makes a little speech, thanking everyone for coming, extolling the spirit of Christmas, the importance of solidarity and coming together as a community, and the beauty of their town - pretty much the same as every year. 

  
  


But then at the end, she adds,

  
  


“And Christmas can also be a time of surprise and new beginnings. As we come back to the things that are most important to us, we also remember the importance of being kind to strangers, as they might be future friends.” She smiles and looks in their direction. Lucas can see other people whispering and looking at them. “The same thing that makes us a community is what makes us be welcoming to travellers and newcomers, a will to care for each other, for the most vulnerable among us, and to learn from each other. And these newcomers, indeed, might have much to teach us in return. So we are very happy to have them with us, and we hope they will consider making this place their home.” This is very evidently directed at Eliott. A lot of people cheer her on. “And with that, Merry Christmas, and enjoy the food !”

  
  


Lucas wishes it could be as uplifting as it’s meant to be. He wishes his primary concerns could still be to make Eliott feel at home, like they were a week or so ago. He wishes he could be fully delighted at how readily most people here have welcomed him. But in a few hours...what will people say, when Eliott is gone ? Will they think he’s lost all his memories again ? Or that he remembered who he is ? Or that he just went crazy ? And how will they look at Lucas, like some poor sod who gave his heart away too easily…

Most of the dinner after that passes in a blur. Lucas wishes he could force time to stop in its tracks.

Eliott plays the role of the amnesiac well, making people at the table laugh with his anecdotes of how puzzling he finds the modern world. Nobody seems to find him weird, instead they're all eating from the palm of his hand.

With this audience, they can't really talk together. But at some point, Eliott grabs his hand under the table, and holds onto it tightly.

  
  
  
  


The food is really good, but he barely tastes any of it.

  
  
  


Finally, after they are done with the dessert, Lucas and Eliott help cleaning the tables, bringing dishes back to the kitchen. Then the tables are folded up and pushed to the side, freeing the room for a dance. 

  
  


Having a Christmas Eve dance isn't a very traditional thing, he explains to Eliott, but it is a staple of any celebration in a town like theirs. And it makes the older people happy, so they have hired a semi-professional DJ who came with a few shitty amps and stroboscopes, and hung a few old disco balls from the rafters.  The lights are turned down lower, and the music comes on, some godawful rendition of  _ Vive le Vent  _ including jingle bells and overly enthusiastic children’s voices. He laughs. Well, this is not exactly...romantic. But still...he’ll take what he can get, especially since it’s an occasion to get close to Eliott again. So he grabs his knight’s hand and drags him to the dancefloor. 

  
Eliott looks around in slight puzzlement, looking at the people around them, who have started to dance in all sorts of haphazard ways, children spinning and running around, couples slow dancing, old people doing clumsy little dances. 

  
  


“I, uh, do not know what this dance is,” he confesses. 

  
  


“It’s the hallowed tradition of dancing however the fuck you want as long as you do it badly,” Lucas laughs. 

Eliott raises his eyebrows. “I do not think I am capable of dancing badly.” He says with a smug little grin. 

  
  


“What, in that tin can armor of yours ? I wouldn’t bet on it.” 

  
  


Eliott steps closer to him, grabs him by the waist, and spins him one smooth motion that takes Lucas’ breath away. 

“Yes, you were saying ?” 

  
  


“Show off,” Lucas says, captivated. “How did you even know how to do that ? Wasn’t it indecent for people to touch each other while dancing where you’re from ?” 

  
  


Eliott shrugs. “Saw it on TV. Didn't seem that hard."  


Lucas puts his hand on Eliott’s breastplate. He would  _ never _ say it out loud, but he feels a little like a swooning maiden right now. 

  
  


“Alright, you have moves, but can you do this ?” He starts moving his arms, as wildly and inordinately as he can. Eliott looks at him as if he is having a seizure. 

  
  


“I know,” Lucas laughs. “I am usually so graceful and elegant and everything, this must be quite a shock. But the point of this one is to actually let loose a bit without giving a shit. That’s the fun bit about those village parties. Nobody is cool so you can do whatever. It’s great.” 

  
  


Eliott looks at him, still unsure. 

  
  


Lucas starts moving as if embodying a robot, his moves all stilted. Eliott laughs, and starts moving his head from left to right, a little bit like a bird. 

  
  


“Now you’ve got it !” 

  
  


Lucas bops his head, and Eliott starts jumping slightly, his armor clinking as he does, letting out a delighted laugh. 

  
  


“I’ve never done this before !” He yells. “It’s a lot of fun !” 

  
  


In the background, Johnny Halliday blares through an over the top rendition of a Christmas song. 

  
  


Ange runs towards them, then, excited, accompanied by a bevy of other children. “Uncle Eliott,” she yells, “I found some more squires for you to train ! They all want to be knights too !”

  
  


Eliott stops dancing, looking down at the children. He seems to ponder the question.

  
  


"I see. Some truly noble souls we have here, do we not ?" The kids all nod their head. 

  
  


"It's one thing to want to be a knight to have a horse and pretty armor. But when things get tough, when there are dragons and injustices to be fought, will you still answer the call ?" 

The kids stare at him, both transfixed and slightly scared. 

  
  


Lucas puts his hand on Eliott's arm. 

  
  


Ange grins. "I would love to fight a dragon."

  
  


"Yes, me too !" The boy next to her yells.

  
  


"I don't know," a second boy says. "I would rather train one so I can ride it. Like Toothless !" 

"If you manage that, it would be quite a feat. But the important thing is to be brave, even when you don't want to. Can you do that?" 

  
  


Another round of nods. 

  
  


"Good. Then think about it, and you will all be good knights when you're old enough."

  
  


"I'm seven," one of the boys, "I'm more than old enough."

  
  


A strange expression passes over Eliott's face.   


  
  


"No, you are still way too small. You must continue growing and learning first, to sharpen your mind." 

  
  


"But school is so boring !" Then the boy looks at Lucas, seemingly remembering who he is. Lucas is pretty sure this boy is in Emma's class and will land in Lucas' in a year or two. "Sorry Mr. Lallemant," he sighs. "School is okay I guess. But being a knight would be a lot more fun." 

  
  


"No," Ange says, "we must go to school first so we can be clever. Knights have to be clever, right ?" 

  
  


Eliott and Lucas both nod. She's such a bright girl, Lucas thinks. 

  
  


"It will be the first part of your training as a knight," Eliott says. The boy nods, suddenly a lot more serious. "The second part will be to be kind and courteous to all you meet, and to defend the defenseless." 

"I can do that ! The other day I have a candy to Guillaume even though he pushed me in the mud !"

"See ? That's how alliances are forged. You will be a true knight indeed."

"I will show you some sword drills, okay ?" Ange says, and starts walking to a less crowded part of the room, the other children following her like ducklings.

  
  


"Oh my god," Lucas laughs. "This is going to end badly."

  
  


Eliott shrugs. "Kids must play and sometimes make mistakes to learn about life."

  
  


Lucas laughs. "I love being the irresponsible uncle with you."

  
  


Eliott asks, then, "she called me that, is that a common address for men older than one's self?"

  
  


"Ah, no," Lucas says. "It's because she thinks we are going to get married."

  
  


And just like that, the mood shifts again, from amusement to deep sadness. 

  
  


Eliott comes closer and cups Lucas's cheek. 

  
  


The next song, thankfully, is a slower one, and they take a moment to sway together, slowly. They don't say anything because there is very little they haven't said already.

  
  


...

The music picks up again, this time wild and raucous, and people start forming a conga line, laughing and holding on to each other and making train noises. Eliott grabs on to Alexia when she passes, herself linked to Daphy and Emma, and Lucas grabs Eliott's waist, and Manon to his, and they go for a while. Everything gets increasingly confusing as people try and fail to make a spiral, and one moment Lucas is laughing, and then, in the dark…

  
  
  


He sees that Eliott's sword is glowing, white and blue and golden.

  
  


He immediately pulls Eliott aside, who misunderstands him and kisses him, but Lucas pulls free and hisses, "look at your sword!"

  
  


Eliott's eyes go wide. He puts his hand on the pommel, and slight lines of light course over his skin.

  
  


"I can feel it calling me. It tells me that my quest is accomplished and I must ready myself to depart."

  
  


Fuck.

Lucas knew it was coming. He knew. But still, it's a fucking shock to his system. How can it be so close to midnight already ? 

  
  


He looks at his phone, though, and there it is. Eleven forty two. They have less than twenty minutes left. 

  
  


Fuck. Fuck. This isn't fair. 

  
  


"We need to leave," Eliott says. "I don't want to attract attention. We...we should go back to where I first arrived. I think that is the best option." 

  
  


Lucas nods, his throat tight. 

  
  
  


They leave the room as discreetly as possible. 

  
  


Obviously they get seen. "Have fun, lovebirds," Marguerite says when they pass her.

  
  


"I wish I could say a proper goodbye," Eliott says when they're in the corridor. 

  
  


They get their coats and bags, and hurry outside. It is snowing again, and the community center directly leads to the central square, at the opposite side of the market. 

  
  


They hurry through boarded up stalls and naked trees, until finally, they reach the massive Christmas pine tree, with its gargantuan branches. Lucas can see the sword's glow is getting stronger and stronger, the tendrils of energy starting to reach out and wrap itself around Eliott. 

  
  
  


Eliott turns around and takes both of Lucas' hands in his. 

  
  


_ God, no, please, it can't be over yet, I don't want to say goodbye already, it can't… _

  
  


"Lucas Lallemant," Eliott says, awfully solemn, "thank you. Thank you for helping me out, thank you for giving me food and shelter and trusting me when you had no reason to. Thank you for guiding me through this world, thank you for believing me, thank you for opening your heart and soul to me. Thank you for loving me with such tenderness and acceptance, and showing me my faith in mankind was justified after all. Thank you for letting me feel what it means not to be alone. I will cherish our days forever for the rest of my life." 

God, he hates this. He hates it so much. He blinks away the tears - he needs to keep it together. 

  
  


"Thank you," Lucas says in return, his voice sounding broken even to his own ears. "Thank you for...everything. Thank you for bringing such joy and wonder to my life, thank you for...making me believe in love again. Before you came here I was just...I was fucking lost, and I…" he turns his head away for a moment, willing himself to calm down. "I wasn't even living and I just thought it was safer, so I wouldn't get hurt again...but you showed me that I was worthy of love and attention and being taken care of and you just...you make me feel so special, I just...and you, you are…"

  
  


He stops talking, it's too painful.  _ You are the one I have been waiting for my whole life. But now you must leave me forever _ .

  
  


Eliott takes his chin between his fingers, lifts his head up, and kisses him.

  
  


For one last perfect second Lucas manages to lose himself in it, in the blissful and loving warmth - 

  
  


But then he feels it, the vibration of Eliott's sword, and the light that is starting to envelop him…

  
  


He looks at the clock on the front of the town hall. 11:57. Fuck, fuck, it's time.

  
  


"I have printed out ressources" he says in a hurry, "and put them in your bag along with the survival kit, info about basic chemistry and surgery and engineering and mental health and...don't show it to anyone but if you ever get in trouble…" 

  
  


"My sweet Lucas," Eliott says, "always so worried. Always so caring."

  
  


Lucas bites his lip until it's bloody. 

  
  


"I love you," he says. "I will never stop loving you."

  
  


"I love you too," Eliott says, and kisses him again, one last and all too brief time.

  
  


Eliott smiles at him, soft and sad, and in that instant Lucas sees right through him. He's terrified. And he's right to be, because the time he comes from is brutal, violent, unforgiving. All their promises and resolutions set aside, he is likely to meet misunderstanding, ostracisation, abuse - simply because of who he is, for the rest of his life. And now Eliott will know what he is missing. Lucas said you're not alone but it's not true, is it ? He will be alone, out there. Lonely and cold and miserable, with nobody to truly understand him.

  
  


And Lucas, too. Because he knows in that instant he will never get over this, having the beginning of the greatest love story of his life yanked right from under his nose as it was just beginning.

  
  


It's just so fucking unfair. Who the hell made this happen anyway ? 

  
  
  


Who said they had to…

  
  
  


Well, Eliott has to because he has a dragon to defeat. Because it's his responsibility and he is a good man. But what about Lucas ? 

  
  
  


The world shifts on its axis. 

  
  
  
  


"Lucas !" 

  
  
  


He hears yelling coming from the other side of the square ; it's Manon, and Yann carrying Ange, and the rest of their friends, with worry and confusion on their faces, as they take in the scene - the both of them, surrounded by swirling light. 

In the distance, the midnight bell starts tolling. 

  
  


"I am sorry," Lucas shouts at them, "I love you all !" 

  
  


He looks at Eliott, the stupefaction in his beautiful eyes, so full of sorrow and love and yearning. 

  
  


Lucas has been left behind by people who were supposed to love him all his life. Well, if he can, he wants to do the exact opposite. And that's the fucking spirit of Christmas. 

  
  


"When I told you you were not alone anymore, I meant it." He says. 

And then he wraps one arm tight around Eliott's neck, and with the other, reaches for Eliott's sword and takes it out of his sheath, and holds it between them, grabbing on tight. 

  
  


The light from the sword engulfs his hand, his arm, his entire torso, and he can feel the warmth. 

Other people are shouting now too, but it all seems so distant.

  
  
  


The last bell of midnight echoes in the night. Lucas stands on his toes and presses their lips together, and then everything goes black.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHH   
> sorry not sorry for that cliffhanger lmao
> 
> this is quite a big departure from the movie but COME ON we all wanted to see Lucas in the Middle Ages, didn't we ;)
> 
> this chapter was brought to you by : i miss restaurants, if you couldn't tell.
> 
> next chapter, which will be the actual last : HERE BE DRAGONS. and the POWER OF LOVE.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas vs. the Middle Ages, pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suprise this is now a full on fantasy AU lmao. This chapter is more plot focused, angsty and less romantic, and it kinda reflects my shift of mood from "yay Christmas magic" to "fucking January I want the cold to stop" 😂 but don't worry the Christmas magic will return for the end. I am editing this as snow storm Darcy has just hit the Netherlands (all storms should be named after literary characters, I think. Especially Austen characters. Would love storm Wentworth.) I went on a walk through the snow it was awesome but very windy, and it did feel fitting. So, take a warm mug of something while you read this chapter, you'll thank me later ^^
> 
> content warning : near death experience related to cold

  
  
  
  
  


_ Kingdom of France, Duchy of Bourbon, 1334 A.D _

  
  
  
  
  


The same sensation as when he was first taken from his time, and then in reverse - something pulling him by his core and yanking him into the darkness - envelops Eliott, and then throws him out. 

  
  


The darkness subsides and Eliott stumbles, finding himself standing ankle deep in the snow. He blinks. 

He is standing on the exact same spot he left from - an inroad into the forest, at night, framed by signs of burning and destruction, a clear sky, thick layer of snow underfoot. 

  
  


Except this time, he isn't alone. 

  
  


Lucas is still clinging to him, one arm around his neck and the other hand around his sword's pommel, gripping tight. 

  
  
  


Lucas. 

  
  
  


He's….here. With him, in his time of origin.

  
  
  


The concept is...almost impossible for his mind to grasp. 

  
  
  


But sweet, sweet Lucas in this time of unrelenting hardship….Eliott's first reaction is panic.

"What...why ?" He stutters. "Why have you done this ?" 

  
  


Lucas's determination is shining in his eyes. 

  
  


"Because. I love you, and I don't want us to be parted so soon. And I don't want to leave you alone."

  
  


"But...Lucas, god…you…" he swallows. "This...this isn't safe." His generous, caring, kind Lucas, used to trustworthy people and a soft life of abundance and enlightenment...here, in this brutal time where might makes right and death looms around every corner…and because of him...the thought makes him sick.

  
  


Lucas clenches his jaw. "You said you had to go back because of your principles. Well, I've thought about it and I have some principles too. I don't abandon the people I love and especially not to hardship."

  
  


"But...your family…your friends..."

  
  
  


"I know. But it isn't the same. They have love and support and everything they need to thrive. They will be confused, and worried, but they will figure it out- they saw us leave, after all. They will realize that you were telling the truth about being a knight. And yeah, they will be pissed at me, they will miss me and be sad, but not  _ for _ me. Because in time they will understand that I did what I did out of love, and that's the best reason to do anything. And they will have lives full of love too, and comfort and purpose, and they will tell tales of Uncle Lucas who fell in love with a knight and followed him to a life of adventure and great deeds." He smiles. "And it will make them believe in miracles like nothing else."

  
  
  


By all the heavenly forces - this man. This impossible man. 

  
  


Eliott closes his eyes. It's just more than he knows what to do with, the joy and the terror so closely entwined he can't separate them. 

  
  


He feels a hand cup his cheek. "But you, oh... Eliott, when you were about to disappear on me...you're a once in a lifetime thing. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what happened to you, what could have happened between us. I want a life with you, and I want to make sure you are alright. And now I can." 

  
  


Eliott shivers, feeling tears roll down his cheeks, closing his eyes. Nobody has ever done anything like this for him. He'd never even imagined somebody could.

  
  


"Lucas, you don't understand, living here, it is truly...horrible, and I do not...I cannot make sure you are safe and well fed and happy here, I...was barely able to take care of myself, I. ...all I want for you is to be safe, and this time…" He starts crying in earnest, thinking of all the people he loved that died, his parents, some of his earlier friends, comrades in battle...what if Lucas catches a fever too ? What if he gets wounded ? What if they get attacked or...worse ? "You deserve a happy and easy life and here...you won't find it...I'm so sorry I…"

He feels lips pressing against his own, searching, so tender, and he lets himself be kissed, a groundswell of relief hitting him at the realization that Lucas is still with him, that they have not been parted after all. He feels so selfish for it, but part of him is so, so incredibly happy it hurts.

  
  


"But you deserve happiness too," Lucas whispers. "And this might be presumptuous of me, but I think if I am here to keep you company and take care of you and love you, you have a better chance of getting it. Am I wrong ?" 

  
  


Eliott shakes his head. "No but I...I never wanted you to sacrifice your entire life for me."

  
  


"I'm not," Lucas says, and Eliott detects a hint of stubbornness in his voice. "I am a fucking time traveler now. This is absolutely incredible. I am going to walk through a time I have only ever heard about in movies. It's going to be fascinating, and instructive, and one hell of an adventure. And I am going to do that at the side of the man that I love, and we are going to help people, and slay some fucking dragons, and travel far and wide. That is going to be an incredible life." He kisses Eliott again. "I know it won't be easy. But give me a little credit. I'm not a wilting flower." 

  
  


Eliott lets out a shaken laugh. "You certainly are not. God, Lucas...I am so afraid. But...I am so grateful too. That we are still together."

  
  


"We are. No matter what happens now, we are in this together, you and me. Promise ?"

  
  


Eliott nods. "Promise." They kiss again, passionate, deep, making Eliott's heart quake in his chest. 

They hear a crack behind them, in the woods, like that of a snapping branch, and jolt apart. Eliott grabs his sword's pommel, ready to defend them both. 

  
  


But he lets go almost immediately when he sees who it is.

  
  
  


"Polaris !" He lets out a cry of joy as he sees his horse, standing in the moonlight behind them, ears alert and slightly alarmed. "Good boy ! You were waiting for me, weren't you ?" 

He goes to him and hugs him and scratches his halter with enthusiasm. He doesn't look any different than he was when he left. In fact...he puts his hand in the saddle. It's still warm. So that means either Polaris let somebody else ride him, which is extremely unlikely…or in this timeline, he just left moments ago.

  
  


"I think we're back just after I left." He explains to Lucas, who is standing back with a look of trepidation on his face. "It's okay," he smiles. "He won't hurt you. He has a very stable temperament as long as you don't threaten him. Or me." 

  
  


Lucas steps forward and extends his hand, tentatively. Polaris blows air out of his nostrils, gets closer, sniffles at Lucas' fingers. 

"Now you can pat his nose. Carefully." 

  
  


Lucas does. Then Polaris lets out a small, happy noise, walking closer to Lucas who freezes. 

  
  


"Uh...what is he doing?"Lucas says as Polaris' noses into his hair. 

  
  


"He's smelling you." Eliott laughs as Polaris pushes his halter against Lucas. 

"Hey !" 

"Don't worry! That's how horses from the same herd play with each other. He must think you smell like me."

  
  


Lucas laughs, grabbing at Polaris' neck so he isn't thrown over. "Ok, I have never seen a horse do that before."

  
  


"Well, I've always thought he behaved more like a big dog than a proper battle horse." Eliott laughs. It's making him so happy to see these two together, arguably the two living beings he cares for the most in the entire world. 

  
  


"Ok, big guy." Lucas says. "We're a herd now. Doesn't mean you can throw me to the ground." He pushes Polaris back a little and the horse whinnies playfully. 

Having his horse back suddenly makes Eliott feel a lot more confident. 

He starts to think about what to do next. He really was being an idiot the first time, setting off to slay the dragon without even a plan. 

  
  


If they stop for the night and don't follow the tracks, though...they might lose the dragon. But what will they do if they find it ? Eliott isn't willing to risk Lucas' safety. 

  
  


He is getting lost in his thoughts when Lucas calls to him, his voice low and tense,

  
  


"Eliott, I think there's somebody watching us."

  
  


He steps close to Lucas. Indeed; there's a silhouette hidden behind the trees, observing them.

Eliott immediately gets his bow from his back, nocking an arrow. 

  
  


"Show yourself !" 

  
  
  


He has an impression of deja-vu as the silhouette steps forward. A woman with gray-blonde hair and blue eyes...the enchantress that sent him on his quest. He lowers his weapon.

  
  


"Well met again, Sir Eliott. It looks as if your quest was successful."

  
  


Lucas is staring at her, mouth open.

  
  


Eliott nods. "I feel so too. Although I cannot be sure, since you failed to mention what it was in the first place."

  
  


The woman steps closer. "Your sword has come into its power. I can feel it." She smiles. "Well done."

  
  


"What...what power is that even ?" 

  
  


"May I hold your sword ?" 

  
  


Eliott takes it out of its sheath fully. It shines clear and bright, lighting up the dark woods around them.

"Keep your grip on it," she advises as she gets her palm close to the metal and closes her eyes. 

  
  


"Ahhh….yes." She opens them up again and drops her hand. "This sword, as long as you are the one holding it, will always strike true, and pierce through any armor or carapace." Eliott feels a rush of excitement. This would make him almost invincible in sword combat. And...able to slay the dragon. 

"How...how is that possible ?" Lucas asks, always the skeptic. 

  
  


"The power of a true knight comes from people," she explains. "The people he helps and serves. The people who support him and are grateful for him. And the people who love him." Eliott feels a rush of warmth in his whole body. "Show me your hand," the enchantress asks Lucas. 

  
  


Eliott frowns. Why would she ask him that ? 

Lucas extends his hand and opens his palm to her, reluctantly.

On the skin, where he grabbed Eliott's sword right before they jumped in time, there is a scattering of bright and luminescent blue, even more intense than the metal of his sword. 

  
  


What in the seven heavens…

  
  


"Ah, yes." The woman says. "The mark of the giver." She hovers her hand above Lucas' own, closes her eyes again, humming. "It is the mark of a healer, born out of love and concern." 

  
  


Lucas has _healing powers_ now ? That is incredible. Wow. Lucas seems to think so too, his expression absolutely blown by surprise. It must be strange indeed for someone who spent most of his life not believing in magic. 

"That is excellent news, venerable crone." Eliott says. "We are now well set to fight the dragon." He can do what he must and Lucas will heal him afterwards. 

  
  


"Do not be rash, young man," the crone says. "The moon is now almost dark, and that is when creatures of the shadow like him are most powerful. No, you must wait for the full moon, which brings protection and clarity, when your own powers will be strongest. In two weeks, that is when you must strike."

  
  


"But...what must we do before then ? We cannot just...hide in the forest...we don't have any shelter or…" 

  
  


To be honest, he could probably make it on his own. But he is worried for Lucas, whose lips are already starting to look blue. 

  
  


The woman sighs. "Follow me." 

  
  


They do, and he lets Lucas walk in front of him, closing up the rear with his sword in hand and Polaris' reins in the other. These are not the friendly forests they hiked in just yesterday - all sorts of beasts and fiends roam in these woods. 

  
  


The woman takes them deeper into the forest, where trees grow tightly together and all sorts of shrubs and thorns get stuck in their clothing and claw at their skin. 

  
  


He is very worried about Lucas, who is still wearing his ceremonial Christmas clothes, warm enough to go from the car to the party, but not meant for this. It feels a lot colder than in the future already, and walking in snow for that long….

  
  


He is about to tell Lucas to climb onto Polaris when they finally arrive to a hut in the woods, hidden by its mossy roof and half dug into the ground. It seems severely decrepit, with a hole in the roof and one wall half sunk in. But then the woman waves her hand, and suddenly they are standing in front of a well kept cabin with a row of potted plants in front and a big black cat sitting on the roof, as well as a goat in a small enclosure. 

  
  


She opens the doors and ushers them in. It really is quite small, half of the cabin they took shelter in two days ago, but it is warm and clean, the dirt floor covered with dried grasses, the ceiling hung with all sorts of fragrant herbs. There is a fire in the fireplace, casting the place in a golden glow. 

  
  


They sit close to the fireplace, to warm their limbs. Eliott cannot help but think about the last time they found themselves in such a spot, and when he hazards a glance at Lucas he can tell he is thinking about the same thing. 

Although it would probably be inappropriate now to start rubbing him for warmth.

The old woman gives a cast iron cauldron to Eliott and instructs him to fill it with snow, so he goes. When he comes back, she is chopping vegetables and has roped Lucas into helping her. There is a dead rabbit on the table as well, which he is put in charge of skinning. This, also, brings back memories, although they are a lot less romantic. 

  
  


After that, he goes outside to take care of Polaris, taking off his saddle, checking his belly for any marks, brushes him, and rubs his skin with straw before tying him to a tree. There is something oddly comforting about repeating these familiar gestures. This time might be dangerous and often downright hostile, but it's his. He knows how to function here.

The old woman gives him some of the boiled grain she feeds her goat in a bucket for his horse as well, and a blanket. Soon Polaris is chewing away, seemingly happy as can be.

When he gets back inside, the soup is set to cook above the fire, and the woman has gotten out an old piece of parchment and spread it on the table. 

  
  


"Listen," she says when Eliott sits down, "you cannot be too prudent when it comes to that uncanny creature. I have been trying to deal with it for a long time, and it is all together devious. You may think that it is just a great brute, a beast without mind, but that could not be further from the truth. It has a mind as strategic as any human, but at the same time inhuman, cold, and hard to grasp. It is a master of illusions, and can project beyond its body. I suspect, even, that it can take human form."

"What ? Oh my god." Lucas says. 

  
  


_ Oh my god _ indeed, Eliott thinks. What was he thinking, trying to go at it alone ? Well, not thinking at all, probably, but spurred on by shame and the rejection of his cousin and his people.

His cousin was trying to get rid of him, wasn't he ? Definitively. The thought gives him shivers. He sees it all so clearly now, and he doesn't think he would have ever gotten there without Lucas' help. He would either have died from hunger and cold in the forest, or perished while he attacked the beast.  


  
  


"So how do we...get rid of it ?" Eliott asks. 

  
  


"You don't. At least, not you two alone."

  
  


"What ? But what was the quest all for then ?" 

The old woman sighs. "The magic of sending someone on a quest is a complicated art. It's about figuring out what you most need ; when I met you I sensed an overwhelming sense of loneliness. And that you didn't feel worthy of love and support. So, I did a spell on you that would send you to the one person that would be able to love you the most in the entirety of space and time."

  
  


Oh. 

  
  
  
  


So that is why their connection feels so...cosmic.

  
  
  


There is a long and very emphatic silence. 

  
  
  


He looks at Lucas, who gives him a shy little smile, and then closes his hand over Eliott's as if to say,  _ yes, that's true, that's me.  _

  
  


A shiver runs along his skin and he wishes they could be alone for a moment so he could draw Lucas to his heart and kiss him and assure him he would move earth and sky to be worthy of that love. 

  
  


Later. 

  
  


"Wise crone, but how...how did this give me...us...these powers ?"

  
  


"When you travel through time and space," she explains, "you travel through the fundaments of Creation, to the world of dreams, where stars and souls are dreamed into being, and that instant you are made and unmade, and what you yearn for the most becomes a part of you."

  
  


That is…

  
  


"But my sword…"

  
  


"Well, your sword travelled with you as well, so it became the depository of your hopes. But it could have been any other weapon. You wanted to be able to strike true, but not for glory, or for rage, but to protect. That is why you needed somebody to love you, and to open up to that love, and that in turn, would allow you to help more and more people, and when you travelled back, you had that certainty with you, and so it was sealed."

  
  


The enchantress' explanations are giving him a little bit of a headache, to be honest. The time travel really felt like being pulled into a dark space, blinking and being thrown back out. It did not feel like being made and unmade. 

"So is that like...another dimension ? Or is that more like subspace, time and space folding back and all that ?" Lucas asks, with a fascinated expression on his face ; but of course, he has a scientific mind. It all goes way above Eliott's head, but he finds it very attractive - he's always been drawn to curious and inquisitive souls. 

  
  


The old woman smiles mildly. "I am not familiar with those terms. But...maybe folding is an adept metaphor."

  
  


"Ok but...after we slay the dragon...can you send us back ? The both of us ?" Lucas continues.

  
  


"Hmm." The old woman's face becomes contemplative. "You I could, of course, quite easily. You do not belong in this time. But for Eliott… his anchor in your time was you. And even then, to make him remain indefinitely there...you see, it is easier to go back to the past and to stay there. After all, for you, this has already happened. But for Eliott to exist in the future...making himself real in what is very much a hypothetical...it is a lot more complicated. If I were to send him back, without date of return...in time he would just fade away. To make him real in your era, it would take the sort of power source that is almost unheard of in this time."

Eliott sees the spark of hope on Lucas's face fade away, and his heart crimps in on itself. But it is soon replaced by determination.

  
  


"That's okay. I made my choice. I am staying with him, and we will make a life here."

  
  


"Make sure this is what you want," the woman replies. "The longer you stay here, the harder it will be to send you back. After a month or two, it will be practically impossible."

Lucas tightens his hold on Eliott's hand. "I am sure." 

  
  


Eliott wants to embrace him again. Really, what did he do to deserve such devotion ? It is wholly beyond him, but he is so grateful for it nevertheless. 

  
  


"You must be aware that love between men in this era is not accepted by the wider world." She says sadly. "You will have to be careful. But for as long as I have done this work, I have seen that true love does not discriminate. And I am much older than I look. So you do have my blessing. In your journeys, look to the children of the Unseen World - they will accept you as one of their own."

  
  


Eliott finds that a fascinating perspective - to get to know more people who have been through similar things. 

"Thank you, my lady. I owe my life and my happiness to you, truly. Is there any way I can pay you back?"

  
  


"Yes," she says, "by slaying the dragon. I have not bespelled you out of the pure kindness of my heart, although it pleases me to see you so content. As the Keeper of these lands, I have been trying for so long to get rid of that wyrm, that plague upon us all, to no avail. But I saw the makings of a hero in you."

  
  
  


He can't help but redden at that mark of confidence, especially since he can see Lucas smirk at him now from the corner of his eye.

  
  


"I am honored by your trust. But how are we to take him down, if he is truly as malicious as you say ?" 

She stops and goes to stir the cauldron, proclaiming it ready and ladling stew in three big earthenware bowls. She sets it in front of them and they both dig in. Despite having eaten earlier, at the Christmas dinner, he finds himself quite hungry again, as if the travel had exerted his body. And besides, this is not the future, with its stores full of perpetual abundance and its ice boxes. In this time it is important to eat your fill when you can because the next meal is never assured.

She points at the map, while they are still eating. 

"Which brings me to this. You need allies. You see, the downside of having this power...the dragon might detect it, and you, from miles away." 

  
  


She turns around and throws a handful of stones on the table. They look like ordinary pebbles, but Eliott can see that they are shimmering, with the same blue that marks his sword and Lucas' hand.

  
  


"These stones are enchanted with the power of the land of Dreams, just as you are. Give one to each of your allies, and approach the dragon's lair from different sides. Then, he will be truly confounded."

  
  


That is...quite a clever plan. But…

  
  


"My cousin cast me out. No knight in these lands would risk his wrath by allying themselves with me."

  
  


"You do not need knights. Only men who are brave at heart, and are willing to fight to get rid of the horror that has plagued their villages and families."

  
  


Once upon a time he would have thought only knights could be so brave. But after meeting Lucas he knows that isn't true. 

  
  


The enchantress points at the map. On it, a large shape ornamented with a few small tree drawings seems to represent the forest. 

"We are here," she says, pointing at the edge of the forest in the south. "This is your cousin's castle." A little symbol of a fort, out of the forest and still quite nearby. "The dragon's lair is here," she continues, pointing at a drawing of a yawning maw almost in the middle of the forest but a little further to the north. "Now," she says, pointing to the eastern edge of the forest, to a couple of little houses, "there are villages there, at three or four days' distance by foot, that are far enough to be quite removed from your cousin's influence. These used to be prosperous towns which have been hit hard by the dragon, who killed the well-loved lord who ruled over them. His son is weak and spends most of his time hiding in his castle with his men, only getting out to demand tax, doing nothing to protect his people. So there, you might find allies among the men of the people, who are fed up with inaction. The dragon has stolen their cattle, set fire to their farms, poisoned their water and ruined their harvest and now, in the depth of winter, they must be desperate. Which could be good for you. But of course, desperate men are dangerous and mistrustful as well. You will have to be very cautious." 

  
  


Eliott nods, his head buzzing with information. But there is hope there. This is so much better than anything he could have come up with on his own. 

  
  


Lucas draws the map closer to himself, looking at it with questioning eyes. 

  
  


"There is a river that separates us from them."

  
  


"Yes," the old woman sighs. "You will have to cross at the ford here, where the water is least deep. Parts of the river are frozen but the ice is not reliable." She points to another spot on the map, closer to the North than Eliott is comfortable with. 

But then again, they've had enough of going through the ice for a lifetime. 

Lucas shivers, obviously in remembrance.

"Will the dragon sense me coming, too ?" He asks. "Since I have power now too."

  
  


"I am not sure, but I would hazard a guess and say no. The dragon is a beast of terror and destruction, it understands little of healing and love. You might be able to surprise him, if you want to."

The idea of Lucas anywhere near that monster gives him the cold sweats. "You will remain at a safe distance anyway, so it will not matter." 

Lucas clenches his jaw. "And just watch you go into danger ? I don't think so."

  
  


Heavens...was he stubborn like that when Lucas tried to impart to him the dangers of the modern world? 

The woman narrows her eyes. Then she rummages into her coat, and extracts three small leather pouches, which she sets in front of Lucas. 

"These contain a magical powder. Throw it in the face of your enemy and they will be confused for a few minutes, no matter their size."

  
  


"You cannot possibly be serious," Eliott says in dismay. "Lucas has no battle training."

"Then you'd better show him some rudiments," she says tartly. "Besides, battle skills are not everything when faced with such a foe ; wits and cunning are essential, and so is the ability to sneak by unnoticed. Your companion is not intimidating in the least, but that may play in his favor in the end."

Eliott frowns. He still hates the idea.

"I need to contribute, too," Lucas says softly. Eliott sighs. He understands that impulse all too well ; feeling adrift and lost but not wanting to be dead weight. "And if I do have healing powers, I need to be close to the battle in case something bad happens."

"We will talk about that later, then." He concedes. 

"You must be very careful with your powers," the old woman tells Lucas. "Magic always has a price. Healing powers especially can be very rough on your own life energy. If you have a big wound or illness to cure, do it in several stages, otherwise you may very well extend so much energy you will end up killing yourself. And once you have used your powers, you will need to recharge for at least a few days, sleep, and eat before you can go again. Practice, but do so sparingly."

  
  


Lucas nods, very seriously. 

  
  


"Well," the old lady says, "I have told you all I could. You can sleep here tonight," she says, showing them the cot in the corner. "I have business to attend to in the forest tonight, and all the days after. You will be safe here, but you must set on your journey tomorrow morning, as there is no time to waste before the next full moon. If you manage to slay the dragon, I will know it, and I will find you. In the meantime, I wish you luck." She reaches to the ceiling and plucks two sprigs of dried flowers. "Wear this on yourselves, it will help you pass through the forest without attacking attention. It will not be enough in the village, but it will make you uninteresting. I will also leave some provisions for you to take."

  
  


"Thank you so much for your help," Eliott says as they put the herb in the lining of their coats. "This land is lucky to have such a fierce protector."

"Hah," she snorts, "that's not what most people think." Then she turns back to the area in the back, rummaging around pots and herbs, grinding and cutting and humming. 

  
  


He looks to Lucas, who is barely stifling a yawn. 

  
  


"What a day, huh ?" 

  
  


Lucas nods and smiles at him sleepily.

  
  


Eliott gets up, and takes him by the hand, pulling him up, freeing him from this coat. Underneath, he is still wearing his jacket and dress shirt. That cannot be too comfortable to sleep in, but it is not warm enough to sleep bare, so he gives Lucas one of his extra sweaters from his pack. He takes off his own coat and over pants, his shoes but not his socks, and pulls Lucas to the bed. 

The bed in question is an old fashioned setup, wooden planks covered by a thick layer of dried grasses in burlap, then a mound of furs, and a woven blanket ; it is framed in on all sides by thick wooden slats packed with clay, to keep the warmth in, and even a miniature ceiling made of thin wooden logs and more straw. It looks like a miniature house within a house, with only a small opening to get in.

  
  


He crawls in first, and then Lucas joins him. They slide back shut a little door panel and find themselves with a measure of intimacy, even though they can still see the old woman moving about through the cracks and the flickering of the fire. 

He burrows under the furs, until he is warm, and then Lucas nestles himself against him. 

"Good thing I'm not claustrophobic," he chuckles in a low voice.

Eliott laughs and whispers, "well, it is quite...rustic, I'll admit. But we'd better enjoy it, because this is the best we'll get in a while." 

"I do," Lucas sighs. "I feel we are quite lucky despite all this. We have each other and we have magic powers." He holds up his hand, and it glimmers, a powdery scattering in the dark, almost reminiscent of stars. 

Eliott presses his face against Lucas' neck, breathes him in. He remembers the old crone's words.  _ I sent you to the person that would love you best in all of space and time. _ Yes, he is incredibly lucky. He just hopes his luck will not be Lucas' doom.

Because the truth is, if it comes to it, he would rather flee and leave the dragon to burn the entire forest down than risk losing Lucas. 

He strokes Lucas' arms, then down under the covers, sliding his hands under Lucas' shirt where he can feel his bare skin, his pulse. "I love you," he whispers in his ear, "more than words can say," because it bears saying and repeating. "When I hold you I feel like the luckiest man that ever lived." 

"Yeah," Lucas sighs contentedly, "same." He rocks back into Eliott, who holds him tighter. And then there is nothing left to say indeed, and they fall asleep to the sound of each other's breathing. 

  
  
  


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The next morning, Lucas wakes up with a start, and for a moment, in total confusion, not recognizing anything around him. There is coarse wood in front of his face, the air in his lungs is icy and smells like goat, his muscles are sore from sleeping on such an unforgiving surface. 

  
  


Then it hits him all at once. 

  
  
  


Yeah.

  
  
  
  


He's living in the Middle Ages now. He jumped back in time eight  _ centuries _ . No big deal. 

  
  


He takes a deep breath through his mouth. Eliott is plastered against his back, warm and still sleeping, his respiration slow and slightly loud. 

He doesn't regret his choice. Not at all. But he already knows that this is going to take one hell of an adjustment period, and that there are going to be moments where he’s going to sorely miss the 21st century. 

  
  


At least he’s vaccinated for a lot of things. Except maybe the Black Plague. Wait, when was that already ? Something something middle of the fourteenth century, ship rats...oh fuck. 

  
  


He closes his eyes. That’s something he really shouldn’t think about now. Their lives are already sufficiently complicated. If they’re still alive in fifteen years or something, they probably should fuck off to an abandoned island somewhere, but that’s already far from being a given. What’s the life expectancy in the Middle Ages anyway ? 

  
  


Fuck, also not a good subject at all. 

  
  


He tries to focus on the feeling of Eliott sleeping against him, of their entangled legs, of Eliott’s breath on his skin and his arm around Lucas’ waist. That is an absolute delight and fuck, he’d been waiting for that so long...the mornings, the mornings in particular. And yeah, it sucks a bit that he would have to give up electricity and running water and all that but...he still would make the same choice in a heartbeat. 

  
  


He’s the person who can love Eliott the best in all of space and time and he’s not going to leave that job to anybody else. 

  
  


Eliott whimpers and bucks into him and oh...well, he must be having a nice dream, because now Lucas can feel Eliott's morning wood poking against his back. His movements get more and more insistent, and he lets out a moan. 

  
  


Lucas is very tempted to either wake him up and make this a more collaborative effort, but he is pretty sure the old witch would know if they did that in her bed, and he is even more sure that her tolerance doesn't quite extend that far. And the smell of pungent goat is ..not really a turn on. So he regretfully pulls himself free and turns around, kissing Eliott's jaw softly, and murmuring,

"Hello, beautiful. Having a good dream?" 

  
  


Eliott's eyelids flutter and open, and he stares at Lucas, a moment of confusion before he smiles at Lucas beatifically.

  
  


"No, you're more beautiful."

  
  


Lucas laughs. "I don't think it has to be a contest." 

  
  
  


Eliott seems to be about to reply but then he notices their surroundings and freezes again, before letting out a sigh, rubbing his eyes with his fingers.

  
  


"Yeah, tell me about it." Lucas says in sympathy. 

  
  


"I miss your beds from the future already. Heavens," he sighs, "I've gotten soft." 

  
  


Lucas pokes at Eliott's muscular chest. "Not feeling a lot of softness here." Not to mention what's happening lower. 

Eliott grins. "You're not planning to sleep on me, are you?" 

Lucas straddles him, then, and flops down until he is, actually, lying on top of Eliott. "I don't know, actually, you're quite comfortable."

Eliott laces his arms around him. "Hm, well, you don't weigh much at all, so you make a good blanket."

Lucas usually hates it when people - especially guys - make comments about his...diminutive stature, but with Eliott, for some strange reason, it doesn't bother him. Just like it doesn't feel demeaning when Eliott picks him up like it's nothing or manhandles him. It never makes him feel insecure or threatened or expected to behave a certain way.

Also, he is pretty sure Eliott is just bragging about his own capacities. 

"That's settled then," Lucas says, "you can be my bed until we find a better one," and kisses him.

"Might take a while," Eliott responds. Lucas doesn't know if that's a way to imply he's the most comfortable thing Lucas can lie on or a general indictment of beds in this time, although he has a feeling it very much is the latter. 

They kiss for a while but don't start anything else, just reveling in each other's warmth and proximity. Finally, Lucas' stomach makes a gurgling noise, reminding him he was actually not only put on earth to be in Eliott's arms. 

  
  


He wraps himself in one of the furs and slides the wooden panel aside, stepping out of their little hideout into the rest of the cabin. Immediately he is hit by how cold it is, his breath fogging up the air. And if it's cold in here...he shivers. Outside must be ten times worse, and that's during the day. The idea that they are going to have to sleep outside at some point…

  
  


Fuck. Okay. No use worrying about that now. One thing at the time.

  
  


Eliott steps out behind him and starts pulling on some more clothes. "We need to be going soon," he says. We should try to cover as much ground as possible while it's light outside. 

  
  


"Can we...can we make a fire and boil some water first ?" Lucas asks, as he puts on an extra sweater. 

  
  


Eliott looks at him, cupping his cheek with his hand. "You are cold," he says, his face turning worried. 

  
  


Lucas doesn't want to appear weak, so he says, "It's fine, it's more of a precaution."

  
  


They make a small fire quickly and Eliott uses a small pot to warm some water, looking at the witch's herbs and crumbling some in the water before serving a pot of the resulting infusion to Lucas. He wraps his hands around the earthen cup, letting the warmth circulate through his body as he drinks. It tastes good, a hint of lemon along with the herbal quality of it.

  
  


"You didn't tell me you were a witch too," Lucas teases. 

  
  


"These things are useful to know," Eliott says. "We don't have stores we can just walk into to get everything we want, you know." It comes across slightly like a rebuke, which makes him feel a little weird, but Eliott just moves on, laying out some food on the table for breakfast - in this case, old apples and bread that Lucas has to dip into his tea to be able to chew. 

Eliott goes outside and comes back with a steaming bowl of goat milk, smell and taste sour and very sharp, but Lucas figures that he really can't afford to be picky now, so he drinks his fill. 

After that, they finish packing and dressing. One of the big issues is that Lucas only has his fancy dress shoes, his oxfords with the fine Italian leather, that look very dapper and gentlemanly and grown up where he comes from, but that are not suited in anyway to spend days traipsing through mud and snow. Eliott says they will have to buy some solid travelling boots for him at the first opportunity, and in the meantime, wraps some strands of rough cloth around his shoes, which make walking weird. 

Finally, after Lucas has taken five last minutes by the fire, and then extinguished it, they head out. The cold hits him as soon as he gets out ; like he expected, this is much worse than inside. He tugs his shawl up around his ears. 

Eliott saddles Polaris up, tying most of their bags on his back, and then they're gone. As the witch's cabin disappears behind them, the illusion asserts itself again, making it look like a barely standing up mess of rotten wood. 

Lucas can't help but have an impression of deja vu as they walk out into the winter woods. But the circumstances couldn't be more different. 

"The problem with winter," Eliott says, his voice low, "is that it makes us very easy to track, unless it starts snowing again. We have to be very prudent. These woods are not safe."

Lucas swallows. Before leaving, Eliott gave him one of his knives, a sharp dagger in a leather sheath that he hung to his belt. He keeps touching it to make sure it's still there, and reminds himself that he will be fine, he's with Eliott who has a magical sword, he has healing powers, and so on. But he can't help but think about how they're just two people and they wouldn't be able to do much if they got overrun by a large group of bandits.

  
  


Fuck, this is just so weird. Yesterday he was still a primary school teacher whose biggest worry was grading his copies in time. And now he has to think about either killing people or being potentially killed in turn. That's...a part he hadn't thought about. 

He stays close to Eliott, Polaris walking behind them held at the end of a long rope. They don't talk much. The forest around them seems endless, and it's so damn quiet their steps through the snow seem to echo. 

It doesn't take long before his shoes are soaked through, and his feet get colder and colder. He grits his teeth and pushes on, responding by the affirmative whenever Eliott asks him if he is okay.

  
  


Towards midday, they stop near a large rock, sharing a few strips of smoked meat. Lucas takes a moment to sit down to relieve his aching legs. This isn't the fun kind of hike that you do to admire nature with the guarantee of coming back to a warm house and plenty of food and hot running water. He's starting to really take the measure of everything he has taken for granted in the past.

  
  


The path trudges on, and the forest is beautiful but it soon becomes very monotonous. They walk over small hills, into pine copses, along fallen trucks, but there is overall very little variation. 

  
  


After a while, all Lucas can think about is how much his feet hurt. He focuses on getting one foot in front of the other, but they are starting to feel worryingly numb. He can still move his toes, but...for how long ? And he just feels so fucking tired and cold in general. The stress of the situation is starting to get to him. And Eliott just looks so...unbothered, tracing a path through the forest without hesitation, strides long and eyes alert, his cheeks and nose red, but no other signs of being affected by the cold. It’s as if he is in his natural element, confident and at ease, as if the weather was refreshing to him and the danger par for the course. 

He doesn’t want to be the pampered wuss so he says nothing. But as the sun slowly starts to get lower and closer to the horizon, the numbness starts to turn into pins and needles and he starts to worry this might have serious consequences. 

  
  


"Eliott, do you, uh, think we could stop soon ?" 

  
  


"We have a few more hours before the sun goes down, we should take advantage of them." Eliott replies.

  
  


Fuck, is he a machine or something? They've been walking for almost eight hours, he can tell by checking his watch he is suddenly very glad he took with him. 

  
  


"Eliott, please," Lucas pleads, incapable of keeping the pain out of his voice. 

  
  


Eliott turns towards him, face suddenly very worried. "Are you ok ?" 

"My feet hurt," he says through gritted teeth. 

  
  


Eliott immediately looks around, giving Polaris' reins to him. "Stay here." 

  
  


He strides towards a small pine tree a dozen of meters away, then calls Lucas over. Lucas traipses over, feeling every step like he is walking on knives. 

When he gets there, Eliott has already cleared the ground below the tree and strewn some branches on the naked ground and covered them with burlap cloth. Lucas sits down, a whimper of pain escaping his lips as he does. 

  
  


Eliott is on him immediately, taking off the wraps around his shoes and then unlacing the shoes themselves, taking off the sodden things until he holds Lucas' feet in his hands. 

  
  


"By god, Lucas ! Why didn't you say anything!" He sounds terrified, rubbing at Lucas' feet to warm them, and Lucas is so numb it feels painful, like his skin is covered in rubber but raw underneath. He grits his teeth. 

"I…I was fine."

"No, you're not !" He yells, taking Lucas' feet and putting them under his sweater, against his chest, continuing to rub them all the while. It puts him in a strange position, but he is too uncomfortable to think about anything else. It's as if thousands of little ants are crawling under his skin.

  
  


"You're not fine !" Eliott continues, half yelling at him. "Do you know what can happen in circumstances like these ? If you get a frost burn, it can destroy your flesh from the inside out ! Do you think I want to carry you to a doctor so he can cut off your feet ? Huh ? Do you?" 

Lucas closes his eyes. He feels like a monumental idiot all of a sudden.

"I didn't want to be a burden." He says, voice hoarse. "I'm sorry." 

"You are not a burden. You are not." Eliott says. "But you are not used to this world. Please let me guide you through it like you guided me through yours. Please. Don't pretend to be alright when you're not, because then, I can't help you." 

Lucas nods. He wants to cry all of a sudden. The upheaval of it all is starting to catch on to him. 

Eliott rubs his feet until life starts coming back into them, but fuck, it still hurts like hell. He wraps his dry, warm shawl around Lucas' feet.

"Keep massaging them," he says, "I'm getting wood for the fire."

  
  


About ten minutes later, they have a small fire going, and Lucas puts his feet in front of them. It still hurts but in a different way now, less numb, and the skin is bright red, but he can still wiggle his toes and everything. 

  
  


Eliott hangs a little iron pot over the fire on an iron setup he found in his saddlebags.

  
  


"You're getting on Polaris tomorrow." Eliott says, in a tone that broaches no discussion. 

  
  


"I know how to walk," Lucas says, feeling unreasonably stubborn all of a sudden, and wanting to preserve his dignity. 

"You are being stupid," Eliott says. Ouch. He's forgotten that Eliott's honesty isn't just charming but also really fucking blunt at times. 

Eliott sighs. "Listen, I know how hard this is. When I got to the future I...felt useless and I wanted to prove I could still make it on my own. But the truth was that I could not. And you made me realize it was ok to need help. Please... let me help you."

  
  


"I'm sorry." Lucas says in a small voice. "It really sucks, being this...out of it."

  
  


"I know," Eliott says, bowing down to kiss him. "And I promise, you will get to walk as much as you desire once we get you some suitable shoes that won't get all wet in the snow." 

  
  


Lucas sighs. "I don't know why, but that doesn't sound like much of a win."

  
  


…

  
  


Eliott gives Lucas two pairs of his own socks to wear and then ties more burlap around his feet until they look like they have been put in separate little bags. After that, he goes to hunt for dinner ; the entire time he is gone Lucas feels horribly, awfully exposed, but he eventually returns, holding some sort of big bird. 

  
  


"It's a partridge," he explains, setting to plucking the feathers, laying them down in neat little piles. "We can trade those feathers, they aren't that easy to come by, they're often used on hats." he explains. Lucas picks them up, russet brown with silvery and black edges, and the ones from the tail, very long and pointed. He drops them in a hurry when he sees several of them are full of blood. He feels stupid for being so squeamish, all of a sudden. It's easy to feel repulsed by blood when all your meals are brought to you under cellophane. 

Soon enough Eliott has the bird roasting on a stick above the fire ; he's taken the water pot off, and makes herbal tea for them to warm up, that they drink from the same little earthen goblet. 

  
  


After that, Eliott starts building shelter for them. Lucas observes, fascinated - he wants to help but Eliott told him to stay put - as he packs snow up to build walls around their little patch of ground. 

  
  


"The worst thing when sleeping outside is always the wind at ground level," he explains. "That can completely freeze you." 

  
  


After that, he breaks off two more low hanging pine branches, putting them next to the other to create a sort of lean-to, shielding them at least somehow from the elements. 

Lucas sets his sodden leather shoes over the fire, next to the bird. It's probably really bad for the leather but if he has only socks to walk around in tomorrow this is going to end up in Eliott carrying him around again and that will be embarrassing rather than sexy. So yeah. Cracked Italian leather it is. 

  
  


Finally their meal is ready, and there is quite a lot of it - it tastes good, the meat a little tough but full of flavor. He's back at finding Eliott's survival skills not only alluring but also just plain reassuring.

  
  


Once they're done, Eliott buries the remains - not wanting the smell of meat to attract any beasts - takes care of Polaris, who will have to manage with an apple and a crust of bread - ties him to the side of their little shelter, and gets more wood for their fire for the night, to keep beasts away. 

"We will sleep in shifts," Eliott explains. "I will take first watch." Lucas gives him his watch. It's still really early, a little past nine, but he is so exhausted he doubts it will take him long to fall asleep. Lucas lies down facing the fire, and Eliott curls up behind him.They've taken all they could from the saddlebags - the two furs they kept from the cabin, a blanket, all their extra clothes, and Eliott's cape, and wrap themselves in it as best they can. 

This is a lot better than walking in the snow with wet shoes. But the ground under them is still very hard, and cold, and the air icy, and all around them he can hear all sorts of noises, and he can't help but freak out in that moment. 

  
  


"It's okay, my Lucas," Eliott whispers into his ear, brushing the skin of his neck with his lips. "I'm watching over you. You have nothing to worry about, my love." 

There is something so soothing and so devoted in his voice that Lucas lets himself go, giving into exhaustion and sinking into a deep, dreamless sleep.

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


He wakes after what feels way too short a time. It's still dark. Eliott is kissing his neck, but his lips are cold. 

  
  


Lucas is cold, too. So cold. He's never been this cold in his life. When he fell into that frozen lake it was a flash of ice, cruel and shocking, but easier to thaw. This is the kind of cold that settles in your bones and slowly turns you brittle, until you can never be warm ever again. All his muscles are stiff. In front of them, the fire has almost died, down to embers. 

"I'm sorry to wake you, my love," Eliott whispers, "but I am falling asleep."

"It's okay," Lucas says, "my turn to keep watch."

  
  


Eliott lets go of him and gets up, and Lucas wants to wail as he feels the cold air hit his back. 

Eliott revives the fire, putting three more logs into it until the flames are leaping up again. Lucas is grateful for the warmth that comes from it but so much of it is leeched by the endless dark that surrounds them.

  
  


Lucas stretches and they settle back into their former position, huddled under their covers, Eliott clinging to his back. 

"Please wake me if you hear anything suspicious. Don't worry about false alarms."

  
  


Lucas agrees. 

  
  


He feels Eliott fall asleep against him. His trust touches Lucas but it scares him, too. 

  
  


He puts his hand on his knife, at his belt, and listens to the sounds of the forest. It is so incredibly silent but then one in a while there is a crack, a ruffle, a slight shuffling that sends shivers along his spine. They are not alone ; the forest is full of life, but some of it could be hostile.

  
  


Right then, it strikes him how truly dire his situation is. He left his family and friends behind and now will never see them again, for the sake of a man he met barely a month ago. He will never get to see Ange grow up. All the village will think he had disappeared and maybe even blame Eliott. This will be rough on his class, and even more on the people closest to him. Manon will have to pack up, and probably sell his house. 

And he's a gay man with no particular physical prowess, or survival skills, dropped into one of the most brutal and bigoted periods and places in human history, without anything to his name. He doesn't know the customs or culture of this place. He could mortally offend someone without even meaning to. He depends almost entirely on Eliott now. 

  
  


And what if...this thing between them fizzles out in a few months ? What if Eliott gets tired of having to do everything for him and protect him and explain everything and just...what if Lucas becomes a burden for him?

  
  


Fuck, he's so cold. There is some heat between them and from the fire but the air is icy in his lungs, making his chest hurt, and the ground is hard and frozen, and his shoulder hurts. 

A shuffling, scratching sound outside, just outside of their shelter, and he almost jumps out of his skin. He listens closely, hand tightening around the handle of his knife, his entire body tense, but nothing else happens.

  
  
  


Fuck. He's just having a freakout and this isn't going to help anyone. He tries to calm down, putting his hand on his heart, letting the rhythm of his own pulse calm him down. 

It's a trick that he learned from his mother, back when he was havìng panic attacks from the idea of having to go to school. She told him that when his head got busy it was good to listen to his own heart which would remind him of the truth, that he was alive and working very hard to stay that way, and that was good, and everything else was secondary. He remembers this and sinks back into this feeling of warmth and anchoring a sense of safety in his own body. 

He's been through some shit in his life. Like he told Eliott, he isn't some wilting flower. And yes, this is going to be very rough for a while, but eventually he'll adapt. And his loved ones will always be with him, in a sense, in his heart, in his memory of them.

  
  


As for his bond with Eliott...well, it's about trust, isn't it ? 

  
  


Eliott must have had similar feelings at first. He'd had to rely entirely on Lucas to manage to get by in a strange new world. And they were strangers back then. He understands better Eliott's insistence on pulling his own weight, either by hunting or cooking or cleaning. To feel less useless and dependent and adrift. 

But Eliott wasn't useless and neither is he. In time he is sure Eliott would have adapted, too. But now he just has to trust Eliott to support him at least for a while - there is no way around it.

  
  


He slides his hand out of the covers, the one that is marked with blue. He can feel it now, a strange...sensitivity, as if the air that touched his skin there weighed more. He wonders if this is a temporary thing, only until they slay the dragon, or will last beyond. It would be really useful if it did - after all, healing is something people will always need. He's pretty sure that he could earn a lot of recognition, gratitude and money with this - as long as people don't start thinking he is a witch or something.

And he likes the idea of being a healer. He'd thought about being a doctor, at some point, before the thought of excruciating work hours and constant toxic masculinity had made his interest turn to education. The people living in this time probably need a lot of help with that, anyway. And hell - even his 21st century knowledge of basic things like bacteria and the importance of sterilization gives him one hell of a leg up.

He sighs internally. He's probably going to have to play at being super religious, isn't he. Make a show of having gotten his powers from God and all that, to be safe. When really, they come from the love between Eliott and him. 

Maybe he'll just think about him when he prays, then. That would probably be the best way to mimic religious fervor, anyway.

The idea of them having to hide for the rest of his life makes him so fucking sad. Never being able to hold Eliott in public again, to show off the fact that they belong together, to have to spend every moment afraid, to have to be careful he never looks at Eliott with too much affection...Gods.  But he can't crumble. This is the start of a very long journey. Maybe, some day, they will meet people like them and make a safe haven for themselves hidden from the world. And the plague. But in the meantime...well, they have some pretty nifty magic powers. And the  _ Children of the Unseen, _ whatever that means.

  
  


He tries to settle himself, relish the way Eliott is holding on to him. But it still feels like the longest night of his life, and he spends hours in a strange state between alertness and dozing off, trying to remind himself that it's unlikely the forest around them is full of monsters. 

  
  


When the dawn starts coming, grey light filtering through the pine branches, he can't help but feel relief. He's never understood why the night could be so frightening quite so sharply before. 

  
  


…

  
  
  


They go on. Lucas spends most of the second day astride Polaris. Less tiring, but he gets cold too, moving so little. He borrows Eliott’s boots for a few hours, switching positions so he can walk. 

In the afternoon, they finally come across a river. It is partly frozen, but they remember their previous misfortunes, and seek out the ford. They try to keep even quieter, if possible - they are moving north, in the direction of the dragon’s lair. Eliott keeps checking the map ; the ford is marked by three big stones by the river’s edge. When they finally find it, Lucas notices - the forest is so quiet here. Almost all sounds of life have completely fallen away, and it’s as if he could hear his own heart thundering in his ears. 

They both climb onto Polaris’ back to cross the river when they finally find it. The horse is more than strong enough to carry them both, Eliott whispers in Lucas’ ear, but it tires him out more, and he’d rather keep that option for an emergency. Lucas shivers at the thought of this ever present, vague threat he has felt ever since they arrived here. 

This time they don’t stop until well after the sun has gone down, Eliott not wanting to stop too close to dragon’s territory. They find a small, shallow cave, the entrance of which they pile up with snow again, creating a better refuge from the wind. Once they've started a fire, it is almost warm. But Eliott comes back from his hunt empty handed, so they have to make do with the last of their apples, a bit of old bread and smoked meat, and ignore the hunger in their bellies. The idea that barely a few days ago, they were touring restaurants from all over the world, or eating all these extravagant Christmas dishes...it seems deeply unreal. As if all of that - and all of his life, really, happened to somebody else, and this Lucas only materialized two days ago, cold and hungry and scared.

They shove the fire further on towards the entrance, and lie down on the ashy, warmed ground, in the same position as yesterday - but reversed, so they can lie on the other shoulder. 

  
  


Once they're pressed together, he feels Eliott's hand snake under his clothes, pressing against his bare skin. He must have warmed it before, as it doesn't feel icy. And god, it feels so good just to be touched, to be more than an aching cold body. Even through his exhaustion, he feels a spark of desire race through him, something animal and ragged and raw, closer to survival instinct than anything else. As Eliott's hand settles on his lower belly, Lucas wishes he could go all the way down, so that he could feel something that isn't cold or hunger for just a moment. But he really has no wish to expose himself to the cold night air, and even less to have to keep travelling in dirty sticky clothes, and this must be a shared understanding as Eliott stays there. So he feels asleep like that, feeling like Eliott's hand is the only thing that ties him back to the land of the living. 

  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  
  


The third day is the hardest so far. The temperature seems to have dropped even further, and Eliott looks at the sky in worry. 

Lucas starts to feel feverish around midday. This time, he tells Eliott right away. Eliott makes them stop, makes a fire, boils some snow into hot water with some herbs and makes him drink it. 

It helps a little, but not that much. 

  
  


"Please hang on," Eliott whispers, voice scared. "We only have one day or so left."

  
  


He is slumping over Polaris' back when the first snowflake lands on his skin. He’s always liked snow, found the first snowfall its own kind of magic but this time, it scares him. Eliott curses and takes his cape off, wrapping it around Lucas. Lucas protests - Eliott is starting to look very cold and tired, too. But Eliott won't hear a word of it. 

The world shrinks further as the snow falls thicker and thicker ; it becomes harder and harder to see anything. The snow drifts they are wading through becomes deeper and deeper, until it reaches Eliott’s knees, and gusts of icy wind push against them, swirling until it looks like they are surrounded by ghosts, slowing their pace to a crawl. 

  
  


“We need to shop and make shelter,” Eliott finally says, “otherwise we’re not going to make it trying to push through in this weather.” 

  
That’s...fuck, that’s stark. But Lucas very much agrees. He’s never felt this miserable in his entire life. His whole body is stiff and numb, and at the same time, his skin hurts, prickling and red and too flushed to feel comfortable. 

  
  


They are in a part of the forest, though, where there is very little in the way of shelter - very high pine trees with small branches, all out of their reach, and almost no vegetation below. Still, Eliott takes them away from the path, until they reach a tree he finds somehow acceptable. 

  
  


“I’m going to make a snow trench,” Eliott explains. Lucas feels intensely useless as Eliott starts using his sheathed sword to push snow out of the way, piling it on to two sides. He tries to shake himself out of it, gets off Polaris and starts to help shovelling snow with his hands, but his gloves aren’t made of thick leather like Eliott’s, only thin fleece, and soon he can’t feel his fingers anymore. 

“Stop that,” Eliott tells him. “It’s fine, I can manage.” 

  
  


“I need...I need to help.” Lucas says, trying to keep his teeth from chattering, putting his hands under his armpits to warm them up. 

Eliott looks at him, then goes to the saddlebags and retrieves something he gives to Lucas - a small axe. 

“There’s a small tree over there, go and cut off as many branches as you can for the roof,” he asks. 

  
  


Lucas grabs it and directs himself to the vague dark shape Eliott pointed out amidst the falling snow. Every step feels like it demands a superhuman effort, as if his legs didn’t want to reply to him anymore. But he does. It’s a small hazelnut tree, and Lucas suddenly feels absurdly sad he has to take it down. But this is a matter of survival, and he needs to prove he’s not totally useless, so he’s going to take this tree down if it’s the last thing he does. 

The first blow of the axe barely grazes the bark ; the second one hits too high and the third too low. He closes his eyes, wanting to hurl the axe away in frustration. 

He looks back to where he came from and for a moment, he almost feels as if he's lost Eliott, cut off from the entire world amidst swirling white and grey.  


No. He can do this ; how hard can it be ? He just needs to hack an entire tree down in a matter of minutes before they both freeze to death, all with the beginnings of a fever. No big deal ! 

But fuck ; he might not be an athlete or some sort of endurance survivalist, but he is stubborn as hell. He might be lost in this world but he still has to trust his ability to do  _ something  _ \- otherwise he might just as well lie down in the snow and die, because there is no way he is going to let Eliott drag him around like dead weight. 

  
  


…

  
  


About twenty minutes later, he drags his first bushel of branches back to their camp in the making, feeling a little warmer and a lot better about himself. Eliott has managed to build up a trench, now at hip level, thick walls of packed snow with enough space in between for both of them to lie down in, and another wall closing it off on one size. 

He stops working and smiles when he sees Lucas coming. 

  
  


“Is that for me ?” he grins, as if Lucas was bringing him a flower bouquet. “You shouldn’t have!”

  
  


Oh, man. The fact that Eliott is still making jokes, now - it creates a burst of joy in his chest that could just as well be a heater all on its own. And it’s such a modern joke, too, something he must have seen on TV. It reminds Lucas that he’s still alive, and still in love, that this bond between them is still new, still absolutely a wonder and a miracle.

He smiles through his painful, cracked lips, as he drops the branches at Eliott’s feet. “Do I get a reward ?” he says, trying for a flirty tone.

Eliott laughs at him, and takes one of his snowy gloves off, using his bare hand to cup Lucas’s face, and turning it up for a kiss. 

Their lips are both chapped as hell but it doesn’t matter, the inside of Eliott’s mouth is warm and as lovely as always as their tongues stroke each other, and he wishes he could lose himself in this, as for a moment the whole world around them disappears. 

  
  


It doesn’t last, of course. They can’t afford to lose any more time. But as he goes back to get more branches, he feels a lot better. 

  
  


...

  
  


Finally the shelter is done - the roof made of crisscrossed branches, a tarp they’ve found in Lucas’ survival package, and packed snow ; the ground similarly covered with a tarp. 

They manage a little fire, at the entrance, enough to warm some water in the little pot. But they can’t hunt in this weather, so Eliott drops the last of their meat along with some hard bread and some herbs to make soup. 

“We will reach the village tomorrow,” Eliott says, reassuringly, but Lucas can’t help but be very worried. They made so little headway today, with the snow and having to stop early. He’s not sure he can take another night like this. 

  
  


Lucas suddenly remembers something, and goes to look in the survival supplies to look for doliprane or something else to help with the fever, but when he gets the medicine out, he finds that all the pills have dissolved into ash and swears, despair coming back. 

  
  


"We will be alright, my love," Eliott says, "tomorrow we will reach the village. I have enough silver left to get us a warm room in an inn or wherever we can. Hot and filling food, and a bath too. We will be just fine. We just have to hold on a little longer, alright ?" 

  
  


Lucas nods numbly.

  
  
  


Eliott burrows into their little shelter, and then Lucas does. They pile bags in front of their last remaining opening, and seal it off with the tarp. 

They burrow into their furs, along with a survival blanket, and Eliott once again wraps his cape over them. But it is wet from melted snow, and Lucas can feel the snowflakes that entered his coat too, humid and cold.

Eliott wraps himself around him once more. This is the only thing keeping him sane right now.

  
  


It's so dark. He feels like a small animal, hiding under the earth. This is the first evening that they go to sleep without a fire. Their little trench keeps the body heat in, and after a while, it becomes a lot more tolerable than outside. 

But that doesn't mean he feels good. He doesn't. He really doesn't. His whole body hurts, his head is pounding, and he feels sick. 

He tries to relax, tell himself it will pass, that he just needs to rest. But he is just so sore and cold and hungry and scared that he feels like his body has no more reserves to draw on. 

  
  


He has a lot of regrets then. Not working on his physical endurance more. Not planning this ahead and packing warmer clothes and more survival utilities - he could have gone through this so much better with adequate shoes and gloves and a more weather-ready coat...Not saying to his family and friends that he loved them more often…he really just cut himself from everything that was his life, without so much as a goodbye, and he might never...He feels so small, so powerless and unconsequential. How many people in this time are starving or freezing to death at this exact moment, not even that far from here ? Human life doesn't matter here, there is only brutality. Nobody would care if he died, except for one person, who is just as adrift as he is, and in that instant he feels the weight of the whole world against them like a mass of looming snow waiting to turn into an avalanche.  


  
  


Eventually he falls into a fitful, restless sleep, half-waking up several times in confused starts, and he dreams that he is in that icy lake again, trapped under the ice, and no matter how much he struggles and hits it with his fists, it won't budge, and the water is filling his lungs, and he feels so heavy and it's so, so cold…

  
  
  


"Lucas, Lucas, hey ! Hey !" 

  
  


He feels himself being pulled back, Eliott's arms around his chest, and blinks - his fists are cold and bruised, and he realises he's been hitting the side of their shelter.

"Oh no…'m sorry…" He whimpers and realizes he is shivering all over ; the fever has gotten worse. 

"It's fine, we're fine," Eliott says, kissing his temple. "Oh god," he says, putting his hand on Lucas' forehead, "you're burning up." 

He pulls back the tarp.

  
  


"No, why…" Lucas moans as the freezing outside air hits his face. The sky outside has barely turned the paling gray of pre-dawn. 

  
  


"It has stopped snowing. We need to go." Eliott says, his voice urgent. 

  
  


"No, I can't...I need to rest, I…"

  
  


"No," Eliott says. "You're sick. We can't afford to wait. We need help."

  
  


"I can't, please, I can't go back out there, please…"

  
  


He feels so weak, as if he would crumble if he tried to get up. 

  
  


"Please trust me," Eliott says, and Lucas can hear the fear in his voice. "We need to. I need you to do this. I know you can."

  
  


"I trust you," Lucas whispers. 

  
  
  


Eliott opens the entrance to their shelter entirely, and crawls out. 

  
  


"I am going to pack up. Stay here." He closes the tarp again, but without Eliott there Lucas feels stuck in an ice coffin.

  
  


A few minutes later, Eliott helps him get out. He is so weak that he barely manages to get up, Eliott having to help him, and his head is dizzy afterwards. He clings to Polaris as Eliott packs up the tarp and furs and covers back into the saddlebags, and then Eliott has to push him up the saddle. Suddenly he feels so nauseous the world swings around him and he has to grip the horse's mane to not fall down. 

  
  


They leave into the night. The air is colder than yesterday, and he feels like every breath could freeze his lungs from the inside out. His underclothes have become drenched with sweat during the night, but now he can feel the humidity getting colder and colder, too.

He has to marshall all his strength to stay on top of that horse. It feels like the most difficult thing he has ever done. Eliott has accelerated the pace, and it's making him nauseous.

As the dawn starts to break, the numbness in his limbs gets worse and worse to the point where he almost cannot move, and then, suddenly, he starts to feel warm. 

  
  


Is he finally adapting to the temperature ? No, he can't be - their breaths are still foggy, and now that the sun is up he can see the trees are covered in white frost, he knows it's cold. But he feels so sleepy, and his body's complains ar becoming more distant, and he finds himself thinking...maybe he should just lie down for a minute...the snow looks almost comfortable now…

  
  
  


No, no. Fuck. This isn't right.

  
  
  


"Eliott," he croaks. "I'm warm. Too warm."

  
  
  


Eliott looks up at him and there is terror in his face. He stops Polaris and in the very next breath, he is swinging himself into the saddle behind Lucas, his arms around him now holding the reins, and then Polaris breaks into a gallop, the sudden speed jarring him out of the haze for an instant. 

  
  


He would have absolutely fallen off if it weren't for Eliott's presence, his thighs pinning his against the saddle and strong arms holding him in place, but he still grips the front of the saddle with his frozen hands, and tries not to be unseated as they race through the forest.

  
  


It feels incredibly dangerous. The path is neither a straight line or unencumbered, and Polaris has to swerve or jump a branch at the last moment. He could very well break a leg, and the fact that Eliott is endangering the life of his precious horse is the thing that makes him realize how dire the situation must be. This, this is the emergency Eliott was talking about.

  
  
  


The next few hours go by in a blur. Lucas tries to hold on, but the fever gets worse and worse. At some point he realizes he cannot move his toes anymore, and the thought brings a wave of terror crashing down. A strange sorrow starts to invade him then. If Eliott has to bury him, it will be so much worse than if he had never made the jump in the first place. 

  
  


He grips one of his gloves with his teeth and yanks it off, revealing his blue mark against red, mottled skin. 

What use are these healing powers if he can't survive himself? 

He works his own hand under his shirt and presses against his own chest, above his heart, and addresses a mute prayer to the universe - to that strange place the witch says gave him these powers. If it did, then there must be a purpose. No - he has a purpose. He can help Eliott and so many other people. He wants to live. He loves being alive and being himself and being in love, he loves Eliott so much it hurts, and he loves the world no matter what time he's in, because people have always been people and some of them might be cruel and society might be cruel but he knows, he just knows there must be love too, and compassion and trust and tenderness and beauty, because Eliott exists, and because he wants, he needs to believe it. 

In his feverish mind, it's the only thing that can save him, and one moment his hand is cold and clammy on his chest, and the next there is a spark and a wave of heat coursing through his entire body, and a flash of blue light, and he feels energy flooding him, bringing his deadening limbs back to life, but it's almost too much, and he doesn't know how to stop it. One moment he hears the distant sound of Eliott calling his name and the next, everything goes dark. 

  
  
  


…

  
  


Lucas opens his eyes again and they are still galloping, and the world around them is threaded through with veins of silvery blue, beating in unison with his own heart, shimmering like the sun over fields of snow. It's so beautiful he wants to cry, but he doesn't have a firm grip on consciousness, and then it slips away again. 

  
  


The next thing he is vaguely aware of is being carried into a dark, smoky, crowded space. There are voices, too, but nothing he can understand in his current state.

  
  
  
  


The next, of bring lowered slowly into warm water. He makes a noise, as the change in temperature shocks his muscles ; he blinks and sees Eliott's face, and reaches for him but Eliott pushes him back and Lucas hears another voice - they're not alone. 

  
  


"What's the matter with his eyes ?" 

  
  


It's an old woman, her face so wrinkled her features are hard to distinguish. Eliott responds but he can't quite make it out. 

  
  


It feels good to be warm, again, but his head is hammering like hell, and he feels so incredibly weak, as if all his strength has been drained from him.

  
  


Eliott makes him drink something that tastes like broth, and he is laid down into something soft. After the ordeal they've had, it all feels like a dream. At any time he expects to wake up and be back in the forest, encased in ice. 

"Don't...leave...me," he manages to whimper. Eliott is warmth and life and safety, that's the only thing he knows now. 

"I won't," Eliott says, kissing his forehead, and after that, he goes under again.

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


When he regains consciousness, it is dark, the only light coming from a candle on the bedside. He feels...groggy, but no longer feverish. At least he is warm. He wiggles his toes, his fingers - everything seems to work. But he is still incredibly disoriented.

From what he can see, he is in a small room with a low, wooden ceiling, in a two person's bed, under a heavy set of covers. There is a small fireplace filled with embers and a very small window hidden by heavy cloth curtain. The walls are of a muddy color. 

  
  


_ Holy shit, the Middle Ages _ , a part of his brain supplies. The forest didn't change much between then...no, between now and his time, but this is an actual medieval dwelling he is sitting in. This is just...completely crazy. 

"Eliott?" He calls softly, not wanting to call too much attention to himself.

He hears a commotion from the other room and he door on the side bursts open. Eliott rushes in, half naked - from Lucas can see, he was about to take a bath. He’s still so beautiful, with his smooth skin glowing in the firelight and intense gaze - god, maybe he’s even more beautiful now, as the first thing Lucas sees on the other side of the tunnel, and he feels strangely blessed. 

  
  


"Lucas ! You are awake !"

  
  


Eliott flings himself onto the bed and hugs him so tight it takes his breath away, then kisses him - harder than he's ever been kissed in his life. 

“Lucas...thank the heavens...you were not waking up I...I almost thought I had lost you, I…” Lucas realises Eliott is crying when he feels wetness on his face. 

  
  


“Hey, it’s okay, I’m okay.” Lucas says, his voice rough. “I’m alright.” He grabs on tight. Yeah, he cut it really close. “What...what happened ?” 

  
  


Eliott grabs his face, examining it, looking into his eyes. “I think you used your healing powers on yourself, but you might have overtaxed yourself. You have been out for three days in a row.” 

  
  


It comes back to him now. The forest, the fear, the world lighting up blue.

Holy shit. “I...I think I panicked, in the forest. I couldn’t feel my toes, I was warm and feverish all over and that’s...that’s what they say about the symptoms of hypothermia, that’s when it gets really bad, I…” 

  
  


“I’m so sorry,” Eliott says, looking away, tears streaming down his face. “This never would have happened if you didn’t come here for me, if I didn't rely on you so much…”

  
  


“Hey, no, none of that,” Lucas admonishes him softly. “My choice, remember ? It was probably stupid of me to jump into this unprepared, but that’s not on you.” 

  
  


Eliott makes a wounded noise and presses Lucas against him closer, his body wrecked by silent sobs. 

Lucas makes a reassuring sound, threading his hand through Eliott's hair, but the truth is that he gets it. His heart is hammering a mile a minute. The idea of them being separated now is the most awful thing he can imagine, and Eliott having to carry him not knowing if he would make it...and they cut it so close...a rush of mingled fear and relief hits him then, almost unbearable. The ordeal in the forest has bound them somehow, tighter than just the beginnings of a wonderful love story now. Now the mere idea of being parted from Eliott for even one minute is physically painful. It's tied into his survival instinct. 

  
  


"I regretted a lot of things when it got really bad, in the forest." He rasps. "Not being more resilient to cold, not packing better, not saying goodbye properly to my family, not learning more about this era...but even when I got so scared and cold and miserable I couldn't bear it, even in the worst moment, I never regretted following you. And I still don't." 

  
  


Eliott makes another noise, and kisses Lucas again, hot and needy and consuming. "I love you. I love you so much.”

  
  


"Touch me," Lucas whispers, "I want to feel you close." 

  
  


Eliott gets rid of the rest of his clothes, and slips under the covers, and his naked skin against Lucas' is the sweetest feeling he can remember. If cold was paralyzing, slowly cutting him off from his own body, then this warmth is holy movement, bringing back life to every inch of skin and muscle, anchoring him there again, reminding him he is whole and alive and healthy. 

Eliott raises Lucas hands above his head and they both stare at it in wonder - his blue markings have grown, past his palm to the back of his hand and around his wrist, like a dusting of luminescent pollen. What does it mean? He doesn't know, but when Eliott kisses the fragile skin there, on the inside of his wrist, it feels like flying, like swimming in a cooling stream in the middle of summer, and he gasps. 

  
  


"Thank you," Eliott whispers into his skin. "Thank you to whoever did this for us and for you, my beloved miracle. Thank you for figuring this out when you needed to and for staying with me."

  
  


"Always," Lucas responds, and Eliott bears down on him again, pushing his hands into the pillow, and covering him with his entire body. Lucas wraps his legs around him, pulling him closer, and lets out a moan as they brush against each other. 

  
  


Eliott swallows his noises as they move, pleading with him to stay quiet, and the reminder of their current situation sends a trill of fear through his body, mingling with the pleasure. Later he will hate it, but now it adds to the urgency of everything. The world is hostile now, and this is all the more sacred. They must love each other as hard as they can because everything here conspires to pull them apart - and prevailing against that is life-giving.

Eliott takes them both in hand and strokes, and Lucas feels like a melting fuse, all the tension in his body collapsing on itself. He clamps his fingers onto his own mouth in a desperate attempt to keep silent. Everything is so raw and sensitive, and there is a furnace in Eliott's eyes, lovely flames licking Lucas' soul from the inside out until there is nothing left for him to do but burn. He arches up, and as he feels new reserves of pleasure open up inside him, Eliott's head disappears under the covers.

It doesn't take him long until he has sucked Lucas into his mouth. He’s gotten so good at this so fast, as if it was a matter of life or death, with the same dedication and intensity he built them a shelter in the snow. He worships Lucas with his tongue, and it feels so goddamn good, and Lucas pulls the covers from his head, wanting to see him. He exposes himself to the cold air but the sight is worth it. Eliott's eyes meet his as he looks up, his hair falling into his face, gaze wild, lips stretched taut around Lucas' cock. Lucas feels a shiver of pleasure run through his entire body, and he bites down on his own hand, muffling a moan. The inside of his mouth is so warm and welcoming he loses himself in it, a haze of sensation almost painful in its intensity. 

This is the very opposite of slowly feeling himself freeze to death ; this is pure life quickening and flowing in his veins, molten and intoxicating. He comes before he can even warn Eliott, seeing golden sparks as he presses his eyelids together and bites onto his fingers, pleasure red hot and so overwhelming he feels like his bones are melting. Eliott swallows everything, sucking him through it with slow and languorous motions, until he's so oversensitive he whimpers. 

When he finally pulls off, lips red and shiny, Lucas can't help but swear.

"Fuck, I'm so happy to be alive."

Eliott gives him a blinding smile, and Lucas pulls him up, first to kiss him and then to reciprocate. Damn,  _ good we didn't die _ sex really is one of the best things there is. Even though it's starting to be a little bit of a disturbing pattern.

Yes - this between them, it feels stronger than anything, stronger than time, stronger than death, stronger than the bigotry of men and the coldest of winters, and in that instant, it's enough to give him hope.

  
  
  


…

  
  
  


A while later, as they lay entangled and satiated under the covers, Eliott takes Lucas' arm and pulls it up.

Lucas almost does a double take. His healer's mark has spread further, up to the middle of his forearm. 

"Holy shit. How is that...what does that even…" For an instant, he feels very worried. Is there something wrong with him ? Is this some sort of disease, a price to pay for his powers, that will progress until it's all over his body's and then kill him ? 

But he didn't use his powers again, so why…

  
  


"Affirmations of life," Eliott says, his voice just a little self satisfied. 

That's...oh. 

"Talk about sexual healing," Lucas laughs, although Eliott probably won't get the reference. 

"This is a blessing," Eliott continues. "A mark of how full of love and care you are." 

  
  


Lucas feels himself blush. He's never going to be able to play it cool ever again, is he. No, these marks are basically a huge sign that say,  _ here comes Lucas Lallemant, a romantic sap with the Power of Love on his side.  _

  
  


He's not even half mad about it. 

  
  


Eliott frowns a little, though. 

  
  


"Lucas, when you were...when I brought you in and you were just healing yourself, something happened...there was light in your eyes, blue light, and it was flowing over your skin and...well, it looked a bit uncanny, and it definitely would be for those people who saw it. The innkeeper had been kind and accommodating to us because I have good silver, but my reserves aren't deep enough to stretch on much longer, and...I don't like the way some of the people who stay here have been looking at me. I think we should leave as soon as you feel strong enough to go. Ask if anyone wants to help us, of course, but then go."

  
  


Lucas shivers. God, he doesn't want to go back out there. 

  
  


"Don't worry," Eliott says, kissing his forehead. "I traded a pair of really good winter boots and leather gloves with one of the other guests for you, and there is a seamstress making you a cape. Plus the next village should only be a few hours away. We will be fine."

That doesn't sound too bad. He has his power now, he knows he can bring himself back from the brink if it was necessary. And he knows Eliott will take care of him. But he knows, too, how terrifying winter can really be now. 

  
  


He swallows. "God I wish the dragon would hibernate."

  
  


Eliott laughs. "Well, at least if he get closer to it it will be a lot warmer."

  
  


"Yeah maybe that's actually a little too warm for me." He hates the cold but at least it kills slowly ; he's pretty sure he couldn't heal himself or anyone if the dragon decided to roast them.

"You know, if…" Eliott starts slowly, his voice low and tentative, "if you think you can't do this, we can…"

  
  


"No," Lucas cuts through, knowing immediately where he is going with this. "I am not going to have you throw away your principles for me. And besides, we don't have enough silver to get us through the winter, do we. If we take the dragon down I am sure it will be a lot easier to find people to help us out and give us shelter."

Eliott looks away. "I can't lose you, Lucas."

  
  


"You won't. Hey, look at me. You won't. We make a pretty good team, right ? And I am getting better and better at this not dying thing. Plus, if you don't know by now, I'm a pretty clingy guy." 

Eliott's beautiful eyes are solemn then. 

"Good." 

"Let's make a new promise to each other," Lucas says. "That we are going to make each other happy, no matter what happens." He puts his hand on Eliott's heart. Eliott mirrors the gesture. "That we are going to stay together, no matter the odds."

"I promise," Eliott says, tone grave. "Until my dying breath and beyond if I can, I will be faithful to you. I promise to love and cherish you, to protect you and keep you safe, to strive to make you happy and to heed your council, and to share my joys and sorrows honestly with you. Wherever you go, I will follow, and wherever you want to make a home, I will make it mine also. I will take up your love as a sacred calling, and let it inspire me for the rest of my life.” 

  
  


A full body shiver goes through Lucas, and a feeling of love so strong it feels like a wave crashing down on him. These sound like marriage vows. And...he knows it’s so much and so soon, but fuck it, that’s pretty much what his decision to go back in time with Eliott meant, didn’t it ? 

He gets it now, why people in old love stories declared their undying love so fast. In a world where danger is everywhere and happiness is so hard to come by, where humans are at the mercy of an unforgiving world, they have to grab every chance at love they can and hold on to it very tight. 

  
  


“Me too. I, uh, I promise.” Lucas swallows, trying to get his thoughts in order as Eliott looks at him with so much love and tenderness he wants to cry. “I promise to...be with you, and to…” Fuck, he’s not as good with big romantic declarations, but he still needs to do this. “I promise to do my best to keep us both alive and healthy, and to have your back, to trust you, and...to take care of you, to take care of us, to figure out a way for us to be together and happy. I promise to love you with my whole heart.” He takes a deep breath. “My time is wherever you are.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, at least in this AU he still has all his toes lmao
> 
> so next chapter is supposed to be the last, we'll see how that goes lmao, but yeah, we are getting closer and closer to the resolution ! What do you think is going to happen ? I'm curious ^^


End file.
